Have you ever read the Bible

Hootanany

Is it any good just know bits from Mass?

The Backwards Man

It's actually a pretty good read in parts. Full of blood, sex and thrills.

orangesoda

I have an mp3 bible, can't be doing with the reading, it reminds me too much of school RE

wp_rathead

Leviticus is hilarious

Moone Boy Fans:
"You have to take a shot, every time the word "begat" is used and Chronicles is a whore for the begat"

Sulla Felix

Give revelations a read. Preferably in the same state it was written in, which I'm pretty sure was off his head on acid and mescaline.

Hootanany

Are Mesuline

keano_afc

Try to read it every day.

kneemos

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

orangesoda

kneemos wrote: »

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

i know a protestant man who puts his feet up all sunday to read it while he gets the wife to do the house work

ryan101

Yes, as a Catholic, it took me a couple of years to read it all properly, it's a collection of books, and you'll not get any benefit from skimming them.

I'd start with the New Testament. It makes up approx. one third of the Bible.

Best to start with the four Gospels, and start with the Gospel of Mark as it is the shortest. Then read the acts of the apostles.
The rest of the of the New testament is letters sent to the early Christian Churches.

The Gospels, especially the words of Christ, puts the rest of the bible in its proper context.

Much better to read what Christ said for yourself, rather than endless quotes, snippets, and other peoples opinions.

A quote out of context is just a pretext.

e.g. Psalm 14:1 "There is no God"

Chucken

kneemos wrote: »

Catholics don't read the Bible,their just trained to believe the snippets they're given without having the knowledge to question.
Protestants I believe are keen readers of the big book.

Thats not quite true.

Sulla Felix

ryan101 wrote: »

Yes, as a Catholic, it took me a couple of years to read it all properly, it's a collection of books, and you'll not get any benefit from skimming them.

Best to start with the four Gospels, and start with the Gospel of Mark as it is the shortest.

The Gospels, especially the words of Christ, puts the rest of the bible all in context.

Much better to read what Christ said for yourself, rather than endless quotes and snippets.

Isn't it all just quotes of what Jesus said though, as remembered by various people? I kind of thought that's what the gospels were.

Hootanany

So do I start at the beginning ?

Earthhorse

I read Ecclesiastes and even though there are some beautiful turns of phrase I found it a bit difficult. Didn't understand the context either without referring to Wikipedia.

Tropheus

I don't like fiction. BTW, I've heard that he dies in the end.

vicwatson

JOHN 3:7

Duckworth_Luas

Screw the book I'm waiting for the HBO mini-series

Dan_Solo

Cover to cover.
Know your enemy.

castletownman

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that **** for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some **** this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that **** ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

keano_afc

Hootanany wrote: »

So do I start at the beginning ?

Start with the gospels, the accounts of Jesus' life, death and resurrection. It'll make the prophecies of the Old Testament easier to understand.

Earthhorse

Tropheus wrote: »

I don't like fiction. BTW, I've heard that he dies in the end.

Ah, but there's a twist!

D Trent

orangesoda wrote: »

i know a protestant man who puts his feet up all sunday to read it while he gets the wife to do the house work
give him a blowjob

Fixed Your Post

JuliusCaesar

Went to a Church of Ireland primary school. So yes. Used win the Bible prize regularly. Still know more Bible than most Catholics

EoghanIRL

Best selling fiction book of all time.

greenflash

I read the old and new testaments as a teenager. Thought about what I'd read, thought about what we were told in mass, thought about what we were taught in schools and became agnostic leading to atheist.The Bible is a great read and from it I learned all religion is a pool of steaming donkey ****.

ryan101

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Isn't it all just quotes of what Jesus said though, as remembered by various people? I kind of thought that's what the gospels were.

There's a fair bit of narrative in there as well, but yes it's mostly what Jesus said, but the reason for reading it for yourself is a lot of what he said is actually not quoted that often. His teachings need to be read as a whole.

Chancer3001

I read it cover to cover.

It's absolutely hilarious in the Old Testament.

