Single life as a guy...

LordNorbury · 26-07-2014 09:40AM

Swede517 wrote: »

He's in an abusive relationship and all you can say is that he deserves to be miserable. Some people are are vulnerable and more easily controlled and manipulated by their abusers. His abuser has clearly brainwashed him to think that their relationship is normal. It's not, it's abusive.

I can't agree, it comes back to what we were talking about earlier on thread, some people (men and women), just settling for whatever is out there, because they are terrified of the alternative, which is to be single. There is a stigma associated with being early middled aged or older and single in this country, which is why a lot of people are stuck in completely defective and broken relationships. It can often be more about "keeping up appearances", than about living a happy and content life with someone who you enjoy being around, or alternatively, maybe it being about you being on your own.

upforit101 · 26-07-2014 09:48AM

gadetra wrote: »

Quite a lot. Equality is being related to as an equal, so relating to both genders equally. It's kind of the point!

I was trying to explain to you why someone would have a problem with he point of view you are projecting. I tried to inver it, but as I don't know you, I could not use your name so I used your user name instead. It sailed over your head. Never mind.
On the feminist thing, feminism is about equality not male v female or race. It's not the 70's anymore and things have moved on. Not all feminism is radical, and actually radical feminism is incredibly rare, I can say I have honestly met none in my life so far, and I am a feminist and have been around a lot of feminists and studied feminism. Still never met one! Feminism is viewed with such suspicion, and almost always accompanied with the radical tag. It's not rules to live your life by, it's not about hating anyone or group. It's about establishing equality for all, not one to the detriment of the other. Thinking it is shows a lack of education on the matter frankly.
Anyway that was a bit OT, apologies.

How can two things be Equal if they are different?

upforit101 · 26-07-2014 09:57AM

amie91 wrote: »

LORD NORBURY WROTE :
It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there.

As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage.

that was what I was replying to ..

A mostly Irish phenomenon I suspect.

ancapailldorcha · 26-07-2014 10:01AM

upforit101 wrote: »

A mostly Irish phenomenon I suspect.

Why would this be mostly Irish?

Wibbs · 26-07-2014 10:20AM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It's probably to do with our matriarchal society.

I'd reckon quite a few would be surprised at you claiming Ireland as a matriarchal society, but I would tend to agree with you. Our patriarchy is more of a veneer on the surface of a more complex society. Now you could look to Magdalene laundries and the like and say matriarchal my arse, but again it's more complex than that IMHO. For a start the laundries were operated and run almost exclusively by women and women were the majority foot soldiers in the Catholic church(as they tend to be in most faiths). Yes men were at the top, but most Irish men were down the back of the church of a Sunday, or even standing outside. A very Irish picture indeed.

Swede517 wrote: »

He's in an abusive relationship and all you can say is that he deserves to be miserable. Some people are are vulnerable and more easily controlled and manipulated by their abusers. His abuser has clearly brainwashed him to think that their relationship is normal. It's not, it's abusive.

Aye, but one man's(or woman's) abusive can be another man's comfort zone. Some people seek out such relationships. It's where they find some sort of comfort. I've seen enough examples like LordNorbury's. I'd also reckon it's more socially acceptable for men to be like this publicly. The hen pecked husband is a long standing meme. It's not seen as abusive.

I'm not so sure LordNorbury's explanation of fear of being single is the main reason for it. In men anyway. I think it's got multiple factors going on. A lot of it is learned behaviour. Just like women who go for abusive relationships tend to come from abusive backgrounds, the hen pecked husband is much more likely to come from a family where the "Irish Mammy"(tm) ruled the roost behind closed doors. She does everything for the men in the family while using this as a form of control. A guy growing up in such an environment is likely to be domestically helpless and therefore seeks out a mammy replacement in his romantic relationships. And that includes the control aspect that comes along for the ride. It's comfortable for him. It's also lazy and easy to fall into for such men. The same guy might find a woman who doesn't act like this completely unattractive to him.

