How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

jetsonx · 23-09-2014 02:10PM #1

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

Stage1
Have a crisis meeting

Stage 2
Get the public health care “consultants” in the write up a report on crisis

Stage 3
Have another meeting

Stage 4
Terms of reference of report have still not been decided upon. Time for another meeting.

At this stage the disease is spreading rapidly. Schools are closing. Hospitals are inundated. Air and seaports have been closed. Quarantine hospitals have been set-up.

Stage 5
Bring in the PR experts to run a PR campaign. This would tell us really useful advice like “wash you hands well” and watch out for “flu-like symptoms”. Free HSE-branded rubber gloves and HSE glossy booklets handed out to curtail the virus.

Stage 6
PR campaign is now running. HSE claim that they have the epidemic under full control. In the meantime an army of legal eagles are hired (paid courtesy of tax payer) for advice on how to handle epidemic.

Stage 7
Have another meeting.

Stage 8
There is a public outcry from the Irish (i.e. Joe Duffy’s switch is lit up like Christmas tree)

Stage 9
Early retirements from high-level HSE executives. However, they leave with golden handshakes.

Stage 10
An “independent” report gets released saying that there were “catastrophic failures” in the way the HSE handled the crisis. But nobody is held accountable or gets fired. Loads of Prime Time specials on the catastrophe.
Thousands dead.

God help Ireland if Ebola ever reaches our shores.

Dr. Mantis Toboggan · 23-09-2014 02:11PM

Sounds like the Pandemic computer game.

dinorebel · 23-09-2014 02:12PM

Iodine Tablets?

jamesbere · 23-09-2014 02:13PM

They'll send out those iodine tablets again

jamesbere · 23-09-2014 02:13PM

Dr. Mantis Toboggan wrote: »

Sounds like the Pandemic computer game.

All move to Madagascar

VinLieger · 23-09-2014 02:13PM

Well this sounds like its gonna be a thread full of factual and well reasoned theories

pedro1234 · 23-09-2014 02:13PM

They'd send out those face masks you see the Chinese wearing all of the time to help with the smog.

elefant · 23-09-2014 02:15PM

Purple Calpol for all. Red if it gets really serious.

Mr. CooL ICE · 23-09-2014 02:17PM

Flat 7up and toast with no butter

OldMrBrennan83 · 23-09-2014 02:18PM

This post has been deleted.

Karl Stein · 23-09-2014 02:22PM

Everyone would go back to mass. It'd be like t'olden days again, everyone kinda scared, together in an enclosed space praying away... shaking hands.. coughing.. sneezing.. what could possibly go wrong?

crusher000 · 23-09-2014 02:23PM

People will present themselves at A&E. Public notice will go out due to winter vomitting bug can the general public not present themselves at A&E. Sorted where's my 950,000 euro a year to fix that one.

endacl · 23-09-2014 02:24PM

Jaysus. De hospitals would get fierce busy. Ye'd have to bring yer own trolley.

hfallada · 23-09-2014 02:24PM

Probably really well. The foot and mouth disease preventive plans were extreme and worked. Every where had the disinfection mats and they worked

fizzypish · 23-09-2014 02:26PM

The HSE will sacrifice 100 virgins daily to appease the great god RA in the hope that he rescinds his curse.

Son Of A Vidic · 23-09-2014 02:28PM

jetsonx wrote: »

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak

By doing what they're good at - cutting critical front line staff, while increasing the clipboard carriers.

Turtwig · 23-09-2014 02:29PM

Soap - and no contact with bodily fluids of anyone suspected to be infected or in contact with anyone infected.

(All this assumes no mutations from present strain.)

prizefighter · 23-09-2014 02:31PM

Sudocreme for all.

Sauve · 23-09-2014 02:31PM

They'd google the bejaysus out of it

Tail Docker · 23-09-2014 05:51PM

One lad would come in with it, the isolation unit would be full of cleaning gear and broken machines, so off to the waiting room with him. "The waiting Room" - the cure for all that ails you. Everyone in the waiting room dies - HSE herald it as a "great success".

SpaceTime · 23-09-2014 05:55PM

Strips of carpet soaked in dettol in all public spaces.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 23-09-2014 05:58PM

It's an island. I wouldn't worry about it.

Riddle101 · 23-09-2014 05:59PM

I could just picture the hospitals all being over crowded, and undermanned, having to wait long hours to be seen, and just very intense. I'd rather be dead than deal with that crap.

Vandango · 23-09-2014 06:00PM

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

Flat 7up and toast with no butter

The CDC is probably head hunting you right now.

WakeUp · 23-09-2014 06:01PM

I would say anything over 100 cases maybe less would probably cripple our health services. we dont have enough hospitals to be able to deal with one or more being closed for a prolonged period of time or being put under quarantine. we need to watch this closely. very closely.

Sunnyisland · 23-09-2014 06:02PM

A few aspirin tablets and sure we be grand...

fiachr_a · 23-09-2014 06:04PM

jetsonx wrote: »

God help Ireland if Ebola ever reaches our shores.

Don't forget the iodine tablets!

Boom_Bap · 23-09-2014 06:05PM

They'd obviously liaise with the government to set up an Ebola Tax.

Lucy and Harry · 23-09-2014 06:05PM

I remember they sent us anti radiation pills before for some reason.What was that about.
I assume they will send every house a leaflet made by printers out side the country telling us we need to wash our hands with fairy washing up liquid.

fxotoole · 23-09-2014 06:12PM

They'd nuke the entire country from orbit. Only way to be sure.

snubbleste · 23-09-2014 06:16PM

Let's have a mass

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

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