Thank you cards-are they expected?

Tarzana · 10-08-2014 12:56PM

DanDublin1982 wrote: »

Can't honestly remember if I've gotten one or not. I wouldn't rank them as highly important myself.

Not everyone who attends weddings cares about them, but a lot do. So those who don't care about them can just toss them aside, no harm done.

Ice Storm · 10-08-2014 01:55PM

I haven't received thank you cards from a couple of weddings I attended and it does bother me.

In one case, I would've liked an acknowledgement that my gift was received as I handed the card to a bridesmaid. Sometimes I wonder if it was mislaid and they think I was rude not to give a gift!

Another friend thanked me verbally and a number of times mentioned that she must get around to sending out thank you cards. That was a few years ago and no sign of any card.

Now fair enough, she thanked me, I've no issues with that. What irks me about it though is that in the run up to her wedding she discussed many minute details of the wedding with me (I have very little interest in wedding planning!), down to asking my advice on the layout / font of the invitations. Then she meticulously added decorations to the invites by hand and was super excited when sending them out.

She bought thank you cards at the same time she got the invites but it seems like she ran out of steam once the wedding was over and just couldn't be arsed!

jlm29 · 10-08-2014 02:31PM

happypants wrote: »

I've always got one from weddings I've been to, I didn't expect it so it was actually lovely to be acknowledged.

Slightly off topic but we had a baby two months ago, we got gifts from all over the place, neighbours of grandparents and people I really wasn't expecting! it was amazing and touching. I sent framed printed photos with messages on to close friends, some canvas' with baby to grandparents. I sent texts to most and made sure to meet and thank everyone personally but I'm considering when I have time to send off thank you cards to everyone. It's been two months but I've had my hands full! I really think it's a nice thing to do. Is it expected with the birth of a baby or am I giving myself more work?!

I would send cards. It's nice for people to get an acknowledgement of their generosity. If you can get the ones printed with a baby photo on the front, then you can get a message printed inside so you literally only have to address the envelopes!

secondrowgal · 10-08-2014 02:55PM

Ice Storm wrote: »

I haven't received thank you cards from a couple of weddings I attended and it does bother me.

In one case, I would've liked an acknowledgement that my gift was received as I handed the card to a bridesmaid. Sometimes I wonder if it was mislaid and they think I was rude not to give a gift!

Another friend thanked me verbally and a number of times mentioned that she must get around to sending out thank you cards. That was a few years ago and no sign of any card.

Now fair enough, she thanked me, I've no issues with that. What irks me about it though is that in the run up to her wedding she discussed many minute details of the wedding with me (I have very little interest in wedding planning!), down to asking my advice on the layout / font of the invitations. Then she meticulously added decorations to the invites by hand and was super excited when sending them out.

She bought thank you cards at the same time she got the invites but it seems like she ran out of steam once the wedding was over and just couldn't be arsed!

This is exactly why I think that anyone who gets a gift sends a card, but particularly wedding gifts as it's quite common not to hand it to the intended recipients, often given to Best Man, Bridesmaids, etc., and often cash. So it's good to know it got there!

TGalwayGal · 10-08-2014 04:40PM

Thank you cards are a must. I know from my own experiences and from speaking to others, that it doesn't go unnoticed when couples don't bother to send them. I think it's lazy and makes the couples look ungrateful. People spend a lot of money going to weddings these days, often up to €1,000 + per couple if both were were to attend stag / hen or stay over night at the venue etc. given this, i think the least the couple could do is send a thank you card, note, email etc.

JillyQ · 10-08-2014 04:51PM

TGalwayGal wrote: »

Thank you cards are a must. I know from my own experiences and from speaking to others, that it doesn't go unnoticed when couples don't bother to send them. I think it's lazy and makes the couples look ungrateful. People spend a lot of money going to weddings these days, often up to €1,000 + per couple if both were were to attend stag / hen or stay over night at the venue etc. given this, i think the least the couple could do is send a thank you card, note, email etc.

The last wedding I was at was a family wedding over Christmas there was five from my family at it between us all it cost about €2500 between accommodation gifts etc I actually handed the gifts to family member who was getting married not so much as one word of thanks. I was dumbfounded to say the least.

tayto lover · 10-08-2014 05:24PM

JillyQ wrote: »

Its very rude not to send them. In my opinion shows a real lack of basic manners on the bride & grooms side.

I want my money back too.

Addle · 10-08-2014 06:22PM

secondrowgal wrote: »

This is exactly why I think that anyone who gets a gift sends a card, but particularly wedding gifts as it's quite common not to hand it to the intended recipients, often given to Best Man, Bridesmaids, etc., and often cash. So it's good to know it got there!

