The most socially awkward moment of your life?

LaHaine · 07-07-2014 11:17PM

bluewolf wrote: »

That's correct... unless you're a she...

True but it sounded hideously formal and awkward

Wacker The Attacker · 07-07-2014 11:29PM

Person 1: Hi how are you?

Me: Fack off you cant

Nedbroy · 07-07-2014 11:34PM

Meeting my boyfriends Dad for the first time, the three of us went for a drink in cool little pub with a traditional Irish music session in full swing, you know the type where everyone brings their own instruments and just play away. Knowing he played a few wind instruments himself and seeing how into it he was I turned and said to him 'ah Mr.X, I bet you'd love to whip out your flute!'
Cue awkward confused silence and my bf almost choking on his pint in shock/horror then laughter...

spear_mint · 07-07-2014 11:35PM

1st year in secondary school

sitting in one of those class rooms which are like a movie theatre , long cushion type rows rather than individual seats - chairs , my pen fell and rolled behind the classmate who was sitting next to me , i reached back for it , he leaned back and my hand briefly came in contact with his buttocks

he stood up and accused me of feeling him up , i still get the horrors about it nearly a quater of a century later

Maphisto · 07-07-2014 11:43PM

When we both worked in London, my wife was in charge of organising her office party.

Getting people to agree what they wanted to do was a bit like herding cats. Some wanted curry, some chinese. A compromise was arrived at that they would go for any sort of food providing the place had some music and a bit of buzz.

She set about phoning places and checking their menu and whether there was music. One place she spoke sounded promising. It had music and the food was OK. What sort of music asked my wife and then just to clarify it further "We don't just want a man playing with himself."

I think they settled for a chinese.

House of Blaze · 07-07-2014 11:48PM

JaMarcusHustle wrote: »

I always get caught in between 2 things I want to say too, like after an important presentation to a client where instead of saying "take care" or "all the best", I said "take the best". Would have been tolerable had I got away with it, but one of them asked me what I meant. I had to explain to 3 important clients in front of our department president that I meant to say one of 2 things and said neither.

That sent cringe directly into my brain.

chupacabra · 07-07-2014 11:52PM

calling my teacher "mom"

bb1234567 · 08-07-2014 12:04AM

House of Blaze wrote: »

The worst one I remember comes from when I was about 16 years old and had just started hanging around with a big group of people.

We were all hanging around the estate waiting for people to get ready for a party we were all heading to, when the girls all came out in a big group, all dolled up to the nines as you do.

I was looking over all the girls all dolled up and looking well, and this one girl , who I actually got on pretty well with, I noticed wasn't quite as made up as the others.

She was wearing the glad rags and all that and was always pretty heavy on the make up but her hair was just same as it ever was.

Short enough and tied into a bit of a ponytail at the back. The rest of the girls had all put it up or done whatever with it but hers was just the usual.

So It occurred to me that I'd never seen her with anything down to hair so I asked her "Hey, xxxx, how come you never do anything with your hair?"

Everyone present immediately froze in place. A noticeable intake of breath from the group.

She stared at me with her eyes starting to water and her lower lip trembling for a few seconds before turning and running full speed away back to her house in a flood of tears.

I of course was totally dumfounded until one of the lads turned around and informed me that the girl in question actually had alopecia, and that her hair was in fact a wig.

I was f**king mortified.

Went red just reading that.

Raminahobbin · 08-07-2014 12:12AM

When you accidentally end a phone call to someone you're not in a relationship with or related to with "okay, bye, love you!"

Happened me in work last week. On the phone to my bosses dad.

Toots · 08-07-2014 12:12AM

mike_ie wrote: »

Was wondering when the Trainspotting reference would come

Please tell me you didn't catapult shíte all over her family the following morning.

InReality · 08-07-2014 12:20AM

House of Blaze wrote: »

The worst one I remember comes from when I was about 16 years old and had just started hanging around with a big group of people.

We were all hanging around the estate waiting for people to get ready for a party we were all heading to, when the girls all came out in a big group, all dolled up to the nines as you do.

I was looking over all the girls all dolled up and looking well, and this one girl , who I actually got on pretty well with, I noticed wasn't quite as made up as the others.

She was wearing the glad rags and all that and was always pretty heavy on the make up but her hair was just same as it ever was.

Short enough and tied into a bit of a ponytail at the back. The rest of the girls had all put it up or done whatever with it but hers was just the usual.

So It occurred to me that I'd never seen her with anything down to hair so I asked her "Hey, xxxx, how come you never do anything with your hair?"

