Are peopel still living like that

18-08-2014 06:05PM #1

Was interested in going out to something cultural so I looked at the offering from the local arts centre came across a one man theatrical performance of The great hunger by Patrice Kavanagh.

.. The Great Hunger's protagonist is bachelor farmer Patrick Maguire who has spent years at his mother’s beck and call. When she finally dies aged 91, he himself is 65 and has missed the boat in terms of finding a wife and having a family of his own, a source of acute sorrow and regret to him.

Sounds nice and miserable, that poem was composed in the 1940s, anyway do you think there are people still living like that and if so do you blame the mother or the son for getting locked in to a life like that, or had the internet and the choices of modem life freed everyone to live the life they want.

Nemeses · 18-08-2014 06:06PM

It's Life.

Whatcha gonna do?

fleet_admiral · 18-08-2014 06:08PM

Ever been to Dolphins Barn on Dublin's southside op? Its like walking onto the set of Angelas Ashes

Lapin · 18-08-2014 06:08PM

Peopel are strange.

Nodin · 18-08-2014 06:10PM

fleet_admiral wrote: »

Ever been to Dolphins Barn on Dublin's southside op? Its like walking onto the set of Angelas Ashes

Not as bad as it was, in fairness.

Awkward Badger · 18-08-2014 06:15PM

May still happen but far less common now, I think people have ways and means to change their life if they want to do so whereas in the past it would have been much more difficult. I'm not sure if I'd blame either one either. Its just the way life turned out for them, they did what they had to do and only when it changed could the guy reflect on the fact it could have been different. That can happen to anyone in any life even one they are happy in.

Duff · 18-08-2014 06:21PM

Nemeses wrote: »

It's Life.

Whatcha gonna do?

When Hulkamania runs wild on you?

Galwayguy35 · 18-08-2014 06:24PM

I know a guy around here who was in my class in school, he worked for a while but for the last 15 years lives with his parents and only goes to the shop to buy whatever food they need for the week.

His parents would be late 60s/very early 70s and are in good health apart from being a bit odd and he seems to have gotten used to the lifestyle he has now.

18-08-2014 06:24PM

Awkward Badger wrote: »

May still happen but far less common now, I think people have ways and means to change their life if they want to do so whereas in the past it would have been much more difficult. I'm not sure if I'd blame either one either. Its just the way life turned out for them, they did what they had to do and only when it changed could the guy reflect on the fact it could have been different. That can happen to anyone in any life even one they are happy in.

But the protagonist is not happy he got locked in to the life with his mother and than couldn't escape, what about middle aged men who refer to their mother as ..".the mother".. and its often not a joke! in the 1940s it was maybe more understandable but anyone still locked in to a relationship like that today when in theory we have all the choice in the world.

Nodin · 18-08-2014 06:32PM

mariaalice wrote: »

But the protagonist is not happy he got locked in to the life with his mother and than couldn't escape, what about middle aged men who refer to their mother as ..".the mother".. and its often not a joke! in the 1940s it was maybe more understandable but anyone still locked in to a relationship like that today when in theory we have all the choice in the world.

I highlighted the thing there.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 18-08-2014 06:33PM

mariaalice wrote: »

what about middle aged men who refer to their mother as ..".the mother".. and its often not a joke!

What?

dgt · 18-08-2014 06:34PM

Lapin wrote: »

Peopel are strange.

Must be a Ukrainian activist

takamichinoku · 18-08-2014 06:41PM

Old Ireland had a fierce fixation on land. My dad's brothers were shipped off to care for auld ones so they'd inherit their land when they die. In two of the cases, the ones lived for about 20 more years; in one of those cases, she gave the land to another person and never thought to mention it. There's a lot of fellas of that generation who got tossed into situations like that, some at very young ages, and just never had any opportunity to do anything else.

It still happens today a good bit but usually only if one of the parents gets sick at a young age. Most of the time, due to health standards improving and what have you, these young lads will get a fair bit of freedom to live a bit in their 20s outside of the summertime.

Regarding how people "have ways and means to change their life if they want to do so"; while that's true, in a lot of cases there's a lot of sentimentality and emotional blackmail involved in keeping them there or even preventing them from scaling down to facilitate it. Very few of the ones I can think of would have considered staying there a choice as much a thing that was thrust upon them.

Jimminy Mc Fukhead · 18-08-2014 06:48PM

These type of characters that inspired Kavanagh's fictional version were probably hiding from the world or life. It's not like they would otherwise be gregarious, popular community leaders with a broad social network and a 10/10 wife three delightful children - all except they were "locked" (?) into this unnatural lifestyle. Typically this type might be a misfit anyway and to fit in somewhere might join the church or stay at home caring for their folks.

18-08-2014 06:56PM

I'd blame them both for doing what was easy, not what was best.

The mother kept her son as a child, the adult son allowed himself to be kept as a child.

It happens everywhere, and in the final analysis it's not something anyone can change except the players themselves.

