wedding invitation - "no posting of pic's on social media site's"

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 08:15PM

shewasdiesel wrote: »

Most people don't get Arsebook or Google. To them its just a means of sharing photos and chat. The whole reason these huge corporations carefully conduct and drive people to use "social" media, in the way corporations want it to be used and channelled, is that bulk information is a very valuable commodity, it can be sold and resold and used ad infinitum to sell targeted advertising. All these companies are not in the "social" media business, they are in the commercial information gathering and selling business. Privacy is not in their interest, anyone wishing to be a private person, and not a pawn, is to be scorned by "social" media.

I know all of this, and most people willingly give them that information.

Information they baulk at giving out over the phone when the bank rings them :rolleyes:

amdublin · 03-08-2014 08:25PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I think that's a little unfair. Ya people printed them out and probably showed them to family and friends but it was highly unlikely that it was on a wide scale or that they carried a photo album around with them to show everyone in their acquaintance.

I have yet to meet a person who's brought in an album of wedding photos to work where they were a guest.

People on FB can have hundreds of friends. Some people that they don't even know, some that they know to see but don't ever talk to etc. if you have even 100 people at a wedding that post pictures on Facebook and they have 100 unique friends each ( allowing for the fact that many have friends in common and but also that some people have 500+ friends on Facebook) then the audience for your photos is up on 10000. Easily.

I don't think anywhere like that number will see the photos if they were printed and shown in person to people that your guests personally know.

You also don't get randomers commenting on them online for everyone else to see if they're not online.

I'm a teacher and work in a small town. I could guarantee if I was getting married and even 3 or 4 of my friends posted pictures that the whole town would have seen them within a couple of days including my students. I wouldn't want all those people to have access to that aspect of my personal life or to be commenting on it.

I guess that makes me a spoiled princess.

Seriously I think you are overestimating the power of social media and the appeal of people's wedding photos.

Yes I see some pics my friends have posted or liked on, of their friends weddings, or weddings their friends have attended. Do I care?? Do I give it more than a glance?? Can I tell you anything more about the photos then, yeah the bride looked lovely, yeah the wedding looked lovely.
Big deal!!!!!!!

I do appreciate what you are saying about your occupation. And while I empathise with you, I really think you are being a bit precious. At the end of the day 20 of your students could stand outside the church and see you coming out (heck they could go INTO the church if they wanted to!), being a small town I am sure the word could easily go around when you are getting married (nothing related to social media, just oldfashioned "on the grape vine") and look at you and take a million photos if they wanted.

At the end of the day okay so I empathise with you, but a few students post "ah miss you look lovely", big swing!!!!!

BabysCoffee · 03-08-2014 08:26PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Well if guests have to be told not to post stuff online in order to give the couple privacy I don't think it's the couple's fault that they have to do it.

In the days before social media, it was common enough to see a photo of a bride and groom the local paper. It still happens, but it's not random guests that are putting out there in the media for all to see, it's the couple themselves or the photographer with permission from the couple.

Why should publication of wedding photos be any different. Guests are being invited to a private ceremony, why would they feel aggrieved that they are being asked to respect the couples privacy, and why would that be seen as tacky?

I think its overly indulgent of the bride and groom to think they can make directives like this for their guests to follow. It just feels like that bossy child who you hated playing with you in your childhood - making up their rules just because you happen to be playing with their ball, etc.

IMO it will look tacky and dated in 20 yrs time when they reread their wedding invites.

shewasdiesel · 03-08-2014 08:27PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I know all of this, and most people willingly give them that information.

Information they baulk at giving out over the phone when the bank rings them :rolleyes:

Then bear in mind most of your guests will either not know or not care

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 08:44PM

amdublin wrote: »

I don't know about this...

Like before social media you couldn't exactly dictate who your guests could or couldn't show the photos took.

Just imagine "I see you all have cameras with you and will be developing them after the wedding. So, those photos you take, you're not to show them to anyone I don't know...your mother, your sister, your friends, yeah I don't know them so don't show them photos of me okay"
"Oh and you know the way you generally print them off and put them in a little album and bring them into work to show all our work colleagues, yeah you're not to do that either".

If anyone asks me not to post on fb I don't post...I just don't need the hassle or argument tbh....but do I think you have some cheek, and think you're a being a spoiled princess, damn straight I do.