Everyone present immediately froze in place. A noticeable intake of breath from the group.

She stared at me with her eyes starting to water and her lower lip trembling for a few seconds before turning and running full speed away back to her house in a flood of tears.

I of course was totally dumfounded until one of the lads turned around and informed me that the girl in question actually had alopecia, and that her hair was in fact a wig.

I was f**king mortified.

Jezus that's harsh man.

Tokyo · 08-07-2014 12:22AM

Toots* wrote: »

Please tell me you didn't catapult shíte all over her family the following morning.

No.... but damn near kacked myself in their hallway though when I met her old man, up for his morning tinkle....

The Backwards Man · 08-07-2014 12:26AM

I was best man for a friend's wedding. (obviously, he wouldn't have asked me if I wasn't a friend)

Decided not to write a speech and thought I would just wing it on the day.

People kept buying me brandy and of course, I kept drinking it. Came to the speeches, I stood up, looked at the bride and groom, says

'You're both wile sound' and sat down again. Some say it's the best Best Man speech they ever heard.

When the chief bridesmaid went to take me out me out for the first dance I was snoring my head off in my room

Surprisingly, we are still great friends.

smurgen · 08-07-2014 12:30AM

Have loads of bad ones but I'll pick a recent enough one for now. One was when I scored with a girl I was seeing at the time in my mother's house after a night out,we were both in bed and my mother bolted into the room without knocking to put something on the rads.she didn't realize anyone was in there.your one had no blanket on her. My mam panicked,apologized and ran out but on her way the young ones knickers/g string wrapped around my mother's foot and got dragged out the door.

castletownman · 08-07-2014 12:39AM

At the weekend I went into my local for a pint and a fella I knew but hadn't seen around in ages was sitting up at the bar. Got talking to him and noticed he was slurring his words and went "jeez lad you must be locked. Can't understand a word your saying". Turns out he had had a stroke that damaged his speech. Of course I was oblivious to that fact but the moment of awkward silence that greeted me will haunt me for a long time.

Nib · 08-07-2014 12:44AM

Every Christmas the local Parish priest visited our house for a cup of tea and a chat. My Mam helped out a lot in the local church, the priest was a lovely man and a family friend. My Mam bought him a present every year, nothing too extravagant. Anyway, this particular year she bought him a glass chalice thingy. She also bought her sister a novelty dildo. Problem was there was no name tags on these gifts. My younger brother was told to go get the priest's gift, guess which one he gave him... The agonizing look on my Mother's face will stay with me forever as she realised what was happening. He opened it there and then. To say he went red is an understatement. Cue nervous laughter from all present. In the end, he was given his proper gift and left.

That was the last time Fr. Dunne visited us at Christmas.

andyman · 08-07-2014 12:53AM

Anybody else ever said 'Thank You' to an ATM machine with half of Dublin queuing behind you on one of the busiest streets in our capital?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater · 08-07-2014 01:00AM

After having a dose of the trots for a day or two, I was out one Thursday night for college breakup, coming up to Christmas. Anyway, we're out the back of the pub in the smoking area, and the whole place is wedged.

Just as I was about to tip in to the toilets to take care of business, I'm handed a pint bought by a girl who's friends of a friend and who I've been with before. Forgetting myself, I chat away, sipping my pint, sneakily squeezing out a fart to take away some of the pressure. Only a fart it is not. The togs have been shat.

All I can do is make an excuse and hastily sidle my way in to the pub towards the jacks making sure that nobody sees my arse as my jeans are pale and probably showing signs of damage. Assessing the damage, I remove the jocks which are beyond saving, and (not proud of this) all I can do is peg them out a window into an empty alleyway.

Sidle back out into bar, quickly find coat and proceed to leave the pub with it tied around my waist and walk up the street in -4 degrees in a t-shirt. Thank god I lived nearby.

I think that girl thought I blew her off but I couldn't tell her the truth either. Sorry Eileen!

Pity, she was hot.

obplayer · 08-07-2014 01:04AM

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote: »

After having a dose of the trots for a day or two, I was out one Thursday night for college breakup, coming up to Christmas. Anyway, we're out the back of the pub in the smoking area, and the whole place is wedged.

Just as I was about to tip in to the toilets to take care of business, I'm handed a pint bought by a girl who's friends of a friend and who I've been with before. Forgetting myself, I chat away, sipping my pint, sneakily squeezing out a fart to take away some of the pressure. Only a fart it is not. The togs have been shat.

