What will/did you pay for for bridal party

Faith · 12-06-2014 09:23PM #1

Third time lucky with the poll, I hope!

There seems to be a lot of differing opinions about what you should pay for when it comes to your bridal party, with some choosing the bare minimum and some covering almost everything. I'm putting up a multiple choice poll, but I'd also love to hear why you did or did not choose to pay for certain things.

Faith · 12-06-2014 09:26PM

Now with multiple choice poll

hoodwinked · 12-06-2014 09:28PM

Bridesmaids dresses - paid, because i chose them so they would all look the same.
Bridesmaids shoes- did not pay as i did not choose as they could wear what they wanted.

Groomsmens suit hire - paid, again same as above.
Groomsmens shoes - did not pay, same as above
Bridesmaids hair - paid, as it was being done for my day
Bridesmaids makeup - paid, same as above,
Bridesmaids hair/makeup trials - did not pay, as there was none, hairdresser knew the girls personally.
Bridesmaids manicure - did not pay, as i didn't care what their nails looked like
Bridesmaids spray tan - did not pay, as i didn't care what their tan looked like or if they had one.
Rooms/accommodation for the night of the wedding or longer - paid, for bridesmaids and groomsmen. as a thank you for all they did for us, the groomsmen's rooms were more expensive but they did more work.

Accessories for the day (jewellery etc) - i bought the girls necklaces for the day as a thank you gift. my husband bought his groomsmen good hip flasks.
Chauffeured cars - did not pay, lifts were organised by family members/groomsmen so we only had 1 wedding car.

lazygal · 12-06-2014 09:29PM

As I said on the other thread we budgeted and paid for all expenses as we didn't want them out of pocket, so clothes, accommodation, dress, suit, shoes etc.
I don't see why paying for dresses or suits is optional unless you're letting the party wear their own clothes. Ditto alterations of same. I personally think accommodation should be covered as a thank you. Any time we've done bridal duty it's been covered.

Faith · 12-06-2014 09:31PM

lazygal wrote: »

I don't see why paying for dresses or suits is optional unless you're letting the party wear their own clothes. Ditto alterations of same.

I'd agree, but it's the complete opposite in the US, where bridesmaids pay for everything themselves, including their dresses. That seems odd to me.

MadDog76 · 12-06-2014 09:31PM

We paid for everything for our Bridesmaids and Groomsmen ............. we asked them to be part of our Wedding Party so why should they be out of pocket?
Don't even know why this would be questioned??

They all, of course, generously gave us gifts.

If I was asked to be a Groomsman/Bestman and was then asked to pay for my own suit, shoes etc I would politely tell the couple to ask someone else

lazygal · 12-06-2014 09:33PM

Faith wrote: »

I'd agree, but it's the complete opposite in the US, where bridesmaids pay for everything themselves, including their dresses. That seems odd to me.

I've known people turn down being in USA bridal parties. Those weddings, gift registry palaver and paying for your own poly blend dress are crazy. I'd think in Ireland however covering all expenses, especially clothes, is standard.

January · 12-06-2014 09:43PM

Bridesmaids dresses - Paying for.
Bridesmaids shoes- Paying for.
Groomsmens suit hire - Paying for
Groomsmens shoes - Included in suit hire.
Bridesmaids hair - Paying for.
Bridesmaids makeup - Not paying for as my sister in law is doing it for us as a gift. She's a bridesmaid.
Bridesmaids hair/makeup trials - Not paying for, they'll just have updo's
Bridesmaids manicure - Sister in law, gift.
Bridesmaids spray tan - Sister in law, gift.
Accessories for the day (jewellery etc) - Paying for.
Chauffeured cars - Not having wedding cars, staying in the hotel the night before the wedding and we'll have rooms paid for for them for the night before.

Faith · 12-06-2014 09:58PM

My opinion would be that if you want something specific (a particular dress/suit, pair of shoes, hairstyle etc), then you pay for it. If it's the case that you're not bothered (like if they can wear any shoes they want), then it comes down to your budget and whether you can afford to pay for those things.

For instance, I don't care about my bridesmaids having a spray tan, so that's not something I'd pay for. I'd pay for their hairdo because I have a particular style I want them to wear.

The fact that I included dresses and suits in the polls is just to cover all bases, not because I think it's an optional expense!

I was a bridesmaid when I was 19 at a wedding where the bride was American but she married into an Irish family in Ireland. I can't remember if she paid for my dress but I paid for tailoring, and she did pay for my hair and accommodation, but I paid for my own shoes, chose not to get my makeup done professionally because I couldn't afford it and there was no mention of anything like manicures or tans or fancy wedding cars. It's only now that I'm planning my own wedding that I realise how little the couple paid for.

lazygal · 12-06-2014 10:05PM

I think it depends on what your circle does. In our gangs and families those who have/had bridal parties foot the bill. It's just the done thing. And anyone I know budgeted for that expense from the start.

