Swede517 wrote: » He's in an abusive relationship and all you can say is that he deserves to be miserable. Some people are are vulnerable and more easily controlled and manipulated by their abusers. His abuser has clearly brainwashed him to think that their relationship is normal. It's not, it's abusive.
gadetra wrote: » Quite a lot. Equality is being related to as an equal, so relating to both genders equally. It's kind of the point! I was trying to explain to you why someone would have a problem with he point of view you are projecting. I tried to inver it, but as I don't know you, I could not use your name so I used your user name instead. It sailed over your head. Never mind. On the feminist thing, feminism is about equality not male v female or race. It's not the 70's anymore and things have moved on. Not all feminism is radical, and actually radical feminism is incredibly rare, I can say I have honestly met none in my life so far, and I am a feminist and have been around a lot of feminists and studied feminism. Still never met one! Feminism is viewed with such suspicion, and almost always accompanied with the radical tag. It's not rules to live your life by, it's not about hating anyone or group. It's about establishing equality for all, not one to the detriment of the other. Thinking it is shows a lack of education on the matter frankly. Anyway that was a bit OT, apologies.
amie91 wrote: » LORD NORBURY WROTE : It's a lot more common that you would think, I reckon. I was extremely taken aback recently when I was having a chat with some married mates about sex. One mate reported never getting oral sex, basically since he got married, and this is a young lad in his 30's, I found this difficult to get my head around (no pun intended!), but the consensus that night amongst a few of my married mates was, "it completely changes when you get married, no question about it", and this wasn't always down to kids being present, some of these couples were without kids, so the usual (reasonable enough I suppose), explanation of kids taking up time and energy wasn't there. As a single guy dating regularly, I shudder when I think I could end up in a relationship like this where certain acts of sexual intimacy appear to be taken off the table after marriage, and I'll be honest about it, it completely turns me off the idea of marriage. that was what I was replying to ..
upforit101 wrote: » A mostly Irish phenomenon I suspect.
Daveysil15 wrote: » It's probably to do with our matriarchal society.
LordNorbury wrote: » I know this guy, he is married a few years but around my own age (mid 30's), the poor lad literally isn't allowed out of his own front garden and this is no exaggeration. If I'm out on the street (we live near each other) putting the bins out, or arriving home from work, etc, and we cross paths and stop for a yap, 2 minutes will not pass before she will be hanging out of the window calling him back in or else sends their child out with some silly request like, "mammy wants you to go back inside to do X"... This isn't just me that this has happened with, it has been noted by myself and others that the guy isn't allowed actually interact with other people on the street. We've never seen him out for a pint with his mates in the local or anywhere else. The guy seems completely surrendered to this set up, and appears to have begrudgingly normalised it as how his life is. When he gets the call to go inside (which happens EVERY TIME), he throws his eyes up to heaven as he mutters something like: "have to go, sure you know yourself, I'm getting the evil eye here from herself"... I leave him to it and would never interfere in someone else's relationship, but this kind of a set up leaves me in total wonderment and awe, at how much crap some people will put up with. But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).
LordNorbury wrote: » But I think a guy who allows himself to be treated like this, deserves to be miserable (and he certainly appears to be miserable).
Onthe3rdDay wrote: » This quite common, so common in fact that you start not to notice it. I too know several men like this. One in particular comes to mind, He hasn't been seen out in years at this stage. The only time you bump into him is at funerals, now this was a fella that would be out every Saturday Night, would be making plans to go to Premiership games across the water etc, etc. In his case he has the wife and two kids but he's very well off. He's just not left off the leash. I was in the house of an old friend recently and I suggested to him that we go to the pub for a pint and a chat. His wife who I get on with fine was in the kitchen with her sister and a friend. He went in to ask if it was okay to go for an hour. She said No... so we didn't go. There was no sense of embarrassment on his part but I was shocked, However I said nothing as I don't want to rock other people's boats.
beks101 wrote: » TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing. I think that contributes significantly to the culture of it.
Swede517 wrote: » Having to ask for permission to go out is fuking ridiculous. Fair enough if you need to mention it ahead of time for logistical reasons, but no adult should have to ask for permission. Life's too short for voluntarily allowing yourself to be a slave.
LordNorbury wrote: » There is a stigma associated with being early middled aged or older and single in this country, which is why a lot of people are stuck in completely defective and broken relationships.
beks101 wrote: » TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing. I think that contributes significantly to the culture of it. I also know a few lads who literally went from their mother's house to living with their girlfriends, and the relationship sort of falls in line with that. Girlfriend is a surrogate mammy, boyfriend never lived independently or learned how to do all the things an adult should. Mollycoddled by the mother, and with a woman who's happy to deal with the fallout of that.
