People with no social skills

Lou.m · 10-05-2014 10:25PM

Olive8585 wrote: »

No, I don't mean people who are a bit shy or reserved, because I'm like that. I mean people who don't seem capable of the basic concept of interaction and respecting other people.

I was in the supermarket today and went to the self-service checkout queue. There was a guy hovering there with a basket, trying to get the attention of one of the staff. I was going to walk past him, as it looked like he was at one of the checkouts already and having an issue with it, but on the off-chance he was waiting, I said, "Sorry are you waiting?" He made an irritated expression, scowled, tutted and gestured forwards. As if saying "no, go ahead" was just beyond him. I get that he was in a bad mood but it wasn't my bloody fault!

Was at the dentist's yesterday to sort out a mistake THEY made with charging me. I had been told to come in at X o'clock and talk to 'Sarah', as she was the one who had the info to help me. Went into the reception area, for the receptionist to completely ignore me and keep typing. After a minute, I said 'Hi' and she said "Yes, I'll be with you in a minute" without looking up, making me feel like the biggest nuisance of all time. After about two more minutes, she looks up and says "yes?" I said "Is Sarah around?" She said, "no" looking at me if I was a complete and utter moron. I got that Sarah wasn't physically at her desk, but she could have been on lunch, having a fag, on the toilet, anywhere? She didn't offer any explanation as to why Sarah wasn't there or ask me why I was looking for her or any of the normal questions a normal person would ask, so I said, "Oh OK, is she not in today then? I had an appointment with her for this time." Receptionist says "No, she's off sick today." No offer to take a message, or ask what it was regarding, or see if anyone else could help. Then she looked back at her screen. I said, "OK then...I'll ring tomorrow to see if she's back...?" Receptionist says "Yeah, OK", still typing. I left in total disbelief that someone in a customer facing role could be so totally rude and sh1te at their job.

This seems to happen almost every day now and it seems to be mostly people under 25...what is it with these people having NO social skills at all? Is it because they grew up attached to mobile phones and the internet? I'm actually surprised now any time I meet a young person who smiles at you when they talk to you instead of looking irritated and put out, can hold a conversation and has some charm instead of seeming devoid of personality.

A moments interaction is not a good representation. Perhaps if you had seen them the next day you would have got on famously.

Social interaction is a two way thing.

Introverts are not shy or lacking in social skill. We are people who need space.

Grumpiness comes from bitterness or stress.

Generally I find people very nice.

NoCrackHaving · 10-05-2014 10:26PM

I don't know where the under 25's thing came into it.

In my experience working in a job where I made contact with all walks of Irish life the rudest people bar none were men and women from rural backgrounds in their late 50s and up, by far. People the same age from cities and towns were perfectly fine but god they were ****ers.

Actually I find that Irish people are generally friendlier and more polite the younger the generation these days. I assume it's a generational thing but the older generations definately seem more 'reserved', almost the sort of thing you associate with some English people.

nomdeboardie · 10-05-2014 10:29PM

Curly Judge wrote: »

... who think "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me" are signs of effeminacy ...

... parents who could fart more eloquently than they could speak ...

Olive8585 · 10-05-2014 10:38PM

KyussBishop wrote: »

Ya - I see what the OP is saying, just a poorly chosen title/thing-to-pin-the-blame-on.

I already explained that I DON'T mean shy/reserved/introverted or people who aren't outgoing or overly social. I mean people who don't make the slightest bit of effort to make others feel comfortable and don't seem to know how to deal with people at all.

NoCrackHaving wrote: »

I don't know where the under 25's thing came into it.

In my experience working in a job where I made contact with all walks of Irish life the rudest people bar none were men and women from rural backgrounds in their late 50s and up, by far. People the same age from cities and towns were perfectly fine but god they were ****ers.

Actually I find that Irish people are generally friendlier and more polite the younger the generation these days. I assume it's a generational thing but the older generations definately seem more 'reserved', almost the sort of thing you associate with some English people.

