Do you like your partner to be a little jealous?Are you Jealous

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:33PM

KingOfFairview wrote: »

My wife is strange this way. Certain types of girls showing me attention really annoys her - but she literally lets her single friends paw me in front of her and doesn't mind at all.

That's interesting I wonder why? She sees something in certain types?

Sauve · 14-09-2014 03:34PM

Bafucin wrote: »

WHat if he said to you 'I want to be honest with you about this. I want to stay with you and sleep with other women. It does not impact the strength of my feelings for you. '

That's a whole lot different to a 'little bit of jealousy' tbh. That's potentially changing the entire dynamic of your relationship to a situation that's just not acceptable for the majority of people.

B.A._Baracus · 14-09-2014 03:34PM

Threads like these have happened before on boards. I always raise an eyebrow when they do because apparently there is no concept in peoples mind of a small amount, a normal amount etc. It's either you are not jealous at all or you are a fully fledged paranoid nut job.

It's 0 or 100. Nothing in between. But of course none of us are perfect. Every single one of us is jealous to a certain degree. A normal healthy amount. Of course, some cross that line.

Being honest, you're all trying to come off as Jedi here :pac: (jealously is the path to the darkside lol)

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 03:36PM

I hope I don't sound obnoxious saying this but why would anyone not hold themselves in such a regard where they deserve to be thought of as the lesser in a relationship?

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 03:36PM

Bafucin wrote: »

Ok. But what if he wanted to eat his cake and have it too. WHat if he said to you 'I want to be honest with you about this. I want to stay with you and sleep with other women. It does not impact the strength of my feelings for you. '

If a little jealousy was not a part of love you would not assume that him wanting to sleep or even be in a relationship with others meant that he should leave you.

I'm sorry I'm not jealous and that my partner is not jealous either. There are loads of people I find attractive apart from my bf but I would never act on it because I love him and want to be with him and he's the same.

If I get fed up with him and decide I want to get with other people for real, I'll end the relationship and he's the same. We've talked about this, we talk about people we find attractive, so what?

Why is that so hard for you to understand that? Of course there is other people we find attractive, human nature and all that but when you are in a relationship and love the other person, then them people mean nothing to you. I was never a jealous person, I'm sorry I can't change my genetic makeup for you.

14-09-2014 03:37PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Threads like these have happened before on boards. I always raise an eyebrow when they do because apparently there is no concept in peoples mind of a small amount, a normal amount etc. It's either you are not jealous at all or you are a fully fledged paranoid nut job.

It's 0 or 100. Nothing in between. But of course none of us are perfect. Every single one of us is jealous to a certain degree. A normal healthy amount. Of course, some cross that line.

Being honest, you're all trying to come off as Jedi here :pac: (jealously is the path to the darkside lol)

I don't think anyone has denied that they've gotten jealous at some point, the thread is about wanting your partner to be jealous, I would hate to be in a relationship where someone actually wanted me to be jealous. It's destructive at best.

Classicporter · 14-09-2014 03:37PM

Bafucin wrote: »

I don't believe anyone who says they are not a little jealous and to me claiming that would be a type of game.

If we were not a little jealous we would all be in open relationships all the time.

Monogamy presupposes a little jealousy.

You make an interesting point. I don't think jealousy in any amounts is a good thing but if it didn't exist I think a lot more people would be in open relationships.

KingOfFairview · 14-09-2014 03:38PM

Bafucin wrote: »

That's interesting I wonder why? She sees something in certain types?

Odd thing is, there's no clear pattern. They aren't necessarily all stunning, or blonde, or big titted, or foreign, etc. It just seems certain types set her off, with others she seems to actively enjoy me being flirted with.

14-09-2014 03:39PM

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 03:41PM

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

14-09-2014 03:43PM

Karl Stein wrote: »

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 03:45PM

Karl Stein wrote: »

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

Does that happen though?:p

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 03:45PM

Candie wrote: »

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

I prefer them on a barbecue.

dark crystal · 14-09-2014 03:46PM

Candie wrote: »

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

But it doesn't have to mean a sexual free for all. That's taking it to an extreme.

Say your partner met someone else they found sexually attractive, interesting and wished to connect with on an intimate level, but still felt the same way about you, would you have a problem with them straying from your previously exclusive relationship?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:47PM

Candie wrote: »

Can you not just feel secure and happy and leave the destructive emotions behind?

I believe how and what we feel are often a choice. I could allow and excuse jealous emotions or I can decide to focus on why those feelings don't matter and affirm the positive emotions instead.

There's a lot more happiness in life when you're willing to experience security and contentment and leave jealous uncertainty and stress behind.

Can you not just feel secure and happy and leave the destructive emotions behind?

No , not feeling them. It's a family trait. But I try to control them and how I act. ( I think I need to actually I am glad I started this thread it's made me think). Some people get jealous of partners pets of other family members etc.

I grew up in a very intense family where expressing things this way was very normal. Both ends of the emotional spectrum where expressed strongly.

But it has a negative side I try to keep in check. I do feel it but I try not to express it.

But I do think if there was NOTHING there that would not be positive either. That's just another negative extreme.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:48PM

Candie wrote: »

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

We should start a club

Bunny Boilers anon.