Another factor which I've seen to be of major importance is a guys first romantic experience in adolescence. That one tends to set the tone for those that follow*. If it's the kind of first love where it's all wonderfully intense and nice and carving names in trees and such and the girl is sound, but splits up as most do relatively healthily(with a period of bad poetry writing mourning

), then the guy will seek out that healthier pattern afterwards. It sets the Love template. Love will equal "nice woman, sharing and emotionally open etc". However if his first experience is less healthy then he may end up with a very different love template that equals "thundering bitch" and that's what he's more likely to select for. I've seen this in myself. Now luckily I avoided thundering bitches, but I definitely have had a love template in my head which did vary over time but I definitely preselected for that type of woman that fitted the template. Not always too healthily.

*I've seen this with women too, but IME they're much more likely to grow out of it. Even those addicted to "bad boys" in their early days rarely keep that going beyond their mid 20's, whereas I've seen men in their 40's keep going after thundering bitches, even when cool women are all around them.

NSAman · 26-07-2014 10:48AM

LordNorbury wrote: »

I know this guy, he is married a few years but around my own age (mid 30's), the poor lad literally isn't allowed out of his own front garden and this is no exaggeration. If I'm out on the street (we live near each other) putting the bins out, or arriving home from work, etc, and we cross paths and stop for a yap, 2 minutes will not pass before she will be hanging out of the window calling him back in or else sends their child out with some silly request like, "mammy wants you to go back inside to do X"...

This isn't just me that this has happened with, it has been noted by myself and others that the guy isn't allowed actually interact with other people on the street. We've never seen him out for a pint with his mates in the local or anywhere else. The guy seems completely surrendered to this set up, and appears to have begrudgingly normalised it as how his life is. When he gets the call to go inside (which happens EVERY TIME), he throws his eyes up to heaven as he mutters something like: "have to go, sure you know yourself, I'm getting the evil eye here from herself"...

I leave him to it and would never interfere in someone else's relationship, but this kind of a set up leaves me in total wonderment and awe, at how much crap some people will put up with.

But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).

I visited my mother lat week and we had this same conversation about a chap that is married about 4 years. I had known him prior to his marriage. She is a nice enough girl, he works long hours. She does not work. I spoke to the chap in passing and from an outgoing happy chap, he has turned into a glum unsmiling guy. He is a very good looking guy. As I said earlier, he works hard and comes home to look after the kids in the evening. He drops over now and then with the kids who are beautiful (without herself) but it feels like he is getting out to get away. Now I would never ever interfere in someone else's relationship but it has been noticed by others too.

I am simply amazed at the change in the chap since he got married.

Onthe3rdDay · 26-07-2014 11:00AM

LordNorbury wrote: »

I know this guy, he is married a few years but around my own age (mid 30's), the poor lad literally isn't allowed out of his own front garden and this is no exaggeration. If I'm out on the street (we live near each other) putting the bins out, or arriving home from work, etc, and we cross paths and stop for a yap, 2 minutes will not pass before she will be hanging out of the window calling him back in or else sends their child out with some silly request like, "mammy wants you to go back inside to do X"...

This isn't just me that this has happened with, it has been noted by myself and others that the guy isn't allowed actually interact with other people on the street. We've never seen him out for a pint with his mates in the local or anywhere else. The guy seems completely surrendered to this set up, and appears to have begrudgingly normalised it as how his life is. When he gets the call to go inside (which happens EVERY TIME), he throws his eyes up to heaven as he mutters something like: "have to go, sure you know yourself, I'm getting the evil eye here from herself"...

I leave him to it and would never interfere in someone else's relationship, but this kind of a set up leaves me in total wonderment and awe, at how much crap some people will put up with.

But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).

This quite common, so common in fact that you start not to notice it. I too know several men like this. One in particular comes to mind, He hasn't been seen out in years at this stage. The only time you bump into him is at funerals, now this was a fella that would be out every Saturday Night, would be making plans to go to Premiership games across the water etc, etc. In his case he has the wife and two kids but he's very well off. He's just not left off the leash.

I was in the house of an old friend recently and I suggested to him that we go to the pub for a pint and a chat. His wife who I get on with fine was in the kitchen with her sister and a friend. He went in to ask if it was okay to go for an hour. She said No... so we didn't go. There was no sense of embarrassment on his part but I was shocked, However I said nothing as I don't want to rock other people's boats.

Tarzana · 26-07-2014 11:04AM

LordNorbury wrote: »

But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).

