Tipping at weddings

somesoldiers · 15-09-2014 01:52PM

When I was a young lad, 15-17, a typical Saturday working in the local hotel was Start 8am, clean up from nightclub and set up for wedding, change into black & whites, serve in the bar before the meal, serve the meal, prepare room for dancing, serve in bar til the wedding ended, usually 2am. So that was 18 hours on a typical Saturday, only would have gotten a couple of half hour breaks where they would watch you to make sure you didn't eat any of the good food, all at £1.50 an hour...happy times.
You would be expected to be back in on the Sunday morning too to clean up again, I didn't have to do it, they would get someone else but was happy to. So these kind of hours were certainly typical mid 90's and am sure it is the same now at least in our local hotel.

I for one would certainly be put out if a basket went round for the staff at a wedding I was attending, sure they are paid aren't they. It is not the guests fault it's crap, it is the staff's choice. I actually hate when the best man says "I'd like to thank the owners and staff"- why, don't they get wages as thanks.

Sala · 15-09-2014 01:54PM

The Rabbit wrote: »

I'm getting married in 7 weeks and hadn't even thought about the tip for the staff.

What is a usual/appropriate amount?

It's a small wedding, about 50/60 guests.

I can't find this information online, loads of website are American and suggest tipping everyone (hair, florist etc) to a value of 10-15%. I certainly can't afford that but I do think people like the band set their own prices so they probably don't rely on them, but waiters are usually quite poorly paid, so if they do provide good service it would be nice to give them something, since if they were working in the restaurant that night instead of at your wedding they'd be picking up tips. I also think some places build in service charges so you need to check that first.

I also know where I used to work the barmen were tipped very well when they kept the bar open until 6am for the singalong!

Neyite · 15-09-2014 04:13PM

I've waitressed at lots of weddings over the years, and I think maybe twice we got an envelope. A lot of the time you were getting cash in hand after your usual shift, though I'd say thats extremely rare these days.

Tipping in the US is done because a lot of the service industries dont have a minimum wage so they have to rely on tips to survive. In Ireland we have a pretty decent minimum wage so we dont need to supplement wages that way.

That said, if you are going to tip - dont ask your guests to contribute - it puts them on the spot in front of others at the table, and do envelopes for the bar staff, and the waiting staff etc separately.

When handing them over, do ensure to give it to at least two or three servers so no one person can trouser it secretly on the rest (some hotels are rife with staff stealing tips) Similarly, the manager may not necessarily be the best person to give it to either - one place I worked the manager put any tips meant for staff towards the staff christmas party, and I know a few other places where the staff never saw tips given to management for them.

It depends on the venue too - hotel setup servers might not traditionally expect tipping, but if you were in a restaurant for instance, its probably a bit more noticeable.

Toots · 15-09-2014 04:16PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

My feelings are that if the B&G want to tip the wait staff they should do so through their best man or Father of the Bride, etc.

Handing around a basket for the guests to tip is uncalled for - and as a guest I wouldn't appreciate it.

I agree. I've been at a couple of weddings where some people at a table have taken it upon themselves to give their individual waitress/waiter a few bob if the service had been particularly good, but I've never been at one where a basket has been handed around like a church collection plate.

I think if your guests want to tip the waiting staff then leave it up to them, it would probably ruffle a few feathers if you passed around a basket for tips.

Sala · 15-09-2014 04:18PM

Neyite wrote: »

When handing them over, do ensure to give it to at least two or three servers so no one person can trouser it secretly on the rest (some hotels are rife with staff stealing tips) Similarly, the manager may not necessarily be the best person to give it to either - one place I worked the manager put any tips meant for staff towards the staff christmas party, and I know a few other places where the staff never saw tips given to management for them.
.

Thanks that's a very good point. It's appalling but I know it does happen that managers take staff tips or don't pass them on

Neyite · 15-09-2014 04:27PM

Sala wrote: »

Thanks that's a very good point. It's appalling but I know it does happen that managers take staff tips or don't pass them on

Oh I worked in a hotel where we pooled our tips and shared them out at the end of the night. One wagon we worked with would trouser her own table's tips and then take a share of the pooled ones too.

Sala · 15-09-2014 04:33PM

Neyite wrote: »

Oh I worked in a hotel where we pooled our tips and shared them out at the end of the night. One wagon we worked with would trouser her own table's tips and then take a share of the pooled ones too.