18-08-2014 06:56PM

Jimminy Mc Fukhead wrote: »

These type of characters that inspired Kavanagh's fictional version were probably hiding from the world or life. It's not like they would otherwise be gregarious, popular community leaders with a broad social network and a 10/10 wife three delightful children - all except they were "locked" (?) into this unnatural lifestyle. Typically this type might be a misfit anyway and to fit in somewhere might join the church or stay at home caring for their folks.

But what about today, so anyone choosing to stay with "the mother" often with on going battles over minor issues are doing it because they were odd and or soft in the first place.

Awkward Badger · 18-08-2014 07:02PM

mariaalice wrote: »

But the protagonist is not happy he got locked in to the life with his mother and than couldn't escape, what about middle aged men who refer to their mother as ..".the mother".. and its often not a joke! in the 1940s it was maybe more understandable but anyone still locked in to a relationship like that today when in theory we have all the choice in the world.

It doesn't matter whether he's happy or not imo, it only matters how he views it looking back. But neither himself nor "the mother" were to blame for simply living the life that they found themselves in. Its only upon the death of the mother and the dramatic change in his life that he faces the reality that life has passed him by and he never did the things he wanted to do in life. That could be the case even in a life that someone wasn't unhappy with. Once faced with turning point they look back and realise the life they have lived wasn't the one they would have liked it to be.

In theory people have a choice but in reality the choice may be too hard to make for some and easier to continue on going through the motions and living a life that you may not want to live. I'm sure there are some too who wouldn't think a life caring for their mother to be one which was necessarily wasted. Some could take the view that even if its a life which they would not chose for themselves they did what they had to do.

18-08-2014 07:05PM

mariaalice wrote: »

But the protagonist is not happy he got locked in to the life with his mother and than couldn't escape

It was a choice he made. There's always a choice, even if they can be very hard ones, or made by default.

It didn't just happen, it happened because he either offered no resistance or not enough resistance. There were two of them locked into that relationship, two people and two minds making their own choices.

Mr. CooL ICE · 18-08-2014 07:09PM

Seeyyyymour!

homemadecider · 18-08-2014 07:11PM

Seymour, the house is on fire!

dgt · 18-08-2014 07:13PM

No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights

kowloon · 18-08-2014 07:20PM

Irish equivalent of this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

Turtyturd · 18-08-2014 07:26PM

The shocking thing for me is that there are parents who expect that from their children. I have no intention of looking after my parents when they reach a certain age, and would never expect my kids to give up a portion of their lives due to me.

MistyCheese · 18-08-2014 07:31PM

That's why I kicked my son out of the house when he reached the age of 12. 'You're 12 now, Miguel,' I reminded him. "Time to get out into the world. Off to secondary school with you, don't forget your lunch.'

steddyeddy · 18-08-2014 07:32PM

mariaalice wrote: »

Was interested in going out to something cultural so I looked at the offering from the local arts centre came across a one man theatrical performance of The great hunger by Patrice Kavanagh.

.. The Great Hunger's protagonist is bachelor farmer Patrick Maguire who has spent years at his mother’s beck and call. When she finally dies aged 91, he himself is 65 and has missed the boat in terms of finding a wife and having a family of his own, a source of acute sorrow and regret to him.

Sounds nice and miserable, that poem was composed in the 1940s, anyway do you think there are people still living like that and if so do you blame the mother or the son for getting locked in to a life like that, or had the internet and the choices of modem life freed everyone to live the life they want.

Yes there most certainly are.

Firefox11 · 18-08-2014 07:34PM

Still pretty common in rural Ireland of today. You would have a middle aged son taking care of elderly parents while also tending to a busy farm (which is about close to a 24/7 job you can get.) Know a few people like that.

You cant just up sticks and abandon people like that!!

DoozerT6 · 18-08-2014 07:36PM

Firefox11 wrote: »

Still pretty common in rural Ireland of today. You would have a middle aged son taking care of elderly parents while also tending to a busy farm (which is about close to a 24/7 job you can get.) Know a few people like that.

My cousin does this. But he seems happy enough, he loves the farming lifestyle. I'd safely say he's never even spoken to a woman, let alone gone on a date, though.....

Barely There · 18-08-2014 07:49PM

MistyCheese wrote: »

That's why I kicked my son out of the house when he reached the age of 12. 'You're 12 now, Miguel,' I reminded him. "Time to get out into the world. Off to secondary school with you, don't forget your lunch.'

I did similar with mine, sent him up the mountains in just his jocks and a sharpened stick.

Hey, it worked for the Spartans.

Firefox11 · 18-08-2014 08:07PM

DoozerT6 wrote: »

My cousin does this. But he seems happy enough, he loves the farming lifestyle. I'd safely say he's never even spoken to a woman, let alone gone on a date, though.....

Yes. It's more of a lifestyle than anything that is selfish or malicious I find. 'It's in the Blood' as they would say.

WilyCoyote · 18-08-2014 11:54PM

Yes. I once saw a couple on TV from Royston Vasey. Very odd family. Do they count?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YImpW8f6jM

Nib · 18-08-2014 11:57PM

I work with a guy like that. He's an odd fellow but he does steam a good ham.

Are peopel still living like that

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