Be honest. Is "mail order bride" one of your reactions?

dark crystal · 27-09-2014 10:57AM

Being totally honest, when I see an older man with a young Thai or Philippino wife, yeah, my first thought is marriage of convenience. Ive heard older men being interviewed before about it and they're pretty honest about why they prefer women from cultures who are more 'subservient' than a lot of western women.
Not saying this is always the case of course, but when you see a couple who seem to have nothing in common and can barely understand each other, you have to wonder what's really in it for them other than mutual convenience.

Couples of a similar age, now that's different. I wouldn't see them the same way at all. Younger guys tend to travel and work abroad more and would immerse themselves more into other cultures, learn the language, meet women naturally through everyday life etc.

Horribly judgemental of me, I know, but you asked for honesty

Frank Lee Midere · 27-09-2014 11:02AM

The ambassador to Vietnam is a guy.

I'd be wary about the legal implications of the OP too.

UCDVet · 27-09-2014 11:05AM

Given how poorly most 'western marriages' work, I don't consider 'mail order brides' to be a bad thing. And I'm being 100% serious. In the west, it seems like everyone thinks they should get everything. They want to do it all/have it all/sacrifice nothing.

Then, when life doesn't live up to the storybook expectations - divorce / children with one parent / step-parents and all sorts of situations most people want to avoid.

Arranged marriages are meant to be a rational tradeoff between what you have and what you want.

Ralf and Florian · 27-09-2014 11:11AM

Irish men are too inclined to stick with what they know.Theres loads of beautiful Eastern European women in the country and the local guys are too intimidated by them.

pablomakaveli · 27-09-2014 11:14AM

Deleted User wrote: »

The Irish ambassador to Vietnam (I hope she sees this) on her last night six months ago or a year ago was drunk, came onto me and when I told her "I'm with my girlfriend" who was standing next to me, said "Is she with you for your money?". This woman had been here for three years and that was her opinion.

I'd have turned her down even if i was single.

UCDVet · 27-09-2014 11:15AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

All 350 million of them?

In general discussion, when referring to large groups of anything, we say things that are generally true of most, rather than enumerating a near infinite list of contingencies. Because, ya know, most people are sane and understand such things.

I might say something like, 'Chairs are meant for sitting.'

And that's true, isn't it? Most chairs are built with the purpose of being sat upon, right? But that doesn't mean ALL CHAIRS. There are some chairs that are decorative, simply for display. Or tiny toy chairs built for dolls that are so small they can't be used for sitting. There might even be some alternative definition, maybe 'Chairs' in some contexts mean 'Chairmans' - people holding a particular position in an organization. THOSE chairs are people and people aren't really meant for sitting, not in the same way furniture chairs are.

But isn't this silly? Pedantic? A giant waste of time?

When someone says something like, 'Basketball players are tall'. They don't mean EVERY SINGLE ONE, they mean, generally speaking, this trait is found in a statistically significant portion of the group.

'Doctors earn a lot of money'

Of course, not every doctor earns a lot of money. But as a group, they do.

'Americans don't like soccer as much as Brazilians' - again same thing. Some American might be a die hard soccer fan, and some Brazilian might not care about sports at all. But as a group, generally speaking, the average Brazilian cares more about soccer than the average American does.

'Cars are faster than horses' - but not ALL CARS. Some cars might not move at all.
'Guitars have six strings'
'People have two arms and two legs'
'Cats have hair'
etc, etc, etc...

Beaner1 · 27-09-2014 11:20AM

Another puzzler for you. Why is it always a Thai or Vietnamese bride? Would you not expect similar numbers of Japanese women?

EazyD · 27-09-2014 11:28AM

Beaner1 wrote: »

Another puzzler for you. Why is it always a Thai or Vietnamese bride? Would you not expect similar numbers of Japanese women?

Nothing puzzling about it at all. Japan has low levels of emigration.

TheBeardedLady · 27-09-2014 11:39AM

I don't think I even think about it.