I don't know what kind of weddings you attended before the advent of the smartphone/Facebook phenomena, but the ones I attended you bought a 24 role of film, struggled to put it in your camera, bought batteries for the flash, trotted off to the wedding, were VERY care full which pics you took cos you had to pay to have them developed.
So you had a couple outside the church when the bride arrived, hardly any in the church cos even with the flash it was still too dark and the rest at the reception, cutting the cake, first dance, going away outfit etc.
About a week later someone would say" Have you any pics of Maureen and Seamus,'s wedding?" So you'd leave the film into the chemist and a week later you'd go in and get them out. And show your mother.
There's a big difference in that and a blurry red eyed bride and a sweaty groom signing the register accompanied by a crying snot nosed page boy appearing on Facebook in real time.

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 08:44PM

amdublin wrote: »

Seriously I think you are overestimating the power of social media and the appeal of people's wedding photos.

Yes I see some pics my friends have posted or liked on, of their friends weddings, or weddings their friends have attended. Do I care?? Do I give it more than a glance?? Can I tell you anything more about the photos then, yeah the bride looked lovely, yeah the wedding looked lovely.
Big deal!!!!!!!

I do appreciate what you are saying about your occupation. And while I empathise with you, I really think you are being a bit precious. At the end of the day 20 of your students could stand outside the church and see you coming out (heck they could go INTO the church if they wanted to!), being a small town I am sure the word could easily go around when you are getting married (nothing related to social media, just oldfashioned "on the grape vine") and look at you and take a million photos if they wanted.

At the end of the day okay so I empathise with you, but a few students post "ah miss you look lovely", big swing!!!!!

Well if there's no appeal for people's wedding photos why are you put out about being asked not to put them up then? Why put them up in the first place?

I can assure you I am far from precious. However, I like to leave my private life outside the classroom insofar as is possible. Because a simple comment from a student saying 'I liked your dress' leads to another spanner throwing out comments like 'ya, I saw photos of you when you fell over on the dance floor drunk'. Not true, but it's more fun to believe it than not and wastes time in class. Accepting a positive comment from a student about your personal life also means you are receptive to any sort of comment and that usually leads to insults.

Bored teenagers do look up their teachers on FB, i've had numerous friend requests over the years (as have my colleagues) and they do like to try and find people in common so they can nose through our lives and see what they can find out so they can bring it up in class. This doesn't just apply to weddings. Most teachers I know have their privacy settings on lockdown and a lot have their names in Irish so they can't be easily found. I prefer my private life not to be fodder for teenagers in the classroom. We also don't engage with them on any level on social media as it leads to them thinking that they have a relationship more as a friend than a teacher-student. It's unprofessional and can lead to them being over familiar.

You're right, they could turn up to the church if they happened to be passing by, but they wouldn't have the balls to do it in person. They would be mortified to turn up to a place full of teachers.

amdublin · 03-08-2014 08:49PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I don't know what kind of weddings you attended before the advent of the smartphone/Facebook phenomena, but the ones I attended you bought a 24 role of film, struggled to put it in your camera, bought batteries for the flash, trotted off to the wedding, were VERY care full which pics you took cos you had to pay to have them developed.
So you had a couple outside the church when the bride arrived, hardly any in the church cos even with the flash it was still too dark and the rest at the reception, cutting the cake, first dance, going away outfit etc.
About a week later someone would say" Have you any pics of Maureen and Seamus,'s wedding?" So you'd leave the film into the chemist and a week later you'd go in and get them out. And show your mother.
There's a big difference in that and a blurry red eyed bride and a sweaty groom signing the register accompanied by a crying snot nosed page boy appearing on Facebook in real time.

Oh my gosh they were my exact memories as I wrote my original post!

But my memory was you got them developed as quickly as possible and you brought them into work straight away - particular if the bride worked with you - so while she was on honeymoon all the colleagues could see the pics!

Btw I don't think any of the brides-to-be on here are going to thank you reading your description of what their wedding is going to look like!!!!!!

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 08:52PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I don't know what kind of weddings you attended before the advent of the smartphone/Facebook phenomena, but the ones I attended you bought a 24 role of film, struggled to put it in your camera, bought batteries for the flash, trotted off to the wedding, were VERY care full which pics you took cos you had to pay to have them developed.
So you had a couple outside the church when the bride arrived, hardly any in the church cos even with the flash it was still too dark and the rest at the reception, cutting the cake, first dance, going away outfit etc.
About a week later someone would say" Have you any pics of Maureen and Seamus,'s wedding?" So you'd leave the film into the chemist and a week later you'd go in and get them out. And show your mother.
There's a big difference in that and a blurry red eyed bride and a sweaty groom signing the register accompanied by a crying snot nosed page boy appearing on Facebook in real time.