Yep, younger Irish people are grand. Maybe it's a London thing.

FreshKnickers · 10-05-2014 10:44PM

AlwaysAnyTime wrote: »

People who interrupt you talking and don't let you finish. You are trying to finish a sentence and can see they are just itching to cut you off and provide their more important opinion. With all due respect to people with ADD, they are the worst offenders.

That's fupping annoying though, isn't it? When you're halfway through your sentance and their face bubbles up because they want to say something and they're just holding onto the thought until you're done so they can go. You know they're not listening so what's the point in even finishing your sentance? I should start randomly giving away prizes at the ends of my sentances sometimes. Not all the time of course, just the odd time. Maybe then people will hang around for the full stop before they start braying.

Bribing people to listen to me.

FullblownRose · 10-05-2014 11:36PM

I know someone who is outgoing, some would say forward and loud, and not apparently shy. He looked me up and down slowly in a weird way as I was walking towards him once, and when I mentioned it to a frend they suggested that he might be socially anxious and this isn't a reflection of his opinion of me. I know socially awkward people might be shy of making eye contact, so how does staring at someone for too long equate to social awkwardness/lack of social skills? Surely a socially awkward person would be embarassed if they were caught taring like that or doing something that might make them look bad?

Lack of social skills and rudeness are two diferent things, I think.

donegal__road · 11-05-2014 12:06AM

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind.

Shakespeare's Sister · 11-05-2014 12:06AM

donegal__road wrote: »

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind.

Two-way street!

That receptionist obviously wasn't thinking along those lines.

donegal__road · 11-05-2014 12:12AM

Magaggie wrote: »

Two-way street!

That receptionist obviously wasn't thinking along those lines.

I just had another look at your OP, and my guess is that Sarah is not popular.

.

Olive8585 · 11-05-2014 12:13AM

Magaggie wrote: »

Two-way street!

That receptionist obviously wasn't thinking along those lines.

Exactly. It's not exactly hard to be nice to people, is it? No matter what sorts of personal trauma I'm going through, I don't scowl and snap and grunt at people who have done nothing wrong.

Shakespeare's Sister · 11-05-2014 12:20AM

Friends and I went for a meal the other day - the girl at the bar was severely irritated by us asking for menus. Then when she brought down our drinks, she slammed the drinks on the table without a word. We had been nothing but pleasant to her - she was just being an asshole. Even if she is going through a bad time, so what? Some of the group I was with are too, and they didn't take it out on her.

We weren't expecting to be fawned over either - just not treated with contempt. Hardly a lot to ask of someone who works with customers.

ColeTrain · 11-05-2014 03:14AM

Magaggie wrote: »

Friends and I went for a meal the other day - the girl at the bar was severely irritated by us asking for menus. Then when she brought down our drinks, she slammed the drinks on the table without a word. We had been nothing but pleasant to her - she was just being an asshole. Even if she is going through a bad time, so what? Some of the group I was with are too, and they didn't take it out on her.

We weren't expecting to be fawned over either - just not treated with contempt. Hardly a lot to ask of someone who works with customers.

You should have asked for her manager and then told him/her that you were leaving and explain why.

Going out for a meal these days is expensive enough, fúck being served with a bad attitude on top of the expense, go somewhere else.

guitarzero · 11-05-2014 03:24AM

Some ppl need to hear it. If someone is being rude, call them on it without hesitation.

Frito · 11-05-2014 03:31AM

I had an issue with a hotel staff member (she might have been the duty manager) who was quite disrespectful to me. Myself and a disabled companion were going to the hotel bar for a drink but there wasn't any disabled access at the front of the building, it was a long way round the back and not at all signposted. I badly needed the loo whilst I was figuring out how to get my companion in, so I went in to use it.

The staff member was more concerned with asserting that the hotel's toilet facilities were not for public use, and when I explained that my companion was waiting outside for me to bring them in her response was 'so you're just going to leave them there are you?'. I was furious!

