Funny moments at funeral's!

blue note · 24-07-2014 01:46PM

In the hotel after my grandmother's funeral myself and the other 5 grandchildren were standing beside each other chatting. My cousin had recently gotten engaged and three of the rest of us were living with our partners.

Our gran-aunt (my granny's sister-in-law) came over to us to congratulate the recently engaged couple and said "at least now one of you will be legal!"

Pinch Flat · 24-07-2014 02:06PM

An uncle of my wife's died recently. It was a country funeral - wake in the house, plenty of tea and hang sangwiches. We told our little fella - aged 7 - and headed down to the wake.

He was confused - how did he die? where will he go? Loads of questions in the car on the way down. First funeral he's been at.

So we get there and all the family are in the living room, all very somber and upset. My little guy walks into the room, takes one look at the open coffin, exclaims "ugh, creepy" and walked back out. I shouldn't have smiled but it was hard not to.

A cow called Daisy · 24-07-2014 04:01PM

Local priest telling me that once while queueing up to sympathise with the family at the funeral of a man that had been in hospital for the two weeks before he died.
An old lady in front of him looked at the corpse and said to the widow
"Ah God be good to him Mary, but doesnt Paddy look very well and at peace."
Mary replies, "Thanks Biddy, ah indeed he does, you know that last fortnight in hospital did him the world of good. He hasn't looked as well in months"

Followed by fit of coughing by priest as he tries not to laugh

Leogirl · 24-07-2014 04:11PM

A relative died a few years ago so all the family were back at another house for the usual tea, booze & sambo thing. House was packed but at that stage we weren’t expecting anyone else as this was just for family, close friends etc.

It was early Feb & freezing - a nice cold blast went through the house so my Mum jumps up & out to the hall -“which one of you pricks left the door open”. Then she cops it’s the parish priest. Instead of apologising – “Oh sh*t, its you ya fecker”.

Gave us all (including the priest) a good laugh!

tmabr · 24-07-2014 04:34PM

My dad tells this one all the time. Joke or true I don't know

At a wake in the flats in town. Early 70 s

The flat is small, lots of friends and neighbours coming in to pay respects and having a "few" drinks
The coffin is on 4 chairs, 2 either end .
Old mrs Murphy comes in and someone takes one of the coffin chairs for her.
Old mrs Doyle comes in and same again rom other end.
Coffin is now on 1 chair either end
Old man o Reilly comes in and someone gives him a coffin chair so the coffin is slanted.

A relation walks in and see,s this and goes mad.

A for jaysis sake. Everyone listen. Can I get 3 chairs for the coffin.

Half drunk crowd, ,,,,, hip hip hurray, hip hip,,,,,

True? But funny

Lady Chatterton · 24-07-2014 05:27PM

A few years ago, my brother and I howled with laughter after an elderly man threw his lotto slip into our Grand Aunt's coffin instead of a mass card

Gandalph · 24-07-2014 05:53PM

As a little kid I presumed the only way someone could die was through the use of firearms, don't know why. Don't remember who's funeral or where but when I was queuing up with my mother to shake hands with the grieving and instead of doing so when I got to the front, I just blurted out "Who shot him?!" No one knew what I was talking about so I just stood there awkwardly holding up the que waiting for a response.

NSAman · 24-07-2014 08:33PM

I remember being an altar boy at this particular funeral vividly. The priest was a tight old git, never gave us the money that the funeral party gave him for us. He was also a vicious bugger, who often gave a clip around the ear if you did something wrong.

Anyhow, the funeral cortege was on it's way and we had to go and ring the bell, one of the lads was much smaller than myself and the other fella, anyhow, being kids we pulled the bell rope strongly and he disappeared up into the bell tower, howling with laughter... we all got a clip around the ear.