I think this was every wedding I've been to prior to about 2010-2011. Before everyone and their dog had a smartphone.

I still bring a normal camera to weddings and very rarely come away with more than 5 photos. the camera is usually thrown under the table for the evening or left my room if I'm staying over.

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 08:56PM

amdublin wrote: »

Oh my gosh they were my exact memories as I wrote my original post!

But my memory was you got them developed as quickly as possible and you brought them into work straight away - particular if the bride worked with you - so while she was on honeymoon all the colleagues could see the pics!

Btw I don't think any of the brides-to-be on here are going to thank you reading your description of what their wedding is going to look like!!!!!!

The professional photos taken by the VERY expensive professional photographer will not contain any red eyes or snotty page boys and THATS why the b&g don't want any Facebook warriors ruining the perfect image that will be presented in due time. I don't find it preciuos or princessy at all and I'm usually the first one rolling her eyes and muttering " Oh your Majesty".

amdublin · 03-08-2014 08:59PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Well if there's no appeal for people's wedding photos why are you put out about being asked not to put them up then? Why put them up in the first place?

There's lots of things in life that I don't like. But unfortunately I don't get to control them.

You can only control yourself. If people want to post on fb they are going to do it. So all you can do is protect yourself - as you said put your fb on privacy lockdown, name as gaeilge etc.

Personally I think by you making an issue out of this it is all that it is going to be talked about during the day, or whenever wedding is mentioned.
Auntie Grainne on the day "and what was that big fuss about social media or something or other??"
Your hairdresser "oh yes, you didn't want your pics on fb Mary was telling me?"

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:01PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

The professional photos taken by the VERY expensive professional photographer will not contain any red eyes or snotty page boys and THATS why the b&g don't want any Facebook warriors ruining the perfect image that will be presented in due time. I don't find it preciuos or princessy at all and I'm usually the first one rolling her eyes and muttering " Oh your Majesty".

We'll have to disagree here.

I don't think friends put up bad photos...If anything any photos I see put up are really cute instagrammed photos of the bride looking beautiful.

We're into something different here altogether if the reason the bride doesn't want pics up is because she thinks her friends are going out of their way to post bad pics of her.

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 09:02PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I think this was every wedding I've been to prior to about 2010-2011. Before everyone and their dog had a smartphone.

I still bring a normal camera to weddings and very rarely come away with more than 5 photos. the camera is usually thrown under the table for the evening or left my room if I'm staying over.

That's right, then you had about 9 photos left to take to use up the roll so you could get it developed and you ended up taking pictures of the dog asleep on the sofa or the greenfly infested rosebush outside the front door.Happy days.

BabysCoffee · 03-08-2014 09:03PM

Personally I think putting this request on invitations is in bad taste - it's right up there with asking for money gifts or expecting your guests to pay for their own meal at the wedding. B&Gs don't have the right to dictate these things to their guests.

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:06PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Personally I think putting this request on invitations is in bad taste - it's right up there with asking for money gifts or expecting your guests to pay for their own meal at the wedding. B&G son't have the right to dictate these things to their guests.

I'd agree. You are creating an issue where there may not be an issue.

Personally (and even at this I think it is CRAZY), instead of putting it on invitations I'd just make sure that "the message got out" to the that one person who is a bit flathiulach on fb that you'd prefer if pics weren't put on fb.

But you know, this is going to cause ripples....is it really worth it???

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 09:07PM

amdublin wrote: »

There's lots of things in life that I don't like. But unfortunately I don't get to control them.

You can only control yourself. If people want to post on fb they are going to do it. So all you can do is protect yourself - as you said put your fb on privacy lockdown, name as gaeilge etc.

Personally I think by you making an issue out of this it is all that it is going to be talked about during the day, or whenever wedding is mentioned.
Auntie Grainne on the day "and what was that big fuss about social media or something or other??"
Your hairdresser "oh yes, you didn't want your pics on fb Mary was telling me?"

I'm not actually get married but I have been to a wedding of a friend where one of the groomsmen went up on the alter before the bride arrived and just made a quick announcement and said something like 'the bride and groom aren't fans of social media and would prefer if you don't post pictures of them on FB, twitter etc' and that was it. Everyone just nodded and went 'grand' and no one said a word about it for the rest of the day. Didn't give it a second thought.

On the other hand plenty were talking about the couple who were there with a new baby only a few weeks old, who proceeded to get hammered at the reception, had everyone else minding their baby and the poor thing was on randomers knees or stuck in it's pram for most of the day and subjected to the loud music of band and DJ for the evening. They were still there when we left. That was a bigger talking point than the no photos on FB.