I spoke to her about it afterwards, and she just maintained it was her job to make sure people weren't coming in off the street to use the toilet. I agreed but said her manner was rude to continue to suspect me when she could see my companion was waiting outside, unable get in, when her correct response should've been 'can I get someone to help you?'.

WilyCoyote · 11-05-2014 03:43AM

OP, if what you're saying is true ...... she wouldn't last a nano second here.
Void personalities are a problem ...... but the HR that give them the job are at fault. An interview can gauge the personality of the interviewee. Or, in this case, if the interviewer is the employer ....... then he/she was too deeply into their studies to develop the nose for such things. Good luck.

Dublinpato · 11-05-2014 07:12AM

If you meet an A**hole today..well you've met an A**hole. If you meet an A**hole everyday then maybe you're the A**hole.

But on the serious side OP don't let it get to you, if someone is being rude to you, be polite back to them, being rude back to these people only fuels their rudeness and then everyone's having a bad day. So the next time you meet a grumpy just smile and be polite and if you really want to grind their gears throw in a (have a nice day) before you walk away. You never know OP your politeness might rub off that person and they might actually stop being rude.

beks101 · 11-05-2014 08:00AM

I would totally call someone on that. Be a pain in the ass back.

"I'm sorry, is there a problem here? Is this something you can help me with, because I specifically came in to see Sarah? Can you call her please, thanks. I'll wait."

And then "OK then, I'll talk to (dentist) if you can't help me."

No-one whose job it is to help the general public should get away lightly with being a dick. I'd actually take pleasure in being a dick back.

ncmc · 11-05-2014 08:43AM

Not everyone feels comfortable pulling someone else up on rudeness or asking to speak to a manager. The fact remains that the receptionist shouldn't be in a customer facing role if she can't even be polite and helpful to customers. The OP shouldn't feel like she had to pull her up on it.

I'm in a customer facing role and have to deal with some awful eegits, some days you might be having a bad day and would love to tell them to f*ck right off, but I'm paid to deal with them and it's not their fault I'm having a bad day.

I'm normally very unconfrontational but was in my local service station queueing for breakfast last week (they also have a sit down cafe area) I asked the girl behind the counter for two full Irish breakfasts (which probably every second person was getting) She rolled her eyes back so far that she must have been able to see the inside of her brain, before asking if I wanted brown or white toast. Now this really peed me off because it was so blatant and obvious. So I said "sorry what's with the eye rolling?" She was stunned that I pulled her up and started stuttering "what...no" so I said "did you just roll your eyes when I asked for breakfast?" "No, no I just asked if you wanted brown or white toast" and so we carried on and she was nice as pie after that, offered to help me down with my tray etc! As I say, I'm normally not one for confronting people, but bare faced rudeness like that is just not on.

SusieBlue · 11-05-2014 08:59AM

When I worked in retail I worked in a big department store. One day, a lady came up to me almost in tears because she just realised she had lost her phone somewhere in the store and it had lots of sentimental photos on it of some now deceased relative or another.

I was taking down a description of the phone from the now tearful lady when this absolute MORON barged up to the counter (ignoring the "please wait here" sign and 2 other customers), cut across the crying lady mid sentence and demanded to know the price of some t-shirt she had in her hand, almost pushing her out of the way in the process.

I completely ignored her and asked the (now shocked) woman to continue what she was saying. Within 2 seconds, she cut across and asked again, this time with elaborate hand gestures as if I was some sort of numpty not understanding the question. I explained that I was dealing with another customer and that if she bared with me, I'd check for her asap.

She sighed loudly and waited mere millimetres from the other customers shoulder, giving us both evils and trying to be intimidating. I was still taking details (getting the customer to retrace her steps mentally, etc.) when she interrupted again. At this stage I was struggling to be polite but asked her nicely to please have patience and I'd be with her shortly.

Then she told the other customer that she was wasting everyones time and that we all had better things to be doing than searching the shop for the stupid phone. I asked her to please stop harassing other customers and her answer was "I wouldn't be harassing anyone if you just checked the bleeping price for me when I asked, its your job, come on now and check it for me like a good girl". I ignored the comment only for the moron to practically shout "EXCUSE MEEE I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!!!!".

