Things that have been done to embarrassing death

.jacksparrow. · 07-09-2014 09:18AM

Tarzana wrote: »

It's not really though, people just it this way because it's the convention in this country and it can be difficult to do it differently. I think it's fair to say that many people are thoroughly fed up of this format.

Well then these people shouldn't go if their so selfish that all they can think about is themselves on one of a couples biggest day of their lives.

Spoilt brats comes to mind.

Tarzana · 07-09-2014 09:19AM

xzanti wrote: »

I'd hate to think of people sitting there thinking "God this is all done to death".

Inevitably, some people will be thinking that - so I think the couple should please themselves and get what they want. You'll never please everyone.

Tarzana · 07-09-2014 09:23AM

.jacksparrow. wrote: »

Well then these people shouldn't go if their so selfish that all they can think about is themselves on one of a couples biggest day of their lives.

Spoilt brats comes to mind.

But sure, you can't help if you internally feel weary about going to another formulaic Irish wedding. Doesn't mean you'll vocalise that thought and most people won't be rude enough to do that. But you can think it if you like, unless the thought police are out in force! :eek:

Toots · 07-09-2014 09:40AM

Tarzana wrote: »

Imagine how much stress and weeping and gnashing of teeth goes with organising those surprise dances?

Exactly!! It's a miracle any of those couples make it up the aisle at all!! :P

Toots · 07-09-2014 10:20AM

Honestly, I love weddings. It doesn't matter a bit to me that there's a set 'formula' for the day, to me it's about having fun with family and friends. Once the venue is nice, the food isn't slop, the bar prices aren't extortionate, and there's a decent dj/music, to me that's a formula for a good time.

I mean, there are elements of a wedding day that are not going to change no matter what: there's obviously going to be the wedding itself, guests will have to be fed at some point (we hope!), there's bound to be someone there taking a few pics, there may or may not be a cake, in most cases there will be some sort of dancing at some point in the day.

IMO, there's only so many ways to arrange those things, and no matter how 'different' or 'quirky' you think your wedding is, the common elements will be the same.

Even if you get married on a roundabout in the middle of a dual carriageway, have your reception in a yurt, have a meal that guests have to catch and kill using spears and nets, and instead of a DJ you have a Romanian Folk band playing the Hurdy Gurdy, you're not going to be the only person who's ever gotten married and had a gathering to celebrate it.

To be fair, going by my own circle of family and friends, for every one that thinks 'church & hotel' weddings are overdone, there's an equal amount who think the 'unconventional' type weddings are also overdone. Give it 10 years and mason jars and bird cages will be considered passé, and 'beef or salmon' will be where it's at. Give it 20 years and the mason jars will have made a comeback.

At the end of the day, it's up to the bride and groom to decide how and where they want to celebrate. If you don't like the venue/day plan/ceremony type then rsvp saying you can't make it. Don't go to the wedding just to deride and sneer at things they've chosen to include in the day. If you spend the day thinking:
"Oh great, a church wedding, sure the last time they saw the inside of a church they were being baptised." or
"FFS, the reception is in a hotel/castle/country house/x venue, like that's original" or
"Well, well, well, tea & sambos, I'd never have expected that." or
"If I see another chocolate fountain/sweet cart/icecream van/photobooth..." or
"Dinner time, what's on the menu? Beef or salmon, how trite!" etc, then you're going to have a crap day, purely because of your mindset. If you actually go around saying any of this stuff on the day, then you're just rude.

When you get down the nitty gritty of it, the only really unique thing about a wedding is the actual couple getting married.

P_1 · 07-09-2014 10:26AM

The "getting into massive debt for the sake of one day" aspect to it is what strikes me as being the worst. Yes it is a special day for you but there's no need to be spending crazy money on it. So long as you have your bride/groom and your friends and family around you that's really all you need. You'll have a great day, you'll have a laugh, who cares about keeping up with the bloody Jones'.

Tarzana · 07-09-2014 11:57AM

Toots wrote: »

If you don't like the venue/day plan/ceremony type then rsvp saying you can't make it.

For outer circles asked to weddings, that's all fine and well, but you know yourself the obligation is there for many people. No, they don't have to go but it'll be frowned upon if they don't. It's pointless denying that a social obligation exists for weddings. So, I can understand people attending weddings out of expectation or obligation feeling a bit weary at the whole thing. They might still enjoy themselves, but I don't think it's a mindset keeping them from a bit jaded by the whole thing. And a fair amount of people just don't like weddings, despite trying. They can just not be your thing, it's not a bad attitude.

