Our reaction to dead bodies

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 02:59PM #1

I've just watched a clip of Albert Reynolds (RIP) laying in state and people filing past his open coffin.

It made me wonder about our (Irish) relative relaxed approach to seeing dead bodies - at funerals for the most part.

Do you think this is a good thing? I do, but can understand people being squeamish about it.

It reminded me of an English friend of mine in his early fifties who once told me that he'd never seen a dead body. I was like, "you're kidding me, what do you do at funerals?" He explained that coffins are hardly ever open in UK funerals - this man was lucky enough to have his two elderly parents still alive, which might explain things further.

comongethappy · 25-08-2014 03:01PM

Closed coffins at funerals are more common here than elsewhere I thought.

ballsymchugh · 25-08-2014 03:04PM

i live in england. telling the locals about wakes and watching their reaction is kinda funny. they seem completely horrified at the thought, but then again, funerals here are extremely private. you more or less have to be invited to one. a staggering amount of people have never been to one, even their own grandparents.

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 03:05PM

comongethappy wrote: »

Closed coffins at funerals are more common here than elsewhere I thought.

No, I think the UK is more likely to have closed coffins.

The Backwards Man · 25-08-2014 03:05PM

'Awww doesn't s/he look well?'

Aye, I suppose, apart from being dead.

Ken Shamrock · 25-08-2014 03:07PM

In theory i like the idea, however seeing a loved one completely pale and lifeless is a lot more difficult in practice.

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 03:08PM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

i live in england. telling the locals about wakes and watching their reaction is kinda funny. they seem completely horrified at the thought, but then again, funerals here are extremely private. you more or less have to be invited to one. a staggering amount of people have never been to one, even their own grandparents.

Really, their own grandparents.

I remember passing a country town church on a summer's evening once with a (different UK friend). People were spilling out of the church, loads of them. Men in short sleeved shirts, lads in jeans and t-shirts, etc. Everyone chatting away. My UK friend wouldn't believe me when I told her it was a funeral (removal) - couldn't understand why everyone wasn't head to toe in black...

Riskymove · 25-08-2014 03:08PM

I Heart Internet wrote: »

It made me wonder about our (Irish) relative relaxed approach to seeing dead bodies - at funerals for the most part.

I don't think I have ever seen an open coffin at a funeral

it only really happens if there is a wake or if reposing at a funeral home etc

so it's usually family and close friends only

131spanner · 25-08-2014 03:08PM

Yeah I think it's a good thing. It's facing us all so there's no point in trying to avoid it.

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 03:08PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

'Awww doesn't s/he look well?'

Aye, I suppose, apart from being dead.

"She was a beautiful corpse"

Sunnyisland · 25-08-2014 03:08PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

'Awww doesn't s/he look well?'

Aye, I suppose, apart from being dead.

Sure dats the best I've seen him/her in ages,it's hard to believe there dead.

Tokyo · 25-08-2014 03:09PM

comongethappy wrote: »

Closed coffins at funerals are more common here than elsewhere I thought.

Other than a couple of exceptions where the injuries causing death required a closed casket, every funeral I've attended in Ireland has been open casket, and a viewing where pretty much anyone who knew the family came along to pay respects. I would imagine that it's pretty commonplace across the country...

DrumSteve · 25-08-2014 03:09PM

I seen a couple at funerals for friends and people I knew... it's never nice.

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 03:10PM

Riskymove wrote: »

I don't think I have ever seen an open coffin at a funeral

it only really happens if there is a wake or if reposing at a funeral home etc

so it's usually family and close friends only

I disagree. Pretty much universal (always exceptions of course) in this part of the world (Munster).

LizzieJones · 25-08-2014 03:10PM

comongethappy wrote: »

Closed coffins at funerals are more common here than elsewhere I thought.

I wish they were here. Been to 4 funerals myself and all of them were open coffins.

Also when a Pope dies, I don't care much for them parading his dead body around as they did on tv when John Paul II died.

25-08-2014 03:11PM

The first funeral I ever went to was when I was about 16, a girl I went to school with died of an aneurysm. Went to the removal at her house and it was an open coffin. Just as I was leaving I said to my classmates "they made that doll look very like her, didn't they?". I didn't realise it was actually her, thought it was a doll

Haven't really been to many funerals since, thankfully. I don't like the idea of going to a funeral of someone I barely know (friends grandparents, neighbour etc..). I find it a bit bizarre.

KungPao · 25-08-2014 03:11PM

I never understood people wanting to "say goodbye" to somebody by looking at their body.

A person to us is all personality, once they die, they are gone already.

I'd never want my last memory of them to be their lifeless body - that looks very different

From experience, I prefer it this way.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 25-08-2014 03:13PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

Haven't really been to many funerals since, thankfully. I don't like the idea of going to a funeral of someone I barely know (friends grandparents, neighbour etc..). I find it a bit bizarre.