At this point I was in shock that someone could be this ignorant and rude, so my A1 customer service skills (;)) went out the window and I told the lady that if she interrupted me one more time I'd have her removed from the store.

She became highly indignant and flounced off muttering about us "never getting her good money again". The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes which is not a long wait, especially in the circumstances. Everyone could see that the lady was very upset. No other customers had a problem waiting given what was going on, a few even asked if they could help look for it when she was leaving the counter.

She was single handedly probably the rudest, stupidest most ignorant I've ever met. The type that goes to Kildare Outlet centre for a spot of shopping and drops a few hundred euro on a polo shirt, if you know what I mean. Money can't buy manners, though.

R.D. aka MR.D · 11-05-2014 09:27AM

I live in Asia and the amount of socially awkward expats that you meet here is insane.

I understand that they come here because the locals can't notice how weird they are but it makes them very frustrating to work with.

There is a guy that works part time with me. Now, i'm about 5'6' and he's definitely over 6ft and when i say hello to him, the look of terror in his eyes is hard to take. I've actually stopping trying to speak to him because he looks so afraid.

professore · 11-05-2014 09:49AM

donegal__road wrote: »

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind.

That works both ways. Doesn't give you the right to be an asshole.

shar01 · 11-05-2014 10:10AM

WhiteRoses wrote: »

When I worked in retail I worked in a big department store. One day, a lady came up to me almost in tears because she just realised she had lost her phone somewhere in the store and it had lots of sentimental photos on it of some now deceased relative or another.

I was taking down a description of the phone from the now tearful lady when this absolute MORON barged up to the counter (ignoring the "please wait here" sign and 2 other customers), cut across the crying lady mid sentence and demanded to know the price of some t-shirt she had in her hand, almost pushing her out of the way in the process.

I completely ignored her and asked the (now shocked) woman to continue what she was saying. Within 2 seconds, she cut across and asked again, this time with elaborate hand gestures as if I was some sort of numpty not understanding the question. I explained that I was dealing with another customer and that if she bared with me, I'd check for her asap.

She sighed loudly and waited mere millimetres from the other customers shoulder, giving us both evils and trying to be intimidating. I was still taking details (getting the customer to retrace her steps mentally, etc.) when she interrupted again. At this stage I was struggling to be polite but asked her nicely to please have patience and I'd be with her shortly.

Then she told the other customer that she was wasting everyones time and that we all had better things to be doing than searching the shop for the stupid phone. I asked her to please stop harassing other customers and her answer was "I wouldn't be harassing anyone if you just checked the bleeping price for me when I asked, its your job, come on now and check it for me like a good girl". I ignored the comment only for the moron to practically shout "EXCUSE MEEE I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!!!!".

At this point I was in shock that someone could be this ignorant and rude, so my A1 customer service skills (;)) went out the window and I told the lady that if she interrupted me one more time I'd have her removed from the store.

She became highly indignant and flounced off muttering about us "never getting her good money again". The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes which is not a long wait, especially in the circumstances. Everyone could see that the lady was very upset. No other customers had a problem waiting given what was going on, a few even asked if they could help look for it when she was leaving the counter.

She was single handedly probably the rudest, stupidest most ignorant I've ever met. The type that goes to Kildare Outlet centre for a spot of shopping and drops a few hundred euro on a polo shirt, if you know what I mean. Money can't buy manners, though.

I'd like to think if I were one of the two also queuing that I'd tell yer wan to STFU.

beks101 · 11-05-2014 10:12AM

ncmc wrote: »

Not everyone feels comfortable pulling someone else up on rudeness or asking to speak to a manager. The fact remains that the receptionist shouldn't be in a customer facing role if she can't even be polite and helpful to customers. The OP shouldn't feel like she had to pull her up on it.