Milly33 · 07-09-2014 12:27PM

Well tis true kinda of, no one is forcing you to go, only close friends really and sure don't you just bare it for them.. Id say I would be on of those people who just don't like weddings, but just the standard wedding of hotel, champers, dinner, speeches and going on but sure that's they way it goes..

Forgot about the old choco fountains they did seem like a very good idead alright at the start but in the end id say there was mess everywhere..

clint_silver · 07-09-2014 01:26PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Well tis true kinda of, no one is forcing you to go, only close friends really and sure don't you just bare it for them.. Id say I would be on of those people who just don't like weddings, but just the standard wedding of hotel, champers, dinner, speeches and going on but sure that's they way it goes..

Forgot about the old choco fountains they did seem like a very good idead alright at the start but in the end id say there was mess everywhere..

The fountains aren't that bad really. If you see runny chocolate most people take a bit of care. It's not like an oompah loompah is splashing about in it.

Actually there's a thought for a business. Oompah loompah waiters at a wedding. I'd pay to go to that.

Teyla Emmagan · 07-09-2014 02:01PM

I have a real thing against chocolate fountains. I think they're naff, for a start. And unhygenic. And messy. And the chocolate isn't nice. And there is something very offputting about the sight of melting flowing chocolate, IMO. And they're also really ugly. Why would you want something in the corner of your wedding that looks like a cross between Mount Vesuvius and a mud pit? Going 'glug, glug, glug' and spitting at people?

I feel better if I occasionally get it off my chest about them :-)

07-09-2014 02:37PM

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I have a real thing against chocolate fountains. I think they're naff, for a start. And unhygenic. And messy. And the chocolate isn't nice. And there is something very offputting about the sight of melting flowing chocolate, IMO. And they're also really ugly. Why would you want something in the corner of your wedding that looks like a cross between Mount Vesuvius and a mud pit? Going 'glug, glug, glug' and spitting at people?

I feel better if I occasionally get it off my chest about them :-)

Did you lose your family to a chocolate fountain

Never seen one. It'd have to be really good choc though

pig on a spit sounds awesome

Dolbert · 07-09-2014 02:57PM

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I have a real thing against chocolate fountains. I think they're naff, for a start. And unhygenic. And messy. And the chocolate isn't nice. And there is something very offputting about the sight of melting flowing chocolate, IMO. And they're also really ugly. Why would you want something in the corner of your wedding that looks like a cross between Mount Vesuvius and a mud pit? Going 'glug, glug, glug' and spitting at people?

I feel better if I occasionally get it off my chest about them :-)

The chocolate is usually mixed 50/50 with oil to keep it flowing. Bleurgh

07-09-2014 03:23PM

Dolbert wrote: »

The chocolate is usually mixed 50/50 with oil to keep it flowing. Bleurgh

:eek:

ABajaninCork · 07-09-2014 04:50PM

It's funny, but I was having this discussion with my husband only yesterday...

People need to realise that weddings are by definition generic! If you marry in church, the vows have to follow a defined process. Same with Civil Ceremonies. No matter how hard you try to be 'different', the end result is the same. YOU'RE MARRIED!!

. Some people have a party - some don't. Who cares? As long as the happy couple are comfortable with their choice - Great!

You can add your own little touches to make it personal to you both. You can get married in your Sunday Best if you like (which is what used to happen). Your wedding is personal to YOU.

So what if many of the little touches have been 'done to death'? I really hate this inverse snobbery. Have what you want - nobody will agree 100% with your choices anyway!

07-09-2014 04:53PM

P_1 wrote: »

The "getting into massive debt for the sake of one day" aspect to it is what strikes me as being the worst. Yes it is a special day for you but there's no need to be spending crazy money on it. So long as you have your bride/groom and your friends and family around you that's really all you need. You'll have a great day, you'll have a laugh, who cares about keeping up with the bloody Jones'.

But not every couple borrows money to pay for their wedding?
We didn't borrow a cent. It was paid for by savings. And we could well afford it anyway.
None of my close friends borrowed money to pay for their weddings either.

Even if they had, who cares? It's not me or you paying back the debt.

Faith · 07-09-2014 05:53PM

pwurple wrote: »

Don't like to say things have been done to death for weddings either. There's only so much originality you can bring to any party. We've all been to loads of children's birthday parties, we've all been to loads of weddings. I've yet to see people say... Gosh, that happy birthday cake thing with the candles has been DONE to DEATH, because we all enjoy the happiness it brings. Same thing over and over again is perfectly fine by me when it is a happy occasion.