Hmmm, yeah, but you knew a woman in a controlling relationship, would you have sympathy or would you think she deserved it?

sozbox · 26-07-2014 11:42AM

LordNorbury wrote: »

I know this guy, he is married a few years but around my own age (mid 30's), the poor lad literally isn't allowed out of his own front garden and this is no exaggeration. If I'm out on the street (we live near each other) putting the bins out, or arriving home from work, etc, and we cross paths and stop for a yap, 2 minutes will not pass before she will be hanging out of the window calling him back in or else sends their child out with some silly request like, "mammy wants you to go back inside to do X"...

This isn't just me that this has happened with, it has been noted by myself and others that the guy isn't allowed actually interact with other people on the street. We've never seen him out for a pint with his mates in the local or anywhere else. The guy seems completely surrendered to this set up, and appears to have begrudgingly normalised it as how his life is. When he gets the call to go inside (which happens EVERY TIME), he throws his eyes up to heaven as he mutters something like: "have to go, sure you know yourself, I'm getting the evil eye here from herself"...

I leave him to it and would never interfere in someone else's relationship, but this kind of a set up leaves me in total wonderment and awe, at how much crap some people will put up with.

But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).

That is the most terrifying thing I have read in a while. What is it about this mad rush to be in a relationship just for the sake of it?
A relationship shouldn't be seen as a destination or an achievement but rather as a something you carefully choose.

Is it just an Irish thing?

Swede517 · 26-07-2014 12:17PM

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

This quite common, so common in fact that you start not to notice it. I too know several men like this. One in particular comes to mind, He hasn't been seen out in years at this stage. The only time you bump into him is at funerals, now this was a fella that would be out every Saturday Night, would be making plans to go to Premiership games across the water etc, etc. In his case he has the wife and two kids but he's very well off. He's just not left off the leash.

I was in the house of an old friend recently and I suggested to him that we go to the pub for a pint and a chat. His wife who I get on with fine was in the kitchen with her sister and a friend. He went in to ask if it was okay to go for an hour. She said No... so we didn't go. There was no sense of embarrassment on his part but I was shocked, However I said nothing as I don't want to rock other people's boats.

I think women do this because they are afraid of their husbands meeting women who are nice and feminine and remembering what it should feel like to be around women.

beks101 · 26-07-2014 01:51PM

TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing. I think that contributes significantly to the culture of it.

I also know a few lads who literally went from their mother's house to living with their girlfriends, and the relationship sort of falls in line with that. Girlfriend is a surrogate mammy, boyfriend never lived independently or learned how to do all the things an adult should. Mollycoddled by the mother, and with a woman who's happy to deal with the fallout of that.

Onthe3rdDay · 26-07-2014 01:57PM

beks101 wrote: »

TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing. I think that contributes significantly to the culture of it.

That's 100% true. However, the lads I'd be talking about would have been the one's that would have dragged me out in the past. The life and soul of a party. Within 2 or so years everything goes from one extreme to another.

Swede517 · 26-07-2014 01:59PM

Having to ask for permission to go out is fuking ridiculous. Fair enough if you need to mention it ahead of time for logistical reasons, but no adult should have to ask for permission. Life's too short for voluntarily allowing yourself to be a slave.

LordNorbury · 26-07-2014 03:06PM

Swede517 wrote: »

Having to ask for permission to go out is fuking ridiculous. Fair enough if you need to mention it ahead of time for logistical reasons, but no adult should have to ask for permission. Life's too short for voluntarily allowing yourself to be a slave.

You could see how due to the operational requirements that come with having kids, how a bit of consensus or notice or communication might be required between partners, but in the case I referred to earlier, the woman in the relationship seems to so utterly insecure in herself and so insanely irrational, that she would appear to believe that her husband may well be minded to stray some day and the only way that she can be relatively sure of that never happening, is to keep him on such a short leash, that that could never actually happen, because he will never have the actual opportunity to do so, because he isn't let out of her sight. Whether this is to do with some deep seated psychological problem in her past, is something worthy of consideration, but how she is allowed to treat a partner in such a manner, is something that I personally find to be disturbing on the part of her partner. I've no problem with someone having deep seated psychological issues, but if they start taking over your life, (or in this case someone else's life), then go talk to someone and work through your issues with the help of professional counseling or do whatever you need to do to get back in control of your life.

