How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

jetsonx · 23-09-2014 1:10pm #1

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

Stage1
Have a crisis meeting

Stage 2
Get the public health care “consultants” in the write up a report on crisis

Stage 3
Have another meeting

Stage 4
Terms of reference of report have still not been decided upon. Time for another meeting.

At this stage the disease is spreading rapidly. Schools are closing. Hospitals are inundated. Air and seaports have been closed. Quarantine hospitals have been set-up.

Stage 5
Bring in the PR experts to run a PR campaign. This would tell us really useful advice like “wash you hands well” and watch out for “flu-like symptoms”. Free HSE-branded rubber gloves and HSE glossy booklets handed out to curtail the virus.

Stage 6
PR campaign is now running. HSE claim that they have the epidemic under full control. In the meantime an army of legal eagles are hired (paid courtesy of tax payer) for advice on how to handle epidemic.

Stage 7
Have another meeting.

Stage 8
There is a public outcry from the Irish (i.e. Joe Duffy’s switch is lit up like Christmas tree)

Stage 9
Early retirements from high-level HSE executives. However, they leave with golden handshakes.

Stage 10
An “independent” report gets released saying that there were “catastrophic failures” in the way the HSE handled the crisis. But nobody is held accountable or gets fired. Loads of Prime Time specials on the catastrophe.
Thousands dead.

God help Ireland if Ebola ever reaches our shores.

Dr. Mantis Toboggan · 23-09-2014 1:11pm

Sounds like the Pandemic computer game.

dinorebel · 23-09-2014 1:12pm

Iodine Tablets?

jamesbere · 23-09-2014 1:13pm

They'll send out those iodine tablets again

jamesbere · 23-09-2014 1:13pm

Dr. Mantis Toboggan wrote: »

Sounds like the Pandemic computer game.

All move to Madagascar

VinLieger · 23-09-2014 1:13pm

Well this sounds like its gonna be a thread full of factual and well reasoned theories

pedro1234 · 23-09-2014 1:13pm

They'd send out those face masks you see the Chinese wearing all of the time to help with the smog.

elefant · 23-09-2014 1:15pm

Purple Calpol for all. Red if it gets really serious.

Mr. CooL ICE · 23-09-2014 1:17pm

Flat 7up and toast with no butter

OldMrBrennan83 · 23-09-2014 1:18pm

This post has been deleted.

Karl Stein · 23-09-2014 1:22pm

Everyone would go back to mass. It'd be like t'olden days again, everyone kinda scared, together in an enclosed space praying away... shaking hands.. coughing.. sneezing.. what could possibly go wrong?

crusher000 · 23-09-2014 1:23pm

People will present themselves at A&E. Public notice will go out due to winter vomitting bug can the general public not present themselves at A&E. Sorted where's my 950,000 euro a year to fix that one.

endacl · 23-09-2014 1:24pm

Jaysus. De hospitals would get fierce busy. Ye'd have to bring yer own trolley.

hfallada · 23-09-2014 1:24pm

Probably really well. The foot and mouth disease preventive plans were extreme and worked. Every where had the disinfection mats and they worked

fizzypish · 23-09-2014 1:26pm

The HSE will sacrifice 100 virgins daily to appease the great god RA in the hope that he rescinds his curse.

Son Of A Vidic · 23-09-2014 1:28pm

jetsonx wrote: »

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak

By doing what they're good at - cutting critical front line staff, while increasing the clipboard carriers.

Turtwig · 23-09-2014 1:29pm

Soap - and no contact with bodily fluids of anyone suspected to be infected or in contact with anyone infected.

(All this assumes no mutations from present strain.)

prizefighter · 23-09-2014 1:31pm

Sudocreme for all.

Sauve · 23-09-2014 1:31pm

They'd google the bejaysus out of it

Tail Docker · 23-09-2014 4:51pm

One lad would come in with it, the isolation unit would be full of cleaning gear and broken machines, so off to the waiting room with him. "The waiting Room" - the cure for all that ails you. Everyone in the waiting room dies - HSE herald it as a "great success".