Or on the flip side, a funeral. Imagine someone saying "Gawd, I can't believe they used 'On Eagles' Wings! That's SO overdone now! And sure the priest didn't know the family from Adam!'. I don't understand why weddings are so open to criticism when other events also follow formulas in the exact same way.

Tarzana wrote: »

For outer circles asked to weddings, that's all fine and well, but you know yourself the obligation is there for many people. No, they don't have to go but it'll be frowned upon if they don't.

If my 'inner circle' considered it a burden to go to my wedding, and were only going out of obligation while gritting their teeth and thinking about how formulaic it was, I'd be reconsidering my inner circle.

lazygal · 07-09-2014 06:08PM

Faith wrote: »

If my 'inner circle' considered it a burden to go to my wedding, and were only going out of obligation while gritting their teeth and thinking about how formulaic it was, I'd be reconsidering my inner circle.

Really? You'd reconsider friendships based on how people feel internally about formulaic Irish weddings? I think most couples are realistic and they know weddings are samey in Ireland. I'm sure some of our aunts and uncles who've been to dozens of weddings over the decades thought "here we go again" at our wedding but who cares? It's not as easy to actually decline an.invite to a good friend's wedding without good reason without causing hassle so most people who are part of the inner circle but don't like weddings suck it up and attend with all the civilities intact. And tune out during the speeches, don't huff when Ruth's reply to Naomi is read out by someone who never goes to mass and smiles during the first dance shuffle.

Faith · 07-09-2014 06:38PM

lazygal wrote: »

Really? You'd reconsider friendships based on how people feel internally about formulaic Irish weddings? I think most couples are realistic and they know weddings are samey in Ireland. I'm sure some of our aunts and uncles who've been to dozens of weddings over the decades thought "here we go again" at our wedding but who cares? It's not as easy to actually decline an.invite to a good friend's wedding without good reason without causing hassle so most people who are part of the inner circle but don't like weddings suck it up and attend with all the civilities intact. And tune out during the speeches, don't huff when Ruth's reply to Naomi is read out by someone who never goes to mass and smiles during the first dance shuffle.

Yep, if my close friends were more concerned with being bored by formula than being excited to celebrate my day with me, I'd reconsider that friendship - or at least, the wedding invitation. I don't like to entertain negative people in my life, so if someone could choose either A) boredom and apathy or

excitement and joy from the exact same situation, I'd prefer to be around people who choose excitement and joy.

If someone declines an invitation to a close friend's wedding because they'll find it boring, they're not much of a friend.

lazygal · 07-09-2014 06:54PM

I don't know how many Irish weddings you've been to but they don't all come with anticipation and excitement after you've been to a few no matter how close the friends or family are. That's not to say I'm not delighted for the couple and happy to spend time celebrating their wedding but it's also one of many, the same way the 21st parties were at that stage or the other usual events are. I think it's a little unrealistic to think every friend is nothing but happy from the time you get engaged. I know some friends of ours weren't delighted we got married on a Friday. I know some family thought our non church ceremony lacked a sense of importance. I know some were really happy there was no long drive between venue. I wouldn't have reassessed a friendship because someone thought our wedding was a typical Irish wedding and indistinguishable from others they attended. Because it was a typical wedding and having been to dozens of them myself I'm under no illusions.

Faith · 07-09-2014 07:07PM

Lazygal, I'm really not going to debate this any further with you. All I'll say is that, if my closest friends didn't want to come to my wedding because they were bored of formula, then it would speak volumes to me about the depth of our friendship. I'm prepared to entertain things I don't really like for the sake of my friends when it's important to them - I'd expect the same in return, is all.

lazygal · 07-09-2014 07:19PM

That's my point - I'll go to my friends weddings and I'll be happy for them even though it's as similar to other weddings as can be. I wouldn't get upset because one of them thought ours was formulaic though. Because it was.

pwurple · 07-09-2014 07:24PM

How many pints with buddies are basically the same, or they want to go to a place for food in theiir birthday that you're not mad about? But you go along anyway and have a great time because of who they are, not what the place is.

I've been to a lot of weddings, 8 in one year was my max. And while they may superficially have followed the same general pattern, even the ones that were in the exact same venue, with the same bunch of people, were still different in some way. Even if the only change was the couple and my outfit!

We all have things we are not mad about... I'm one who generally steers clear of the chocolate fountains as well, but they've not been every wedding by a long shot, and sure other people love them, so no biggie.

