Waiting until Marriage.

marcus2000 · 05-08-2014 09:34AM

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a devout Catholic and I am also a Romantic

I understand the devout Catholic being a reason to wait, but personally I don't think losing your virginity is romantic, particularly if it's scheduled for a particular date.

You should be with the person you love, intimately, when the time is right...or at least when it feels right, whenever that is.....And it's probably far more romantic once the first couple of times are out of the way

The Corinthian · 05-08-2014 10:04AM

creolebelle wrote: »

What can be more satisfying than exploring sex with a person you'll be with for life.

Exploring sex with a person you'll be with for life and finding it's great.

Exploring sex with a person you'll be with for life and finding it's crap tends to be a lot less satisfying.

If both partners have slept with everyone and have done everything than sex might end up losing some of its novelty.

It'll lose it's novelty anyway. All you'll have gained is a few years at best, which is nothing in the context of a lifelong commitment.

Yes I am catholic and many of my friends both male and female are saving themselves for marriage

Live and let live. If that's what you choose, what floats your boat, then good for you.

But I have to ask; one of the great things about Catholicism is the sacrament of confession. You can still have sex before marriage and be forgiven.

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 10:16AM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Have you ever broken up with a partner because you were sexually incompatible?

I have. 1.5 year relationship.

I'm surprised that people think that, just because there's a mutual attraction there, sexual compatibility is guaranteed. This is definitely NOT always the case. I've been with a guy who I found incredibly sexy outside the bedroom, but when it got to doing the deed, it was a damp squib.

And you can talk about it until the cows come home, but that doesn't guarantee that it will translate to the bedroom.

OP I personally think you're missing out on a lot by waiting, I don't understand why you would want to deprive yourself of something so wonderful. Also, just curious, would you just hold off on full intercourse? What about other sexual things? Where do you draw the line?

I actually just read a really interesting article before even spotting this thread, written by a Christian woman who waited until her wedding night before having sex, and how much she regrets it.

http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge

Un Croissant · 05-08-2014 10:23AM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

You can see a man's physical shape before marrying him.

You can easily tell if a man is overweight, athletic, slim etc

yeah that's what she meant by shape....

Or maybe it's just me..

AlexisM · 05-08-2014 10:58AM

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

How do you define a virgins sex drive?

creolebelle wrote: »

Hmm good question. Speaking from experience it's the frequency of the "urge"

More likely, it's the frequency between urges that have been relieved. If your religion precludes from relieving urges, frequent urges are more likely from frustration than a high sex drive...

Nichololas · 05-08-2014 11:48AM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Thanks

I see your point but I have said that I would
1) Have a high sex drive
2) Do anything for my future wife.

Surely if I met a woman similar to me then there would be no sexless marriage. Also if we loved each other the sex couldn't be bad.

1) You're 20, still basically a teenager and chock-full of hormones. I guarantee you that in a few years when that's levelled off somewhat you'll probably find that you don't have quite as high a sex-drive as you thought you did.

2) What if all your wife wants to do is peg you every night for the next 40 years? Or conversely - and possible given your target group - she decides that she doesn't really like sex all that much and will only have sex for procreation? Sex is not just about 'doing anything' for someone (unless you're really submissive in bed), but also about enjoying yourself and letting someone else enjoy you - no amount of romantic novels and frank conversations can actually substitute for experience in this and by assuming that 'oh but we love each other' is enough you are basically rolling the dice on having a happy, fulfilling life (of which sex is a part of).

3) You're arguing from complete ignorance and naivety. The vast majority of people who've replied in this thread and avoided the religious aspect have told you this is not a great idea. If you're not prepared to accept the answers don't keep asking the same question. People should not be attacking your Catholicism, but if you're not prepared to actually consider the alternatives because of your religious beliefs then why even ask in the first place?

eyescreamcone · 05-08-2014 11:52AM

As a devout Catholic are the following also ruled out?
Blow job
Hand shandy
Anal sex
Masturbation

BeerWolf · 05-08-2014 11:56AM

Moments like these, people like the OP, arranged marriages are a blessing :pac:

Pablodreamsofnew · 05-08-2014 12:16PM

Well, as a person who grew up in a 'cult' and sex before marriage was banned, I can give you my experience of it.

I left the 'cult' because most people I knew just married for the sake of sex.
I think that sex is important, because not every couple are sexually compatible.
I did have sex when I wasn't meant to and I'm glad personally that I did because I found out what I wanted. However I do know couples who have waited and they are happily married.

It's really frustrating to be in a relationship and wait. It can put a lot of strain on the relationship and it can make 'sex' this big issue when it isn't. Also think of the pressure to preform on the wedding night.

AlexisM · 05-08-2014 12:27PM

I'm also struggling with the OP's view that he can learn so much in advance by talking through the ins and outs (pardon the pun) with his future wife. I can't think of anything more frustrating than having the person I loved sitting next to me telling me her desires, wants, likes, dislikes etc. and not being able to do anything about it there and then... It would like watching porn for hours and not being able to get any release. I don't know how a hot-blooded young male with a high sex drive could cope with that TBH.

petes · 05-08-2014 12:29PM

I'm never getting married but if I was going to and waited to have sex until after I'd say I'd be like Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump feeling a tit for the first time!

ellejay · 05-08-2014 12:46PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a devout Catholic and I am also a Romantic

Hi Op
Just wondering, why do you think it's romantic not to have sex?

Do you think it's romantic or do you think a girlfriend will think you're being romantic?

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 12:54PM

Un Croissant wrote: »

yeah that's what she meant by shape....

