Roomate trouble.

Heroditas · 27-05-2014 07:57PM

A good old blanket party should fix your problem.

Trev De rev · 27-05-2014 07:58PM

Lock the kettle in ur room. Every1 uses a kettle, specially if he having POT NOODLES

fineso.mom · 27-05-2014 07:59PM

It's a sausage,not spaghetti,stop making mountains out of mole hills, pick it up with your fingers,

Archeron · 27-05-2014 07:59PM

Soak your sausages in a plastic container of microwaved spaghetti hoops and they are easy to eat with a spoon.

That's the Boutros Boutros-Ghali approach.

Or cut his face off and wear it as a mask as mentioned above, same result.

27-05-2014 08:02PM

Feed him to the pigs. Make sausages from said pigs. Then eat the suasages.

CINCLANTFLT · 27-05-2014 08:11PM

Kill him

Eat him

Poop him out

Eat the poop

Poop out the poop that used to be him

Eat that poop

Oh, plastic knives and forks for all the poop eatting...

I suspose if you drink his blood while eat him, that would mean you have to drink your wee

You could mix the pee and poop together in a blender to make a kind of shake... Add some wheatgrass to make it more green...

It's a good plan... I challange anyone to come up with a better one... I once did this with my XO on the Bainbridge....forgot to drink my wee though... so annoyed now that I think of it... soooooo MaaaDDDDDDDDDD...... poopadoop

GalwayGuy2 · 27-05-2014 08:13PM

*Looks at previous answers*

Eh, just wash keep the same cutlery and wash it after you eat?

CINCLANTFLT · 27-05-2014 08:14PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

*Looks at previous answers*

Eh, just wash keep the same cutlery and wash it after you eat?

No poop... and I just remembered it was the XO on the Nassau not the Bainbridge...

DildoFaggins · 27-05-2014 08:15PM

Well you could shave ur pubes and put in his sandwich,/beverage.

Take a dump and put it in one of these
http://sewelldirect.com/articles/hide-speaker-wire-with-sewell-ghost-wire.aspx

Put in where the wires would go and place it behind a wardrobe.

MRnotlob606 · 27-05-2014 08:16PM

well stab him with the knife you got and he should give you the rest of them. works every time.

Cupcake_Crisis · 27-05-2014 08:27PM

Can you imagine the smell in his room with all those dirty dishy? Rank!

Sir Arthur Daley · 27-05-2014 08:31PM

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Can you imagine the smell in his room with all those dirty dishy? Rank!

Rats running around the place, what a filthy roomate.

27-05-2014 08:33PM

Nino Brown wrote: »

You could buy your own cutlery and just use them yourself

Exactly. OP, you can store them in your socks and panties.

fleet_admiral · 27-05-2014 08:35PM

do a pony on his chest when he's asleep

SEPT 23 1989 · 27-05-2014 08:44PM

shruikan2553 · 27-05-2014 09:17PM

I bet the roommate votes sinn fein...

Merkin · 27-05-2014 09:23PM

Get him in a headlock and bang him over the head with your spoon until he gets the message.

Cupcake_Crisis · 27-05-2014 09:31PM

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Rats running around the place, what a filthy roomate.

Lots of pet rats thought!

anncoates · 27-05-2014 09:34PM

Used to live with somebody that left stuff like half trays of lasagna or dirty pots around and go home for the whole weekend so I just started leaving them all up on their bed until they got the message.

suicide_circus · 27-05-2014 09:36PM

carefully hide a single long pubic hair in the bristles of his toothbrush so that he wont see it until he's brushing and has to stop to slowly pull the offending curly from between his teeth.

ElChe32 · 27-05-2014 09:36PM

Un Croissant wrote: »

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

Blast them with piss

bumper234 · 27-05-2014 09:44PM

Amateurs.

I know a lad years ago used to work in construction and one thing led to another with a flatmate so revenge was called for. One day while the flat mate was out my buddy got some glass wool (attic insulation) and systematically rubbed the inside of every pair of underwear the guy had. Cue several weeks of constant ball and arse scratching (this will not wash out when embedded in the fibers) and even a very worrying visit to the doctor to get tests done (he thought he had caught something) . Don't know what happened to the guy as my friend moved out 3 weeks later while the scratching was still ongoing.

Linoge · 27-05-2014 09:45PM

First thing you need to do is get an STI test

FreshKnickers · 27-05-2014 10:05PM

rarnes1 wrote: »

Feed him to the pigs. Make sausages from said pigs. Then eat the suasages.

With a fork.

whupdedo · 27-05-2014 10:05PM

**** up on his toothbrush...daily

stmol32 · 27-05-2014 10:19PM

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

whupdedo · 27-05-2014 10:24PM

stmol32 wrote: »

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

Unsure of whether to thank or not !!!!!!
So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

Unsure of whether to thank or not !!!!

SweetChaos · 27-05-2014 10:39PM

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

shopaholic01 wrote: »

You have a knife. Stab him. Repeatedly.

The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »

All you need do is place your phallus on any one dining item in full view of your chums and it will remain unused by anyone else.

(may bring about ironic retribution however, with many phalli being placed in your bowl without your consent or knowledge)

somuj wrote: »

Hold him down and scrape a deep gash across his forehead with the spoon and peel his face off and wear it as a mask and then proceed to scoop out lumps of the good stuff underneath and devour it. Then bring up the subject about cutlery to him.

Santa Cruz wrote: »

or rub your genitals with his toothbrush

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

Kill him

Eat him

Poop him out

Eat the poop

Poop out the poop that used to be him

Eat that poop

Oh, plastic knives and forks for all the poop eatting...

I suspose if you drink his blood while eat him, that would mean you have to drink your wee

You could mix the pee and poop together in a blender to make a kind of shake... Add some wheatgrass to make it more green...

It's a good plan... I challange anyone to come up with a better one... I once did this with my XO on the Bainbridge....forgot to drink my wee though... so annoyed now that I think of it... soooooo MaaaDDDDDDDDDD...... poopadoop

suicide_circus wrote: »

carefully hide a single long pubic hair in the bristles of his toothbrush so that he wont see it until he's brushing and has to stop to slowly pull the offending curly from between his teeth.

whupdedo wrote: »

**** up on his toothbrush...daily

Jesus H Christ - I thank my lucky stars that I dont have to house share if this is the mindframe of people revenge for just being a bit clotty its scary

OP buy your own cutlery leave it in your room and your roommate will find out quickly enough what he needs to do when he finds himself in need of a fork

27-05-2014 10:39PM

1. Take your spoon to him.
2.Remove all his organs
3. Sell them on the black market.
4. Buy shít loads of cutlery.
5. Throw them on your bed.
6. Roll in them while laughing hysterically.

Rothko · 27-05-2014 10:46PM

stmol32 wrote: »

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

Well played, sir.

Roomate trouble.

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