You don't know your friends, grandparents or neighbours? Strange indeed.

kylith · 25-08-2014 03:16PM

I was at an open-coffin funeral a couple of years back. I couldn't get over the feeling that the deceased was about to jump out of the coffin to scare everyone.

Being in the presence of a corpse doesn't bother me. They're only dead, like, they can't hurt you. It's the living you have to watch out for.

Menas · 25-08-2014 03:16PM

I have no problem with an open coffin. I snuck a few mementos in to my dads jacket when he was in his coffin and am glad to have had the chance to do that.

But when I was younger I HATED having to kiss the corpse. Yeuch!

miss no stars · 25-08-2014 03:17PM

Adeline Red Chessboard wrote: »

You don't know your friends, grandparents or neighbours? Strange indeed.

While an inverted comma was missing, the meaning is all there in the comma.

The Backwards Man · 25-08-2014 03:19PM

Massive social occasions in Donegal since the decline of the pubs, marts, and bingo. Weddings, funerals and the district court are the only big days out left

I Heart Internet · 25-08-2014 03:20PM

Trigger Happy wrote: »

I have no problem with an open coffin. I snuck a few mementos in to my dads jacket when he was in his coffin and am glad to have had the chance to do that.

That's nice. I can understand that!

Trigger Happy wrote: »

But when I was younger I HATED having to kiss the corpse. Yeuch!

Yeah, that's something I've never had to do. If it was someone I was very close to (God forbid) then I'd probably think differently, but I avoid it for others.

KungPao · 25-08-2014 03:24PM

Kiss a corpse?
Good grief! That's something I have never done.

I did instinctively touch the hand of a relation while laid out, the coldness of it is unpleasant. Won't be doing it again.

Buona Fortuna · 25-08-2014 03:26PM

mike_ie wrote: »

Other than a couple of exceptions where the injuries causing death required a closed casket, every funeral I've attended in Ireland has been open casket, and a viewing where pretty much anyone who knew the family came along to pay respects. I would imagine that it's pretty commonplace across the country...

Yes, except my wife's great aunt who died last year. "I don't want all those feckin eejits gawping at me"

Closed coffin

KungPao · 25-08-2014 03:28PM

OSI wrote: »

Funerals tend to take a lot longer in the UK to. Not uncommon for 2-3 weeks to pass between the person dying and the funeral happening. Where as it's strange for 3 days to pass here. I'd imagine that at 3 weeks, a corpse isn't really something you should have an open viewing for.

A body looks different once the blood runs cold, imagine after a few weeks...
I was at a funeral in a hot country before, dead and buried inside 24 hours.

darkdubh · 25-08-2014 03:29PM

Adeline Red Chessboard wrote: »

You don't know your friends, grandparents or neighbours? Strange indeed.

I think the poster meant grandparents of friends,at least that show I read it.

Riskymove · 25-08-2014 03:32PM

I Heart Internet wrote: »

I disagree. Pretty much universal (always exceptions of course) in this part of the world (Munster).

well, in everyone I've been at (all around Ireland) the casket is closed in the funeral home or house before going to Church

I can't think of any open casket in a church

so I guess the practice differs

Wellyd · 25-08-2014 03:33PM

I cannot understand the obsession with people sitting around open coffins at wakes. It freaks me out. I always refuse to go into a room if I know the coffin is open. I never want my last memory of a person to be that of them lying dead in a coffin. My boyfriend is extremely religious and he literally loves wakes which I find very strange for someone in their mid 20s. A close relation of his died by suicide a few years ago and he sat with him from the time he was brought back to the house until the funeral mass. I just preferred to remember the person falling out of the chair drunk in our house a few months before his death. It's really a sticking point for us because he always tells me I'm ignorant for not going into a wake room to the open coffin. He thinks it's disrespectful to the bereaved family. But surely people have to understand that not everyone is comfortable with dead bodies.

ballsymchugh · 25-08-2014 03:33PM

OSI wrote: »

Funerals tend to take a lot longer in the UK to. Not uncommon for 2-3 weeks to pass between the person dying and the funeral happening. Where as it's strange for 3 days to pass here. I'd imagine that at 3 weeks, a corpse isn't really something you should have an open viewing for.

with embalming, the corpse is going to look the same whether dead 2 days or 3 weeks. i wasn't really commenting on the time though, just the complete abhorrence they show regarding me having been to plenty of open coffin wakes, while some of them have never been to a funeral at all.

sbsquarepants · 25-08-2014 03:33PM

I don't see what the big deal is regarding a seeing a dead body, it's not going to bite you! I just don't get the squeamishness connected to it, for the most part it looks the same as when they where alive.

Our reaction to dead bodies

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