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I would like to give someone some money.

  • 02-10-2014 10:35AM
    #1
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    No, not you, sorry.

    Good morning oh wise and revered denisons of AH, I come humbly seeking your guidance.

    My issue is thus. I know someone that could use some money. I have money and would like to give it to them. They however, are too proud (read: ****ing retarded) to accept my money.

    So, I would like to come up with a way of them having the money, without knowing I have given it to them.

    I, unfortunately, am not an intelligent person, and as such, the best I have been able to come up with is to simply post a big wad of cash to their address, perhaps with a card inside the envelope written to 'Joe'. But there is the possibility the cash could be lost (or stolen) in transit through the postal system, or that the gob****e would hand it into the cops in the hope that they could locate 'Joe', or something else I haven't thought of could go awry... there's too many unknown variables at play.

    Here is where you come in. I need to harness your well known sneaky, conniving, despicable streak and use it to my own ends.

    Any ideas welcome.

    Thank you for your time.

    Sincerely, etc.


«13

Comments

  • #2
    obriendj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 416 ✭✭obriendj


    a game of CUPS???


  • #3
    draiochtanois
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,632 ✭✭✭draiochtanois


    This post has been deleted.


  • #4
    Crosby Nervous Terminology
    Posts: 81,308 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Crosby Nervous Terminology


    strobe wrote: »
    No, not you, sorry.

    well fcuk you too then!!!
    Good morning oh wise and revered denisons of AH, I come humbly seeking your guidance.

    My issue is thus. I k ow someone that could use some money. I have money and would like to give it to them. They however, are too proud (read: ****ing retarded) to accept my money.

    So, I would like to come up with a way of them having the money, without knowing I have given it to them.

    I, unfortunately, am not an intelligent person, and as such, the best I have been able to come up with is to simply post a big wad of cash to their address, perhaps with a card inside the envelope written to 'Joe'. But there is the possibility the cash could be lost (or stolen) in transit through the postal system, or that the gob****e would hand it into the cops in the hope that they could locate 'Joe', or something else I haven't thought of could go awry... there's too many unknown variables at play.

    Here is where you come in. I need to harness your well known sneaky, conniving, despicable streak and use it to my own ends.

    Any ideas welcome.

    Thank you for your time.

    Sincerely, etc.

    Post it in their letterbox with their name on it and an anonymous note so they know it's not a mistake
    Insist it's an interest free loan and you'll expect payment back so it's not charity (but then don't chase it)
    Pay a bill for them if you are close enough to be able to do that
    Buy a voucher for whereever they usually shop and say you got it as a present and have no use for it and could they take it off your hands
    I like the poker game idea also, very much


  • #5
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Tell them you just got a job for FG and you need them to drive you about as an official driver on just a one off trip.
    Pay them handsomely for this.

    Job done.


  • #6
    Laois6556
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 624 ✭✭✭Laois6556


    I know their bank account number. It's 437288632. Sort code: 33 54 76. Go to aib and lodge the money in there. Do it now!


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  • #7
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,079 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    If they won't accept it, mind your own business. They are clearly not as stuck as you think.


  • #8
    bear1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,971 ✭✭✭✭bear1


    strobe wrote: »
    No, not you, sorry.

    Good morning oh wise and revered denisons of AH, I come humbly seeking your guidance.

    My issue is thus. I know someone that could use some money. I have money and would like to give it to them. They however, are too proud (read: ****ing retarded) to accept my money.

    So, I would like to come up with a way of them having the money, without knowing I have given it to them.

    I, unfortunately, am not an intelligent person, and as such, the best I have been able to come up with is to simply post a big wad of cash to their address, perhaps with a card inside the envelope written to 'Joe'. But there is the possibility the cash could be lost (or stolen) in transit through the postal system, or that the gob****e would hand it into the cops in the hope that they could locate 'Joe', or something else I haven't thought of could go awry... there's too many unknown variables at play.

    Here is where you come in. I need to harness your well known sneaky, conniving, despicable streak and use it to my own ends.

    Any ideas welcome.

    Thank you for your time.

    Sincerely, etc.

    Probably a bit too personal but how much money are we talking here?
    The suggestion of just leaving it in their letter box is probably the best one.
    Tbh, I would more than likely not take it either. It's embarrassing. It would also be in the back of your mind that this person has lent you a lot of money and doesn't want it back. Money and friends don't mix.
    Anonymously is the way to go.
    Best of luck OP and let me the first to say that it is very kind of you :)


  • #9
    jamesbere
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,022 ✭✭✭jamesbere


    Give me the money and I'll give it to him. I charge a small commission


  • #10
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    What I'd like to know is how does one request money from an anonymous donor?


  • #11
    bear1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,971 ✭✭✭✭bear1


    mike_ie wrote: »
    What I'd like to know is how does one request money from an anonymous donor?

