Roomate trouble.

Un Croissant

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

Arthur Beesley

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Renegade Mechanic

Eating a sausage with a spoon is pretty much the very depths of despaielr, OP. It really is so woeful that the EU cannot actually help or counsel anyone thats had to resort to it. They only included it in the list of EU rights violations to show they at least acknowledge that such atrocities exist and to make them look as though they could actually do something about it.

Galwayguy35

Do like i do, live on your own.

Arthur Beesley

Sounds like we have sent Luke 'Ming' Flanagan to the right place. He'll soon sort out these spoon wielding Europeans.

Nino Brown

You could buy your own cutlery and just use them yourself

Buford T Justice

I'd kick him in the face.....

Un Croissant

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Eating a sausage with a spoon is pretty much the very depths of despaielr, OP. It really is so woeful that the EU cannot actually help or counsel anyone thats had to resort to it. They only included it in the list of EU rights violations to show they at least acknowledge that such atrocities exist and to make them look as though they could actually do something about it.

You always know what I want to hear, Reggie.

Donkey Oaty

Un Croissant wrote: »

because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room.

It's been done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75BJ2ovo-S0

Gongoozler

You should read the i hate my housemate mega thread in r&r.

I hate living with people. There's always something. I don't have a solution to your problem. But more cutlery, and keep it in a locked drawer? Go in to his room and get the stuff in there.

Arthur Beesley

Buford T Justice wrote: »

I'd kick him in the face.....

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

Vito Corleone

Kill him.

punisher5112

Plastic forks and knives could be an option for you and lick them all and if you leave them around dunk them in the toilet and leave for room mate;)

This is why I would rather live in a box on 123 fake street, springfield.

shruikan2553

As someone who has lived with the embodiment of crazy I recommended making a stockpile of dishes in your room. Not too many so that you are being annoid but enough for yourself while they also have enough. Play dumb I'd asked about where dishes have gone.

shopaholic01

You have a knife. Stab him. Repeatedly.

Gongoozler

You could come over to live with my housemate, she's started a collection of plastic forks from take aways for some unknown reason. No forks, versus excessive forks?

The Diabolical Monocle

All you need do is place your phallus on any one dining item in full view of your chums and it will remain unused by anyone else.

(may bring about ironic retribution however, with many phalli being placed in your bowl without your consent or knowledge)

punisher5112

Get into bed beside him and spoon him:eek::cool::P

Cee-Jay-Cee

On e you retrieve the cutlery throw it all out bar a fork knife and spoon and keep them in your room. Let him fend for himself.

Diabhal Beag

Propose to your room-mate.

Mint Sauce

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Or the OP could just take a few of the knifes and forks.

Renegade Mechanic

Un Croissant wrote: »

You always know what I want to hear, Reggie.

:eek: Hmmmm....

Edit: Never mind:o

Arthur Beesley

Mint Sauce wrote: »

Or the OP could just take a few of the knifes and forks.

...while in the room doing the poo in the pillow case? Nice.

bumper234

Ask the lads in t'other village to get you one of these when they do the charity cycle

http://m.containerstore.com/mt/www.containerstore.com/shop/kitchen/lunchtimeEssentials/utensilsIceSubstitutes?productId=10028922

Ruu

Burn down the...oh wait. No, to hell with him, burn down the house.

mymo

If it's only forks I assume your roommate is eating nothing but pot noodles or some such, in which case they will rot away from the inside out in no time!

diomed

1) treat yourself to this, and when in the house clip it to your belt
http://www.jackson-sports.com/en/Lifeventure-Titanium-Cutlery/m-7985.aspx
2) throw out all "house" cutlery
3) go into his room and throw out all his "borrowed" cutlery

ToddyDoody

Un Croissant wrote: »

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

I'd write a long winded letter and send it to him in the post

somuj

Hold him down and scrape a deep gash across his forehead with the spoon and peel his face off and wear it as a mask and then proceed to scoop out lumps of the good stuff underneath and devour it. Then bring up the subject about cutlery to him.

Santa Cruz

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

or rub your genitals with his toothbrush

Joe Duffy..

Ride him......

Heroditas

A good old blanket party should fix your problem.

Trev De rev

Lock the kettle in ur room. Every1 uses a kettle, specially if he having POT NOODLES

fineso.mom

It's a sausage,not spaghetti,stop making mountains out of mole hills, pick it up with your fingers,

Archeron

Soak your sausages in a plastic container of microwaved spaghetti hoops and they are easy to eat with a spoon.

That's the Boutros Boutros-Ghali approach.

Or cut his face off and wear it as a mask as mentioned above, same result.

Feed him to the pigs. Make sausages from said pigs. Then eat the suasages.

CINCLANTFLT

Kill him

Eat him

Poop him out

Eat the poop

Poop out the poop that used to be him

Eat that poop

Oh, plastic knives and forks for all the poop eatting...

I suspose if you drink his blood while eat him, that would mean you have to drink your wee

You could mix the pee and poop together in a blender to make a kind of shake... Add some wheatgrass to make it more green...

It's a good plan... I challange anyone to come up with a better one... I once did this with my XO on the Bainbridge....forgot to drink my wee though... so annoyed now that I think of it... soooooo MaaaDDDDDDDDDD...... poopadoop

GalwayGuy2

*Looks at previous answers*

Eh, just wash keep the same cutlery and wash it after you eat?

CINCLANTFLT

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

*Looks at previous answers*

Eh, just wash keep the same cutlery and wash it after you eat?

No poop... and I just remembered it was the XO on the Nassau not the Bainbridge...

DildoFaggins

Well you could shave ur pubes and put in his sandwich,/beverage.

Take a dump and put it in one of these
http://sewelldirect.com/articles/hide-speaker-wire-with-sewell-ghost-wire.aspx

Put in where the wires would go and place it behind a wardrobe.

MRnotlob606

well stab him with the knife you got and he should give you the rest of them. works every time.

Cupcake_Crisis

Can you imagine the smell in his room with all those dirty dishy? Rank!

Sir Arthur Daley

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Can you imagine the smell in his room with all those dirty dishy? Rank!

Rats running around the place, what a filthy roomate.

19543261

Nino Brown wrote: »

You could buy your own cutlery and just use them yourself

Exactly. OP, you can store them in your socks and panties.

fleet_admiral

do a pony on his chest when he's asleep

SEPT 23 1989

shruikan2553

I bet the roommate votes sinn fein...

Merkin

Get him in a headlock and bang him over the head with your spoon until he gets the message.

Cupcake_Crisis

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Rats running around the place, what a filthy roomate.

Lots of pet rats thought!

anncoates

Used to live with somebody that left stuff like half trays of lasagna or dirty pots around and go home for the whole weekend so I just started leaving them all up on their bed until they got the message.

suicide_circus

carefully hide a single long pubic hair in the bristles of his toothbrush so that he wont see it until he's brushing and has to stop to slowly pull the offending curly from between his teeth.