I do wonder in a couple of instances whether the bride and groom ever got my card.

I've got a couple of thank you for attending/help cards from friends when I hadn't even given them a gift yet!

To not send a thank you card is very disrespectful to your guests IMO.

amdublin · 10-08-2014 06:38PM

They are an absolute must.

I've never gone to a wedding/given a gift and not got one :eek:

seamus · 10-08-2014 09:58PM

Yeah, we sent ours and afaik we've received one for every wedding we went to.

We got married in the September and sent ours out with the Xmas cards, and we thought we were late until we found out that my brother who had gotten married in May sent their thank-yous out with their Xmas cards...

ABajaninCork · 10-08-2014 09:59PM

I think it's a general malaise these days. It's amazing how many people can stand there with their hands out (be it birthdays, weddings, christenings and new babies), but the words 'Thank You' do not appear to be part of their vocabulary.

I think it's beyond rude not to even acknowledge that the gift was received! I remember a cousin of mine got married in Barbados. We sent a very generous cash gift. We know the money was received as we sent it Western Union, and got word it was picked up (toute suite of course!!), but no Thank You. My mother was so mad, she called my aunt and gave her a dressing down!! I got a card from the wife along with some photos to give my mother within the week!

My next door neighbour's daughter had a baby. We went over with some vouchers as a gift. The Mum sent us a lovely photocard of the baby thanking us for the gift, which was a very nice touch and very unexpected.

We sent ours out about six weeks after we married. What we did was to make of list of who gave what, so that we could make reference to it in the card, and try to personalise it a bit. One of our guests even sent us a Thank You card thanking us for inviting him and telling us he had a lovely time. I kept that card.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 10-08-2014 10:56PM

It astounds me the pig ignorance of some people who don't bother sending out thank you cards. It's not uncommon unfortunately. Go into any of the known wedding websites and this question comes up again and again on the discussion boards.

The night after our wedding we made a list of gifts and sent a personalised note with each thank you card. A couple of people didn't give/haven't yet given a gift. They got a note thanking them for coming, etc.

I really don't see why there is any question over this.

CaraMay · 11-08-2014 08:39AM

Only once we haven't received a thank you card and that sticks in my craw. The couple have a 4000sq ft house on a golf course and held their wedding there. They just had family for food which was fine but because the girl was a good friend I got them a very substantial voucher and got not a word of thanks. Very rude.

er1983 · 11-08-2014 08:43AM

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

Hi,
I've been a guest to many a wedding at this stage and to be honest I'm shocked at not getting a thank you card from the bride and groom at quite a few of these weddings.
I always thought it was customary to send a thank you card, especially when people go out of their way to perhaps take a day off work, travel to and from your wedding, pay for hotels and usually give a substantial gift.
Am I wrong in thinking that it's only a bit of manners to send a thank
You for that?
If someone was to come to my house for dinner or something I make it my business to at least text them and say thank you .
I dunno, I'm just feeling aggrieved that I've usually given up on 100pps as a gift at these weddings and haven't gotten as much as a thank you.
Also, what is the usual length of time a thank you card is sent? 3 months? A year?

Me & my husband sent them out. I think it's very very rude not to. People go out if there way to take a day off work, possibly spend money on new outfit hair makeup plus giving you a very very generous gift. How people in their right mind think it's ok to not send them is beyond me, very rude & ignorant

LynnGrace · 11-08-2014 08:45AM

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I think it's a general malaise these days. It's amazing how many people can stand there with their hands out (be it birthdays, weddings, christenings and new babies), but the words 'Thank You' do not appear to be part of their vocabulary.

I think it's beyond rude not to even acknowledge that the gift was received! I remember a cousin of mine got married in Barbados. We sent a very generous cash gift. We know the money was received as we sent it Western Union, and got word it was picked up (toute suite of course!!), but no Thank You. My mother was so mad, she called my aunt and gave her a dressing down!! I got a card from the wife along with some photos to give my mother within the week!

My next door neighbour's daughter had a baby. We went over with some vouchers as a gift. The Mum sent us a lovely photocard of the baby thanking us for the gift, which was a very nice touch and very unexpected.

We sent ours out about six weeks after we married. What we did was to make of list of who gave what, so that we could make reference to it in the card, and try to personalise it a bit. One of our guests even sent us a Thank You card thanking us for inviting him and telling us he had a lovely time. I kept that card.

Agreed. It's such a small thing to do, to send a card, and it means a lot.

When it comes to birthday gifts etc, when you haven't seen the recipient, a simple text would be nice, to acknowledge that the gift has been received, and appreciated.