The Funeral Started, I forgot the Bible the smaller guy forgot the wine and bread and the othe guy was holding the cross very close to the candles. The priest was really annoyed with us all, cursing under his breath, the smaller guy was beetroot red when the priest gave out to him, I was clipped around the ear again for forgetting the Bible, the other guys hood on his robe came into contact with the candles and caught fire. he was running around the altar with me patting the flame out, the small guy decided to throw what little water we had on him, all the time the family were looking at us and all you could see were people laughing, while their poor mother looked on in disbelief.

After the funeral, one of the sons came up to us handed us each 20 pounds (a fortune in those days) and said, lads that was the best mass I have ever been at... we were subsequently NEVER used as altar boys again..

johnayo · 24-07-2014 09:10PM

At my fathers removal many years ago, the coffin was taken out of the hearse and we get under it to shoulder it into the Church. My brother in law goes for it the wrong way and for a few awkward moments he is standing under the coffin facing me.
Oh I would have loved to hear what dad would have called him.:D

foxy farmer · 24-07-2014 09:28PM

Might be slightly off topic but anyway. My mother told a funny story about feeding workers who were drafted into her home place each year for the harvest and thrashing 50 odd years ago. One day at the dinner one of the lads pipes up to another.
"Jerry, you buried your father since we were here last year."
"We did boy" replies Jerry." Sure we had to do something with him when he died."

CrazyRabbit · 24-07-2014 11:11PM

"In the name of the Father, and the Son, and into the hole he goes".

DazMarz · 25-07-2014 12:04AM

This happened a few years ago at a funeral of the father of an old friend of mine. My friend fell on hard times a while back, so he was unable to contribute much to the funeral or the afters.

His sister, who is something of a bitch but who is also fabulously wealthy, was taking care of everything financially. Including the afters.

My friend and his sister are not on the best of terms, bordering on hating each other. So there was a lot of tension on the day.

The afters was no soup-and-sandwiches job. This was a proper, sit-down, 4-course, slap-up meal. In one of the plushest hotels in Cork city (the friend's father was originally from Cork). All of this was being paid by the friend's sister. However, it was easy to see from her that she was not happy with paying for the lot.

As every guest filed into the dining room of the hotel, a little bit more blood drained from her face. This was running at about €50/€60 per head. Add up about 100-150 guests, and you can imagine.

Anyway, I was coming in from the bathroom, heading back to the dining room just before the meal was being served. As I cross the lobby, I clock my friend, talking with four complete strangers.

He was there trying to convince them to come into the dining room and have a meal... in order to stick the sister with 4 extra meals. I was nearly crying laughing at this...

Mrs W · 25-07-2014 12:14AM

I was at the funeral of a man I worked withs son who had died by suicide, he had lived abroad so I'd never met him. I was introduced to his wife at the graveside and in all awkwardness said "lovely to meet you"

At my grandads funeral one of the neighbours was saying one decade of the rosary but didn't quite know the words.... My 2 cousins were In tears laughing but trying to hide it, hunched over, shaking with the laughing while my mam their backs pretending they were crying

wp_rathead · 25-07-2014 12:19AM

Was at my uncles funeral, he tragically got killed when was hit by car out cycling.. now its the bit in the funeral home where people come in and pay their respects when this lad comes in with a big Hi-vis jacket by the RSA with "be safe- be seen" on the back in massive letters..
..now in fairness the guy may not have been aware of how my uncle had died but **** me was it like something in a sitcom where everyone does like a "double look" with a "oh no he isn't wearing what I think it is, is he?" expression on their faces ..

Looking back now we laugh about it - but jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysus

TheBlock · 25-07-2014 12:38AM

A long held tradition in our local many years ago when someone died was to take up a collection for the family (well before insurance and stuff). Anyhow Granda Block had been very unwell for a few weeks and after a long absence from the bar rumours circulated of his demise, a collection hat was promptly passed around, Granda Block strolled in the back door and threw a shilling in asking who it was for. He had a rare aul sup from his "collection" and lasted another 15 years or so!!

