Most cringe worthy thing that ever happened during sex?

sleepytrees

I think it was a fanny fart for me.. It was with a guy I was having a causal fling with. Wouldn't give two hoots if it happen with my husband (has never happened with him) but no... the biggest fanny fart ya ever did hear with fling and the awkward silence afterwards..:mad::eek:

What about you?

fleet_admiral

sleepytrees wrote: »

I think it was a fanny fart for me.. It was with a guy I was having a causal fling with. Wouldn't give two hoots if it happen with my husband (has never happened with him) but no... the biggest fanny fart ya ever did hear with fling and the awkward silence afterwards..:mad::eek:

What about you?

Playing snooker with a piece of string is he?

sleepytrees

fleet_admiral wrote: »

Playing snooker with a piece of string is he?

Wha?

Schwiiing

sleepytrees wrote: »

Wha?

Is he throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street?

Lucifer MorningStar

Peed on some wans face once

sleepytrees

Schwiiing wrote: »

Was he throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street?

ah jaysis here don't make me more depressed than I am. He could have been small or I could have a vagina like the The Bermuda Triangle.

Moving on... Any other stories?

sleepytrees

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

Peed on some wans face once

Are you German by any chance?

raze_them_all_

sleepytrees wrote: »

ah jaysis here don't make me more depressed than I am. He could of been small or I could have a vagina like the The Bermuda Triangle.

Moving on... Any other stories?

A fanny like a hippos yawn

Schwiiing

sleepytrees wrote: »

ah jaysis here don't make me more depressed than I am. He could of have been small or I could have a vagina like the The Bermuda Triangle.

Moving on... Any other stories?

I'm sorry for being a Grammar Nazi but that annoys more than you could ever imagine.

Gongoozler

I've peed myself, that's pretty embarrassing. Most other things are just sex things and if the other person doesn't laugh or makes you feel bad, they're a bit too serious about the whole thing

sleepytrees

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

A fanny like a hippos yawn

and here was I wondering why giving birth was so easy...:D

sleepytrees

Schwiiing wrote: »

I'm sorry for being a grammar nazi but that annoys more than you could ever imagine.

Soz dat I havs made thats mastake

wazky

She woke up....

wp_rathead

Was drunk and for some reason went "This is fun", got fit off giggles cause of stupidity of it - she did not find it funny so I was just there laughing to myself like a psycho..

Schwiiing

sleepytrees wrote: »

Soz dat I havs made thats mastake

http://replygif.net/i/132.gif

sleepytrees

Schwiiing wrote: »

http://replygif.net/i/132.gif

:D:D

Maphisto

Was quite embarrassing when the Rohypnal wore off

Fat Christy

Schwiiing wrote: »

Is he throwing a cocktail sausage down O'Connell Street?

I think certain positions are more likely to cause fanny farting. Doggy style is fcuker for the fanny farts.

Doodoo

Dislocated my knee, stopped, popped it back in and carried on.

Lucifer MorningStar

sleepytrees wrote: »

Are you German by any chance?

Nein

The Master

Her dick was bigger than mine..

sleepytrees

Go home with a guy and realize you haven't shaved anywhere.. Fake a German accent and convince him it's a cultural thing.. you're not hairy on purpose like..

sam34

The guy referred to my clit as my "love pimple" and to our respective bits as "him" and "her" eg "he really likes it when she squeezes him like that".

Sweet suffering Jesus. I like dirty talk in bed, but that ain't how to do it!

Fat Christy

Just reading some of these posts makes me realise I really have no shame.

fleet_admiral

didnt happen to me but one of my mates.

We were camping on the grounds of a hostel in the south of france in 2002 and had been drinking all day. one of the lads got lucky with a salad dodging canadian girl and took her back to his tent. I was already in bed by the time they got back and started riding, my mate was full of drink and started farting non stop with every thrust. Not little parps but big crop dusting farts literally with every thrust. He and myself were in stitches but he carried on

sleepytrees

The Master wrote: »

Her dick was bigger than mine..

Are you sure it just wasn't her clit that was bigger than your dick?

sleepytrees

fleet_admiral wrote: »

didnt happen to me but one of my mates.

We were camping on the grounds of a hostel in the south of france in 2002 and had been drinking all day. one of the lads got lucky with a salad dodging canadian girl and took her back to his tent. I was already in bed by the time they got back and started riding, my mate was full of drink and started farting non stop with every thrust. Not little parps but big crop dusting farts literally
with every thrust. He and myself were in stitches but he carried on

**** I just spit out my tea.. too funny :D:D:D:D:D

Lucifer MorningStar

fleet_admiral wrote: »

didnt happen to me but one of my mates.

