Do you like your partner to be a little jealous?Are you Jealous

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:03pm #1

I don't like it if I am more jealous than my partner.

I like to feel she would be a little jealous.

I know women say they don't like it when the BF is the jealous sort. But I think some people do.

It kinda annoys me a little if she isn't. A little jealousy makes me feel wanted to some extent it's a sign of how much you care.

Mr. Incognito · 14-09-2014 2:04pm

Jealousy = Insecurity

I dont like to be on either end of that

lukesmom · 14-09-2014 2:05pm

Yes I would get jealous but husband doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. I'd like if he was a little bit jealous.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:06pm

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Jealousy = Insecurity

I dont like to be on either end of that

I feel sometimes it's an indication of passion. I am not talking mad crazy jealousy. But if your partner was totally indifferent to being a little jealous I would worry.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:06pm

lukesmom wrote: »

Yes I would get jealous but husband doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. I'd like if he was a little bit jealous.

I think a lot of men and women are the same. I am stressing the 'Little bit' here.

Sauve · 14-09-2014 2:06pm

Christ no. Jealousy is a terrible thing and eats into people and relationships. Leads to no good whatsoever.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 2:08pm

Freddie describes it perfectly. I'm not the jealous type, sure why bother your hole with that kind of thinking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk9g9HIbZdc

14-09-2014 2:10pm

All sounds like games to me. Why anyone wants to partake in these relationship games is beyond me.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:10pm

Sauve wrote: »

Christ no. Jealousy is a terrible thing and eats into people and relationships. Leads to no good whatsoever.

You never get jealous ? Or do you say that because you have experienced it?

I have gone down THAT road I'll admit and been that person. But I think if there is no jealousy it means a lack of passion....if I had a girlfriend was not not a bit jealous ....that would make me more jealous...weirdly...

B.A._Baracus · 14-09-2014 2:12pm

Nothing wrong with a bit of jealously. We are all human and no one is perfect. Of course there is a "line" between an acceptable amount and too much.

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 2:13pm

I'm not jealous, either is my partner. I don't like jealousy at all.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:15pm

Deleted User wrote: »

All sounds like games to me. Why anyone wants to partake in these relationship games is beyond me.

I don't believe anyone who says they are not a little jealous and to me claiming that would be a type of game.

If we were not a little jealous we would all be in open relationships all the time.

Monogamy presupposes a little jealousy.

Sauve · 14-09-2014 2:15pm

Bafucin wrote: »

You never get jealous ? Or do you say that because you have experienced it?
.

Ah of course I've been jealous in various circumstances, but it always raised a red flag for me.
If you have something to be jealous of, then the person you're with has probably acted inappropriately to some degree.
If a girl flirted with a guy I'm with and he didn't react, then I wouldn't bat an eyelid. However, if he did react and I started to feel jealous, then there's something very wrong somewhere.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:16pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

I'm not jealous, either is my partner. I don't like jealousy at all.

I am not being disrespectful and I believe what you say. But can I ask why if you are not a little jealous are you both monogamous? (I am assuming you are).

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 2:17pm

Bafucin wrote: »

I don't believe anyone who says they are not a little jealous and to me claiming that would be a type of game.

If we were not a little jealous we would all be in open relationships all the time.
.

I'm not jealous because I know my bf is faithful and I have no need to be jealous.
He's the same with me.

Had a jealous bf in the past and never again! He used to have a fanny fit whenever I went out and told me all my male friends wanted to ride me. I can't be dealing with that.

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 2:18pm

Bafucin wrote: »

I am not being disrespectful and I believe what you say. But can I ask why if you are not a little jealous are you both monogamous? (I am assuming you are).

We are. If I wanted to get with someone else, I'd just break up with him. Simple as.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:19pm

Sauve wrote: »

If you have something to be jealous of, then the person you're with has probably acted inappropriately to some degree.
If a girl flirted with a guy I'm with and he didn't react, then I wouldn't bat an eyelid. However, if he did react and I started to feel jealous, then there's something very wrong somewhere.

To me though that's like pushing it onto the other person.

So you get jealous if he flirts with others. Which is fine and very normal i would say. But that wouldn't bother someone else maybe it might be something else for them.