Or maybe it's just me..

If it's not she should say what she means. A man's shape does not equal the shape of his penis. If that's what she want wants to say then take off the training wheels and speak like an adult.

Philo Beddoe · 05-08-2014 01:03PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

If it's not she should say what she means. A man's shape does not equal the shape of his penis. If that's what she want wants to say then take off the training wheels and speak like an adult.

Because adults never use euphemisms or speak in figurative language?

The Corinthian · 05-08-2014 01:12PM

ellejay wrote: »

Just wondering, why do you think it's romantic not to have sex?

It's probably related to the nineteenth century interpretation of romanticism, as something spiritual, beyond base appetites, where one would happily sacrifice themselves for the object of their affections. In this model of love, it's is not tied to sex or sexual attraction and transcends physical or worldly interests, making it a pure and 'clean' emotion.

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

Because adults never use euphemisms or speak in figurative language?

Depends upon what they wish to ejaculate.

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 01:19PM

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

Because adults never use euphemisms or speak in figurative language?

Who said they don't? but it's clearly the case of someone afraid to state explicitly their thoughts thus making their statement ambiguous.

catallus · 05-08-2014 01:21PM

It isn't ambiguous at all. She is clearly saying she likes big cocks!

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 01:25PM

catallus wrote: »

It isn't ambiguous at all. She is clearly saying she likes big cocks!

If she was saying she likes big cock she should have just said that, saying that she needs to know the shape of a man is ridiculous. Just say that you need to know the shape of the penis. Are some people just afraid to say the word penis.

catallus · 05-08-2014 01:30PM

Not a fan of discretion, are you? It's nothing to do with fear, it's about communication!

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 01:33PM

catallus wrote: »

Not a fan of discretion, are you? It's nothing to do with fear, it's about communication!

Why do you need "discretion"? I have a low opinion of anyone who can't just say what a on their mind directly.

catallus · 05-08-2014 01:40PM

"Low Opinion"?

That sounds like fancy talk to me.

Insect Overlord · 05-08-2014 01:55PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

Why do you need "discretion"? I have a low opinion of anyone who can't just say what a on their mind directly.

That's what the Sex & Sexuality forum is for. After Hours wasn't supposed to be quite so explicit.

A Primal Nut · 05-08-2014 02:00PM

Wibbs wrote: »

It seems that sexual freedom means it's fine, even laudable to shag as many people as possible and that's being true to yourself, but deciding to not to is considered a defect? To me freedom means just that, freedom to make the choices you want to make and if you want to wait then do so.

Ah yeah he's certainly free to do so, but doesn't mean we shouldn't try to convince him otherwise for his own good. I certainly have no moral objection to it or anything.

But OP, when you are lying on your deathbed, would you prefer to look back and think "wow, I had a crazy time in my twenties that was great" or "wow, I'm so happy I saved myself till marriage" - which is more likely? Outside of religious considerations (please don't waste your one life for organised religion), I think you would prefer the former.

05-08-2014 02:02PM

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Ah yeah he's certainly free to do so, but doesn't mean we shouldn't try to convince him otherwise for his own good. I certainly have no moral objection to it or anything.

You can't presume it's for his own good either. Just because you or I might personally find it too challenging or regret it or whatever, doesn't mean the same is true for him.

Anyway, it's not like he can't change his mind if his situation or views change.

05-08-2014 02:04PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

Why do you need "discretion"? I have a low opinion of anyone who can't just say what a on their mind directly.

So it's ok if you're at dinner in a nice restaurant and someone tells you all about their lice or threadworms or bowel problems?

Discretion is a social skill all adults should employ when appropriate.

Autonomous Cowherd · 05-08-2014 02:09PM

Candie wrote: »

So it's ok if you're at dinner in a nice restaurant and someone tells you all about their lice or threadworms or bowel problems?

Discretion is a social skill all adults should employ when appropriate.

In that case I would save myself for after dessert....

Philo Beddoe · 05-08-2014 02:12PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

If she was saying she likes big cock she should have just said that, saying that she needs to know the shape of a man is ridiculous. Just say that you need to know the shape of the penis. Are some people just afraid to say the word penis.

Is this really something you have an issue with, or are you just annoyed that you may have misunderstood her?

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 02:24PM

Candie wrote: »

So it's ok if you're at dinner in a nice restaurant and someone tells you all about their lice or threadworms or bowel problems?

Discretion is a social skill all adults should employ when appropriate.

Why is "discretion" needed on an Internet forum whereby someone can't say the word penis. Seems more like childishness than discretion to me.

RobertKK · 05-08-2014 02:25PM

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Ah yeah he's certainly free to do so, but doesn't mean we shouldn't try to convince him otherwise for his own good. I certainly have no moral objection to it or anything.

But OP, when you are lying on your deathbed, would you prefer to look back and think "wow, I had a crazy time in my twenties that was great" or "wow, I'm so happy I saved myself till marriage" - which is more likely? Outside of religious considerations (please don't waste your one life for organised religion), I think you would prefer the former.

But one could die with a clear conscience if they lived a life according to their conscience.
I don't think one would be on their deathbed concerned they never had sex if that was the case.
You can't make a judgement by saying one is wasting their life on organised religion, it works very well for some people and is a source of happiness in itself.

Temporal Loop · 05-08-2014 02:26PM

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

Is this really something you have an issue with, or are you just annoyed that you may have misunderstood her?

I dislike the indirectness of it, as if it is shameful to say penis or one's preference for a particular size and shape of penis.

Waiting until Marriage.

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