Online dating. Would you? Wouldn't you?

Pinkmoon19 · 01-08-2014 12:39PM

knucklehead6 wrote: »

"Yeah, you're not good enough for me, thanks but no thanks"

Most of the time I don't respond if I'm not interested but if they seem like a decent guy and have put a bit f thought and effort into their message then I'll respond. I would never say you're not good enough for me, it's not about that it's just a simple attraction thing. For example I'm very tall for a girl, I've put it on my profile and said I am uncomfortable dating men under a certain height, if guys under that height mail me I don't bother to respond, it's usually a sign that they haven't bothered to read my profile at all, and usually its "Hi :-)", which is neither original or thoughtful, so why waste time tapping out a response. Is it not worse to pretend that you're interested and drag it out?

hairybelly · 01-08-2014 12:44PM

I've tried it but it seems awfully superficial. People are waaay too picky on them.

ancapailldorcha · 01-08-2014 12:45PM

You do need a thick skin for it. I've found that a lot of women put very little, if any effort into their profiles. I can't speak for men as I don't look at guys' profiles.

Dial Hard · 01-08-2014 12:47PM

hairybelly wrote: »

I've tried it but it seems awfully superficial. People are waaay too picky on them.

I find people are no more or less picky than in real life. The effect is just magnified somewhat because you're proactively putting yourself out there.

knucklehead6 · 01-08-2014 12:47PM

wolfen wrote: »

Most of the time I don't respond if I'm not interested but if they seem like a decent guy and have put a bit f thought and effort into their message then I'll respond. I would never say you're not good enough for me, it's not about that it's just a simple attraction thing. For example I'm very tall for a girl, I've put it on my profile and said I am uncomfortable dating men under a certain height, if guys under that height mail me I don't bother to respond, it's usually a sign that they haven't bothered to read my profile at all, and usually its "Hi :-)", which is neither original or thoughtful, so why waste time tapping out a response. Is it not worse to pretend that you're interested and drag it out?

Ah but you are missing out the important word. Essentially. My post said that you are ESSENTIALLY saying that.

I'm not for a minute saying that i've had any women mail me back with a message like that, but the "you seem really nice, but i don't think we are compatible" is saying the same thing.

hairybelly · 01-08-2014 12:49PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

I find people are no more or less picky than in real life. The effect is just magnified somewhat because you're proactively putting yourself out there.

I think all those questions and match making % can put people off too easily. Like, if you dont get above 80% they're not interested, or if you answer 1 question differently than them they take it seriously.

I also find the idea of meeting up with people from online a bit daunting.

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:04PM

When I was a free agent I had a good laugh on POF. It can be fun if you put up a decent profile and send interesting messages to people (not just a "Hey sexy

Here a pic o me cok, lik wat u c?).

That reminds me. The amount of profiles that have horrific English is annoying. I mean, no effort put in and even deliberately misspelled words for no reason.

E.g.

Title: Wer r all de hot men> No pic nO reply!

Text: Howi ye lads. Bubly girl her lukkin for sumone to hav a laff wit n hav a few drinks wit!!!! i luv me litle darlins nd wud do ahthin 4 dem, so if u dont lyk kids den dont bodder sendin me texts!
i lyk to goout drinking an gettng wated lol, sur why not!!!? if u lyk wat u here den sen me a messge!!!!!!1!

So many of those kinds of profiles on POF. That said, they act as a good way to filter out the rubbish.

Temporal Loop · 01-08-2014 01:07PM

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

knucklehead6 · 01-08-2014 01:09PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

knowing how tinder works you must have clicked 'like' on them too....

ancapailldorcha · 01-08-2014 01:09PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

I'm finding a lot of hookers on there myself.

Elessar · 01-08-2014 01:09PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

I learned this the hard way! Stop swiping right to everything and only swipe right to ladies you find attractive.

Temporal Loop · 01-08-2014 01:10PM

knucklehead6 wrote: »

knowing how tinder works you must have clicked 'like' on them too....

I don't look, I click like on everyone while browsing bbc sport.

knucklehead6 · 01-08-2014 01:12PM

Elessar wrote: »

I learned this the hard way! Stop swiping right to everything and only swipe right to ladies you find attractive.

Temporal Loop wrote: »

I don't look, I click like on everyone while browsing bbc sport.