Some preacher is getting abused so he calls on ñ bear to come out and eat the guys mocking him.

Another thing about a guy who wants speckled sheep, so he pulls the rams dick out of the ewe before he ejaculates and then shoves another rams dick in. Pretty funny lack of understanding of genetics there.

People being turned to salt.

Thousands and thousands of people being killed.

Monsters on wheels at some stage.

It's so ridiculous when you read it.

Sarky

The old testament has its fun moments of blood, sex and death, occasionally making Game Of Thrones look a bit tame, but the Jesus stuff's fairly dull, nothing special. The resurrection of Gandalf was much more interesting. I mean at least he died fighting a freaking balrog.

Edit: How could I forget Revelations? That John of Patmos, what a guy. Tripping. Balls.

Manach

Even if one is not religious, this is a book that has influence history (in a mostly positve way) and been the inspiration for artists and writers within the Western Civilisation for centuries. To know own's heritage is to know the Bible.

HugsiePie

Ive read snippets

I have great intentions to

But like all great intentions itll never happen :rolleyes:

Calibos

Getting Christians to actually (Heaven forbid) read their bible is one of the most powerful tools in the Atheist arsenal.

Hold on, but I thought that Matthew just said...but John says...Paul said WHAT!!! God said it was OK to Rape and pillage the gentile who now....turned to pillar of salt for what!!.....My cotton and polyester shirt is an abomi-whatnow....got God to sic a Bear on the kids for calling him a baldy?? The Fcuk??.....cursed a fig tree???

Sheeeeeet! My priest/pastor never told us those gems. He only read us the nice bits like the global genocide with the big boat and all the fluffy animals!!??

kneemos

The Bible can stop a speeding bullet.
Enough said.Case rested.

Joe prim

Hootanany wrote: »

So do I start at the beginning ?

Yes, start at Genesis, I think there's some stuff about Phil Collins' solo work in there as well. " And lo, the Lord saith unto Adam ( out of the Ants) , I can feel it coming in the air tonight.....etc..."

Apiarist

Chancer3001 wrote: »

It's absolutely hilarious in the Old Testament.

+1 for the Old Testament The Book of Revelation is also a great read.

catallus

Goethe wrote "In the beginning was the WORD! Here I am stuck already...."

If a mind so attuned to knowledge and poetry had trouble delving into the depths of such a book then does that not suggest a small bit of humility on our part?

Chancer3001

The Jesus stuff makes zero sense either,

Oh he's a man, he's mortal ....uh no, he's doing magic miracles...oh no, wait he's a normal guy...uhh oh, more magic....uh he can't get off the cross cos he's just a regul....uhhhh no, he resurrected.

He died for our sins ya know. So that your sins would be cleaned.....uh, no, you're still born with original sin.

Mr. CooL ICE

Jesus dies

Lucifer MorningStar

<

---

umop.episdn

Did Jesus have to pay Mary Magdalene for sex, or did he just absolve her of her sins in the morning, so she could start with a clean slate?

AlekSmart

Chancer3001 wrote: »

The Jesus stuff makes zero sense either,

Oh he's a man, he's mortal ....uh no, he's doing magic miracles...oh no, wait he's a normal guy...uhh oh, more magic....uh he can't get off the cross cos he's just a regul....uhhhh no, he resurrected.

He died for our sins ya know. So that your sins would be cleaned.....uh, no, you're still born with original sin.

Wellllllll Ted,It all depends Y'see on yer knowledge of Aramaic....

http://www.latintimes.com/1500-year-old-bible-discovered-turkey-indicates-jesus-christ-was-not-crucified-171471

I've always had a soft spot for poor oul Barabbas......I'd say the Evening Herald would have loved him....:o

Lucifer MorningStar

Chancer3001 wrote: »

The Jesus stuff makes zero sense either,

Oh he's a man, he's mortal ....uh no, he's doing magic miracles...oh no, wait he's a normal guy...uhh oh, more magic....uh he can't get off the cross cos he's just a regul....uhhhh no, he resurrected.

