HOW MUCH/WHAT DO I GIVE AS A WEDDING PRESENT? READ POST#1 FIRST

Toots · 26-04-2014 2:51pm #1

Hello everyone!

Seeing as there's always at least one thread on the go asking for advice on wedding presents we thought we'd try something new, sort of a 'one stop shop' in the form of a stickied thread with a poll.

The other issue with the many other threads is that they invariably result in an online verbal fist fight, with plenty of soapboxing and arguing, and we're looking to put a stop to that.

So here's the deal with this thread:

Vote on the poll and/or comment on the thread with what/how much you give on average. That's it, no opinions on what should or shouldn't be given, what is the "norm", what's stingey or what's over the top.

Here's an example of the type of answer that's ok:

"If going as a couple we give €100, but if it's a close family member we give €200. When we got married, the average cash gift we got was about €150."

Here's an example of the type of answers that are not ok and will get you either infracted, or banned from the forum:

"I always give at least €250 when I go to a wedding. If it was a sibling or close family member, I'd give €500. IMO this is the absolute least that anyone should give. People who give less than this are just scabby and shouldn't bother coming to the wedding at all if they can't afford to bring a decent present. Everyone should cover their plate and then extra so the bride and groom aren't in debt after the big day."

or

"I usually give an argos value range toaster or else €20 in a card. I'm not going to line their pockets just because they're throwing an overpriced party. They should just be grateful I'm there at all, I hate weddings. If they think they can cover the cost of the wedding with gifts they've got another think coming. Greedy feckers."

We'd ask that posters give this a go and adhere to the above, this way it will be much easier for people looking for advice to work out what the average gift is, and then use that as a jumping off point to decide what they want to give. It can be very hard for a poster to get a straight answer when they've got to wade through 5 pages of arguing to try and find figures.

If anyone has any questions, just drop myself or Iguana a PM

Thanks guys!

xzanti · 26-04-2014 2:57pm

Needs more poll

Toots · 26-04-2014 3:17pm

Poll up! Took ages to fill in 25 fields

clint_silver · 26-04-2014 4:53pm

200e per couple, but if we have to travel far with costly accommodation forced on us, then we'd rethink gift size. maybe 100.

average was about 100 punts when we got married.

annoyedgal · 26-04-2014 7:18pm

As a rule we go 150 as a couple, 200 for very close friends, gave 300 to my sibling, himself giving 500 to siblings as can afford to give more.

annoyedgal · 26-04-2014 7:24pm

As a rule we go 150 as a couple, 200 for very close friends, gave 300 to my sibling, himself giving 500 to siblings as can afford to give more.

Toots · 26-04-2014 11:15pm

At the minute we'd give €100 in cash or a gift of roughly that value, as a couple to friends/extended family. For immediate family/very close friends it would be €200 or a gift of that value if we could afford it. If we can't attend and it's family or close friends we'd get a small gift, otherwise we'd send a card.

When I got married (2010) there was about a 50/50 split between cash gifts and material gifts. I can't remember the average cash gift off the top of my head.

Gatica · 28-04-2014 9:47am

Great idea for a sticky thread.

We got married in 2012 in the West of Ireland. We got mostly cash gifts, the average was mainly 150 or 200 from couples (our friends and family) or 100 from singles.
From siblings we got either nothing separate from the parents, or set of glasses or 500 Euro, basically depending on their family and financial situation I suppose. We paid the latter between 400 and 500 towards their honeymoon when they got married couple of years before.
As a couple we give 200 Euro or a combination of 100 or 150 Euro plus a gift to the value of approximately the difference to 200. If going to afters only we give between 50 and 100, depending on amount of effort/travel involved in attending.

kkcatlou · 28-04-2014 10:21am

We give €200 as a couple if it's not close friends/ family. To close friends/ cousins I either make the cake and give a gift worth €50-100 or €200 cash plus a small gift. Only one immediate family member on my side has been married, and we contributed €1,000 to their honeymoon.

For the afters, I usually give a gift worth €30-50 rather than cash.

When I was single, I either just made the cake or gave €100 cash.

monyman · 29-04-2014 11:12am

Present wedding gift such that which will be remember forever. So, i think photo-frame, or some other jewelry item would be better to give. I voted on this...

Nash Bridges · 30-04-2014 1:05pm

Will normally give €200 when attending as a couple, more for immediate family member or a very close friend.

When we got married the most common gift was €200 per couple/€100 per single. Some gave €150 per couple.

For afters only I generally would not give a gift, card only or nothing.

As an aside:
Would the area of the country or the county you are living in have a bearing on this perchance? I'm based in Cork city/suburbs but I get the impression that the average wedding gift is less in other areas of the country.

Edit: had a list of perceived "smaller gift" counties but that is not the point I'm trying to make.

