Groom very annoyed at me for ordering expensive beer at his wedding.

Dan133269

Hello all,

I would like to get some objective feedback from people here on a minor incident. So, I attended a wedding last night here in Belgium. I know the bride as she is pretty good friends with my wife. I've met her now husband at least 5 times, just small social occasions and that kind of thing.

After the main course was served last night but before the dessert, the waiters came around to each table and took drinks orders. Before then, it was all just wine and water. People were ordering different drinks, some continued with wine, some got beer and some had soft drinks. I presumed that this round of drinks and maybe another would be covered by the wedding, and after that then maybe it's up to everyone to go to the bar themselves.

I should clarify that in Belgium, you can normally just order "a beer" in most pubs and they'll give you a glass of whatever the standard house beer is, usually something decent but not expensive, e.g. Jupiler or Stella Artois. Anyway, the waiter came to the table and my conversation with him went like this:

Me: "Can I order a beer please?"
Waiter: "Yes, of course"
Me: "What beer do you have?"
Waiter: "Stella Artois"
Me: "Do you have anything apart from Stella?"
Waiter: "Yeah, we have Palme and Duvel as well"
Me: "I'll have a Duvel please"

The waiter then asked the fella sitting beside me at the table if he would like a Duvel too and he declined. The waiter went off to get the drinks for the table. A couple of minutes later I'm standing over at an adjacent table chatting to the bride's parents and a friend. I look over and I see the groom and he waves me over with his hand. I acknowledged him and then tried to get past but there was a good few people in my way, so I just stood there waiting for a space to get through. I look over in the groom's direction again a few seconds later as I'm unsure if he just wants me, or me and my wife for a photo or something.

This time, he waves his arm twice quite impatiently, mouthing the words "come here, come here". He seemed very agitated. So I went the long way around to the table straight over to him. As I approached, he was talking to the bride, and it was clear from their facial expressions and body language that something was wrong. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Is everything ok?"
Groom: "Did you order a Duvel?" he asked me in a very serious tone of voice.
Me: "Yeah"
Groom: "No Duvel, No Duvel, just Stella" he says while waving his hand in a horizontal manner.
Me: "Oh right, sorry. I didn't know that"
Groom: "They've already opened the bottle so they'll give you the Duvel this time, but that's it. Ok?"
Me: "Yeah no problem at all. Look don't worry, I'll pay for it anyway."
Groom: "No, you don't pay. But that's it, ok."

The groom then walked away leaving me there with the bride who seemed very uncomfortable. I apologised to her again and said I didn't know they had certain drinks included. She said it was fine. I told her I would pay for it and she said it's grand, leave it off.

A while later, I went to the bar to try and pay for it, but the bar staff told me it was taken care of and it was included. I should point out that a glass of Stella in this part of Belgium probably costs about 2 euro, while a small bottle of Duvel would cost maybe 3.50 at most.

I was a bit shocked by the groom's behaviour, but just said I'd forget about it. Myself and the Mrs then had a great night dancing and everything.

So, was I in the wrong by ordering the beer and not checking first? Did the groom behave inappropriately? Thanks for your opinions

fits

Did they have a special deal on the beer or something. Would it be akin to asking for a different wine at the meal?

Dan133269

fits wrote: »

Did they have a special deal on the beer or something. Would it be akin to asking for a different wine at the meal?

Maybe they had a deal on the beer, I don't know. No one said anything however, either before or during the meal.

bee06

His reaction was a bit strange to be honest. If they were limiting the drinks then the waiter shouldn't have offered a more expensive drink and it's something they should either have made clear to the venue or if they did they should complain to the venue.

I'm guessing based on his phrasing he's not Irish though so maybe it was just a lost in translation thing.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Sounds remarkably rude of the groom. If there was a limit on the beers, then that should have been made clear to the waiting staff. I could see him being annoyed if you had done something like ordered a cocktail or a triple vodka, but not a beer. And to be honest, even if you had ordered something outrageous, it's not very classy of the groom to make a scene at the wedding.

Rubberchikken

based on the op, i was be totally confused as to why someone, on their wedding day, would get themselves in a knot over a beer that costs roughly 1.50 more.

i have no answer

endacl

Stella tastes like soap. Good move on your part, OP. Tell him to deduct it from your gift.