What I don't understand is how some people on Boards have such dickheads for friends. Threads started about people who are treated like muck by their "good friends". Your problem is not your girlfriend, your problem is who you've chosen to be friends with. Get new friends. I've never heard my friends or family make any kind of comment like that. I didn't choose my family so I was lucky but if I even heard a comment like that from someone, it's bye bye from me NEVER MIND befriend the fools.

If you're about to start a punch up with a mate, it's probably fair to say you were never mates to begin with.

TheBeardedLady · 27-09-2014 11:40AM

Beaner1 wrote: »

Another puzzler for you. Why is it always a Thai or Vietnamese bride? Would you not expect similar numbers of Japanese women?

Japan is a wealthy country?

Cantremember · 27-09-2014 11:51AM

AH has gone to hell! It's a ladyboy. As seen in the flat above O'Hares hardware. Not by me you understand.

27-09-2014 11:52AM

Beaner1 wrote: »

Of course you'll all say I'm talking crap but please explain why there are no Irish girls with thai husbands? Why is it always the other way around?

And yet you see a fair amount of Irish women with Turkish blokes. A lot of the time the fellas haven't much English themselves. So it works both ways if that's what you're getting at.

Cantremember · 27-09-2014 11:53AM

UCDVet wrote: »

In general discussion, when referring to large groups of anything, we say things that are generally true of most, rather than enumerating a near infinite list of contingencies. Because, ya know, most people are sane and understand such things.

I might say something like, 'Chairs are meant for sitting.'

And that's true, isn't it? Most chairs are built with the purpose of being sat upon, right? But that doesn't mean ALL CHAIRS. There are some chairs that are decorative, simply for display. Or tiny toy chairs built for dolls that are so small they can't be used for sitting. There might even be some alternative definition, maybe 'Chairs' in some contexts mean 'Chairmans' - people holding a particular position in an organization. THOSE chairs are people and people aren't really meant for sitting, not in the same way furniture chairs are.

But isn't this silly? Pedantic? A giant waste of time?

When someone says something like, 'Basketball players are tall'. They don't mean EVERY SINGLE ONE, they mean, generally speaking, this trait is found in a statistically significant portion of the group.

'Doctors earn a lot of money'

Of course, not every doctor earns a lot of money. But as a group, they do.

'Americans don't like soccer as much as Brazilians' - again same thing. Some American might be a die hard soccer fan, and some Brazilian might not care about sports at all. But as a group, generally speaking, the average Brazilian cares more about soccer than the average American does.

'Cars are faster than horses' - but not ALL CARS. Some cars might not move at all.
'Guitars have six strings'
'People have two arms and two legs'
'Cats have hair'
etc, etc, etc...

Suddenly I'm back in First Year Logic and I CANNOT BREATHE

Cantremember · 27-09-2014 11:54AM

Omackeral wrote: »

And yet you see a fair amount of Irish women with Turkish blokes. A lot of the time the fellas haven't much English themselves. So it works both ways if that's what you're getting at.

Works both ways = ladyboy

Links234 · 27-09-2014 12:09PM

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

Also, anyone claiming all women from a certain country, or in this case continent are the same needs to take a good long look at themselves.

But but but you mean we can't make gigantic sweeping statements about whole demographics of people from other parts of the world, and justify this by comparing it to generalizations of inanimate objects? Sure next you'll tell me your average AH poster isn't a go-to expert on the collective hopes, dreams and desires of all the women in south east asia? Jaysis Jimbob, what're ya on about?

(Though seriously, there's enough comments about gold-diggers, submissiveness, and ladyboys that comments like "they've all got sideways vaginas!" aren't far behind...)

mikom · 27-09-2014 12:22PM

Deleted User wrote: »

For at least the tenth time, I had an Irish cunt last night turn from friendly into a "You're being taken for a ride" or "can you not find an Irish girl?" when I said my girlfriend was Vietnamese.