The Letheram · 25-07-2014 01:37AM

I remember being at my mates dads funeral. The coffin was just getting taken out of the hearse. Bear in mind this is a very rural area. The local undertaker had just gotten a hearse that you press e button and the coffin slides out automatically. When he pressed the button an auld fella behind me exclaimed in awe "jaysus, shes a tipper". My best mate went from grief to a big grin in that instant.

sligojoek · 25-07-2014 01:41AM

Two stories.

I gave my father in law a lift to a removal one evening. We went through the motions at the funeral home and went out for a smoke. Some auld fellow who was very deaf and spoke very loud came out behind us. My father in law knew him and they got chatting.

FIL: *shouting* Poor **** went quick. Didn't he?
Deaf man: *shouting louder* Twasn't half quick enough.
FIL: *shouting* Ah sure, he wasn''t the worst.
Deaf man:*shouting even louder again* He was nothin' only a bollox.

All the smokers scattered in case they were blamed.

Another time I went to Limerick to the funeral of the mother of a friend of mine. I was queuing up to say goodbye to my friend when the bloke in front of me butted in on a conversation my friend was having with two others and said, " He's not still going on about his auld fu*king mother. is he?" and walked off.

A few days later I brought it up with my friend. He told me he himself had said the same thing at the other fellow's mother's funeral a few years before and the other fellow was getting his own back.

25-07-2014 09:15AM

My mate's Dad died in his 50's and it was fairly out of the blue, in that he wasn't ill or anything. My friend was put in charge of organising the music for the church and selected a lovely piece of classical music from his Dad's collection. So all was ready to go, all pal had to do was hit 'play' on the CD player. But he forgot to check that the player was in CD mode and of course it wasn't. It was switched to 'Radio'. Queue BETTER CALL 11890 to the tune of Everybody Was Kung Foo Fighting being blared out across the entire church. Poor bloke. I think the priest had to hide his smirk.

eamonnq · 25-07-2014 09:34AM

Was recently asked to burn a CD of a song to be played at a funeral, the CD was going to be collected from me and was going straight to the funeral mass. When I went to burn the CD one of the first songs I saw for selection was 'Party Rock Anthem', the temptation 'almost' proved irresistible.

Fiolina · 25-07-2014 03:43PM

After my Da died we met the undertaker in the house to discuss the arrangements for the funeral. Not having really gone through this kind of thing before we didn't really know what to be asking. We decided on a few things to be placed on the coffin and my sister asked would it be an idea to have a photo of him put there too.The undertaker went kind of quiet for a minute and said "ok, so you want a picture of your dead dad on the coffin?". ....eh no.

We were looking through mass cards after the funeral and one distant relative had written " so sorry to hear about your dead dad". I presume she meant to write "dear".

I think it's good to be able to look back and laugh at such a sad time.

ShiftStorm · 25-07-2014 03:59PM

My family attended the wake of a local woman and ill-advisedly brought my little brother along with us.

We go into the very sombre room filled with the poor woman's grieving relatives where the body is laid out, and my brother points at the body and asks loudly "who's he??"

:eek:

Pyridine · 25-07-2014 04:18PM

When I was in primary school in the 80's there was a fad for glue sniffing amongst a certain group. Inevitably one of them did it a bit too much and kicked the bucket. Didn't know the guy at all.

Queue a few days later and the entire primary school is brought to the funeral mass. I always hated mass....found/find it terribly boring and always get a fit of yawning. The really deep yawns with tears.

Anyway so here I am, in a church at a funeral mass for some guy I didn't know, bored literally to tears. So I start chatting away to my friend who I was sitting next to about some stuff that we were interested in at the time, whatever it was.

Next thing I get a wallop across the back of the head from one of the teachers, with the exclamation "Have some respect and stop talking!!!"

I had literally just had one of the worst fits of yawning ever, so I end up turning around with tears streaming down my face. The angry look on the teachers face turns completely to embarrassment as he doesn't know where to look, thinking that I'm grief stricken by this guys passing. He just whispers "I'm really sorry for you, you must have been close".

I just turned back around and started giggle away to myself, making sure he didn't catch me, lest I get another few clatters.

Still chuckle away when I remember it.

