Groom very annoyed at me for ordering expensive beer at his wedding.

December2012 wrote: »

Give the groom a break - you'ld be surprised how stressful a wedding day can be.

I agree he could be a lovely bloke who had a bit of a wobble, not the OPs fault but I wouldn't write him or their marriage off yet.

He lets €1.50 extra for a drink spoil their big day:eek:

Dan133269 wrote: »

Thanks very much for your replies everyone.

Just to answer a few questions, the wedding took place in the function room of a pub in a small village in Flanders, so the prices would be cheaper than a hotel in somewhere like Ghent.

We were speaking French to other. Usually we speak a mix, bit of English and French, depending on other people in the conversation. I'm sure I understand everything he said correctly.

Maybe it is a bit of a cultural thing but it was a multicultural wedding. The groom is Belgian of Arab origin, and the bride is Russian. About 60 percent of the guests were Belgian while 40 were Russian, more or less. Some of the Russian guests spoke French, most didn't. Most of them did speak English however.

I doubt his concern was about people getting too drunk. They were serving champagne on arrival at the venue and regular wine top-ups. Usually at this kind of thing, people would have a couple of beers and then be up dancing rather than staying at the table drinking.

It was certainly an interesting incident anyway.

In my experience, Irish people tend to be pretty careful about seen to be stingy, and are often not that forward about anything (until a few pints have been had anyway). On the other hand on the continent I have experienced cases were people were incredibly direct, due to a mixture of culture and the language barrier.

My Favorites were (from absolute strangers doing a training class):

"Why did you Irish vote no to the nice treaty, do you hate us ?"

"So what will you do when your father dies?" (He was asking if was going to inherit/carry on a family a business really)

With that in mind, I wouldn't sweat it too much about the beer, he was probably just afraid everybody would order it, and also probably amped up after the aul wedding and a few beers. At the end of the day you asked for a different beer at a bar, hardly a crime, if hes knocked you off the Christmas card list, it says more about him really.

Omg, I would be mortified if my hubby done that on our wedding day! If he couldn't afford to pay an extra 1.50 for a few beers, surely he should not have bothered with an open bar and allow people the drink of their choice. Tightwad!

Put a tenner on the bar, and head off home, would be my reaction........there are enough nice people in the world to socialise with without worrying about him.

Interesting story, alright. I dunno, it may partly be down to a culture clash and also personality.

The phrase 'going Dutch' is quite true. In the Netherlands, you may be out with a group of friends for drinks or a meal, but everyone pays what they owe based on what they themselves ate/drank. That's often picked up as stingy or rude by Irish people, but it's just not.

Much of Belgium is a Dutch culture in that it's Flemish. The Walloon part may have elements of French culture. The Flemish are not Dutch, the Walloons are not French, but that same pragmatic streak is there across Belgium.

Another thing I learned at a wedding recently where one side was Irish, the other Dutch, is how Dutch weddings handle the bar/tab. I don't quite understand it, but similar to the pragmatism of 'going Dutch', the wedding couple typically provides the bar with a budget and a list of drinks that cam be sold. Once the budget limit is reached, that's it. It gets around the whole 'pile the drinks in until the tab closes' thing. It also means that people, out of politeness and a sense of propriety, do not take the piss by ordering expensive drinks, eating up the bar budget and potentially ruining it for everyone. Guests can, however, buy their own drink with their own cashmoney.

However, it's common also for couples to buy all the drink, getting a deal on certain drinks (a discount due to the quantity purchased ahead of time). So it could also be that this was the issue.

I can see the scenario might have led to some confusion.

If I'm right about this, it sounds as if it was just a culture clash, but it does seem that the groom overreacted.

No offence.
Would you be a bit of a messer with drink on board?
Duvel beer is very strong, so maybe they thought you'd be pissed in no time!?

8.5% hmmm mixed with wine and god knows what else and a guy could soon be flying without wings.... maybe that was the groom's worry.

the groom sound slike a guy i used to know, he'd argue over anything if it was going to cost him a few cents.

he is now half of a married couple who still live like flatmates, with the mortgage and bills split down the middle, even the food and drinks bills on nights out is split based on what they each have and he's always giving out that she keeps spending all 'her' money frivolously and borrowing off him and not paying him back. it baffles me entirely.

I can't help but wonder if they'll be doing the same thing with bills for the kids if/when they have them.

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

proper etiquette would be to tell the barman to let the waiting staff know that only stella is on the tab. Its not ok to approach a guest about it when it was actually either unclear instructions on his part or the fault of the waiter.

You've summed it up perfectly.