The irony of this set up is that she is risking the day arriving where he will be let out to buy a litre of milk some evening and he will never come home. I could never ever live a life like this as a guy, I've been in long term relationships but I was always on a very very loose leash, I simply would never put up with being controlled in any way, and any doubts about my integrity, and my ability to keep my cóck in my trousers, whether expressed or implied, would have me walking straight out the door.

PucaMama · 26-07-2014 03:17PM

Swede517 wrote: »

Having to ask for permission to go out is fuking ridiculous. Fair enough if you need to mention it ahead of time for logistical reasons, but no adult should have to ask for permission. Life's too short for voluntarily allowing yourself to be a slave.

the type of woman that would go on like that should think about how would they like it if they had to ask permission to go out :mad: bit of a difference in letting your partner know where your going and having to ask permission :mad:

Daveysil15 · 26-07-2014 03:28PM

LordNorbury wrote: »

I know this guy, he is married a few years but around my own age (mid 30's), the poor lad literally isn't allowed out of his own front garden and this is no exaggeration. If I'm out on the street (we live near each other) putting the bins out, or arriving home from work, etc, and we cross paths and stop for a yap, 2 minutes will not pass before she will be hanging out of the window calling him back in or else sends their child out with some silly request like, "mammy wants you to go back inside to do X"...

This isn't just me that this has happened with, it has been noted by myself and others that the guy isn't allowed actually interact with other people on the street. We've never seen him out for a pint with his mates in the local or anywhere else. The guy seems completely surrendered to this set up, and appears to have begrudgingly normalised it as how his life is. When he gets the call to go inside (which happens EVERY TIME), he throws his eyes up to heaven as he mutters something like: "have to go, sure you know yourself, I'm getting the evil eye here from herself"...

I leave him to it and would never interfere in someone else's relationship, but this kind of a set up leaves me in total wonderment and awe, at how much crap some people will put up with.

But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).

I had a mate in a similar situation, albeit not quite as extreme as your example. She would let him go out and socialise but she'd be calling him every 10 minutes wanting to know where he was and who he was with. One time we were having dinner in a restaurant with a couple of female friends from work. She rang him and could hear the girls voices in the background and started going ape sh1t; she thought he was seeing another woman. They eventually split up, not long after they bought a house. They've 2 kids together too.

LordNorbury wrote: »

There is a stigma associated with being early middled aged or older and single in this country, which is why a lot of people are stuck in completely defective and broken relationships.

And with younger people too I think, although from my experience the stigma is worse in places like Poland for example, where people are expected to be married and settled by their late 20's. I've seen a lot of cases over the years of people getting hitched at a young age and then regretting it later and end up getting divorced. I was in a relationship with a Polish woman who had previously married in her early 20's. She said herself she rushed into it.

I think Ireland is actually a bit more relaxed in that regard. TBH the most annoying thing I've found here is people asking "are you getting any?" or something along those lines. At least that was the case when I was younger anyway. If you weren't chasing everything that moved you were a bit odd or gay. Again its mostly the younger mentality though. Sometimes when a guy askes me if I have a gf and I say no, I usually get the, "you're dead right" response.

leahyl · 26-07-2014 04:15PM

I cannot believe how controlling some women can be!! From reading this thread, all married women sound like bitchy control freaks!! There is no way in a million years I would expect my partner/husband to ask my permission to go somewhere! Obviously if we had children or whatever it'd be nice to get a bit of prior notice, as I would do for him, but dictating who he socialises with etc. no way!!

26-07-2014 05:37PM

beks101 wrote: »

TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing. I think that contributes significantly to the culture of it.

I also know a few lads who literally went from their mother's house to living with their girlfriends, and the relationship sort of falls in line with that. Girlfriend is a surrogate mammy, boyfriend never lived independently or learned how to do all the things an adult should. Mollycoddled by the mother, and with a woman who's happy to deal with the fallout of that.