:eek:
Karma gets those people eventually

Electric Sheep · 15-09-2014 08:31PM

Neyite wrote: »

Oh I worked in a hotel where we pooled our tips and shared them out at the end of the night. One wagon we worked with would trouser her own table's tips and then take a share of the pooled ones too.

Yep, I've had that experience when working in restaurants as well.

painauchocolat · 15-09-2014 08:50PM

Hopefully this isn't a widespread practice, but as a teenager I spent a few summers working as a hotel waitress and never saw any tips from the weddings, not because they hadn't been paid but because the hotel pooled them and distributed them in January. This way only permanent staff got a cut - seasonal staff who did most of the wedding work were back in school / college.

Tarzana · 15-09-2014 10:34PM

somesoldiers wrote: »

I actually hate when the best man says "I'd like to thank the owners and staff"- why, don't they get wages as thanks.

You "hate" it? Charming. If someone is getting paid to do a job, that means they should never be thanked?

AoifeCork · 15-09-2014 11:00PM

somesoldiers wrote: »

I for one would certainly be put out if a basket went round for the staff at a wedding I was attending, sure they are paid aren't they. It is not the guests fault it's crap, it is the staff's choice. I actually hate when the best man says "I'd like to thank the owners and staff"- why, don't they get wages as thanks.

:eek: Yes.. but manners cost nothing!

AoifeCork · 15-09-2014 11:03PM

OP-It is a nice gesture and fair dues for thinking of them but I think a round of drinks or a few bob in an envelope might be the trick.

As I said earlier, some of your guests might want to tip separately which is their prerogative but maybe skip the basket idea.

bobwilliams · 15-09-2014 11:05PM

Sala wrote: »

Servers don't start and finish with the food. When I worked in a hotel the banqueting staff did all set up and clean up, starting at 11 or 12 pm and finishing 3 or 4 am

Yeah and you got paid for it

somesoldiers · 16-09-2014 09:12AM

AoifeCork wrote: »

:eek: Yes.. but manners cost nothing!

Yes, I hate it, in as much as it seems to have become a filler for the best man's speech, pre-written rather than actually relating to the staff performance on the day. By all means tip the members of staff who you feel provide good service directly

imitation · 16-09-2014 02:09PM

In Japan tipping almost any profession is practically an insult, I have to say I prefer it that way, I'd rather a service has a single fair up front price rather the american way of tip + tax + random city taxes which can bump the price by 25% from the labelled price.

Tips there feel like it should be fair based on performance but ultimately under tipping is risky and can result in a huge scene, so you dont do it.

Nicman · 22-09-2014 10:30AM

Hi Sala,
I agree with other posters - your heart is in the right place but expecting the guests to look after the tip is a MAJOR no no. The day after our wedding we left a tip with the head barman, we gave a generous tip to the hotel manager who was a dream to deal with, tip for the head waiter to divide and we also left a tip for the head chef as he was amazing and had met us several times before the wedding. It's up to you who you would like tips to go to but that's what we did and we're sure the money made it around as it's a small hotel but they were all amazing there. I wouldn't be too bothered about resident's bar staff cause they usually make great tips - our server certainly did!

Broken Strings · 23-09-2014 03:37PM

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Kitchen staff never get tipped, even in a restaurant scenario where tipping the waiter is the norm

Not necessarily. My friend works in a restaurant where they have to pool their tips and have to give 30% to the kitchen. The reason there's only 30% is because there's more waiters and waitresses than kitchen staff so ultimately it works out that they all get equal.

That might be unusual across the board though

somesoldiers wrote: »

I for one would certainly be put out if a basket went round for the staff at a wedding I was attending, sure they are paid aren't they. It is not the guests fault it's crap, it is the staff's choice. I actually hate when the best man says "I'd like to thank the owners and staff"- why, don't they get wages as thanks.

They do get wages, that doesn't mean that they don't deserve thanks. Some hotels and staff might go completely beyond the call of duty and make your day more successful than you may ever have dreamed in lots of different ways. If the B&G and Best Man feel that they deserve thanks then saying in the speech is a good idea. After all, a verbal thanks costs nothing so it's not going to put any guest out!

Tipping at weddings

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