SpaceTime · 23-09-2014 4:55pm

Strips of carpet soaked in dettol in all public spaces.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 23-09-2014 4:58pm

It's an island. I wouldn't worry about it.

Riddle101 · 23-09-2014 4:59pm

I could just picture the hospitals all being over crowded, and undermanned, having to wait long hours to be seen, and just very intense. I'd rather be dead than deal with that crap.

Vandango · 23-09-2014 5:00pm

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

Flat 7up and toast with no butter

The CDC is probably head hunting you right now.

WakeUp · 23-09-2014 5:01pm

I would say anything over 100 cases maybe less would probably cripple our health services. we dont have enough hospitals to be able to deal with one or more being closed for a prolonged period of time or being put under quarantine. we need to watch this closely. very closely.

Sunnyisland · 23-09-2014 5:02pm

A few aspirin tablets and sure we be grand...

fiachr_a · 23-09-2014 5:04pm

jetsonx wrote: »

God help Ireland if Ebola ever reaches our shores.

Don't forget the iodine tablets!

Boom_Bap · 23-09-2014 5:05pm

They'd obviously liaise with the government to set up an Ebola Tax.

Lucy and Harry · 23-09-2014 5:05pm

I remember they sent us anti radiation pills before for some reason.What was that about.
I assume they will send every house a leaflet made by printers out side the country telling us we need to wash our hands with fairy washing up liquid.

fxotoole · 23-09-2014 5:12pm

They'd nuke the entire country from orbit. Only way to be sure.

snubbleste · 23-09-2014 5:16pm

Let's have a mass

handlemaster · 23-09-2014 5:19pm

Probably deny it and wait for the repercussions to be dragged out in a court case

Clark2014 · 23-09-2014 6:36pm

If anything does go wrong nobody will be responsable.

LostBoy101 · 23-09-2014 8:31pm

They just say "What the **** is ebola?"

Stojkovic · 23-09-2014 8:41pm

Foot and mouth mats.

Hey Yall · 23-09-2014 9:00pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGboWGna39Y
I can only imagine the HSE meetings would be a little something like this :pac:

Lucy and Harry · 24-09-2014 9:42am

They will find a way to tax us. A Ebola stealth tax.To go with the water and house tax

Hoop66 · 24-09-2014 10:05am

Riddle101 wrote: »

...the hospitals all being over crowded, and undermanned, having to wait long hours to be seen...

Yeah, but what would happen if there was an Ebola outbreak?

hairycakes · 24-09-2014 11:01am

Is there anything to be said for saying another mass!!

Capt'n Midnight · 25-09-2014 12:51am

They'd put you on a diet of cream crackers and After Eights, or anything else they can slide under the door.

shruikan2553 · 25-09-2014 1:02am

I know nothing about Ebola. Therefore I will lead the team of consultants created to tackle the problem slowly and over budget. If I screw up and half of the country dies we will not be held accountable and be able to resign with full pension.

Riddle101 · 25-09-2014 1:13am

Hoop66 wrote: »

Yeah, but what would happen if there was an Ebola outbreak?

Then we'd be like zombies...... dead men walking.

25-09-2014 4:56am

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

Flat 7up and toast with no butter

no man that made me laugh so hard

jill_valentine · 25-09-2014 5:17am

There was a thread elsewhere on the board about the advice given to Irish citizens in the event of a nuclear war. One of the key directions was to "turn your back" to the nuclear blast.

I'm not entirely confident our ebola advice wouldn't amount to much the same.

jill_valentine · 25-09-2014 5:23am

jamesbere wrote: »

All move to Madagascar

But what if they've closed the shipyards!

Taxburden carrier · 25-09-2014 5:23am

Lessons will have to be learned.

How would the HSE deal with an Ebola outbreak in Ireland?

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