And blokes wonder why some women get disheartened and don't reply.....

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:13PM

Elessar wrote: »

I learned this the hard way! Stop swiping right to everything and only swipe right to ladies you find attractive.

Yeah. POF has a similar feature where you like or not like a girl. She knows if you "like" her. If you are desperately horny lonely you may "like" girls you don't actually find attractive...then when they message you, reality hits and you have to talk to them/ignore them.

bb1234567 · 01-08-2014 01:15PM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

One thing I hate on dating sites is when a girl's profile says "Want to chat to someone nice who can hold a conversation" then all they reply is yes, no, lol, haha etc. puts me right off!

By hold a conversation they really mean make all the conversation

Sinister Kid · 01-08-2014 01:15PM

realgirl wrote: »

In my experience, this is not about 'women being choosy' - I'm a woman, most of the men I've matched with on Tinder haven't messaged me, I've messaged several of them and got no response at all. Also some men have sent me an initial message, I've replied, then never heard from them again!

I'm the same, out of 35+ matches three guys have initiated conversation, two of them didn't reply when I messaged back and only one actually bothered to have a conversation (Nice guy but was deffo hiding something!)
If I start the conversation it turns into the scene in Knocked Up where she calls him to arrange to meet up...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uik9tsK2njI

Aidric · 01-08-2014 01:16PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

Always look for a body shot. Never go an the basis of a face shot only.

realgirl · 01-08-2014 01:16PM

knucklehead6 wrote: »

"Yeah, you're not good enough for me, thanks but no thanks"

I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of thinking like that, but you don't know that. There's loads of reasons why someone mightn't message back e.g. gone off online dating, started a new relationship, busy that week etc etc. It could also be that they've decided for some reason you're not the guy for them but even then you don't know what they based their decision on. For example I'd rather not date anyone with the same name as my ex... Way nicer for you to just think that things would obviously never have worked out with that person anyway and move on. Now if I could just convince myself to think that way too I'd be grand :-)

alroley · 01-08-2014 01:22PM

I probably too ugly for tinder and I wouldn't pay for any online dating...yet.
Maybe when I'm closer to 30 though.

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:22PM

Another problem I find with dating sites is when to ask them out. You don't want to be too quick, but if you leave it too long they may think you are not really interested/may lose interest + they are probably talking to loads of people concurrently so you need to keep yourself at the top of her mind.

This can happen easily with text only conversations...not so much in real life where you can feel the spark or sexual tension and you know when to strike.

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:23PM

alroley wrote: »

I probably too ugly for tinder and I wouldn't pay for any online dating...yet.
Maybe when I'm closer to 30 though.

POF is free and you can freely send messages etc. The premium package is not needed for casual use.

ash23 · 01-08-2014 01:31PM

Signed up, had three dates in about a month. First guy was nice but no spark. Enjoyed his company but he wanted more than friendship so that was that.
Second guy, was grand but totally not my cup of tea and I don't think I was his either. Said goodbye and that was that, never contacted him or heard from him again. Not a bad date, just nothing there.

Third date went fantastically and I'm still with him nearly a year later.

castletownman · 01-08-2014 01:33PM

Starting to lose a small bit of interest in Tinder now. Only joined it about a month and a half ago and managed to get a date off my very first match (not bragging or anything). It was crazy as she was only 12km from my home but had never seen her around before and yet we kind of knew the same people, drank in the same pub etc. After about two weeks of flirting on Tinder, she added me on Facebook and we organised a trip to the cinema the following night. She gave me her home address and her number and I agreed to collect her,whatever. Had a wonderful evening, seemed to be getting on really well (was making her laugh anyway) and we even shared a kiss when I dropped her home.

She told me to text her to make sure I got home safely (the usual) and from then on she became very hard to keep in contact with. Didn't want to come across as needy or stalky so wasn't constantly texting her but when I did she might reply very vaguely. I will add, I have been very busy in work mid-week and have been away at different trips nearly every weekend since the date so we couldn't meet physically although she'd sent me a text or Facebook hoping I have a great time away etc. Anytime I did have a chance to catch up, we'd have a couple of drinks but the spark just didn't seem there.

To cut a long story short, she has just confirmed as being in a new relationship last weekend, and to be honest it knocked me for six. Feel like she was stringing me along all the time and that maybe she wasn't entirely honest to me.