Snakeweasel · 02-05-2014 3:49pm

My only brother is getting married in a couple weeks and I would be very close to both him and my future sister in law, and as such want to buy them a present as well as giving them money but am confused about one thing. I have a set amount of money I was planning on giving to them, which is apparently the going rate around where I live to give a sibling, so would it be the norm to subtract the amount I plan on spending on their present from the cash, or is the present seen as completely separate from the cash?

Gatica · 02-05-2014 6:37pm

I would imagine if you have X to spend that that'll remain at X, whether it's all cash, part gift part cash or just gift.
It's up to you, if you want to give something small and sentimental in addition. In our family we've just given cash or money towards something.

QuiteInterestin · 02-05-2014 8:20pm

Is there anyway of distinguishing in the poll if the amount given was from someone who went on their own or as a couple? Can be hard to know what to give when attending a wedding on your own when the majority of people attend as a couple.

Toots · 02-05-2014 11:44pm

QuiteInterestin wrote: »

Is there anyway of distinguishing in the poll if the amount given was from someone who went on their own or as a couple? Can be hard to know what to give when attending a wedding on your own when the majority of people attend as a couple.

Not on the poll, I'm afraid. We're limited to how many options we can have in it and there wasn't enough room for another set of options for singles/couples.

If you're unsure of which way to vote, use the amount you'd use most frequently ie: if you go to more weddings as a single vote that and vice versa.

If it's an even split then just choose either one and give both figures in the comments.

Mike V H · 04-05-2014 7:01pm

Hi, my brother is getting married in a month's time. I am a groomsman on the day. I won't be bringing someone to the wedding with me. I was thinking 200 to 250 euro as a wedding gift. Is that reasonable? I have not been to many weddings. Any advise would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

clint_silver · 04-05-2014 7:09pm

Mike V H wrote: »

Hi, my brother is getting married in a month's time. I am a groomsman on the day. I won't be bringing someone to the wedding with me. I was thinking 200 to 250 euro as a wedding gift. Is that reasonable? I have not been to many weddings. Any advise would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

200 is very reasonable for an individual to a sibling if you can afford it.

Toots · 04-05-2014 9:51pm

Can people please make sure they read the instruction at the top of the thread before commenting. I've just had to delete posts that were commenting on how certain gifts were 'rubbish' etc. This thread isn't a platform for people to critique gifts, it's to give people an idea of the varying amounts/items for presents.

MCD. · 08-05-2014 1:46pm

Girlfriend's sister's wedding in a few weeks. As a couple we had set aside 400 as a gift. GF is obviously close with her sister and I would consider the groom to be a good friend (although we know each other through our gf/fiances)

GF mother not impressed with the 400 and claimed that we should trump up 800-1000 for a gift because it is a family wedding.

Its the first immediate family wedding for either of us.

jlm29 · 08-05-2014 1:53pm

MCD. wrote: »

Girlfriend's sister's wedding in a few weeks. As a couple we had set aside 400 as a gift. GF is obviously close with her sister and I would consider the groom to be a good friend (although we know each other through our gf/fiances)

GF mother not impressed with the 400 and claimed that we should trump up 800-1000 for a gift because it is a family wedding.

Its the first immediate family wedding for either of us.

It's nothing to do with her. I wouldn't give her any hop there. If it's the first wedding, it's not like there's a precedent or anything.

Gatica · 08-05-2014 2:02pm

How crass of someone to presume what someone else should be giving. Gifting is a personal thing. She shouldn't be asking what you're giving... and if I were you, I/we wouldn't be telling.
If you can afford it, what you're giving is already very generous.

893bet · 09-05-2014 11:08am

Friend/acquaintance/extended family; 150 (Me and wife attending)
Close friend/family; 250-500 (This is what i have always received)
Afters; Dont usually go but 50 in a card is what I would.

JMour1 · 16-05-2014 4:15pm

MCD. wrote: »

Girlfriend's sister's wedding in a few weeks. As a couple we had set aside 400 as a gift. GF is obviously close with her sister and I would consider the groom to be a good friend (although we know each other through our gf/fiances)

GF mother not impressed with the 400 and claimed that we should trump up 800-1000 for a gift because it is a family wedding.

Its the first immediate family wedding for either of us.

Extremely generous gift, regardless of if it's family or not... But shocked with the mothers response!!

Liam McPoyle · 17-05-2014 12:58am

MCD. wrote: »

Girlfriend's sister's wedding in a few weeks. As a couple we had set aside 400 as a gift. GF is obviously close with her sister and I would consider the groom to be a good friend (although we know each other through our gf/fiances)

GF mother not impressed with the 400 and claimed that we should trump up 800-1000 for a gift because it is a family wedding.