DeltaWhite

Groomzilla much? Never heard of a groomzilla myself but he sounds a bit like one! Cannot see his problem at all? Making a bit of a scene over 1.50 is ridiculous!

rowanh

Sounds like he was a bit stressed out and took it out on you. You would think they would have gotten the staff to only offer whatever thy were happy to pay for.

DesperateDan

Should have ordered a champagne as your next drink, it's not Duvel :pac: (seriously though if he felt that strongly everyone should have been informed there were only certain drinks allowed)

Mongfinder General

What an absolute w4nker, the groom that is, telling his guests what to drink. Sounds like a miserable tw4t. Probably tried to play the big shot by paying for a supply of the cheapest beer available.

He should have just told everybody to go and do their own thing alcohol wise instead of being a complete cnut about it.

jimmycrackcorm

If he only wanted people to drink Stella then he should have insisted on the bar staff letting guests know only that was available. He was totally out of order getting annoyed.

Joe Duffy..

I would of ordered a Midleton whiskey for the next round.

tayto lover

Double Martell and Baileys next round.
He's a cheapscate.

fits

It can be hard to know what's acceptable in different countries. I have turned up to a couple of house parties here with a nice bottle of wine, and hosts have taken it off me and served me wine out of a box in a plastic glass.....

whitelight

sounds a bit over the top to react that way over a 3.50 beer! bride was probable more embarrassed then you. i wouldn't worry about it at all.how were you to know any different. you don't know the guy very well maybe he's the penny pinching type, wedding day or not! oh well he's her problem now!!!

quadrifoglio verde

I might understand if you ordered 6 westvleteren XII, but one or two duvel were probably cheaper than the equivalent glass of wine. Also if they didn't want expensive beer served (and 1.50 is sweet f all in the difference) then they should have only had one beer on offer

Thoie

You did nothing wrong (that you were aware of), and the groom over-reacted, but I'd forget about it. You may find that in that group, it's known that you don't ask for anything different, precisely because there's a free bar, and people who are used to Belgian weddings don't abuse it.

It's not the €1.50 (they told you to forget about paying for it), but the fact that it's a slippery slope from there. The Duvel was nearly double the price of the Stella, so if everyone switched to that, it would nearly double their cost, and if people were drinking different beers, some people might order other drinks.

The method in which he told you was poor (were you speaking French, or was he speaking English?) - a quick "Hey dude, they're only including Stella in the open bar, the waiter was being an eejit and forgot, do you mind switching to Stella?" would have been much better, but between wedding stress and potential language differences it may have come out wrong.

Move on.

Calhoun

Totally OTT reaction, as has already been said if something shouldnt have been ordered it shouldnt have been offered.

Groom seems like an arse to be honest, he should have went up to the bar manager and told him not to offer it again.

Patser

Just a thought, are you sure it's the price that's the issue. Duvel is a very strong beer, 8.5% alc. Maybe the groom is more worried that others might follow your lead, all start knocking back Duvel at dinner and by 11pm either be drooling in the corner or fighting outside.

lukesmom

What a complete pr!ck. Did he think you are psychic or how were you meant to know which beer is included. Very embarrassing for yourself and his bride and if that's the way he handles situations, she's in for a rough ride!

thomur

he over reacted in Irish terms, but different culture and understandings maybe

Sala

He may have been worried about the costs adding up or just stressed in general and took it out on someone, but I really don't think you need to worry yourself about it as you didn't do anything wrong and it sounds like you dealt with it just fine.

December2012

Whatever his reasons, you acted appropriately by apologising, going along with it, and offering to pay.

Best course of action now is none - it was dealt with at the time and he probably was a bit wound up.

Just forget about it now.

grey_so_what

I feel sorry for the poor Mrs....

Imagine getting stuck with him for the rest of your life...:(

asteroids over berlin

i say he was concerned others may take your lead and start ordering anything and everything, also a bottle of duvel is a hotel will be around 5 quid, i lived in one in Ghent for 6 months and the bar was expensive, like most hotels really, i didn't care as the company paid for it but it could add at a wedding.......plus the Belgians are a bit mental at the best of times ha!