Faith · 07-09-2014 07:40PM

lazygal wrote: »

That's my point - I'll go to my friends weddings and I'll be happy for them even though it's as similar to other weddings as can be. I wouldn't get upset because one of them thought ours was formulaic though. Because it was.

Well then, we're talking at cross purposes. I have no problem with guests going to an event, enjoying themselves and mentally noting that it follows the same pattern as most weddings. I object to the claim that close friends won't want to go to a wedding from the outset because it's formulaic, and will essentially suffer through the day rather than enjoy it.

Toots · 07-09-2014 10:50PM

lazygal wrote: »

I don't know how many Irish weddings you've been to but they don't all come with anticipation and excitement after you've been to a few no matter how close the friends or family are. .

Am I the only one who genuinely does get excited when there's a wedding coming up?

Out of the dozens of weddings I've been to, I've only ever declined one invitation because I didn't want to go (as opposed to wasn't able to go). This was a couple who I wouldn't be particularly close to, and we were one of 250 odd other guests. I was fairly surprised to get the invitation tbh. But then a mutual friend told me that he was talking to the groom and he was saying that they'd taken a massive loan for the honeymoon so they were inviting a load of people to the wedding so that they'd cover the costs and then some. I declined because it was obvious that they didn't really want ME there, they just wanted the money I'd have brought in a card.

Faith · 07-09-2014 11:24PM

Toots wrote: »

Am I the only one who genuinely does get excited when there's a wedding coming up?

Nope, I love weddings! I love all the happiness of the day, and the glamour and style. Maybe they'll get old in time, but I love getting invited and going to them. I always want to hear about other peoples' weddings too, and I love looking at pictures on Facebook - even when I don't know the couple

Boom__Boom · 08-09-2014 03:36AM

solerina wrote: »

I actually love a photo booth at a wedding and also love pig on a spit so I am quite happy if they keep boing 'done to death'

A photo booth at a wedding, might have been worthwhile back before decent cameraphones but now it surely just qualifies as a massive waste of money.

Asarlai · 08-09-2014 03:59AM

I guess I have to say that I am surprised by many of the anti 'pig on a spit' comments. I was at two weddings this year and each of them had a pig spitting competition. I hadn't come across that before, but it was very enjoyable. Even my auntie who is normally very reserved got into it and almost won the competition in the first wedding!

Tarzana · 08-09-2014 09:43AM

Dolbert wrote: »

The chocolate is usually mixed 50/50 with oil to keep it flowing. Bleurgh

Mank!

I also pretty much totally agree with Teyla's post, especially the unhygienic part. Makes me feel a bit queasy.

I've never seen a choc fountain myself at the wedding though.

Tarzana · 08-09-2014 09:50AM

Faith wrote: »

Or on the flip side, a funeral. Imagine someone saying "Gawd, I can't believe they used 'On Eagles' Wings! That's SO overdone now! And sure the priest didn't know the family from Adam!'. I don't understand why weddings are so open to criticism when other events also follow formulas in the exact same way.

Probably because there's so much expense and time involved in attending a wedding. They are a bigger imposition than all the other events mentioned.

Faith wrote: »

If my 'inner circle' considered it a burden to go to my wedding, and were only going out of obligation while gritting their teeth and thinking about how formulaic it was, I'd be reconsidering my inner circle.

Well, I wasn't just talking about friends, family too. But, yeah, it's very likely that there are people in your circle who just aren't keen on weddings. I'd say it'd be unusual for there not to be someone in your close family or circle of friends like that. Doesn't mean they'll be rude or sneery, and due to the attending crowd (that unpredictable thing, the guests, tends to be what differentiates a great wedding to me, not all the other faff. Some crowds are just great craic), they might have a great time, but overall generally they might not just like them as a general thing. That's not their fault and actually, it's a tad judgmental to, well, judge them on that.

clint_silver · 08-09-2014 10:21AM

Tarzana wrote: »

Mank!

I also pretty much totally agree with Teyla's post, especially the unhygienic part. Makes me feel a bit queasy.

I've never seen a choc fountain myself at the wedding though.

Of the 60 weddings I've done this year I've only seen them at 2 and yes I was counting as they're so infrequent, last year I only seen 3 in total the whole year. So they're not really done to death. They're not that messy as long as you take care. I didn't think they added oil, it's a type of chocolate with added extra cocoa butter, the temperature in the fountain keeps it runny. It hardens quite quickly when on a plate with marsh mallows.

Sweet carts are about 1 in 2.

Things that have been done to embarrassing death

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