Course not, but it helps to be able to handle ignorant aRseholes and not have your plans scuppered just because you’ve encountered some rude, unhelpful bint with the grace of a gnat.

I place a high value on manners and politeness and pride myself on my interactions with others, but if someone’s being rude and disrespectful back to me, that’s not ok. Particularly if I’m trying to get something important done and their sh1tty attitude is preventing that.

fryup · 11-05-2014 10:19AM

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Youth of today!!!!

yep, probably the most over used quote of all time

10 yrs ago they were saying the same thing, and 10 yrs before that and 10 yrs before that and 10 years before that and so on..........

Santa Cruz · 11-05-2014 10:30AM

ncmc wrote: »

Not everyone feels comfortable pulling someone else up on rudeness or asking to speak to a manager. The fact remains that the receptionist shouldn't be in a customer facing role if she can't even be polite and helpful to customers. The OP shouldn't feel like she had to pull her up on it.

I'm in a customer facing role and have to deal with some awful eegits, some days you might be having a bad day and would love to tell them to f*ck right off, but I'm paid to deal with them and it's not their fault I'm having a bad day.

I'm normally very unconfrontational but was in my local service station queueing for breakfast last week (they also have a sit down cafe area) I asked the girl behind the counter for two full Irish breakfasts (which probably every second person was getting) She rolled her eyes back so far that she must have been able to see the inside of her brain, before asking if I wanted brown or white toast. Now this really peed me off because it was so blatant and obvious. So I said "sorry what's with the eye rolling?" She was stunned that I pulled her up and started stuttering "what...no" so I said "did you just roll your eyes when I asked for breakfast?" "No, no I just asked if you wanted brown or white toast" and so we carried on and she was nice as pie after that, offered to help me down with my tray etc! As I say, I'm normally not one for confronting people, but bare faced rudeness like that is just not on.

Well done. Courtesy costs nothing. When I have get good friendly service I often mention it to the Supervisor if he/she is around. Just simple comment such as "That's a very good staff member you have there".

A few times when a staff member doesn't say thanks after me paying for an item I would say "Pardon" then they say "I didn't say anything" and I reply "Oh, I thought I heard you say thank you"

Whatever about shop staff who are underpaid and under pressure there is no excuse for the receptionists in doctors, dentists etc.
I was waiting in a doctors reception once when a lady came in with two kids. She asked the receptionist if she could have a copy of her receipt from a previous visit as she had lost the original and she needed a copy for her insurance claim. The ignorant receptionist quite loudly said "NO We don't give copies. There is no point in asking again" The poor patient turned to walk away. A man waiting stood up and told the receptionist that he wanted to see the practice manager immediately. When the practice manager came out he told her what had happened, that he and his family would stop using the practice unless the receptionist apologised and gave the lady a copy of the receipt.
All the parites then went into a side room. The lady got her receipt and the receptionist was fairly put in her place.
Lesson. People will be ignorant and rude if left get away with it.

mfceiling · 11-05-2014 10:31AM

If you are incapable of saying please and thank you, then you should not be allowed to live anymore...

Olive8585 · 11-05-2014 11:11AM

Yeah, I do sometimes call people out on their rudeness (and yes, it usually works) but I shouldn't have to.

I just can't believe the sheer incompetence of so many people here. I got up really early today to go to the college library to photocopy a book. It's usually deserted at this time. When I got there, I was told I couldn't copy because there was a problem with the one printer that was in use.