Wibbs wrote: » What I also found interesting about a lot of the US guys is that they see non American/Western women as better, much better than their "own women". They don't realise that damn near every bloke culture on the planet bitches about the local women. You see it here on Boards too. [insert nationality here] women are [insert generalisation here]*set local language*. It's a fecking worldwide meme. It's like bitching about politicians. Really. I've personally heard the same from Italian men, Spanish men, Brazilian men, French men, Russian men, Chinese men, the list is long. I've heard it so often I've thought that maybe it's down to some genetic imperative to seek the "foreign" to spread your genes as widely as possible? I've heard it from women too, but at a much lower rate. Though if a guy is "foreign" he will tend to do better than he would around his "own". The US guys seem to see South America, the Far east and Eastern Europe and Russia as promised lands for the ladies. Where the ladies are better than western women(who are usually corrupted by left wind feminisim. And fat of course.). Those cultures would more likely throw up women interested in a traditional setup with more defined gender roles, but that can bring its own issues too. Be careful what you wish for Ted. They complain about gold diggers in the US, but some of the biggest and most overt gold diggers I've ever met were to be found to the east of Europe and seriously high maintenance with it(even then they were a low enough number). As for beauty? 1) it depends on individual preferences and 2) things aren't always what they seem. OK yes the US with its serious obesity problem is gonna be an issue if you dig thin women(or men), but beyond that people come in all shapes and sizes wherever you go. Even in the US, in the "fattest" state there are still plenty of men and women who are thin. It's just that the "grass is always greener" makes people put on special glasses that ignores what they don't wish to see when they go to their promised land. All I can report from personal experience by having more relationships with non Irish women than Irish is that I've seen feck all differences beyond some low level cultural quirks and you'd have to go looking for them. The individual trumps their birthplace pretty much every single time. Well, all the way back to the Greeks there has been some level of us and them where the genders are concerned. Mostly harmless enough, but occasionally flares up into daftness. I just think the interweb is magnifying this inherent background thing. Actually yea that would make some sense to me. With men they're close mates, acquaintances, strangers... With women, while I have close women mates, when romance gets involved I do worry that the love drug/lust will get in the way of falling for the right person for me and she would have the potential to hurt me much more. I've had my heart broken and I'd not wish it on my worst enemy. Well... maybe my worst enemy Women have that issue too(actually IMHO they can have it worse on this score. I've certainly known more women who ended up with complete tossers because of "love").
beks101 wrote: » TBH I know a fair few lads who will use the 'I'll check with the missus' thing as a handy excuse to get out of doing something they're just not arsed doing.
Tarzana wrote: » Definitely happens. My BF wouldn't do that, but I did once tell him that I'd be really unhappy if he ever did. I would not be cool with being portrayed as a control freak just so he can get out of doing something.
Wompa1 wrote: » Not to worry. Have had it on opposite side too. Girls telling their friends they are doing something with their boyfriends just to get out of going out with them or whatever. Though, I couldn't really give a ****e was their friends think of me anyways
upforit101 wrote: » A French acquaintance recently said to me "You are not Alive as a Man in this country" observing the surly looks of the native women - It's hard to come up with a counter argument.
Wibbs wrote: » Easy. Walk around Paris for a day. Well if the aim is to find surly looking women. If anything Parisian women would have a stereotype of being haughty, even surly.(BTW they're no more or less so than anywhere else). If you look for it you will see it. If you look for happy looking women you'll see that too. All down to perception and preconception. If someone was spiked with a low level of MDMA they'd think the everyday world made Disneyland look like a depression factory. It's that easy to influence perception. Beauty generally follows the same perception filter. We seem to be programmed to see the exotic, the different as more attractive. So if you walk around [insert foreign city here] for a day you'll think you see better looking women(and men). There's a little more variability in the beauty perception filter. The current cultural ideal influences it, as does the population size(more people = more that fit the ideal and more that don't, but you'll filter out the latter) and the population demographic and ones own preferences. IE if you're into pale blondes, you're gonna be at a bit of a loss in Kenya.
Daveysil15 wrote: » Redheads are probably considered exotic by some people. Actually redheads are apparently on the verge of extinction because of global warming.
LordNorbury wrote: » I'm sure close to this stress, is the stress of knowing that to do the right thing by your kids, that you cannot really leave, if they are young,
Potatoeman wrote: » I heard something similar from a French friend too. They were complaining that their accent in most countries would get attention from girls but here they get slagged off. They seem more into approaching people when out and about rather than in bars too. Which isnt too acceptable here.
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