All I can do is make an excuse and hastily sidle my way in to the pub towards the jacks making sure that nobody sees my arse as my jeans are pale and probably showing signs of damage. Assessing the damage, I remove the jocks which are beyond saving, and (not proud of this) all I can do is peg them out a window into an empty alleyway.

Sidle back out into bar, quickly find coat and proceed to leave the pub with it tied around my waist and walk up the street in -4 degrees in a t-shirt. Thank god I lived nearby.

I think that girl thought I blew her off but I couldn't tell her the truth either. Sorry Eileen!

Pity, she was hot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb6zFLQeWBk

Hotfail.com · 08-07-2014 01:08AM

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote: »

After having a dose of the trots for a day or two, I was out one Thursday night for college breakup, coming up to Christmas. Anyway, we're out the back of the pub in the smoking area, and the whole place is wedged.

Just as I was about to tip in to the toilets to take care of business, I'm handed a pint bought by a girl who's friends of a friend and who I've been with before. Forgetting myself, I chat away, sipping my pint, sneakily squeezing out a fart to take away some of the pressure. Only a fart it is not. The togs have been shat.

All I can do is make an excuse and hastily sidle my way in to the pub towards the jacks making sure that nobody sees my arse as my jeans are pale and probably showing signs of damage. Assessing the damage, I remove the jocks which are beyond saving, and (not proud of this) all I can do is peg them out a window into an empty alleyway.

Sidle back out into bar, quickly find coat and proceed to leave the pub with it tied around my waist and walk up the street in -4 degrees in a t-shirt. Thank god I lived nearby.

I think that girl thought I blew her off but I couldn't tell her the truth either. Sorry Eileen!

Pity, she was hot.

So you didn't get to Come on Eileen?

D'you know what? Fúck it I'll leave, sorry :pac:

The Pheasant2 · 08-07-2014 01:18AM

First day starting a new job in a restaurant I went in to do some training.

It was a young lad training me, short guy, maybe a year or two older than myself (I was 18)

Anyway as we're working we're making the usual small talk:

Him: So you're in college yeah? What are you studying?

Me: Yeah just started first year, doing X&Y...what about yourself? What year are you in?

Him (looking somewhat wounded): erm...I'm 37.

Me: .........

KKkitty · 08-07-2014 01:29AM

Puking outside mass on Good Friday after eating what I can only describe as weird tasting tuna.

Gremlinertia · 08-07-2014 01:36AM

A few years back I popped into to local for a few cheeky afternoon pints, girl working has a somewhat frosty reputation, I'm not bothered just here for beer.. Pop out for a smoke and the door gives an awful bang so I think i must watch for that going back in..
Your wan workin the bar comes outside just as I'm finished my smoke, after I quench it I head back in.. Remembering the wallop the door made as I go in g stick my hand back behind me to prevent the sound. Only it doesn't feel like a door.. Yup I've just grabbed a good handful of fanny.
I'm scarleh just typing that..

thelad95 · 08-07-2014 01:45AM

I remember in 3rd year it was the day before the Christmas holidays and a teacher bought in a box of sweets which she was passing around the class. She came to me and put the box in front of me. I took one out and said ''Thanks Mam''. I turned a bright shade of pink

Also, in TY I had this job interview for part-time summer work. Walking in to the room I was really nervous. They shook my hand and asked ''How are you?'' to which I replied ''16''. Needless to say I didn't get the job.

EoghanIRL · 08-07-2014 01:47AM

The majority of people don't realise that my mum's dad is actually her step father . My mum constantly gets " you are the head off your father " or " you look like your father's side of the family " and so on . I get " you look like your grandfather etc ..."

It is so awkward .

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 08-07-2014 01:49AM

The Backwards Man best man speech reminded me of this one.

At a teammates wedding, some of the lads had been on the lash the day and night before the wedding, not the groom himself, but the best man and groomsmen. They had a couple of shorts to deal with the hangover, and a couple of lines of colombian marching powder, just to make them seem sober. Best man took an E tablet too.

Wedding ceremony passed smoothly and we all landed back at the hotel. The boys hit the booze again, and were becoming fairly lairy. Best man had a speech written out beforehand, but decided to tear it up and just play it by ear. Bad move.

He stood up and addressed the crowd. "Alright pissheads?" thinking he'd get a laugh, but nobody did. He copped on, a bit, just said a few simple words and went to sit back down.

"Boo" someone called "give us a good story"

Well, the best man jumps back up.
"I'll give ye a story" he says "once myself and (groom) were at this party. We were the only 2 blokes at it, and there were 5 women.."