Frigga_92 · 12-06-2014 11:11PM

Only had one bridesmaid and technically she wasn't really a bridesmaid as we didn't have that kind of formal wedding. My husband didn't really have a "best man", his best friend was his witness.

I paid for my sister's dress and alterations, thingy for her hair, shoes and bag. She did her own hair and make-up as well as mine, although I wouldn't have minded paying for it if she wanted a professional to do it. I go for a very natural look so didn't see the point in paying for someone to do my make-up or hair. Everybody thought both of us had been styled by a professional.
My sister picked a navy floor length dress which is certainly something she can wear again to a party or wedding and I know she has used the shoes and bag a few times already since.
My sister decided herself on the colour of her dress and shoes, as well as the style of her hair and make-up. It really made no difference to me how she did it as long as she was happy with it.

We told my husband's best friend that we would get him a new suit or suit hire or a new shirt, whatever he wanted, but he was happy to wear his own stuff and we didn't care either way.

We paid for the "bridesmaid's" room, the "best man's" room and my husband's other best friend's room and they were the only people who stayed overnight.

My sister did the driving for us as we only drive bikes. She did all the driving for dress fittings, picking up bits and bobs etc so we got her a gift but that was for all the things she had done, we didn't give the "best man" a gift.

As others have said we chose to pay for these things as we asked these specific people to play a bigger part in our ceremony and they obliged us, in particular we paid for their rooms because we knew out of everybody there they would feel most obliged to stay as they're our closest friends. We had intended to pay €100 towards the rooms of any other guests but nobody else chose to stay, first guests left at 2am and then the rest left at 4am.

We put €1,000 behind the bar as we knew a couple of our guests couldn't really afford much on the day and it went far with only 13 guests.

cookiecakes · 12-06-2014 11:29PM

We paid for everything that they needed. We asked them to be a part of our day so we wanted them to know how much we appreciated it. We also bought furry jackets for the girls as we got married in November and cardies and flats for the evening in case they didn't want to stay in heels or got a bit chilly. They didn't want tans and they both wanted to do their own nails but if they had we would have paid for those too. To be honest, it never would have crossed our minds to let them pay for stuff.

We went shoe shopping for the groomsmen but the ones they liked, they both had similar ones at home and said they'd prefer to wear those. Again would have paid for them if they wanted them. We factored all of this in to the initial budget to make sure they were covered.

Lucyfur · 12-06-2014 11:37PM

We paid for everything for both, much to the surprise of my American bridesmaid

She picked her own dress in the colour I liked. It's definitely something she'd wear again. Also paid for my mum's hair/make up and nails

GalwayGirl26 · 12-06-2014 11:50PM

The only thing I'm niggling about is the accommodation; Of course I'm paying for dresses/make up/hair/suits etc, but I'm not sure if I'm 100% happy paying for accommodation for the 6 of the bridal party (all have partners so no shared rooms). I just figured that if they were coming as guests, they would pay for their own anyway? Or am I being mean?

Vojera · 12-06-2014 11:54PM

We had an all-female wedding party so no groomsmen stuff.

We paid for the dresses, shoes, good bras and underwear if they wanted it (two did, two didnt), alterations, jewellery, and hair. And a gift, of course. We didn't have cars as we had the ceremony and reception in the same place. The make-up was done as a favour by one of the guests and we paid for her room in return, along with Mac vouchers. We offered the girls to get their nails done, but they looked after themselves, either by doing their own or getting them done. We also didn't ask any of them to get tans as neither of us were using fake tan but one got a spray tan and paid for it herself.

We didn't pay for their accommodation, which is one of the few regrets I have about the day. To be honest paying for bridal party rooms isn't the done thing among either of our families or in our group of friends, but I would have liked to do it. The reason we didn't is that one of our bridesmaids had all her kids and friends of her kids so she had a few rooms, and we just couldn't afford to pay for one of her nights and it wouldn't have been fair to pay for some and not others. But in the end we settled her bill for all her rooms for the three nights she stayed and she was meant to give us the money the following week. Given that it's now over a year later and we haven't seen it, I've written that money off, but had I known that we'd end up paying for her anyway then I'd have found a way to pay for the other girls too.

lazygal · 13-06-2014 12:01AM

GalwayGirl26 wrote: »

The only thing I'm niggling about is the accommodation; Of course I'm paying for dresses/make up/hair/suits etc, but I'm not sure if I'm 100% happy paying for accommodation for the 6 of the bridal party (all have partners so no shared rooms). I just figured that if they were coming as guests, they would pay for their own anyway? Or am I being mean?