    Ad in the paper?
    There's prostitution also... in a way it's anonymous.


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  • #12
    solomafioso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,095 ✭✭✭solomafioso


    Gift them prize bonds. Well done you!


  • #13
    Akrasia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,100 ✭✭✭✭Akrasia


    Ask him if he wants to join a lottery syndicate with you. Collect the 2 euros off him. Then next week, tell him you matched 4 numbers and his share of the winnings is whatever amount you want to give him.

    Ban billionaires



  • #14
    nelly17
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,209 ✭✭✭nelly17


    I had an issue like this a while ago, someone close lost their job and their family was literally on bread and beans, they were too proud to let anyone know, eventually we found out. They would have been too proud to accept money so we went and done a gropcery shop for them call over and filled their kitcken cupboards. Yes its was demeaning, embarrasing extreamly patronising and not our place but there were 3 kids on bread and beans for weeks because of their 'pride'.

    They're back on their feet and its never been spoken of again, nor should it be. This can happen to anyone.


  • #15
    Crosby Nervous Terminology
    Posts: 81,308 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Crosby Nervous Terminology


    mike_ie wrote: »
    What I'd like to know is how does one request money from an anonymous donor?

    Craigslist
    though you may have to do them a few "favours" first ...


  • #16
    apollo8
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 349 ✭✭apollo8


    Print a fake ticket to a draw,give it to him,later tell him he won and give him his "winnings".:)


  • #17
    nelly17
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,209 ✭✭✭nelly17


    Do an 419er Scam on him but actually give him the money


  • #18
    Sky King
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    OP is your friend the king of Nigeria by any chance?

    Because I already sorted him out.


  • #19
    thrashmetalfan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭thrashmetalfan


    OP are you the euromillions winner??


  • #20
    Foggy Jew
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 878 ✭✭✭Foggy Jew


    I fell on seriously hard times 7 years ago... involving a runaway husband, no job, 3 young kids, not a bean to my name. It was difficult. I dreaded the postman. One day, a card dropped on my doormat. There was 3 fifty euro notes in it with a little note saying that the sender had come by the money easily, they knew that I was a decent person, and they would prefer not to reveal who they were, and that I was to use the money to treat myself. The arrival of the card coincided with the arrival of a second reminder from the ESB about an overdue bill - so I treated myself to a good nights sleep by paying the ESB bill with the money.

    That was 6 and a half years ago. I think of that person frequently, and my heart always lifts at the thought of their generosity. I have never found out who it was, but since then, I have done my best to try to pay their kindness forward.

    This post will probably be deleted for it's smushiness, but, OP, what you want to do is a good thing. You will think of a way.

    It's the bally ballyness of it that makes it all seem so bally bally.



  • #21
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    Leave a ten cent coin on their windowsill every morning. After a week they'll have 70 cent.

    The next week double it to 20 cent. That's 1 euro 40 (two euro 10 cent in all) by the end of week two.

    By this stage they'll be thinking something strange is happening so you go all out next week and leave a shiny 50 cent piece on the windowsill each morning. That's 3 euro fifty by the end of that week. (And as we all know Three Fiddy is the magic number). So now they'll have Five euro sixty cent in total.

    Soon enough they'll start believing in the money fairy. And now the magic begins. The next week you have to leave one euro on the windowsill every morning.

    So that's 7 euro by Sunday morning and twelve euro and sixty cent in total.

    Then ring them up and ask them can you borrow twelve euro.

    If they refuse you have to stick to the plan for the next week put two euro on the windowsill every morning. 14 euro by the end of the week. So the person will now have 26 euro and sixty cent. That's not to be sniffed at.

    Of course by this stage you'll be tired with all the getting up in the morning to leave money on the windowsill. But stay true to the vision and this will all pay off.

    For the next week you need to leave exactly 2 euro and fifty three cent on the windowsill every morning. So by the end of the week you will have left 17 euro and 71 cent.

    This amount of money will undoubtedly pique your friend's curiosity. Why is this money being left outside my house? Who is doing this? Do Money Fairies really exist.

    Now he will start rising early in an attempt to catch the Money Fairy so to trick him you will need to start leaving the money at night as opposed to in the morning.

    So for the first nightly drop you will need to gather 4 euro and 21 cent. This is to be the amount you leave every night for the week. By the end of the week you will have left 29 euro and 47 cent. And his total will be 47 euro and 8 cent.


    So anyway I just bought a new calculator. How much are you planning to give this person?


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  • #22
    Doom
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,381 ✭✭✭Doom


    Give him 1 million to sleep with his wife...


  • #23
    nelly17
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,209 ✭✭✭nelly17


    AnonoBoy wrote: »
    Leave a ten cent coin on their windowsill every morning. After a week they'll have 70 cent.