There's plenty like that but I'm not talking about them. There's a few lads I know a bit who have that outward appearance but I don't know enough to judge. There's other lads who I've been mates with for a long time that I can tell whether it's them being lazy or if it is down to the woman.

upforit101 · 26-07-2014 09:00PM

Wibbs wrote: »

What I also found interesting about a lot of the US guys is that they see non American/Western women as better, much better than their "own women". They don't realise that damn near every bloke culture on the planet bitches about the local women. You see it here on Boards too. [insert nationality here] women are [insert generalisation here]*set local language*. It's a fecking worldwide meme. It's like bitching about politicians. Really. I've personally heard the same from Italian men, Spanish men, Brazilian men, French men, Russian men, Chinese men, the list is long. I've heard it so often I've thought that maybe it's down to some genetic imperative to seek the "foreign" to spread your genes as widely as possible? I've heard it from women too, but at a much lower rate. Though if a guy is "foreign" he will tend to do better than he would around his "own".

The US guys seem to see South America, the Far east and Eastern Europe and Russia as promised lands for the ladies. Where the ladies are better than western women(who are usually corrupted by left wind feminisim. And fat of course.). Those cultures would more likely throw up women interested in a traditional setup with more defined gender roles, but that can bring its own issues too. Be careful what you wish for Ted. They complain about gold diggers in the US, but some of the biggest and most overt gold diggers I've ever met were to be found to the east of Europe and seriously high maintenance with it(even then they were a low enough number). As for beauty? 1) it depends on individual preferences and 2) things aren't always what they seem. OK yes the US with its serious obesity problem is gonna be an issue if you dig thin women(or men), but beyond that people come in all shapes and sizes wherever you go. Even in the US, in the "fattest" state there are still plenty of men and women who are thin. It's just that the "grass is always greener" makes people put on special glasses that ignores what they don't wish to see when they go to their promised land. All I can report from personal experience by having more relationships with non Irish women than Irish is that I've seen feck all differences beyond some low level cultural quirks and you'd have to go looking for them. The individual trumps their birthplace pretty much every single time.

Well, all the way back to the Greeks there has been some level of us and them where the genders are concerned. Mostly harmless enough, but occasionally flares up into daftness. I just think the interweb is magnifying this inherent background thing.

Actually yea that would make some sense to me. With men they're close mates, acquaintances, strangers... With women, while I have close women mates, when romance gets involved I do worry that the love drug/lust will get in the way of falling for the right person for me and she would have the potential to hurt me much more. I've had my heart broken and I'd not wish it on my worst enemy. Well... maybe my worst enemy Women have that issue too(actually IMHO they can have it worse on this score. I've certainly known more women who ended up with complete tossers because of "love").

A French acquaintance recently said to me "You are not Alive as a Man in this country" observing the surly looks of the native women - It's hard to come up with a counter argument.

Tarzana · 27-07-2014 02:44AM

beks101 wrote: »

TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing.

Definitely happens. My BF wouldn't do that, but I did once tell him that I'd be really unhappy if he ever did. I would not be cool with being portrayed as a control freak just so he can get out of doing something.

Wompa1 · 27-07-2014 02:47AM

Tarzana wrote: »

Definitely happens. My BF wouldn't do that, but I did once tell him that I'd be really unhappy if he ever did. I would not be cool with being portrayed as a control freak just so he can get out of doing something.

Not to worry. Have had it on opposite side too. Girls telling their friends they are doing something with their boyfriends just to get out of going out with them or whatever. Though, I couldn't really give a ****e was their friends think of me anyways

NSAman · 27-07-2014 08:03AM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Not to worry. Have had it on opposite side too. Girls telling their friends they are doing something with their boyfriends just to get out of going out with them or whatever. Though, I couldn't really give a ****e was their friends think of me anyways

Sensing a little negativity from partners friends here, interesting:)

Wibbs · 27-07-2014 09:22AM

upforit101 wrote: »

A French acquaintance recently said to me "You are not Alive as a Man in this country" observing the surly looks of the native women - It's hard to come up with a counter argument.

Easy. Walk around Paris for a day. Well if the aim is to find surly looking women. If anything Parisian women would have a stereotype of being haughty, even surly.(BTW they're no more or less so than anywhere else). If you look for it you will see it. If you look for happy looking women you'll see that too. All down to perception and preconception. If someone was spiked with a low level of MDMA they'd think the everyday world made Disneyland look like a depression factory. It's that easy to influence perception.

Beauty generally follows the same perception filter. We seem to be programmed to see the exotic, the different as more attractive. So if you walk around [insert foreign city here] for a day you'll think you see better looking women(and men). There's a little more variability in the beauty perception filter. The current cultural ideal influences it, as does the population size(more people = more that fit the ideal and more that don't, but you'll filter out the latter) and the population demographic and ones own preferences. IE if you're into pale blondes, you're gonna be at a bit of a loss in Kenya.