Although I do know where she lives so might get a taxi up there after some night out and start singing to her through her bedroom window (I kid,I kid

)

b_mac2 · 01-08-2014 01:39PM

OD is grand and you will get plenty of chances to go on dates/have fun with people, IF you are a girl or a guy who is above average/good looking. But with something like this, that works soley on looks, guys who are only average/below average looking are going to find the process extremely difficult.

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:40PM

castletownman wrote: »

Starting to lose a small bit of interest in Tinder now. Only joined it about a month and a half ago and managed to get a date off my very first match (not bragging or anything). It was crazy as she was only 12km from my home but had never seen her around before and yet we kind of knew the same people, drank in the same pub etc. After about two weeks of flirting on Tinder, she added me on Facebook and we organised a trip to the cinema the following night. She gave me her home address and her number and I agreed to collect her,whatever. Had a wonderful evening, seemed to be getting on really well (was making her laugh anyway) and we even shared a kiss when I dropped her home.

She told me to text her to make sure I got home safely (the usual) and from then on she became very hard to keep in contact with. Didn't want to come across as needy or stalky so wasn't constantly texting her but when I did she might reply very vaguely. I will add, I have been very busy in work mid-week and have been away at different trips nearly every weekend since the date so we couldn't meet physically although she'd sent me a text or Facebook hoping I have a great time away etc. Anytime I did have a chance to catch up, we'd have a couple of drinks but the spark just didn't seem there.

To cut a long story short, she has just confirmed as being in a new relationship last weekend, and to be honest it knocked me for six. Feel like she was stringing me along all the time and that maybe she wasn't entirely honest to me.

Although I do know where she lives so might get a taxi up there after some night out and start singing to her through her bedroom window (I kid,I kid )

That would actually freak me out a little. I like to meet 100% strangers, as they tend not to have heard about the "unpleasantness" regarding the bodies. But I have served my time and the criminal psychologist has a high level of certainty that I am changed man.

Macavity. · 01-08-2014 01:43PM

skimpydoo wrote: »

Tinder is a load of S H I T E. Whenever I get a match I don't get a message from my match. So I send a message and I don't get a reply. Since when have women got so choosey. Why can't they even reply, its common Courtesy and manners. Is there a magic word or phrase you have to use to get a response.

I get a response 90 percent of the time but my messages are a bit weird tbh and it's difficult not to respond.

Saying "hi" or whatever will get you nowhere.

KungPao · 01-08-2014 01:48PM

Macavity. wrote: »

I get a response 90 percent of the time but my messages are a bit weird tbh and it's difficult not to respond.

Saying "hi" or whatever will get you nowhere.

The message should relate to the person's profile and maybe take a stab at guessing her personality so the message is interesting to her.

"Hi LovleeBaeXXX,

Let's chat?"

This will get you know where unless you are a beautiful, beautiful man.

takamichinoku · 01-08-2014 01:49PM

b_mac2 wrote: »

OD is grand and you will get plenty of chances to go on dates/have fun with people, IF you are a girl or a guy who is above average/good looking. But with something like this, that works soley on looks, guys who are only average/below average looking are going to find the process extremely difficult.

I dunno, I'd say you'd do alright if you're average or even a bit below provided you've got some decent photos of yourself (like, ones at events or whatever where a bit of personality can be seen, or something interestingish) and can put together a decent message or two.

Obviously this applies far less to tinder. Could be totally wrong too, I've like 5 photos of me from the past 2 years and that's including selfies. Gotta go on a bit of a photo gathering splurge some time to make up for all that camera dodging.

Macavity. · 01-08-2014 01:50PM

Temporal Loop wrote: »

It's rather disheartening that only obese women on tinder message me for no strings sex. It's happened a few times and on each occasion she was obese.

What I've learned from Tinder is how many low confident lonely obese women there are. I only look at the first pic and swipe. A lot of girls will have their first pic as just their face, this has resulted in me matching with a few girls who are quite fat/obese.

Anyway, everyone of them messages first. Their moments will be stuff like "someone be my bf", "why am I so fat.." etc etc.. It's really sad.

Piliger · 01-08-2014 02:11PM

I am in my 50s and did it many times several years ago. Excellent. Beautiful women. No trouble whatsoever.

Online dating. Would you? Wouldn't you?

Comments