I was by myself playing pool in the bar after a really tough week at work and I had just given him some advice about travelling and stuff. For about ten minutes, I listened to his "I don't agree with that, go home and find a proper girl" speech and then I just flipped, called him out as a racist wanker and then he tried to start a fight. Thankfully, his older friend got involved and made him leave.

My brother had the same with his eastern European wife. My friends back home said it all about him.

The Irish ambassador to Vietnam (I hope she sees this) on her last night six months ago or a year ago was drunk, came onto me and when I told her "I'm with my girlfriend" who was standing next to me, said "Is she with you for your money?". This woman had been here for three years and that was her opinion.

In Galway a few years ago, one of the lads took home his Japanese girlfriend and everyone had a field day talking about it.

One of my friends came to Hanoi a few months ago and told me about "a terrible rumor that I had married an Asian".

And then there's been all the Irish passing through Hanoi who had to give their backward opinion.

No other nationality has ever said a word.. It's literally always the Irish. And then people wonder why I don't go to Irish bars or visit home.

You and your brother need some mail order friends, OP.
I heard they are more submissive.

Links234 · 27-09-2014 12:24PM

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

You mean they don't? :eek:

Well, I haven't personally inspected every one, so can't be sure. But sure it's common sense isn't it? And when has an often repeated ridiculous generalization ever been wrong?

RobAMerc · 27-09-2014 12:26PM

Omackeral wrote: »

The chap saying Ireland is one of the most racist countries in the world must have been bitten by the hyperbole bug or else is hanging out with some absolute backwards cretins. Watch any football team that has a black footballer playing against the likes of Serbia and get back to me. The whole stadium whistles and monkey chants. That's indicative of some societies, not ours. Try speaking to a white South African about his darker skinned compatriots, even a generation after Apartheid ended. Try being a westerner in the more fundamental parts of the Middle East. Even try wearing a Turban in the Deep South and you'll be deemed a 'terrorist' by some, even though you'd be most likely a Sikh.

Ireland is far from being near the top of the racist pyramid.

Childish cretins at a football match taunting an opposing player have no bearing on actual society, I remember what they shouted at David Beckham and his wife in the UK when he was their captain.

I've spent some time in South Africa and while they often are more than happy to blame the blacks for what is happening to "their way of life" open racism seems intolerable there any longer and the couple I currently work with here seem totally opposed to it.

Try living here looking foreign, I am speaking from actual experience about day to day living.

Tail Docker · 27-09-2014 12:29PM

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

My neighbour is married to a Chinese guy.

That doesn't take-away from his point though.

kupus · 27-09-2014 12:33PM

UCDVet wrote: »

In general discussion, when referring to large groups of anything, we say things that are generally true of most, rather than enumerating a near infinite list of contingencies. Because, ya know, most people are sane and understand such things.

I might say something like, 'Chairs are meant for sitting.'

And that's true, isn't it? Most chairs are built with the purpose of being sat upon, right? But that doesn't mean ALL CHAIRS. There are some chairs that are decorative, simply for display. Or tiny toy chairs built for dolls that are so small they can't be used for sitting. There might even be some alternative definition, maybe 'Chairs' in some contexts mean 'Chairmans' - people holding a particular position in an organization. THOSE chairs are people and people aren't really meant for sitting, not in the same way furniture chairs are.

But isn't this silly? Pedantic? A giant waste of time?

When someone says something like, 'Basketball players are tall'. They don't mean EVERY SINGLE ONE, they mean, generally speaking, this trait is found in a statistically significant portion of the group.

'Doctors earn a lot of money'

Of course, not every doctor earns a lot of money. But as a group, they do.

'Americans don't like soccer as much as Brazilians' - again same thing. Some American might be a die hard soccer fan, and some Brazilian might not care about sports at all. But as a group, generally speaking, the average Brazilian cares more about soccer than the average American does.

'Cars are faster than horses' - but not ALL CARS. Some cars might not move at all.
'Guitars have six strings'
'People have two arms and two legs'
'Cats have hair'
etc, etc, etc...