Next thing the groom's hand shot up, grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him back down into his chair. "STFU you!"

Every single person in the audience just sat there like that :eek:

Hammer Archer · 08-07-2014 01:56AM

A good few years ago, I visited a friend from college in Germany and we stayed in his parents' house for a few nights.

On the first night, before going to bed I went into the living room and said (in my best Leaving Cert German) "Gute Nacht" to his parents. They both turned to me and gave me the weirdest looks. After a few seconds pause, they both replied "Gute Nacht".
I wandered back to my room thinking how weird their reactions had been. That was until my friend enlightened me. I had pronounced the 'ch' in 'Nacht' as 'ck'. What I actually said was "Gute nackt" to them. 'nackt' means naked.

The most regular awkward moment from me is in the cinema when the cashier says "Enjoy the movie" and I reply "Thanks, you too". I say that at least once a year.
I have also uttered the phrase "So's your ma" to a guy whose mother had died less than a year beforehand.

goz83 · 08-07-2014 01:58AM

Started new job 10 years ago. Going to sales meeting. Get into the lift at the Ilac centre with my female trainer and another lad. She was whinging about being broke all week and was in a bit of a foul mood (I later found out this was normal for her, being from Cavan

). I had eaten a chicken roll and the night before, I had a snack box and I wasn't feeling 100%, with a bit of a runny nose. Just as the lift doors close, I need to sneeze. I was terrified I would snot out, so tried holding in the blast. Only, it came out the other end in gale force and thunder and felt like I had ripped my arse open. The chicken smell was unreal too, hitting us instantly in humid weather. I thought the doors would never open! The two of them were almost clawing at the doors, like I was a serial killer. :pac: Myself and the lad laughed about it later that day, but my trainer was less than impressed

and never let it go.

PizzamanIRL · 08-07-2014 02:03AM

I was at a summer camp when I was 13 or 14. There was this beautiful Italian girl there too. I knew some Italian from secondary school. I was shy. Camp leader or whatever he was knew I liked her. He was American - full of confidence and encouragement. He told me to write her a letter in Italian and he would deliver it to her camp house. I didn't, but another lad called Kevin who also fancied her asked me to write a letter to her, from him. I did.

The weeks went by and I still didn't say a word to her. Stared at her at the camp dinners whenever I had the chance like a big stalker and even had butterflies in my stomach at the dinner table when I saw her

. The last day came and the last camp dinner was had. Everyone got a yearbook kind of thing with everyone's photo in it from camp and some other stuff, getting it signed from your camp mates and all that crack. Mister confident American suggested I ask the Italian girl to sign it. I was all 'No, no. Hardly, sure I never talked to her before'. Eventually he convinced me since I wouldn't be seeing her again in my life.

She was with 2 girls and I went up and asked her to sign it. She said 'Who are you?....Kevin?' In a panic I just said yeah. So she signed the yearbook beside her face 'Hi Kevin

'

My whole time at camp was spent trying to see this Italian beauty at any given opportunity and she didn't even know I existed :pac: It probably doesn't sound that awkward but I can tell you it fecking was at the time, going up to her when she's with her friends asking her to sign it and she doesn't even know who's asking her. All I was left with was a signature beside her photo, addressed to some Kevin bastard.

_Whimsical_ · 08-07-2014 02:17AM

Not my social faux pas in this instance but I ended up being the subject of it.

When I was young I had a pretty serious illness and for a short time I needed to use a wheelchair when going out if I was going for long. On a rare escape to the outside world during that period I went to Penneys Christmas shopping with my mum one day. We qeued up to pay for something I was buying. Infront of us was a women with a buggy and behind us stretched a lengthy qeue .
So the cashier was in jolly good form that day and on seeing the child in the buggy arrive at the desk she stood up to have a look. Then loudly she bellowed down to the child
" oh look at you, all cosy and sitting down! Wish I could do my christmas shopping that way! And mammy pushing you everywhere, you're a big lazy bones, what are ya? A LAZY BONES".
The deafening silence of the mum and the horrified hush that descended over the qeue behind us as they craned to see was this woman addressing me must've tipped her off that something was a miss .She looked up and saw me sitting there in a wheelchair and I could see her visibly ready to pass out. I wanted to say something to kind of lighten the mood but nothing would come... so silently I paid and we left. You could have heard a pin drop during the sale.

When my cheeks stopped burning at the horror of it myself and mum roared laughing in the car. It was pretty excruciating while it happened though

The most socially awkward moment of your life?

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