    The next week double it to 20 cent. That's 1 euro 40 (two euro 10 cent in all) by the end of week two.

    By this stage they'll be thinking something strange is happening so you go all out next week and leave a shiny 50 cent piece on the windowsill each morning. That's 3 euro fifty by the end of that week. (And as we all know Three Fiddy is the magic number). So now they'll have Five euro sixty cent in total.

    Soon enough they'll start believing in the money fairy. And now the magic begins. The next week you have to leave one euro on the windowsill every morning.

    So that's 7 euro by Sunday morning and twelve euro and sixty cent in total.

    Then ring them up and ask them can you borrow twelve euro.

    If the refuse you have to stick to the plan for the next week put two euro on the windowsill every morning. 14 euro by the end of the week. So the person will now have 26 euro and sixty cent. That's not to be sniffed at.

    Of course by this stage you'll be tired with all the getting up in the morning to leave money on the windowsill. But stay true to the vision and this will all pay off.

    For the next week you need to leave exactly 2 euro and fifty three cent on the windowsill every morning. So by the end of the week you will have left 17 euro and 71 cent.

    This amount of money will undoubtedly pique your friend's curiosity. Why is this money being left outside my house? Who is doing this? Do Money Fairies really exist.

    Now he will start rising early in an attempt to catch the Money Fairy so to trick him you will need to start leaving the money at night as opposed to in the morning.

    So for the first nightly drop you will need to gather 4 euro and 21 cent. This is to be the amount you leave every night for the week. By the end of the week you will have left 29 euro and 47 cent. And his total will be 47 euro and 8 cent.


    So anyway I just bought a new calculator. How much are you planning to give this person?

    This made me spit my coffee out laughing


  • #24
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I am having an amazing deja vu that we had this _exact_ thread a few months ago and it was full of advice. But I can not find it now to link you to it OP to help you out. Perhaps someone else can find it.

    Two things jump to mind though - rather than simply give it to him why not find something he can do for you or help you with and then offer to pay him for his time?

    Or alternatively why not offer simply to lend it to him - but at a repayment rate and period that makes your offer much more compelling than any Bank or Credit Union loan?

    People always rise to bets when they know they are right though. You could of course make some nonsense claim and bet him X euro that you are right. If he takes the bet, then lose gracefully.


  • #25
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    If somebody wants to give me free money, I am definitely not too proud to accept it :)


  • #26
    gk5000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 977 ✭✭✭gk5000


    Foggy Jew wrote: »
    I fell on seriously hard times 7 years ago... involving a runaway husband, no job, 3 young kids, not a bean to my name. It was difficult. I dreaded the postman. One day, a card dropped on my doormat. There was 3 fifty euro notes in it with a little note saying that the sender had come by the money easily, they knew that I was a decent person, and they would prefer not to reveal who they were, and that I was to use the money to treat myself. The arrival of the card coincided with the arrival of a second reminder from the ESB about an overdue bill - so I treated myself to a good nights sleep by paying the ESB bill with the money.

    That was 6 and a half years ago. I think of that person frequently, and my heart always lifts at the thought of their generosity. I have never found out who it was, but since then, I have done my best to try to pay their kindness forward.

    This post will probably be deleted for it's smushiness, but, OP, what you want to do is a good thing. You will think of a way.

    That's a genuine good idea.
    Just give them the money either personally or anonymously - and tell them they must pay it forward in the future, either back to you or to someone else of their choosing.


  • #27
    Stella Virgo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 477 ✭✭Stella Virgo


    beat them senseless with a big stick....then they can sue you :D


  • #28
    Frynge
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,667 ✭✭✭Frynge


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I am having an amazing deja vu that we had this _exact_ thread a few months ago and it was full of advice. But I can not find it now to link you to it OP to help you out. Perhaps someone else can find it.

    It reads word for word what I thought I had read previously, maybe bout a year ago.


  • #29
    walshyp
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 75 ✭✭walshyp


    Hi There,

    My name is Muhammed King of Nigeria, I have a very special offer for your friend in need. I am currently out of Nigeria and am unable to access my funds
    If your friends sends me 500 euro I will send him back 500,000 euro when I return to Nigeria. I need the 500 to purchase some resin and hookers in Amsterdam as I have lost my bank card.
    Your friend will not be dissapointed. Please PM me their email address if they are interested or you can email me if interested.

    Thank you,

    Muhammed


  • #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Frynge wrote: »
    It reads word for word what I thought I had read previously, maybe bout a year ago.

    Found it.


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  • #31
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    I would just be direct.

    Go and see them, make sure no one else is in earshot and tell them 'Look, you need this more then me at the minute, to just take it and say fcuk all. That's it. No ifs, ands or buts about it. End of story. Finito. Kaput.'


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