Too much sense in one post, i feel my head exploding.

myshirt · 27-09-2014 12:40PM

I think it is hugely significant to highlight that you have an extensive network of fellow westerners who themselves have asian brides. That should not be skimmed over.

Wibbs · 27-09-2014 12:44PM

I've gotten the "why couldn't you get a nice Irish girl" a few times in the past and the women I was with were all European, so not racism anyway. These comments mostly came from older women though not always. To wind this kind of eejit up I'd usually reply along the lines of "Good god, why would I want one?"*.

That usually shut them up. I've had similar if there was an age gap; "Can't you handle a woman your own age?. My reply was similar. Meh I say eejits like that are to be pitied and ignored.

That said and TBH if I saw a well worn 60 year old dude with a pretty 20 year old from a poorer country, I'd be thinking "hmmmm". Though if both are getting something from the arrangement and nobody is getting hurt I'd say what's the harm? Plus some cultures seem to be less concerned with age gaps, or age gaps can be wider than in Irish/western dating culture before it garners comments. I've a mate knocking on the door of 50 and his longterm girlfriend is Asian** in her late 20's. However she's well educated(more than him indeed) and has a good highly specialised career going with a fair few bob in the bank. I'm sure people may look at them and think "ahhh right so", but they'd be wrong. They just love each other.

*For the hard of thinking, I wasn't being serious.

** not being specific for privacy reasons.

27-09-2014 12:52PM

RobAMerc wrote: »

Childish cretins at a football match taunting an opposing player have no bearing on actual society.

You're phrasing that like it's a handful of naughty school kids or teenagers. What happens over there is utter vitriol from 1000's of people from all walks of life in near unison. It is one hundred percent representative of a section of their society.

Try living here looking foreign. I am speaking from actual experience from day to day living.

Again I would ask, where are you living and who the hell are you interacting with. I've plenty of friends and friends of friends who are from different backgrounds and never hear any complaints from them. Maybe we just run in nicer circles?

BTW, I also know one or two foreign/second generation chaps who are assh*les and I'd gladly admit that because they are assh*les. Nothing to do with their culture, they're just dopes in general.

jam_mac_jam · 27-09-2014 12:55PM

It would be lovely if there was one thread ever that mentioned Asian women where the long time joke wasn't made not only is it unfunny and racist its just so old, and ha ha Thailand lady boys.....oh hilarious, its like bevis and butthead.
In answer to the original question you need some new friends..

Balmed Out · 27-09-2014 12:58PM

I went out with a Vietnamese girl years ago. Her parents were extremely wealthy and we met while she was traveling and met up regularly while she was studying in England. Anyhow we went over to Vietnam and spent about 6 weeks there. Never any issue from a western person other then lucky you having someone to show you about kind of thing.

Wealthy Vietnamese with their sunglasses on in the nightclub kind of people completely looked down on us. Apparently going out with a non extremely westerner is really beneath her peers, she may as well have been seen out and about in the arms of a chimpanzee.

Mint Aero · 27-09-2014 12:59PM

Does she leave the back door and the windows wide open at night with the light on too?

Tzardine · 27-09-2014 01:02PM

Op, I think a picture of your partner, preferably in some swimwear would help us make our mind up.

Highflyer13 · 27-09-2014 01:15PM

I get the same. My Gf is from Venezuela. Doesn't bother me one bit. I put it down to the narrow-mindedness of people stuck on this island for so long! The population of the planet is 7bn whereas the population of Ireland is about 4.5m. Of course were going to pull some hot foreigners!

Cienciano · 27-09-2014 01:40PM

It doesn't matter where your girlfriend is from or what she looks like. The general rule is that friends never slag off another friends girlfriend.

Tzardine · 27-09-2014 01:47PM

Cienciano wrote: »

It doesn't matter where your girlfriend is from or what she looks like. The general rule is that friends never slag off another friends girlfriend.

Until you split up.

then they will all say that she was a Bitch and they never liked her anyway.

Be honest. Is "mail order bride" one of your reactions?

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