14-09-2014 2:19pm

I had an ex who would have preferred me to wear a burqa and to have him screen my mails and calls. I remember being on the beach with him and he couldn't relax for glaring at anyone walking by in case they looked in our direction.

He told everyone that he hadn't a jealous bone in his body. Even when they say they're not jealous and if they're smart enough to not say anything directly to you, it ruins things. First thing he said when I ended it was "I knew there was something going on".

dark crystal · 14-09-2014 2:20pm

Of course I've felt jealous before - it's a human trait we are all capable of in one form or another.

I salute anyone who says they wouldn't be even slightly bothered if another person was showing a sexual interest in their partner. It would bother me!

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:20pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

We are. If I wanted to get with someone else, I'd just break up with him. Simple as.

Would it bother you if he wanted to sleep other women with no emotional attachments?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:21pm

dark crystal wrote: »

Of course I've felt jealous before - it's a human trait we are all capable of in one form or another.

I salute anyone who says they wouldn't be even slightly bothered if another person was showing a sexual interest in their partner. It would bother me!

Exactly! I am not saying hey react in the extreme to it. But a little reaction I think means something. I think I would be slighted if there was no reaction.

14-09-2014 2:23pm

Bafucin wrote: »

Exactly! I am not saying hey react in the extreme to it. But a little reaction I think means something. I think I would be slighted if there was no reaction.

I think it'd be more productive to choose to be flattered that they trust you that much, that they're so secure in your relationship, that it doesn't bother them at all because they know you'd never act on it.

KingOfFairview · 14-09-2014 2:24pm

My wife is strange this way. Certain types of girls showing me attention really annoys her - but she literally lets her single friends paw me in front of her and doesn't mind at all.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 2:25pm

Imo jealousy shows a lack of confidence from the person who is jealous and nobody admires that kind of insecurity.

14-09-2014 2:25pm

Bafucin wrote: »

I don't believe anyone who says they are not a little jealous and to me claiming that would be a type of game.

If we were not a little jealous we would all be in open relationships all the time.

Monogamy presupposes a little jealousy.

I've been jealous, it's not nice. I've also had a jealous partner, that's also not nice.

Wanting your partner to be jealous, is playing games. It's pretty pathetic actually.

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 2:26pm

Bafucin wrote: »

Would it bother you if he wanted to sleep other women with no emotional attachments?

I'm sure they are women he finds attractive that he would bang if he wasn't with me. He's a man, he watches porn, he masturbates.....so do I.

We go to Burlesque shows together, he can appreciate good looking women and men, just like I can. But he doesn't go chatting other women up or openly flirting with women, so I have no need to be jealous.

I told him from the start, if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, just break up and I'm the same. I can't be dealing with paranoia and wondering when he goes out with the lads if he's getting with some young wan.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:26pm

Candie wrote: »

I had an ex who would have preferred me to wear a burqa and to have him screen my mails and calls. I remember being on the beach with him and he couldn't relax for glaring at anyone walking by in case they looked in our direction.

He told everyone that he hadn't a jealous bone in his body. Even when they say they're not jealous and if they're smart enough to not say anything directly to you, it ruins things. First thing he said when I ended it was "I knew there was something going on".

That's an overly extreme case of someone who not only can't control their jealousy but is in extreme denial of it.

Generally VERY jealous people are all about the power etc. control.

It's better to feel a little than nothing and admit it. I admit I can be a jealous person but I try not to let it impact negatively on anyone.

I know I have a tendency and so I know those feelings don't ACTUALLY mean anything would be going on at all. I can admit my irrationality and therefore own it.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:29pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

I'm sure they are women he finds attractive that he would bang if he wasn't with me. He's a man, he watches porn, he masturbates.....so do I.

We go to Burlesque shows together, he can appreciate good looking women and men, just like I can. But he doesn't go chatting other women up or openly flirting with women, so I have no need to be jealous.

I told him from the start, if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, just break up and I'm the same. I can't be dealing with paranoia and wondering when he goes out with the lads if he's getting with some young wan.