Arbiter of Good Taste

asteroids over berlin wrote: »

i say he was concerned others may take your lead and start ordering anything and everything, also a bottle of duvel is a hotel will be around 5 quid, i lived in one in Ghent for 6 months and the bar was expensive, like most hotels really, i didn't care as the company paid for it but it could add at a wedding.......plus the Belgians are a bit mental at the best of times ha!

But in this case the Duvel was only €3.50 - only €1.50 more than the Stella

vibe666

asteroids over berlin wrote: »

i say he was concerned others may take your lead and start ordering anything and everything, also a bottle of duvel is a hotel will be around 5 quid.

If that's the case and he's that tight, then staff should be instructed to only serve certain beers, quite frankly he's taking the piss, particularly as you didn't know, he did nothing to prevent it happening and offered to pay for it yourself as soon as you found out.

Complete pr!ck anyway, can't see the marriage lasting long if he's like that on day one.

Dan133269

Thanks very much for your replies everyone.

Just to answer a few questions, the wedding took place in the function room of a pub in a small village in Flanders, so the prices would be cheaper than a hotel in somewhere like Ghent.

We were speaking French to other. Usually we speak a mix, bit of English and French, depending on other people in the conversation. I'm sure I understand everything he said correctly.

Maybe it is a bit of a cultural thing but it was a multicultural wedding. The groom is Belgian of Arab origin, and the bride is Russian. About 60 percent of the guests were Belgian while 40 were Russian, more or less. Some of the Russian guests spoke French, most didn't. Most of them did speak English however.

I doubt his concern was about people getting too drunk. They were serving champagne on arrival at the venue and regular wine top-ups. Usually at this kind of thing, people would have a couple of beers and then be up dancing rather than staying at the table drinking.

It was certainly an interesting incident anyway.

Hootanany

Not somebody i would keep i. Touch with tight fjck pity his wife.

Sala

You'll probably never know what was going through his head, unless his wife mentions it to yours. I wouldn't worry about it, it's certainly odd behaviour but on his part not yours

December2012

Give the groom a break - you'ld be surprised how stressful a wedding day can be.

Sala

December2012 wrote: »

Give the groom a break - you'ld be surprised how stressful a wedding day can be.

I agree he could be a lovely bloke who had a bit of a wobble, not the OPs fault but I wouldn't write him or their marriage off yet.

Dan133269

Well to be honest, there were a couple of previous incidents with this fella and I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he has now proven himself.

I only remembered today that ironically enough, he came to visit us about a year or so ago and I gave him a nice, more expensive beer, a chimay.

I also know that at one stage he went on a weekend away with the bride (they weren't engaged at that point) while she was in between jobs and she was seriously struggling financially. He was quite comfortable at that point, living at home and having a well paid job. For all the expenses for that weekend, he insisted that she pay exactly half.

Oh well, I'm not exactly going to be calling him anytime soon to meet up for a pint :-)

danjo-xx

He lets €1.50 extra for a drink spoil their big day:eek:

monkeysnapper

Dan133269 wrote: »

Oh well, I'm not exactly going to be calling him anytime soon to meet up for a pint :-)

Exactly....... That's the best way to think about it, you can move on in life . Sometimes you have to leave people to their own ways and cut your losses .

You did nothing wrong,

imitation

Dan133269 wrote: »

Thanks very much for your replies everyone.

Just to answer a few questions, the wedding took place in the function room of a pub in a small village in Flanders, so the prices would be cheaper than a hotel in somewhere like Ghent.

We were speaking French to other. Usually we speak a mix, bit of English and French, depending on other people in the conversation. I'm sure I understand everything he said correctly.

Maybe it is a bit of a cultural thing but it was a multicultural wedding. The groom is Belgian of Arab origin, and the bride is Russian. About 60 percent of the guests were Belgian while 40 were Russian, more or less. Some of the Russian guests spoke French, most didn't. Most of them did speak English however.

I doubt his concern was about people getting too drunk. They were serving champagne on arrival at the venue and regular wine top-ups. Usually at this kind of thing, people would have a couple of beers and then be up dancing rather than staying at the table drinking.

It was certainly an interesting incident anyway.

