I think family makes it hard for me to diet?

rosedream · 05-09-2014 04:42PM #1

Hello, I have been trying to stick to a strict diet for the past few weeks, but I keep breaking it. So because of that, my family think I am not taking it seriously, and then get annoyed with me when I want to get a lot of fruit or healthy WW bread and so on.

But when I think of it more, I do wonder if it is the family themselves who cause me to break. When I first started getting into healthy eating, I did it with my older sister, who is just one of those people who have endless motivation. Once she have a goal, she sticks to it, not matter what. Because of them, I ended up losing my first stone and that was about three summer ago.
I even shocked myself over how I stuck it out but when my sister moved out, I tried to keep at it, but my mother intervened, saying how it is just easier if we all had the same thing at dinner. I ended up giving in, and gain weight again, and lost the motivation to even go for a walk.

For years, I wondered why I lost the will to do it when I was able to stick it out greatly for two months (and that was a huge plus, considering I was near enough to becoming obese beforehand), but now I keep thinking it because there is a lot of stress in the family and it makes me fatigued.

I mean, I get really criticised if I do snack, and it makes me want to eat eat more. There is constant nagging to do this chore and that, and it just makes me want to lie down. Also even trying to go for a run is a task, because we have a dog, but I find it impossible to run if I took him, so I have to sometimes sneak out if I can and some days it just impossible to get out.

Slate and say "it's just excuses" all you want, but I tend to get very stressful over things, and I just think when you have a family that constantly asks you to do work around the house, or if there is a lot of conflict over the smallest things, or even criticise your diet thinking you can't do it at all, it kills to the positivity you have and the motivation to succeed because you feel the weight of all these problems. I mean right now one of them is giving out to the other about how there is no food in the house, and even hearing it is making me mentally exhausted and on the edge with stress.

I just need to know, how do some people battle through it and try to lose the weight, even with the constant family stress? Because I'd imagine these other people here too whose family thought they could never lose the weight and become healthy at the start.

Alf Veedersane · 05-09-2014 05:00PM

You need to find what's important to you. Trust me, I know the stress that family can bring but only you can make the choices that dictate how you eat.

I'm not trying to say you're wrong but rather trying to suggest you can make the decisions yourself despite the external influences.

Plenty of good people here happy of help

Penny Tration · 05-09-2014 05:04PM

I was 23 stone. I'm a carer for my mam, as well as working, so you can imagine the amount of work I do around the house. Still managed to lose half of my body weight in 3 years, and keep it off.

When you say they give out about you buying healthy food - why? Are you expecting them to pay for it? If you are getting them to pay, pay for it yourself. For what it's worth, ww bread is rubbish. Just don't eat bread, far easier than buying expensive alternatives.

Chores - when you live at home, that's what you do. It's normal to do chores. If it annoys you that much, consider it as calorie burning. It'll definitely burn more calories than sitting on the sofa.

The dog - can't you walk the dog and go for a jog at different times of the day?

Having the same meals - 'no thanks, I'll make myself something.'

Thoie · 05-09-2014 05:14PM

There seems to be two things going on - a lack of support (for want of a better word) from your family, and scheduling issues. I'm guessing you're relatively young (as otherwise why would your family be involved in fruit purchases etc?), and if you're still living with your parents, there are certain things where they get to lay down the law.

Your mother is saying it's easier if everyone has the same meal. I can understand her point, particularly if you're trying to cook at the same time as her, and you're getting in each others way in the kitchen. From a scheduling perspective, can you prepare your meals in advance (for example the night before, or a few times a week) and then just reheat them quickly so that you can still eat with the rest of the family?

Can you sit your family down, explain to them that this is important to you, and you know that you may not always stick to the diet, but you'd like their support in doing this, not criticism if you fail.

Who normally walks the dog? Is this something that is shared by all the family? Schedule your runs (say from 6-7), and say on the days that you're not walking the dog you'll go for a run at that time, and the days it's your turn to walk the dog, that will be your dog walking time.

Ask if you can schedule your chores the same way. 8-9pm is chore time, for example - come to an agreement with your family as to what are the appropriate times.