We could have meetings for the more severe cases and acceptance for milder ones!

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 03:48PM

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Does that happen though?:p

It's a hypothetical scenario that I'm using to question the veracity of the claims of those who 'never get jealous'.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 03:50PM

Karl Stein wrote: »

It's a hypothetical scenario that I'm using to question the veracity of claims that some people never get jealous.

It is a toxic emotion in a relationship though?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:54PM

dark crystal wrote: »

But it doesn't have to mean a sexual free for all. That's taking it to an extreme.

Say your partner met someone else they found sexually attractive, interesting and wished to connect with on an intimate level, but still felt the same way about you, would you have a problem with them straying from your previously exclusive relationship?

I do think part of what drives monogamy is a little bit of jealousy. We recognize that an open relationship can ultimately lead to hurt or intense negative feelings, what else can that be because of if not jealousy on some level?

I think for some the act of it is were we get a little jealous. And for some of us the fact that a partner THINKS someone is interesting is a little provocative.

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

Wouldn't it though? Isn't it partly a little jealousy that stops that?

If you were not at all jealous why could you not have two wonderful relationships at once? Why is it be with me or leave?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:55PM

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

It is a toxic emotion in a relationship though?

I know it definitely can be. There is no point in denying that it can be damaging.

But I notice that people who feel no jealousy and don't react if say their partner kisses someone in front of them, or does not react to flirting at all are less invested.

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 03:57PM

I despair for you all. The reason I am not jealous is because I know my bf would never sleep with another woman. If he was going to, we'd break up first.

So why would I be jealous? Be annoyed and stressed out for no reason? No, ta.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:58PM

Karl Stein wrote: »

It's a hypothetical scenario that I'm using to question the veracity of the claims of those who 'never get jealous'.

I know people who actually NEVER seem to get jealous. I always suspect they don't care.

I don't think it's fair for a partner to villainize the other because they admit to jealousy.

It's how you act on it.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 03:59PM

Bafucin wrote: »

I know it definitely can be. There is no point in denying that it can be damaging.

But I notice that people who feel no jealousy and don't react if say their partner kisses someone in front of them, or does not react to flirting at all are less invested.

Your examples are of a bad relationship though. Why would anyone in their right mind put up with being treated like that?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 03:59PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

I despair for you all. The reason I am not jealous is because I know my bf would never sleep with another woman. If he was going to, we'd break up first.

So why would I be jealous? Be annoyed and stressed out for no reason? No, ta.

Why would you break up with him if he slept with someone else if you are not jealous?

Why is it be with me and don't sleep with someone else?

Miss Lizzie Jones · 14-09-2014 04:01PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

I despair for you all. The reason I am not jealous is because I know my bf would never sleep with another woman. If he was going to, we'd break up first.

So why would I be jealous? Be annoyed and stressed out for no reason? No, ta.

In my last relationship I knew, in my heart of hearts, that my bf would never ever cheat on me.
With that said and for reasons I won't divulge here I did not feel 100% secure in that relationship and I got jealous on a couple of occasions.

I sometimes wonder if I felt 100% secure in a relationship if I would still get jealous.

Miss Lizzie Jones · 14-09-2014 04:02PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

I despair for you all. The reason I am not jealous is because I know my bf would never sleep with another woman. If he was going to, we'd break up first.

So why would I be jealous? Be annoyed and stressed out for no reason? No, ta.

In my last relationship I knew, in my heart of hearts, that my bf would never ever cheat on me.
With that said, and for reasons I won't divulge here, I did not feel 100% secure in that relationship and I got jealous on a couple of occasions.

I sometimes wonder if I felt 100% secure in a relationship if I would still get jealous.

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 04:02PM

Bafucin wrote: »

Why would you break up with him if he slept with someone else if you are not jealous?

Why is it be with me and don't sleep with someone else?

If my partner slept with someone else I'd be hurt and annoyed. But he wouldn't unless we broke up first so it's not relevant. Any more hypothetical scenarios that will never happen?

dark crystal · 14-09-2014 04:06PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

I despair for you all. The reason I am not jealous is because I know my bf would never sleep with another woman. If he was going to, we'd break up first.

So why would I be jealous? Be annoyed and stressed out for no reason? No, ta.

This is somewhat naive, though. One can never be sure of such a thing, no matter how happy or trustworthy they believe their relationship to be.

Do you think every person who's been cheated on was expecting it?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 14-09-2014 04:07PM

I'm usually not a jealous person in relationships. Definitely not jealous in my current relationship. There's been times, not even relationships, more flings where I've been absolutely out of my mind with jealously because of the other person playing games and making me feel insecure and inferior. Now that I'm the other side of it, I'd never tolerate any of that bull**** again.

JeffKenna · 14-09-2014 04:08PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

If my partner slept with someone else I'd be hurt and annoyed. But he wouldn't unless we broke up first so it's not relevant. Any more hypothetical scenarios that will never happen?

Well unfortunately no one really believes their partner will cheat on them. I'd venture to guess this is your first relationship and you haven't been cheated on by someone you love before?

Do you like your partner to be a little jealous?Are you Jealous

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