Ok. But what if he wanted to eat his cake and have it too. WHat if he said to you 'I want to be honest with you about this. I want to stay with you and sleep with other women. It does not impact the strength of my feelings for you. '

If a little jealousy was not a part of love you would not assume that him wanting to sleep or even be in a relationship with others meant that he should leave you.

Miss Lizzie Jones · 14-09-2014 2:30pm

I have a tendency to get jealous. I hate it when it happens because I wish I never would. I think it might be one of the reasons I choose to remain single and am currently not in a relationship (also by choice).

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:31pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been jealous, it's not nice. I've also had a jealous partner, that's also not nice.

Wanting your partner to be jealous, is playing games. It's pretty pathetic actually.

I admit that I do to some extent want that. I am not sure why. I would be honest about it and just say 'it bugs me you don't react when this happens etc'.

I wouldn't TRY to make someone jealous ( edit I HOPE i wouldn't). I would just be miffed if they were not sometimes.

14-09-2014 2:31pm

Bafucin wrote: »

It's better to feel a little than nothing and admit it.

Can you not just feel secure and happy and leave the destructive emotions behind?

I believe how and what we feel are often a choice. I could allow and excuse jealous emotions or I can decide to focus on why those feelings don't matter and affirm the positive emotions instead.

There's a lot more happiness in life when you're willing to experience security and contentment and leave jealous uncertainty and stress behind.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:33pm

KingOfFairview wrote: »

My wife is strange this way. Certain types of girls showing me attention really annoys her - but she literally lets her single friends paw me in front of her and doesn't mind at all.

That's interesting I wonder why? She sees something in certain types?

Sauve · 14-09-2014 2:34pm

Bafucin wrote: »

WHat if he said to you 'I want to be honest with you about this. I want to stay with you and sleep with other women. It does not impact the strength of my feelings for you. '

That's a whole lot different to a 'little bit of jealousy' tbh. That's potentially changing the entire dynamic of your relationship to a situation that's just not acceptable for the majority of people.

B.A._Baracus · 14-09-2014 2:34pm

Threads like these have happened before on boards. I always raise an eyebrow when they do because apparently there is no concept in peoples mind of a small amount, a normal amount etc. It's either you are not jealous at all or you are a fully fledged paranoid nut job.

It's 0 or 100. Nothing in between. But of course none of us are perfect. Every single one of us is jealous to a certain degree. A normal healthy amount. Of course, some cross that line.

Being honest, you're all trying to come off as Jedi here :pac: (jealously is the path to the darkside lol)

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 2:36pm

I hope I don't sound obnoxious saying this but why would anyone not hold themselves in such a regard where they deserve to be thought of as the lesser in a relationship?

Fat Christy · 14-09-2014 2:36pm

Bafucin wrote: »

Ok. But what if he wanted to eat his cake and have it too. WHat if he said to you 'I want to be honest with you about this. I want to stay with you and sleep with other women. It does not impact the strength of my feelings for you. '

If a little jealousy was not a part of love you would not assume that him wanting to sleep or even be in a relationship with others meant that he should leave you.

I'm sorry I'm not jealous and that my partner is not jealous either. There are loads of people I find attractive apart from my bf but I would never act on it because I love him and want to be with him and he's the same.

If I get fed up with him and decide I want to get with other people for real, I'll end the relationship and he's the same. We've talked about this, we talk about people we find attractive, so what?

Why is that so hard for you to understand that? Of course there is other people we find attractive, human nature and all that but when you are in a relationship and love the other person, then them people mean nothing to you. I was never a jealous person, I'm sorry I can't change my genetic makeup for you.

14-09-2014 2:37pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Threads like these have happened before on boards. I always raise an eyebrow when they do because apparently there is no concept in peoples mind of a small amount, a normal amount etc. It's either you are not jealous at all or you are a fully fledged paranoid nut job.

It's 0 or 100. Nothing in between. But of course none of us are perfect. Every single one of us is jealous to a certain degree. A normal healthy amount. Of course, some cross that line.

Being honest, you're all trying to come off as Jedi here :pac: (jealously is the path to the darkside lol)

I don't think anyone has denied that they've gotten jealous at some point, the thread is about wanting your partner to be jealous, I would hate to be in a relationship where someone actually wanted me to be jealous. It's destructive at best.