Daveysil15 · 27-07-2014 11:03AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Easy. Walk around Paris for a day. Well if the aim is to find surly looking women. If anything Parisian women would have a stereotype of being haughty, even surly.(BTW they're no more or less so than anywhere else). If you look for it you will see it. If you look for happy looking women you'll see that too. All down to perception and preconception. If someone was spiked with a low level of MDMA they'd think the everyday world made Disneyland look like a depression factory. It's that easy to influence perception.

Beauty generally follows the same perception filter. We seem to be programmed to see the exotic, the different as more attractive. So if you walk around [insert foreign city here] for a day you'll think you see better looking women(and men). There's a little more variability in the beauty perception filter. The current cultural ideal influences it, as does the population size(more people = more that fit the ideal and more that don't, but you'll filter out the latter) and the population demographic and ones own preferences. IE if you're into pale blondes, you're gonna be at a bit of a loss in Kenya.

Redheads are probably considered exotic by some people. Actually redheads are apparently on the verge of extinction because of global warming.

Tarzana · 27-07-2014 11:45AM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Redheads are probably considered exotic by some people. Actually redheads are apparently on the verge of extinction because of global warming.

Myth apparently, that redheads will die out.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/10/redheads-die-out-extinction-ginger-gene-bad-science-red-hair

Potatoeman · 28-07-2014 11:01AM

upforit101 wrote: »

A French acquaintance recently said to me "You are not Alive as a Man in this country" observing the surly looks of the native women - It's hard to come up with a counter argument.

I heard something similar from a French friend too. They were complaining that their accent in most countries would get attention from girls but here they get slagged off.
They seem more into approaching people when out and about rather than in bars too. Which isnt too acceptable here.

Sleepy · 28-07-2014 01:43PM

LordNorbury wrote: »

I'm sure close to this stress, is the stress of knowing that to do the right thing by your kids, that you cannot really leave, if they are young,

Sadly, I think this is the case for an awful lot of people. I'm quite happily married but if I weren't, I'd be caught in this situation: I can put a roof over our heads and food on the table in a nice location now but were I trying to pay rent on two properties out of my income, they'd be in awful areas.

Heatmachine1 · 28-07-2014 02:24PM

Reading some of the horror stories I think I found a diamond in the rough.
married a few years and I would not change ant of it as its all pros luckily.
she gives me all the time I want to pursue hobbies,go out if I want and just kick back round the house on my days off,I do the same for her.
I actually miss her hwaps when away with woek as I feel like I get loads if freedom in our marriage.
Before I was single and not looking for a good woman,luckily I landed one somehow.
I listen to some lads at work who dont get the freedom and the question comes to me I just shrug and say nope never have those issues,feel guilty a bit.
Obv we have issues sometimes as do lots of couples but 99% its easy street.

discus · 28-07-2014 03:08PM

The moral of your story is that to be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy with yourself.

Daveysil15 · 28-07-2014 06:00PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I heard something similar from a French friend too. They were complaining that their accent in most countries would get attention from girls but here they get slagged off.
They seem more into approaching people when out and about rather than in bars too. Which isnt too acceptable here.

Well its certainly not the norm anyway. Although bars and clubs are not exactly great places either. It's funny how a lot of people will say to a single person, "You need to get out more" yet strangely enough I don't know any couples that have met in a bar or club. I've never met anyone that way either. It nearly always seems to be through work or through friends. I know a few single people that "go out" regularly but never meet anyone new.

It got me thinking too, is it worth your while doing things you don't like in order to improve your chances of meeting someone? I was never a big fan of the drinking culture here in Ireland, but I often forced myself to go out as I didn't see many other options to meet women at the time. Whereas now I just do the things that I enjoy and have met some great people through new hobbies. Plus if you're in a situation where you're not having any fun then you're probably not going to be in the right frame of mind.

I've heard stories of guys taking up Salsa dancing for example, even though they have absolutely no interest in it, but do it anyway because there'd be plenty of women there. I suppose it would be better to meet someone through similar interests, but then again its all to easy to get stuck in your comfort zone.

Single life as a guy...

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