Guests can stay elsewhere, drive home, don't have to pose for pictures and won't be on duty on the day. You're not treating them as normal guests so that's why I feel they deserve to have accommodation covered if they can't head home.

Toots · 13-06-2014 07:39AM

Bridesmaids dresses - paid for
Bridesmaids shoes - paid for
Groomsmen suit purchase - n/a
Groomsmen suit hire - paid
Groomsmen shoes - paid (hired)
Bridesmaids hair - paid
Bridesmaids makeup - we did our own
Bridesmaids hair/makeup trials - n/a
Bridesmaids manicure - n/a
Bridesmaids spray tan - n/a
Accommodation for night of wedding - paid for
Tailoring/alterations - paid
Accessories for day - paid (jewelry and hand bags)
Chauffeured cars - paid
Other - underwear for bridesmaids dresses, the shape was awkward to find a bra to go under and none of the girls had one that they could use so we had to get new ones.

Berty · 13-06-2014 07:59AM

The only thing we considered about what the rooms for the bridal party. The parents get free rooms so that's covered at least. We decided the fairest way was to remember how those in the Bridal Party provided on their own wedding day to us.

Best Mans Wedding. I paid for my own room.
Groomsman Wedding. I paid for 2 nights by myself.
Bridesmaids. Paid for a Week in Italy myself.
Chief Bridesmaid. Can see her house from the hotel.

Everything else we're covering though incl all the hair, makeup, nails, tans, groosmen hair and shaves, shoes, gifts for all but not providing cars as the total distance travelled by cars from the house to the church to the hotel should not pass 2kms.

Faith · 13-06-2014 10:07AM

I think my feelings on some things are affected by having a large bridal party. We have 4 of each (ideally it would have been 3 but there was a bit of a mix up). I don't see the point of paying for chauffeured cars because all 8 people drive, and the majority have their own cars or immediate access to a car. It seems to be a bit of a waste of money to hire cars and drivers in that case.

Then when it comes to accommodation, it's €160 per room and they nearly all have partners. That's €1,280 just for rooms! I think we've decided to pay for 50% of the cost of the room as a compromise, but we might increase that depending on budget closer to the time.

lazygal · 13-06-2014 10:17AM

I had a small bridal party because the budget didn't allow for a larger one and I only wanted one bridesmaid in any case.

Toots · 13-06-2014 10:22AM

Faith wrote: »

I think my feelings on some things are affected by having a large bridal party. We have 4 of each (ideally it would have been 3 but there was a bit of a mix up). I don't see the point of paying for chauffeured cars because all 8 people drive, and the majority have their own cars or immediate access to a car. It seems to be a bit of a waste of money to hire cars and drivers in that case.

Then when it comes to accommodation, it's €160 per room and they nearly all have partners. That's €1,280 just for rooms! I think we've decided to pay for 50% of the cost of the room as a compromise, but we might increase that depending on budget closer to the time.

I took that to mean chauffeured car to the church

bridesmaids and my mum went in the wedding car and then it came back for me and my dad. I had my two sisters and my sister in law as my BMs so they just took the empty seats in their parents cars that they would have been in had they not been in the wedding car on the way to the church.

Faith · 13-06-2014 10:31AM

Toots* wrote: »

I took that to mean chauffeured car to the church bridesmaids and my mum went in the wedding car and then it came back for me and my dad. I had my two sisters and my sister in law as my BMs so they just took the empty seats in their parents cars that they would have been in had they not been in the wedding car on the way to the church.

I intended it to mean separate cars to the wedding car itself with a separate chauffeur, but I obviously didn't make it clear enough!

I like your approach there though! I must give some thought to doing something like that.

Toots · 14-06-2014 12:26AM

Faith wrote: »

I intended it to mean separate cars to the wedding car itself with a separate chauffeur, but I obviously didn't make it clear enough!

I like your approach there though! I must give some thought to doing something like that.

It worked out quite handily because we only live about a 5 minute drive from the church, so while the car was going back for me, the photographer got some nice pics of the bridesmaids outside the church.

Sligo1 · 14-06-2014 03:39AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

Bridesmaids dresses - paid, because i chose them so they would all look the same.
Bridesmaids shoes- did not pay as i did not choose as they could wear what they wanted.

Groomsmens suit hire - paid, again same as above.
Groomsmens shoes - did not pay, same as above
Bridesmaids hair - paid, as it was being done for my day
Bridesmaids makeup - paid, same as above,
Bridesmaids hair/makeup trials - did not pay, as there was none, hairdresser knew the girls personally.
Bridesmaids manicure - did not pay, as i didn't care what their nails looked like
Bridesmaids spray tan - did not pay, as i didn't care what their tan looked like or if they had one.
Rooms/accommodation for the night of the wedding or longer - paid, for bridesmaids and groomsmen. as a thank you for all they did for us, the groomsmen's rooms were more expensive but they did more work.