Classicporter · 14-09-2014 2:37pm

Bafucin wrote: »

I don't believe anyone who says they are not a little jealous and to me claiming that would be a type of game.

If we were not a little jealous we would all be in open relationships all the time.

Monogamy presupposes a little jealousy.

You make an interesting point. I don't think jealousy in any amounts is a good thing but if it didn't exist I think a lot more people would be in open relationships.

KingOfFairview · 14-09-2014 2:38pm

Bafucin wrote: »

That's interesting I wonder why? She sees something in certain types?

Odd thing is, there's no clear pattern. They aren't necessarily all stunning, or blonde, or big titted, or foreign, etc. It just seems certain types set her off, with others she seems to actively enjoy me being flirted with.

14-09-2014 2:39pm

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 2:41pm

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

14-09-2014 2:43pm

Karl Stein wrote: »

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 2:45pm

Karl Stein wrote: »

I little bit of jealousy is healthy. I don't believe people who say they never get jealous. If your partner started hanging out with an absolute stunner and they got on famously you wouldn't feel small pangs of jealousy?

Sure you wouldn't.

Does that happen though?:p

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 2:45pm

Candie wrote: »

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

I prefer them on a barbecue.

dark crystal · 14-09-2014 2:46pm

Candie wrote: »

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

But it doesn't have to mean a sexual free for all. That's taking it to an extreme.

Say your partner met someone else they found sexually attractive, interesting and wished to connect with on an intimate level, but still felt the same way about you, would you have a problem with them straying from your previously exclusive relationship?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:47pm

Candie wrote: »

Can you not just feel secure and happy and leave the destructive emotions behind?

I believe how and what we feel are often a choice. I could allow and excuse jealous emotions or I can decide to focus on why those feelings don't matter and affirm the positive emotions instead.

There's a lot more happiness in life when you're willing to experience security and contentment and leave jealous uncertainty and stress behind.

Can you not just feel secure and happy and leave the destructive emotions behind?

No , not feeling them. It's a family trait. But I try to control them and how I act. ( I think I need to actually I am glad I started this thread it's made me think). Some people get jealous of partners pets of other family members etc.

I grew up in a very intense family where expressing things this way was very normal. Both ends of the emotional spectrum where expressed strongly.

But it has a negative side I try to keep in check. I do feel it but I try not to express it.

But I do think if there was NOTHING there that would not be positive either. That's just another negative extreme.

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:48pm

Candie wrote: »

Sheesh! Another bunny-boiler.

We should start a club

Bunny Boilers anon.

We could have meetings for the more severe cases and acceptance for milder ones!

Karl Stein · 14-09-2014 2:48pm

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Does that happen though?:p

It's a hypothetical scenario that I'm using to question the veracity of the claims of those who 'never get jealous'.

LETHAL LADY · 14-09-2014 2:50pm

Karl Stein wrote: »

It's a hypothetical scenario that I'm using to question the veracity of claims that some people never get jealous.

It is a toxic emotion in a relationship though?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:54pm

dark crystal wrote: »

But it doesn't have to mean a sexual free for all. That's taking it to an extreme.

Say your partner met someone else they found sexually attractive, interesting and wished to connect with on an intimate level, but still felt the same way about you, would you have a problem with them straying from your previously exclusive relationship?

I do think part of what drives monogamy is a little bit of jealousy. We recognize that an open relationship can ultimately lead to hurt or intense negative feelings, what else can that be because of if not jealousy on some level?

I think for some the act of it is were we get a little jealous. And for some of us the fact that a partner THINKS someone is interesting is a little provocative.

Why is a desire for exclusivity being equated with jealousy?

Lack of jealousy doesn't mean a sexual free for all.

Wouldn't it though? Isn't it partly a little jealousy that stops that?

If you were not at all jealous why could you not have two wonderful relationships at once? Why is it be with me or leave?

Bafucin · 14-09-2014 2:55pm

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

It is a toxic emotion in a relationship though?

I know it definitely can be. There is no point in denying that it can be damaging.

But I notice that people who feel no jealousy and don't react if say their partner kisses someone in front of them, or does not react to flirting at all are less invested.

Do you like your partner to be a little jealous?Are you Jealous

Jealousy 43 votes

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