Soft inda Head · 25-07-2014 08:08PM

My ma died of cancer a few years back. She was from Dublin, but moved to Mayo under the Rural Resettlement Scheme back in the 90's. She took the 4 youngest with her and the other 5 stayed in Dublin where they had already settled. She was waked in her house, and for the first time in perhaps a decade all 9 of her children were under the same roof.

The youngest sister was introducing all of the locals to us Dubs as they came to pay their respects. There was this guy who had come in looking a little disheveled and distracted. He apologised and explained that his cows were having calves and he had been up all night. As with every other visitor that day he shook each of our hands in turn and expressed his sorrow. When he had left the youngest sister pipes up "Just imagine, he had that hand up some poor cows ar$e all night" reduced the room to fits of laughter.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 25-07-2014 08:15PM

At my dads wake, my aunt who is the holiest nun on earth was walking around drinking her tea from my mug which had 'Same S**t Different Day' written in big writing on it. She couldnt figure out why everyone was giggling as she spoke to them.

mackeire · 25-07-2014 08:47PM

My grandads funeral about 10 years ago and just when we were about to leave the graveyard, me auntie had a shovel in her hands and started shovelling the dirt into the grave!
Have to say, it's not only one of the funniest things I've ever seen at a funeral, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life

2 stroke · 25-07-2014 09:05PM

At a family funeral, a relative commented to me that he'd prefer that there was less drinking at funerals.
A few weeks later, I was at his funeral and remembered his words. It was Good Friday, and I was certain that he was having a good laugh at us.

freshpopcorn · 25-07-2014 09:11PM

Soft inda Head wrote: »

The youngest sister was introducing all of the locals to us Dubs as they came to pay their respects. There was this guy who had come in looking a little disheveled and distracted. He apologised and explained that his cows were having calves and he had been up all night. As with every other visitor that day he shook each of our hands in turn and expressed his sorrow. When he had left the youngest sister pipes up "Just imagine, he had that hand up some poor cows ar$e all night" reduced the room to fits of laughter.

I hope he washed his hands!

Daveysil15 · 25-07-2014 09:16PM

I know its acted but the bit at 1:34 cracks me up and something I saw once at a funeral.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NndzLS7JvJY

BofaDeezNuhtz · 29-07-2014 01:38AM

Years ago with an Ex-girlfriend and her older sister lost a teenage son unexpectedly.
So we're over at hers and the local priest arrives to console her and go thru the
details of the funeral etc. Of course I jumps up to give him my chair at the head
of the dining table and asks in time honoured tradition "Tea Father???" all Mrs Doyley and off I
pops into the kitchen. Being in a strange kitchen I'm just grabbing stuff at random etc and
brings him out a big mug a tae'. Grand.

So the Ma's in bits as is the teenage sister of the departed and the priest is now giving it socks,
he's in full flow about how 'He's headed to a better place, so young yes but he'll be waiting
at the gates for you, and you said he had a great sense of humour so he can keep God laughing
until yis follow him up there etc' and all that craic being as holy and contrite and as gently spoken as
the situation rightly deserved etc.

He musta thought we were all in bits with grief, a very close family indeed etc, all covering our faces with
our hands, shoulders gently twitching and shaking away, so on he went on for ages, right up to the huge
explosion of laughter from us all!!! I mean pissing ourselves right into his face, tears the lot lol.

The mortified mother eventually said "Somebody get that cup off him and change it for godsake, I'm terribly sorry father
there's been a huge mistake etc, I'm terribly terribly sorry etc."

He was only sitting at the head of the table preaching to us, being all solemn and stuff holding out a big white mug in front
of him that had in big red capital letters the words.....

I LOVE
SEX!!!

Yes it cheered everyone up. And yes I know I'm going to hell

Mars Bar · 29-07-2014 04:58AM

A woman walked up to my granny at my great aunts funeral and in all seriousness, said "ara sure, funerals are much better than weddings. It's just the one family and not split in two like a wedding."

Funny moments at funeral's!

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