Most cringe worthy thing that ever happened during sex?

bobrawn20 wrote: »

I feel like I dropped straight into an erotica novel. Jesus.

anthonyos wrote: »

Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

Fat Christy wrote: »

I think we like different categories....:pac:

House of Blaze wrote: »

I'll probably be hung for this but it was an honest mistake.

This has to go down as one of the biggest misunderstandings in the history of sex but..

I got lucky one night with this gorgeous nordie girl while out on the tear and took her back to mine as you do etc.

Later, we were going at it when she starts coming out with some really filthy stuff, telling me I can cum in her face and that I could f**k her in the em.. rear and just generally really filthy talk.

So, i'm actually pretty shocked at this point. And in my head i'm thinking "Jaysus this is a bit much for the first night isn't it?"

Anyway we keep at it and she starts going "Aw you can slap me if you want, you can slap me if you want" and, "would it turn you on if you slapped me" and all of this. So im kind of a little bit put off to be honest as I thought it was already a bit much for a one night stand.

So on I go, and i'm trying to keep my focus but she keeps on at it "oh go on slap me, you can slap me if you want" and at this point im basically thinking "Well she's obviously mad for the kinky stuff, maybe I should just do it?"

So I up and slapped her across the face with my manliest "Is this what you want is it?"

She immediately just kind of froze and turned her head away. Went dead still.

I realised (obviously) at this point that I had definitely gotten this wrong and just sort of hugged her and said sorry I thought that's what you wanted like... whilst dying inside at what had just happened.

Next morning was interesting to say the least.

Apparently her intention had been for me to just provide a little light spanking. I hadn't obviously full on burst her across the face, it was about the same amount of force that you would spank someone with, but the shock of it had obviously been pretty bad.

Ugh.. Dying just thinking about it.

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Fcuk it!

I was about 20 and was on/off seeing this absolute cracker of a girl, proper stunner like. Anyway, I got a text off her on my Siemens C25. I hopped into my lovely 1990 red Nissan Micra and floored it to her free gaff. It was a lovely summers Day and that cnut Craig David was on the radio...Fill me in. Yes it was that long ago.

After about 15 minutes of acting the bollox I went down on her. I fcuking love doing it so I took my time and did what I do best. When she was finished she grabbed me by the head and went for a kiss. She looked at me and asked what I had on my face. I didn't know what she was on about but got up and had a look in the mirror. Still didn't know what it was and just wiped it off.

It was only when I left later on that I realised that the filthy fcuker went bareback with some bastard that dropped his load in her the night before. I had effectively been eating congealed loads of man fat from her.

Fcuking still don't feel right.

Muise... wrote: »

I'm cringing right now at the multitude of descriptions of cavernous vaginas.