Roomate trouble.

Un Croissant · 27-05-2014 07:14PM #1

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

Arthur Beesley · 27-05-2014 07:19PM

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Renegade Mechanic · 27-05-2014 07:19PM

Eating a sausage with a spoon is pretty much the very depths of despaielr, OP. It really is so woeful that the EU cannot actually help or counsel anyone thats had to resort to it. They only included it in the list of EU rights violations to show they at least acknowledge that such atrocities exist and to make them look as though they could actually do something about it.

Galwayguy35 · 27-05-2014 07:20PM

Do like i do, live on your own.

Arthur Beesley · 27-05-2014 07:21PM

Sounds like we have sent Luke 'Ming' Flanagan to the right place. He'll soon sort out these spoon wielding Europeans.

Nino Brown · 27-05-2014 07:21PM

You could buy your own cutlery and just use them yourself

Buford T Justice · 27-05-2014 07:21PM

I'd kick him in the face.....

Un Croissant · 27-05-2014 07:21PM

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Eating a sausage with a spoon is pretty much the very depths of despaielr, OP. It really is so woeful that the EU cannot actually help or counsel anyone thats had to resort to it. They only included it in the list of EU rights violations to show they at least acknowledge that such atrocities exist and to make them look as though they could actually do something about it.

You always know what I want to hear, Reggie.

Donkey Oaty · 27-05-2014 07:22PM

Un Croissant wrote: »

because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room.

It's been done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75BJ2ovo-S0

Gongoozler · 27-05-2014 07:22PM

You should read the i hate my housemate mega thread in r&r.

I hate living with people. There's always something. I don't have a solution to your problem. But more cutlery, and keep it in a locked drawer? Go in to his room and get the stuff in there.

Arthur Beesley · 27-05-2014 07:22PM

Buford T Justice wrote: »

I'd kick him in the face.....

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

Vito Corleone · 27-05-2014 07:23PM

Kill him.

punisher5112 · 27-05-2014 07:23PM

Plastic forks and knives could be an option for you and lick them all and if you leave them around dunk them in the toilet and leave for room mate;)

This is why I would rather live in a box on 123 fake street, springfield.

shruikan2553 · 27-05-2014 07:24PM

As someone who has lived with the embodiment of crazy I recommended making a stockpile of dishes in your room. Not too many so that you are being annoid but enough for yourself while they also have enough. Play dumb I'd asked about where dishes have gone.

shopaholic01 · 27-05-2014 07:24PM

You have a knife. Stab him. Repeatedly.

Gongoozler · 27-05-2014 07:24PM

You could come over to live with my housemate, she's started a collection of plastic forks from take aways for some unknown reason. No forks, versus excessive forks?

The Diabolical Monocle · 27-05-2014 07:26PM

All you need do is place your phallus on any one dining item in full view of your chums and it will remain unused by anyone else.

(may bring about ironic retribution however, with many phalli being placed in your bowl without your consent or knowledge)

punisher5112 · 27-05-2014 07:26PM

Get into bed beside him and spoon him:eek::cool::P

Cee-Jay-Cee · 27-05-2014 07:28PM

On e you retrieve the cutlery throw it all out bar a fork knife and spoon and keep them in your room. Let him fend for himself.

Diabhal Beag · 27-05-2014 07:28PM

Propose to your room-mate.

Mint Sauce · 27-05-2014 07:30PM

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Or the OP could just take a few of the knifes and forks.

Renegade Mechanic · 27-05-2014 07:32PM

Un Croissant wrote: »

You always know what I want to hear, Reggie.

:eek: Hmmmm....

Edit: Never mind:o

Arthur Beesley · 27-05-2014 07:34PM

Mint Sauce wrote: »

Or the OP could just take a few of the knifes and forks.

...while in the room doing the poo in the pillow case? Nice.

bumper234 · 27-05-2014 07:37PM

Ask the lads in t'other village to get you one of these when they do the charity cycle

http://m.containerstore.com/mt/www.containerstore.com/shop/kitchen/lunchtimeEssentials/utensilsIceSubstitutes?productId=10028922

Ruu · 27-05-2014 07:38PM

Burn down the...oh wait. No, to hell with him, burn down the house.

mymo · 27-05-2014 07:40PM

If it's only forks I assume your roommate is eating nothing but pot noodles or some such, in which case they will rot away from the inside out in no time!

diomed · 27-05-2014 07:43PM

1) treat yourself to this, and when in the house clip it to your belt
http://www.jackson-sports.com/en/Lifeventure-Titanium-Cutlery/m-7985.aspx
2) throw out all "house" cutlery
3) go into his room and throw out all his "borrowed" cutlery

ToddyDoody · 27-05-2014 07:45PM

Un Croissant wrote: »

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

I'd write a long winded letter and send it to him in the post

somuj · 27-05-2014 07:53PM

Hold him down and scrape a deep gash across his forehead with the spoon and peel his face off and wear it as a mask and then proceed to scoop out lumps of the good stuff underneath and devour it. Then bring up the subject about cutlery to him.

Santa Cruz · 27-05-2014 07:55PM

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

or rub your genitals with his toothbrush

Joe Duffy.. · 27-05-2014 07:56PM

Ride him......

Roomate trouble.

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