Accessories for the day (jewellery etc) - i bought the girls necklaces for the day as a thank you gift. my husband bought his groomsmen good hip flasks.
Chauffeured cars - did not pay, lifts were organised by family members/groomsmen so we only had 1 wedding car.

Exactly as above for us aswell.

krankykitty · 14-06-2014 07:48AM

I think a good rule is, if you want the party to have something, you pay. E.g. I wanted them to have dresses/hairdo etc so I paid, I didn't give a monkeys if they had a fake tan so I didn't pay for that (nor did I request they got it!) I think the potential for annoying people is when you specify requirements but don't fork out yourself

Gatica · 14-06-2014 12:34PM

Paid for:
suit hire, which included shoes
bridesmaid's dress and alterations, and shoes
hair and make-up for wedding, because I think it's kinda nice, though I had no requirements for that myself

Didn't pay for any trials or cars as we were at the venue already.
Didn't pay for nails or tan, as I dislike that stuff myself anyway.

Vojera wrote: »

We didn't pay for their accommodation, which is one of the few regrets I have about the day. To be honest paying for bridal party rooms isn't the done thing among either of our families or in our group of friends, but I would have liked to do it. The reason we didn't is that one of our bridesmaids had all her kids and friends of her kids so she had a few rooms, and we just couldn't afford to pay for one of her nights and it wouldn't have been fair to pay for some and not others. But in the end we settled her bill for all her rooms for the three nights she stayed and she was meant to give us the money the following week. Given that it's now over a year later and we haven't seen it, I've written that money off, but had I known that we'd end up paying for her anyway then I'd have found a way to pay for the other girls too.

We were the same. We paid for our own accommodation before when in bridal party, so seemed normal not to pay for their rooms but in hindsight I wish we did as they'd already travelled over for the wedding.

It's a bit presumptuous of that bridesmaid not to pay you back for several rooms for several nights! :eek:

Milly33 · 14-06-2014 01:08PM

Cant vote yet but planning I suppose to pay for

Hair
Make-up ill give the option but think we will do it ourselves, will maybe get some nice eyeshadows if they want that instead.
Bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelary
Same goes for the grooms men..
That's about it..

Oh I plan to maybe make up some little bags for the men with socks and whatever they need on the day same goes for the ladies..

I was debating about the fake tan bit, I never use it myself but id be pale, so was toying with the idea. Talking to a recent Bride who was in the same boat said not to bother, the dress got runined (arm area) from it and its more or less a pain in the ass.

Now I had it most defiantly in my head that we would be paying for their rooms, but all weddings I have gone to that we as such were part of we had to pay for the rooms which had me questioning. Me thinks we will just ask for something like €20 towards the rooms as we might be asking them to do a lot of things, and they will be traveling aswell so thinking something like that would be nice..

Gatica · 14-06-2014 01:21PM

You can just put money towards their rooms at the hotel, so when they check-out they'll only need to pay the balance.
We paid towards rooms for some of the family and bridal party, but not whole rooms.

Milly33 · 14-06-2014 01:25PM

Good thinking, might make it easier as me thinks it would be coming direct to us anyway... Will take note thanks..

ABajaninCork · 14-06-2014 07:48PM

Paid for dresses, alterations, headdresses for the smallies, and all five had silver necklaces. The smallies had little Tiffany style open heart pendants. The MoH and adult BM had silver lockets.

MoH and the adult BM chose their dresses from Alfred Angelo. All we did was tell them the colour (Tealness). The smalls had ivory dresses and cardis from M & S.

paulbok · 16-06-2014 04:27PM

Bridesmaids dresses - paid for
Bridesmaids shoes - paid for
Groomsmen suit purchase - n/a
Groomsmen suit hire - paid
Groomsmen shoes - We all had black shoes so used our own.
Bridesmaids hair - paid
Bridesmaids makeup - paid
Bridesmaids hair/makeup trials - n/a
Bridesmaids manicure - n/a
Bridesmaids spray tan - n/a
Accommodation for night of wedding - They paid for their own. Seems to be differences with this from place to place. I don't think I've been to a wedding where this was payed for.
Tailoring/alterations - paid
Accessories for day - paid (jewelry and pocket watches)
Chauffeured cars - Bestman had a kick ass car, so no. One of the groomsmen drove our car so we would have it the day after at the hotel.
Other - A few odds and ends for the bridesmaids, such as matching umbrellas in case it rained.

What will/did you pay for for bridal party

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