He died for our sins ya know. So that your sins would be cleaned.....uh, no, you're still born with original sin.

Jesus is really just a metaphor for sun

Here's a few examples

The sun “dies” for three days at the winter solstice, to be born again on December 25th

The “Sun of God” “changes water into wine” by creating rain, ripening the grape on the vine and fermenting the grape juice.

The “Sun of God” “walks on water,” referring to its’ reflection upon the waters' surface

The “Sun of God” is the “Light of the World” and “comes on clouds, and every eye shall see him.”

The “Sun of God” rising in the morning is the “Savior of mankind

bogwalrus

It is such an old book so worth the read as an historical document. Pretty useless other than that.

Czarcasm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Went to a Church of Ireland primary school. So yes. Used win the Bible prize regularly. Still know more Bible than most Catholics

Still know more Bible than those Catholics that you're aware of, would surely be a more accurate statement?

I wonder has anyone here also read the Qur'an, the Hadith, or the Tanakh, or the various Hindu and Buddhist texts?

Dan_Solo wrote: »

Cover to cover.
Know your enemy.

An atheist says "know your what?".

Or is that just anti-theist point of view that says all that stuff about 'enemies'. If that's the case and you plan on taking on all religions, you have your work cut out for you informing yourself and getting to know ALL your 'enemies'.

Insect Overlord

Czarcasm wrote: »

An atheist says "know your what?".

Or is that just anti-theist point of view that says all that stuff about 'enemies'. If that's the case and you plan on taking on all religions, you have your work cut out for you informing yourself and getting to know ALL your 'enemies'.

Touch a nerve, did they?

endacl

Cover to cover? No. Why would you? I've only one lifetime, and there's so much else that's actually worth reading to get through before I'd bother with disjointed Bronze Age ramblings. And the New Testament? Short version: I'm my own dad, I impregnated my mother, who is also my child, and I'm a ghost, except when I'm a zombie and/or the main course at a ritual Sunday lunch. Also, I'll be back, so behave!

Disclaimer: revelations rocks. \m/ :pac:

Czarcasm

An File wrote: »

Touch a nerve, did they?

Well not really, I mean, Roman Catholicism is only one of many religions, and the Christian Bible is only one book (or a collection of books, if we're going to be really picky!), so I just wonder about Dan's conflating his atheist philosophy with his anti-theism stance.

Atheism doesn't have enemies. That's why atheists don't start wars. Dan seems to be fighting an imaginary one (I'm not sure is it just the one religion he's planning on taking on, or all of them?) and that's not a good sign!

statesaver

Yes and it reinforced my atheism

Adamantium

As an agnostic, The good bits in the Bible (or any holy book) are a "bible" to live by, you just have to be intelligent enough to know which bits they are

Unfortunately we don't live in a world like that.


I often wonder will Archealogists return to Future Earth tens of thousands of years from now, they might dig up a 10000 piece collection of Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich buried in some ancient library and assume(wrongly) that was the prevailing literature of the day that we all lived by.

The good timeless truths of human living will always end up being recycled anyway over and over again to form a "bible" of sorts.

We're probably on No 13241 at the mo, but we think it has and will be this way forever. It won't.

We're not at the end of history folks, that's a dangerous thought that brings out the armageddon followers in every religion, who want the world to end on their watch, because they can't bear for the world it go on without them. I always think of this scene in Contact when it comes to that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZn825jemqk

jill_valentine

Yeah. It makes absolutely no sense as a moral framework and it's impossible to reconcile it as a cohesive theological primer - the early bits even have multiple gods! - and long stretches are boring. But it's got some cool imagery, neat turns of phrase, and some of it is just so mad it's kind of thrilling.

Seriously - imagine a society where bat eating was such a serious problem that somebody had to make a specific rule to say "Lads, lay off the feckin' bat eating."

Arthur Beesley

No.

Akrasia

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Isn't it all just quotes of what Jesus said though, as remembered by various people? I kind of thought that's what the gospels were.

If only the incarnated omniscient supreme being wasn't illiterate, we could have read his exact words written by his own hand