Everyone has stresses of some kind or another, whether it be family, access to a safe place to exercise, a full time job, working night shifts or whatever. The main thing is to be organised, and have a plan and do the things your family needs. If your family knows that the chores will absolutely definitely get done during your "chore hour", they'll lay off you when it's time for your run/walk. If they think you're just saying "I'll do it later", but you don't actually do it, they'll start nagging.

Sin Eater · 05-09-2014 05:14PM

green_screen wrote: »

Having the same meals - 'no thanks, I'll make myself something.'

This.

I've had to move home recently and have been trying to get back on a healthy diet at the same time, so the food I'm eating is different to everyone else. When the mother prepared dinner (often before I got home) she'll prepare the same dinner for me, even though I've told her not to (what're you gonna do? she's an Irish mam). Each time this happened I'd thank her for the dinner, but remind her that I can't eat it and it's better for me to prepare my own dinners. Then do all the washing up so I wasn't making extra work for anyone else. After a while she stopped making dinners for me (or at least she didn't dish it out and expect me to have it).

Penny Tration · 05-09-2014 05:17PM

Sin Eater wrote: »

This.

I've had to move home recently and have been trying to get back on a healthy diet at the same time, so the food I'm eating is different to everyone else. When the mother prepared dinner (often before I got home) she'll prepare the same dinner for me, even though I've told her not to (what're you gonna do? she's an Irish mam). Each time this happened I'd thank her for the dinner, but remind her that I can't eat it and it's better for me to prepare my own dinners. Then do all the washing up so I wasn't making extra work for anyone else. After a while she stopped making dinners for me (or at least she didn't dish it out and expect me to have it).

My mam doesn't make the dinners due to her disabilities, but my sister does this all the time. She'll dish me up a bolognese when I get home from work. So, I'll let it cool, cover it and stick it in the fridge so one of the others can have it the next day. Then I cook for myself and do all the washing. Nice and easy

Jellybaby1 · 05-09-2014 05:26PM

I'm an 'Irish mam'. I have a family to cook for every day. Some days, I could have three different meals to prepare for three family members. It doesn't happen every day but sometimes. Its a lot of work. If you don't want to eat what the family is eating, just sort your own food out, or will you not be allowed to do that? Some mam's don't like others taking over their kitchen at meal times I suppose. I have no problem with it. Talk to your mam and ask her for your support, explain that you are not starving yourself just eating more healthily.

colossus-x · 14-09-2014 02:49AM

Okay, from you experience last time you must know that changing your diet is not something you can do overnight as if it were something trivial. Changing your diet is a big upheaval equal to giving up smoking. To ensure not failing in the first few months before it's second nature to you you really NEED to have everything else in your life as stable as you can and from your description of your home life that certainly is not the case so your scuppered before you've even started.

You mothers attitude is very poor to say that least. She seems to be in favour of you loosing weight but insists on you doing it ON HER TERMS. That is to say that you eat her dinners as usual and the rest of the time you concentrate on not snacking between meals as if to suggest that her dinners play no role in your overweighedness and your bad habit snacking does.

I'm sure you realize deep down that her approach is a terrible strategy and that you really need to make sweeping changes to you diet to get to where you want to be. It goes without saying that your mother will clearly not understand or refuse to accept this. I can't imagine even bothering to try and explain it to her.

Only you can decide how to deal with your home issues. At the minimum you need to completely separate you eating patterns from you families and I mean COMPLETELY. If you buy or share food together now that is a big problem. If you continue to stay living at home you need to buy your own food and eat it as and when YOU wish. And even then it will be difficult for you to see them eating stuff you can't eat anymore.

I can help you with any nutrition problems/questions you have but my main point to summarize is to clear other issues out of the way first before you begin. You seem really anxxed about how you gave up last time but sure it's totally understandable given your circumstances and in fact it's quite common for people to start something, fail, try again, fail but then crack it. That's because it is not easy but I'm certain you can do it from reading your post because the will you have to do it really comes across in your post.

Good luck.

I think family makes it hard for me to diet?

Comments