Milly33 · 11-08-2014 10:06AM

All weddings I went to did send them but then I wouldn't be too fussed if I didn't get one either.. It is nice and we will be sending them as tis the thing to do but I wouldn't be put out if I didn't get one

ABajaninCork · 11-08-2014 12:05PM

The weddings I've been to, I have to say I've always got Thank You cards. TBH - I was surprised to read that some people don't get them. But when it comes to birthdays, christenings and the like, people seem to forget their manners...

That's why I no longer send birthday gifts to my nephews and nieces. Not one of them had the manners to thank me. Two of them when younger used to call me to thank me and one niece used to write Thank You notes. Now that the mothers aren't looking over their shoulders, they seem to think they needn't bother!!

Milly33 · 11-08-2014 12:35PM

haha oh it would be nice wouldn't it if kids did send thank yous. I was laughing at my two nephews the last time I gave them a gift when I went to see them, Little fella didn't talk to me for the day when I was leaving until he piped up asking did I really get them the gift and if so could I maybe think of getting this one next time..haha scutt

lolly28 · 11-08-2014 03:06PM

I think its nice to receive a thank you especially for wedding's when a lot of money is spent. I know that my parents really appreciate it as they usually give a generous gift.

Sala · 11-08-2014 03:27PM

I think they are a good idea as I'm always worried our card got lost (or robbed!)

bee06 · 11-08-2014 04:05PM

Sala wrote: »

I think they are a good idea as I'm always worried our card got lost (or robbed!)

Yeah, I worry the same. Until a got married it never occurred to me to give the card before or after the wedding but a few people did that for us and it's a lot safer.

I'll definitely being doing thank you cards. It's a small thing to organise really but it's since gesture when people have been so generous with their time and presents.

Berty · 11-08-2014 04:12PM

The cost involved in sending Thank you Cards is not much compared to the amount of money/gifts collectively the couple receive and/or the cummulative cost of the entire wedding.

We've worked out it will cost us about 67c per person + stamp to send a personal thank you card.

Uriel. · 11-08-2014 04:28PM

I think it would be very rude not to send one.
I can't a recall a single wedding I've been at where I haven't received one.

When we got engaged earlier in the year our parents threw an engagement party for us - and about 30 people or so came along, all with engagement gifts, which we really didn't expect or want - by the end of the week we had sent thank you cards to everyone.

Scarinae · 11-08-2014 09:39PM

I went to a wedding a few years ago where I got the thank you card about six months later, and they had included prints of some of their official photos that had me in them (a group photo of all the guests, one from the table, me with some friends etc). I thought it was a really lovely touch!

lukesmom · 11-08-2014 10:08PM

Oops I didn't send thank you cards. Thanked everybody personally though. My cousin sent thank you cards and got phone calls thanking her for the thank you cards. Where does it end???

emuhead · 11-08-2014 10:33PM

Have always received thank you cards after weddings. As bridesmaid for my sister I did an excel spreadsheet of messages in cards as my sister got a lot of cards on the day, some with cash in them and some accompanying actual presents. As most had just first names on them my sister wanted to make sure that she was thanking the right person for her crystal etc. It was done the day after the wedding and my sister wrote the cards the two days after. We posted them from Ireland while she was on honeymoon

I think I may have gone too far with the spreadsheet though :pac:

Teyla Emmagan · 11-08-2014 10:46PM

emuhead wrote: »

Have always received thank you cards after weddings. As bridesmaid for my sister I did an excel spreadsheet of messages in cards as my sister got a lot of cards on the day, some with cash in them and some accompanying actual presents. As most had just first names on them my sister wanted to make sure that she was thanking the right person for her crystal etc. It was done the day after the wedding and my sister wrote the cards the two days after. We posted them from Ireland while she was on honeymoon

I think I may have gone too far with the spreadsheet though :pac:

No, that is amazing! You can remember forever who gave you what. I love organised people, kudos

CaraMay · 11-08-2014 10:57PM

lukesmom wrote: »

Oops I didn't send thank you cards. Thanked everybody personally though. My cousin sent thank you cards and got phone calls thanking her for the thank you cards. Where does it end???

It ends when the guests receive a thank you card.

cactusgal · 12-08-2014 12:44AM

CaraMay wrote: »

It ends when the guests receive a thank you card.

This. It just baffles me when people willingly follow all of the traditions of holding a wedding (sending invitations, clothing, ceremony, meal, etc), but then just choose not to include the tradition of sending a proper thank you to their guests.

ronn · 12-08-2014 12:56AM

We had cameras on the tables and put the photos of the people into there cards,
Think it's miserable of people not to give a thank you card,

Thank you cards-are they expected?

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