We were camping on the grounds of a hostel in the south of france in 2002 and had been drinking all day. one of the lads got lucky with a salad dodging canadian girl and took her back to his tent. I was already in bed by the time they got back and started riding, my mate was full of drink and started farting non stop with every thrust. Not little parps but big crop dusting farts literally with every thrust. He and myself were in stitches but he carried on

Think I heard a story like this on here a while back or something very similar. Hilarious stuff though

fleet_admiral

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

Think I heard a story like this on here a while back or something very similar. Hilarious stuff though

it could have been me under my last account that I closed

sleepytrees

sam34 wrote: »

The guy referred to my clit as my "love pimple" and to our respective bits as "him" and "her" eg "he really likes it when she squeezes him like that".

Sweet suffering Jesus. I like dirty talk in bed, but that ain't how to do it!

Sounds like Larry Murphy.. psycho..

sleepytrees

Fat Christy wrote: »

I think certain positions are more likely to cause fanny farting. Doggy style is fcuker for the fanny farts.

Yes it was doggy style actually.. Should be called Fanny Fart Style..

whupdedo

I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** i nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it

Fat Christy

sleepytrees wrote: »

Yes it was doggy style actually.. Should be called Fanny Fart Style..

It's easier to get air trapped in their doing it that way, especially if he's coming out a lot. I'd say it's still tight, never mind the rest of them.

Fat Christy

whupdedo wrote: »

I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** it nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it

I have sex on period the whole time. Sure, it's grand.

Okay, I'm leaving this thread because the only posts I found cringey was the farty one and the poster who peed herself. :pac:

House of Blaze

Fat Christy wrote: »

I have sex on period the whole time. Sure, it's grand.

Okay, I'm leaving this thread because the only posts I found cringey was the farty one and the poster who peed herself. :pac:

Looks down, sees penis that looks like it has been used to perform open heart surgery...

Feels like a man! :cool:

Frosty McSnowballs

I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!

sleepytrees

whupdedo wrote: »

I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** it nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it

I don't know if I should laugh or cry :mad: What a witch for not letting you know:mad:

beano345

sleepytrees wrote: »

Soz dat I havs made thats mastake

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/Bitbi7w

sleepytrees

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!

oh god why..............

anthonyos

Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

Walshey96

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

A fanny like a hippos yawn

Lovely set of beef curtains

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!

...what were you thinking?

Ok this didn't happen to me, swear to god, it was a friend of mine. A lad she'd been casually seeing for a while came back to hers after a night on the drink, away they go and then in the middle of things he stops and goes "eeh, do you feel something wet?" they turn on the the lights and there's blood everywhere. He starts accusing her of being on her period but turns out that whatever move she made she'd torn something or other of his. He was hammered as well so it was a LOT of blood. Poor guy had to go to hospital. I saw her the day afterwards and she was actually really upset by the whole thing, her room looked like a horror film too.

Frosty McSnowballs

sleepytrees wrote: »

oh god why..............

Alcohol....obviously like.

Manc Red

anthonyos wrote: »

Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

So you were watching?

Fat Christy

Ignacio Nutty Trucker wrote: »

...what were you thinking?

Ok this didn't happen to me, swear to god, it was a friend of mine. A lad she'd been casually seeing for a while came back to hers after a night on the drink, away they go and then in the middle of things he stops and goes "eeh, do you feel something wet?" they turn on the the lights and there's blood everywhere. He starts accusing her of being on her period but turns out that whatever move she made she'd torn something or other of his. He was hammered as well so it was a LOT of blood. Poor guy had to go to hospital. I saw her the day afterwards and she was actually really upset by the whole thing, her room looked like a horror film too.

Ouchies, sounds like a banjo string snapped.

sleepytrees

anthonyos wrote: »

Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P

Frosty McSnowballs

sleepytrees wrote: »

I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P

Dirty bastard.

LizzieJones

A few years ago I was with my FWB and for some reason he was taking FOREVER to get to the 'main event'. I had already gotten to mine so he decided he was going to finish himself off with his hand.

So there I was naked in bed and all cuddled up to FWB. My head resting on his shoulder and happily watching him bring himself to completion. When it finally happened it was so forceful that I got hit square in the eyes and dammit does that stuff sting.

As I wiped the cum out of my eyes all I could hear was FWB laughing his ass off but once he determined that I wasn't going to be blind for the rest of my life and a lawsuit wasn't happening he chuckled to himself for the rest of the weekend. The next week he brought me a brand new pair of safety glasses should I ever need them again.

Manc Red

This thread is making me vomit. I can't believe people don't shower before having sex or at the very least, wash after having a #2.

sleepytrees

Manc Red wrote: »

This thread is making me vomit. I can't believe people don't shower before having sex or at the very least, wash after having a #2.

Who said anything about NOT showering before or after sex?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Fat Christy wrote: »

Ouchies, sounds like a banjo string snapped.

Ouchies is right. Though they were still seeing each other for a couple of months afterwards so she must have been doing something right