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 09:10PM

amdublin wrote: »

We'll have to disagree here.

I don't think friends put up bad photos...If anything any photos I see put up are really cute instagrammed photos of the bride looking beautiful.

We're into something different here altogether if the reason the bride doesn't want pics up is because she thinks her friends are going out of their way to post bad pics of her.

Ah I wouldn't accuse people of deliberately putting up bad pics. I think a lot take any old shot so they can metaphorically say to all their Facebook contacts " WHOA LOSERS! I'm at a god dammed wedding while ya'll are watching Georgie Shore in your PJs like every single Saturday. I'm going to be f**king SLAUGHTERED! AND I LOOK HOT!"

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:12PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I'm not actually get married but I have been to a wedding of a friend where one of the groomsmen went up on the alter before the bride arrived and just made a quick announcement and said something like 'the bride and groom aren't fans of social media and would prefer if you don't post pictures of them on FB, twitter etc' and that was it. Everyone just nodded and went 'grand' and no one said a word about it for the rest of the day. Didn't give it a second thought.

On the other hand plenty were talking about the couple who were there with a new baby only a few weeks old, who proceeded to get hammered at the reception, had everyone else minding their baby and the poor thing was on randomers knees or stuck in it's pram for most of the day and subjected to the loud music of band and DJ for the evening. They were still there when we left. That was a bigger talking point than the no photos on FB.

Aww that poor baby

Well I think people were worse for nodding. I am sorry, but I would respect their wishes and not post anything (I couldn't be bothered with the confrontation) but I would RESENT that they asked me.

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:13PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Ah I wouldn't accuse people of deliberately putting up bad pics. I think a lot take any old shot so they can metaphorically say to all their Facebook contacts " WHOA LOSERS! I'm at a god dammed wedding while ya'll are watching Georgie Shore in your PJs like every single Saturday. I'm going to be f**king SLAUGHTERED! AND I LOOK HOT!"

Ah! That's the selfie taken out the wedding I think you are talking about.

Are they allowed put that up btw? i.e. pics taken out your wedding? Or just no pics of b&g etc

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 09:16PM

amdublin wrote: »

Ah! That's the selfie taken out the wedding I think you are talking about.

Are they allowed put that up btw? i.e. pics taken out your wedding? Or just no pics of b&g etc

ya i don't think that's the problem. Snap away, put up photos of yourself or whoever, but leave the bride and groom out of it.

Q: if you were out on a random Saturday night taking photos in the pub and one of your friends asked you not to put photos of them up would you resent being asked?

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:24PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Q: if you were out on a random Saturday night taking photos in the pub and one of your friends asked you not to put photos of them up would you resent being asked?

Depends.

If it was because she was completely hammered I wouldn't need to be asked I just wouldn't do it.
If she wasn't hammered but was obviously having a good old time knocking back a few drinks but I (as her friend) was aware that she didn't like pics of her drinking on social media (for her job etc) I'd would not post.*

(*Personally my rule is: if I wouldn't walk in on a Monday and slap the photo of myself up on a noticeboard on work then I shouldn't post it of myself on fb i.e. a pic of myself posing with a fun cocktail is fine, me with a load of shots fine, me "a little under the weather" carrying a traffic cone along, not fine)

If she asked me not to post because "I want to look at them properly tomorrow" before they go up or "I want to see them first" or "I want to show them to my aunt moira/boyfriend/sister first"
I'd be like (a) get over yourself it's going up or (b) I wouldn't put it up and would be thinking "get over yourself" and yes resent it.

Edit.
I'd never post a pic of my friend that was "bad"....either drunk bad or not attractive bad....as much as is humanly possible!!!!

shewasdiesel · 03-08-2014 09:26PM

amdublin wrote: »

Depends.

If it was because she was completely hammered I wouldn't need to be asked I just wouldn't do it.
If she wasn't hammered but was obviously having a good old time knocking back a few drinks but I (as her friend) was aware that she didn't like pics of her drinking on social media (for her job etc) I'd would not post.*

(*Personally my rule is: if I wouldn't walk in on a Monday and slap the photo of myself up on a noticeboard on work then I shouldn't post it of myself on fb i.e. a pic of myself posing with a fun cocktail is fine, me with a load of shots fine, me "a little under the weather" carrying a traffic cone along, not fine)

If she asked me not to post because "I want to look at them properly tomorrow" before they go up or "I want to see them first" or "I want to show them to my aunt moira/boyfriend/sister first"
I'd be like (a) get over yourself it's going up or (b) I wouldn't put it up and would be thinking "get over yourself" and yes resent it.