In my experience, Irish people tend to be pretty careful about seen to be stingy, and are often not that forward about anything (until a few pints have been had anyway). On the other hand on the continent I have experienced cases were people were incredibly direct, due to a mixture of culture and the language barrier.

My Favorites were (from absolute strangers doing a training class):

"Why did you Irish vote no to the nice treaty, do you hate us ?"

"So what will you do when your father dies?" (He was asking if was going to inherit/carry on a family a business really)

With that in mind, I wouldn't sweat it too much about the beer, he was probably just afraid everybody would order it, and also probably amped up after the aul wedding and a few beers. At the end of the day you asked for a different beer at a bar, hardly a crime, if hes knocked you off the Christmas card list, it says more about him really.

john.han

Maybe it had nothing to do with money, doesn't Duvel have really high alcohol content? He could have been worried you'd end up plastered.

J Mysterio

imitation wrote: »

...on the continent I have experienced cases were people were incredibly direct, due to a mixture of culture and the language barrier

Have found this myself.

J Mysterio

john.han wrote: »

Maybe it had nothing to do with money, doesn't Duvel have really high alcohol content? He could have been worried you'd end up plastered.

That's ridiculous to be fair.

lubie76

Omg, I would be mortified if my hubby done that on our wedding day! If he couldn't afford to pay an extra 1.50 for a few beers, surely he should not have bothered with an open bar and allow people the drink of their choice. Tightwad!

Rightwing

How much does that beer cost anyway?

It's not like you ordered a S class Merc ....FFS. :rolleyes:

Nekarsulm

Put a tenner on the bar, and head off home, would be my reaction........there are enough nice people in the world to socialise with without worrying about him.

Sam Kade

Lots of bitchy threads on this forum.

sarkozy

Interesting story, alright. I dunno, it may partly be down to a culture clash and also personality.

The phrase 'going Dutch' is quite true. In the Netherlands, you may be out with a group of friends for drinks or a meal, but everyone pays what they owe based on what they themselves ate/drank. That's often picked up as stingy or rude by Irish people, but it's just not.

Much of Belgium is a Dutch culture in that it's Flemish. The Walloon part may have elements of French culture. The Flemish are not Dutch, the Walloons are not French, but that same pragmatic streak is there across Belgium.

Another thing I learned at a wedding recently where one side was Irish, the other Dutch, is how Dutch weddings handle the bar/tab. I don't quite understand it, but similar to the pragmatism of 'going Dutch', the wedding couple typically provides the bar with a budget and a list of drinks that cam be sold. Once the budget limit is reached, that's it. It gets around the whole 'pile the drinks in until the tab closes' thing. It also means that people, out of politeness and a sense of propriety, do not take the piss by ordering expensive drinks, eating up the bar budget and potentially ruining it for everyone. Guests can, however, buy their own drink with their own cashmoney.

However, it's common also for couples to buy all the drink, getting a deal on certain drinks (a discount due to the quantity purchased ahead of time). So it could also be that this was the issue.

I can see the scenario might have led to some confusion.

If I'm right about this, it sounds as if it was just a culture clash, but it does seem that the groom overreacted.

Carson10

The groom sounds like a right wan**r... Can imagine that marriage.. He'l prob tell her to stop using so much toilet roll... How did he find out you ordered that drink so quick? Waiter must have informed him or some dry sh*te at the table.

ardle1

No offence.
Would you be a bit of a messer with drink on board?
Duvel beer is very strong, so maybe they thought you'd be pissed in no time!?

blindside88

I'd say it could be down to the stress of the day but he does sound like a bit of a w*nker.

You should send him a couple of bottles of duvel in the post with no note saying who it's from

danjo-xx

8.5% hmmm mixed with wine and god knows what else and a guy could soon be flying without wings.... maybe that was the groom's worry.

J Mysterio

Lots of lightweights in this thread.

vibe666

the groom sound slike a guy i used to know, he'd argue over anything if it was going to cost him a few cents.

he is now half of a married couple who still live like flatmates, with the mortgage and bills split down the middle, even the food and drinks bills on nights out is split based on what they each have and he's always giving out that she keeps spending all 'her' money frivolously and borrowing off him and not paying him back. it baffles me entirely.

I can't help but wonder if they'll be doing the same thing with bills for the kids if/when they have them.