I said, "grand, but I just got up and came in here specifically to do this. I have a deadline tonight and I really need this book now."
The woman goes "well it's not in use...maybe you can copy out the quotes you need."
Me: "I really don't have time to sit and skim the entire book here and copy out quotes, I have somewhere else to be in an hour...what about if I scanned it in?"
Her: "Ah yes, that might work, but you'd have to use the library scanning card to do that because I can't sell you a new one because there are none left...let me check if that's allowed."
*I am literally the only person in the library, but OK.*
*Five minutes later*
Her: "Hmmmm, I can't see anything in the guidelines about this, let me just check somewhere else, hmmmmm....."
*I'm looking at my watch now*
*Five minutes later*
Her: "Hmmm....I think I'd better just ring and check upstairs that it's OK."
Me: "OK." *trying not to sigh impatiently*
*Five minutes later*
Her: "OK, that's fine, here's the library scanning card."
Me: "Great, thanks!"
*Take the book, set up the photocopier to scan, plug in my USB, start copying*
*Five minutes later*
Her: "Are you going to be long?"
Me: "Probably another 10 minutes, max."
Her: "Just I have someone here who needs to just scan in a page of his passport.
Me: *trying not to get angry, thinking I'd be finished if she hadn't faffed around so much* "OK"
*10-15 minutes pass as the student who needed the copy keeps changing his mind about what he needs to scan, and the librarian doesn't understand what he wants. She makes two phone calls to reception upstairs to confirm what he needs. They finally manage to scan in one page, I get up immediately to go back over.
Her: "Oh could you just wait a second to make sure that it worked?"
Me: "OK."
*Almost ten more minutes pass as she faffs around on the computer trying to find where she'd sent the file. I finally lose my temper and audibly stage whisper "for ****s sake!" She finally finds the file and gives me back the copying card, but now another person has entered the library and has started scanning. I feel like crying at this stage. I've been there well over 45 minutes and I haven't really done anything.
Me: "Look, I was waiting for that copier. It's not really fair that your man has jumped on it...can I just scan what I need to scan and go?"
Her: "Well, it is a public copier, it's not just for you...it wasn't very nice of you to swear when I was helping the other student. The world doesn't revolve around you"
Me: "It wasn't very nice for me to have to wait over 20 minutes for you to sort him out when I could have finished everything and have left half an hour ago if you hadn't faffed around looking for permission to let me do anything like a jobsworth, thrown me off the copier so someone who came in after me could scan, despite the fact he clearly had no idea what he wanted, and then you let someone else who came in after me jump straight on even though I was obviously waiting. I've been here nearly an hour to do something that should have taken me 15 minutes. I'm not going to leave without my scan because you don't know how to do your job. You had no problem throwing me off the copier - go and tell your man that he can wait. I was here first."
*She asks your man to get off, looking very hurt*

Jesus like!

11-05-2014 11:13AM

Olive8585 wrote: »

I just can't believe the sheer incompetence of so many people here.

I said, "grand, but I just got up and came in here specifically to do this. I have a deadline tonight and I really need this book now."

Maybe you should manage your deadlines better instead of swearing at the poor librarian for something that was your problem

Olive8585 · 11-05-2014 11:15AM

bluewolf wrote: »

Maybe you should manage your deadlines better

I do. They're short deadlines. I only got my draft back at 11pm last night, and got up super early to make sure I made it in before the rest of my class so I could get my stuff done quickly. The librarian is well aware of how much stress everyone is under and how little time there is to get stuff scanned and copied.

But do carry on blaming the OP in true Boards style. Of course it's all my own fault.

So before I was at fault for not calling people out and putting up with it, and now when I justifiably got angry due to someone's infuriating slowness and inability to make a decision, it's also my fault.

Gas.

Pure comedy.

Neyite · 11-05-2014 11:28AM

Olive8585 wrote: »

But do carry on blaming the OP in true Boards style. Of course it's all my own fault.

So before I was at fault for not calling people out and putting up with it, and now when I justifiably got angry due to someone's infuriating slowness and inability to make a decision, it's also my fault.

Gas.

Pure comedy.

You can call somebody out on their behaviour by being nice and firm, and being clear about what you want. Not swearing at someone who is just trying to do their job and cant respond to you in kind like you deserve, because they are on the clock. Its personal abuse. And I'd have asked you to leave.

In every one of your examples on this thread, NOBODY was rude. At best, they were indifferent to you and your moods. Which is exactly what I would be like if I had an eye-rolling, sighing, passive-aggressive customer who was annoyed at me from the get-go.

But do carry on blaming everyone else.

People with no social skills

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