Have you ever read the Bible

Hootanany · 08-05-2014 11:09PM #1

Is it any good just know bits from Mass?

The Backwards Man · 08-05-2014 11:11PM

It's actually a pretty good read in parts. Full of blood, sex and thrills.

orangesoda · 08-05-2014 11:13PM

I have an mp3 bible, can't be doing with the reading, it reminds me too much of school RE

wp_rathead · 08-05-2014 11:13PM

Leviticus is hilarious

Moone Boy Fans:
"You have to take a shot, every time the word "begat" is used and Chronicles is a whore for the begat"

Sulla Felix · 08-05-2014 11:13PM

Give revelations a read. Preferably in the same state it was written in, which I'm pretty sure was off his head on acid and mescaline.

Hootanany · 08-05-2014 11:14PM

Are Mesuline

keano_afc · 08-05-2014 11:16PM

Try to read it every day.

kneemos · 08-05-2014 11:16PM

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

orangesoda · 08-05-2014 11:17PM

kneemos wrote: »

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

i know a protestant man who puts his feet up all sunday to read it while he gets the wife to do the house work

ryan101 · 08-05-2014 11:21PM

Yes, as a Catholic, it took me a couple of years to read it all properly, it's a collection of books, and you'll not get any benefit from skimming them.

I'd start with the New Testament. It makes up approx. one third of the Bible.

Best to start with the four Gospels, and start with the Gospel of Mark as it is the shortest. Then read the acts of the apostles.
The rest of the of the New testament is letters sent to the early Christian Churches.

The Gospels, especially the words of Christ, puts the rest of the bible in its proper context.

Much better to read what Christ said for yourself, rather than endless quotes, snippets, and other peoples opinions.

A quote out of context is just a pretext.

e.g. Psalm 14:1 "There is no God"

Chucken · 08-05-2014 11:24PM

kneemos wrote: »

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

Thats not quite true.

Sulla Felix · 08-05-2014 11:27PM

ryan101 wrote: »

Yes, as a Catholic, it took me a couple of years to read it all properly, it's a collection of books, and you'll not get any benefit from skimming them.

Best to start with the four Gospels, and start with the Gospel of Mark as it is the shortest.

The Gospels, especially the words of Christ, puts the rest of the bible all in context.

Much better to read what Christ said for yourself, rather than endless quotes and snippets.

Isn't it all just quotes of what Jesus said though, as remembered by various people? I kind of thought that's what the gospels were.

Hootanany · 08-05-2014 11:29PM

So do I start at the beginning ?

Earthhorse · 08-05-2014 11:29PM

I read Ecclesiastes and even though there are some beautiful turns of phrase I found it a bit difficult. Didn't understand the context either without referring to Wikipedia.

Tropheus · 08-05-2014 11:30PM

I don't like fiction. BTW, I've heard that he dies in the end.

vicwatson · 08-05-2014 11:30PM

JOHN 3:7

Duckworth_Luas · 08-05-2014 11:32PM

Screw the book I'm waiting for the HBO mini-series

Dan_Solo · 08-05-2014 11:32PM

Cover to cover.
Know your enemy.

castletownman · 08-05-2014 11:33PM

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that **** for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some **** this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that **** ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

keano_afc · 08-05-2014 11:33PM

Hootanany wrote: »

So do I start at the beginning ?

Start with the gospels, the accounts of Jesus' life, death and resurrection. It'll make the prophecies of the Old Testament easier to understand.

Earthhorse · 08-05-2014 11:33PM

Tropheus wrote: »

I don't like fiction. BTW, I've heard that he dies in the end.

Ah, but there's a twist!

D Trent · 08-05-2014 11:34PM

orangesoda wrote: »

i know a protestant man who puts his feet up all sunday to read it while he gets the wife to do the house work
give him a blowjob

Fixed Your Post

JuliusCaesar · 08-05-2014 11:34PM

Went to a Church of Ireland primary school. So yes. Used win the Bible prize regularly. Still know more Bible than most Catholics

EoghanIRL · 08-05-2014 11:34PM

Best selling fiction book of all time.

greenflash · 08-05-2014 11:35PM

I read the old and new testaments as a teenager. Thought about what I'd read, thought about what we were told in mass, thought about what we were taught in schools and became agnostic leading to atheist.The Bible is a great read and from it I learned all religion is a pool of steaming donkey ****.

ryan101 · 08-05-2014 11:35PM

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Isn't it all just quotes of what Jesus said though, as remembered by various people? I kind of thought that's what the gospels were.

There's a fair bit of narrative in there as well, but yes it's mostly what Jesus said, but the reason for reading it for yourself is a lot of what he said is actually not quoted that often. His teachings need to be read as a whole.

Chancer3001 · 08-05-2014 11:35PM

I read it cover to cover.

It's absolutely hilarious in the Old Testament.

Some preacher is getting abused so he calls on ñ bear to come out and eat the guys mocking him.

Another thing about a guy who wants speckled sheep, so he pulls the rams dick out of the ewe before he ejaculates and then shoves another rams dick in. Pretty funny lack of understanding of genetics there.

People being turned to salt.

Thousands and thousands of people being killed.

Monsters on wheels at some stage.

It's so ridiculous when you read it.

Sarky · 08-05-2014 11:36PM

The old testament has its fun moments of blood, sex and death, occasionally making Game Of Thrones look a bit tame, but the Jesus stuff's fairly dull, nothing special. The resurrection of Gandalf was much more interesting. I mean at least he died fighting a freaking balrog.

Edit: How could I forget Revelations? That John of Patmos, what a guy. Tripping. Balls.

Manach · 08-05-2014 11:37PM

Even if one is not religious, this is a book that has influence history (in a mostly positve way) and been the inspiration for artists and writers within the Western Civilisation for centuries. To know own's heritage is to know the Bible.

HugsiePie · 08-05-2014 11:37PM

Ive read snippets

I have great intentions to

But like all great intentions itll never happen :rolleyes:

Calibos · 08-05-2014 11:38PM

Getting Christians to actually (Heaven forbid) read their bible is one of the most powerful tools in the Atheist arsenal.

Hold on, but I thought that Matthew just said...but John says...Paul said WHAT!!! God said it was OK to Rape and pillage the gentile who now....turned to pillar of salt for what!!.....My cotton and polyester shirt is an abomi-whatnow....got God to sic a Bear on the kids for calling him a baldy?? The Fcuk??.....cursed a fig tree???

Sheeeeeet! My priest/pastor never told us those gems. He only read us the nice bits like the global genocide with the big boat and all the fluffy animals!!??

Have you ever read the Bible

Comments