For some people there is a difference between a night in the pub and their wedding day

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:28PM

shewasdiesel wrote: »

For some people there is a difference between a night in the pub and their wedding day

I am just answering a question I was asked

Your wedding day or not, I am sorry but you don't get to dictate to other adults what they can or cannot do.

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 09:32PM

amdublin wrote: »

Depends.

If it was because she was completely hammered I wouldn't need to be asked I just wouldn't do it.
If she wasn't hammered but was obviously having a good old time knocking back a few drinks but I (as her friend) was aware that she didn't like pics of her drinking on social media (for her job etc) I'd would not post.*

(*Personally my rule is: if I wouldn't walk in on a Monday and slap the photo of myself up on a noticeboard on work then I shouldn't post it of myself on fb i.e. a pic of myself posing with a fun cocktail is fine, me with a load of shots fine, me "a little under the weather" carrying a traffic cone along, not fine)

If she asked me not to post because "I want to look at them properly tomorrow" before they go up or "I want to see them first" or "I want to show them to my aunt moira/boyfriend/sister first"
I'd be like (a) get over yourself it's going up or (b) I wouldn't put it up and would be thinking "get over yourself" and yes resent it.

Probably a bad example on my part, I wasn't really referring to drinking. Some people just don't like having their photos on social media.

The couple I referred to earlier: neither of them have FB accounts. They just don't want their lives online. I don't have a problem complying with that.

You said that if you wouldn't put the picture of yourself on the noticeboard at work, then you wouldn't put it on FB. That's fair enough, I think most people would go along with that. But then when you don't give another person a chance to look at the photos and make the exact same decision, you just decide they are being precious and go ahead and put them up anyway. That's hardly fair.

You can pick and choose the photos of yourself that you post up but wouldn't afford your friends the same choice?

And I don't see a problem with a person wanting to share an experience with their close friends and family before the whole world gets to see it. Or that those same friends and family learn about it online instead of in person.

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:37PM

I don't think either side (the yes or no) is going to come to an agreement with the other.

But this "problem" is only going to get bigger and bigger.

Social Media is here to stay.

Princess Peach · 03-08-2014 09:38PM

I don't think it's really that crass to put it on an invite, if it's what's the hosts want.

I was bullied a few years ago on Facebook, through photos of me appearing on a friend of a friend's profile, that were then tagged with horrible comments by some other random guy I barely knew. Now I rarely even pose for photos, I was always very self conscious even before that!

If I have a big wedding I would possible make this request. You can call me precious but it would make me happy and confident on the day knowing that my photos won't be judged and commented on by so many people.

shewasdiesel · 03-08-2014 09:44PM

amdublin wrote: »

I am just answering a question I was asked

Your wedding day or not, I am sorry but you don't get to dictate to other adults what they can or cannot do.

You'll have to get over your strange view of the world. It's called organising something, just like seating, to accommodation, to the menu, to the venue. You don't get to dictate someone else's wedding day arrangements, or their wishes for their own privacy, on their day, to them. If on the other hand, dictating to your friends that they are not allowed to request a particular privacy on their own wedding day is your thing, then be honest, don't go, and pretend to be their friend, while whining behind their backs.

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:47PM

shewasdiesel wrote: »

You'll have to get over your strange view of the world. It's called organising something, just like seating, to accommodation, to the menu, to the venue. You don't get to dictate someone else's wedding day arrangements, or their wishes for their own privacy, on their day, to them. If dictating to them what they are allowed to request on their own wedding day is your thing, don't go.

Ah c'mon it's kind of different though isn't it.

The organising is mainly about things the guest can do i.e. please sit here at this table beside all your friends.
Telling them what they can't do is a bit different...

shewasdiesel · 03-08-2014 09:51PM

amdublin wrote: »

Ah c'mon it's kind of different though isn't it.

The organising is mainly about things the guest can do i.e. please sit here at this table beside all your friends.
Telling them what they can't do is a bit different...

Why sit at that table though ?, why comply ? how dare they tell you you can't sit where you want :rolleyes:

amdublin · 03-08-2014 09:52PM

shewasdiesel wrote: »

Why sit at that table though ?, why comply ? how dare they tell you you can't sit where you want :rolleyes:

Umm I want to sit according to.the sitting plan if it is ok with you

lulu1 · 03-08-2014 09:55PM

Anyone who would post pics of a couples wedding on face book when they were requested not too would be a very ignorant person and should not call themselves a friend of either the bride or the groom.

wedding invitation - "no posting of pic's on social media site's"

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