Its the first immediate family wedding for either of us.

Holy hell, €400 is a huge amount imo.

Im getting married next year and wouldn't expect anything like that amount from anyone.

No offence mate but your girlfriends Ma sounds like a complete boot!

Rosy Posy · 25-05-2014 8:41am

We're going to a wedding overseas. It's costing us an absolute fortune to bring us plus 4 kids plus SIL to nanny. But the couple have been so generous inviting all to the meal, even though we will probably just have the kids at the earlier part and send them home to eat. I'm at a loss to know how much to give- would $200 be ok?

woodchuck · 24-07-2014 10:14am

I'm going to the afters of a wedding for a work colleague, but I've already contributed to a group present in work. Do I still need to bring a separate card/present on the night and if so how much should I put in? Normally I'd give 50euro in a card as a single, but as I've already signed a card and contributed to a present in work I'm not sure what is expected?

Gatica · 24-07-2014 11:57am

Went to one of those recently. Had been planning the same as you, 50 in a card, but the week before the manager organised a group card and envelope. The average contributions were about 15 Euro (either 10 or 20).
I signed the card and threw in some money (15 as I didn't wanna be the mean one or the look-at-me generous one), but certainly didn't bother with a separate card after that. Felt a bit mean, but tbh it would've been showing up the work-mates if I did that as none of them gave anything on the day.
We met up as a group for a drink while the speeches were finishing up. Then went in and joined the party and congratulated the couple...

Sadderday · 24-07-2014 12:09pm

You can only give what you can afford and the couple getting married should not be expecting cash in every envelope.

A gift is nice to recieve!

I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I only had 50 euro to spare (had to pay for hotel room etc etc), so rather than just putting 50 in a card, a few other guests and I signed the card and each threw 50 in, so the envelope contained 300 quid. It might sound mean, but I know my friend would prefer that I had money for petrol for the rest of the week.

Another good friend got married and I couldn't go to the wedding but I sent 60 dollars in a card so they could have drinks on me in new york on their honeymoon.

My cousin, that I barely see, invited me to the afters. I went for an hour. I didn't want to just put 20 in a card so I spent the 20 in tierneys and got a lovely set of wine glasses for their new house.

I will be getting married soon, I hate to think my guests are worried about putting this amount or that amount in their card.

Have any of you ever seen a wedding invitation that said 'no gifts' in a nice way? outta curiosity

AthenaA · 29-07-2014 4:26pm

I live in Belgium, where weddings are different in general. Giving 100 euro per person would really be an unusually high amount to give. That's older relatives only I'd say. I usually give 120-140 euro as a couple for a wedding with dinner. As a twenty something this would be a perfectly decent amount. If it's just afters, most people give 25 euro each.
And in Belgium all weddings pretty much have free drink. Belgians would be mightily surprised to be at an Irish wedding and be expected to pay for their drinks. Obviously it's just beer and wine, not spirits.
Some people actually paying 200-400 euro to attend a wedding sounds a bit baffling to me. No wonder people here are a lot broker after having a wedding.

Soft inda Head · 30-07-2014 1:54pm

Going to the wedding of a friend of OH. I asked her what we were going to give as a gift. We would normally give €50 each. The OH said she will give what she got from her friend at our wedding (she went 4 ways on a €100 gift voucher) So Iit's €25 - and I don't even think she's joking.

mrsbyrne · 31-07-2014 8:36pm

Husbands brother getting married st the end of August. Were giving €150. My husband and I our daughter and her friend are going. Its in a very expensive hotel (€275 for 2 nights not including breakfast, thats the wedding guest rate), 2.5 hours drive away. New clothes, drinks and meals from Friday evening through to Sunday morning, petrol, dog in kennels .
If the wedding had been more accsebile , less expensive hotel, if we'd been able to drive down there on the day of the wedding so only 1 nights accommodation needed, etc. then we could have given more, but our budget won't allow.
I understand couples find the "venue of their dreams" and of course you should ho for it, but you can sure put family yo a lot of expense.

Liam McPoyle · 04-08-2014 10:35am

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Husbands brother getting married st the end of August. Were giving €150. My husband and I our daughter and her friend are going. Its in a very expensive hotel (€275 for 2 nights not including breakfast, thats the wedding guest rate), 2.5 hours drive away. New clothes, drinks and meals from Friday evening through to Sunday morning, petrol, dog in kennels .
If the wedding had been more accsebile , less expensive hotel, if we'd been able to drive down there on the day of the wedding so only 1 nights accommodation needed, etc. then we could have given more, but our budget won't allow.
I understand couples find the "venue of their dreams" and of course you should ho for it, but you can sure put family yo a lot of expense.

Off topic but surely you dont have to stay in the actual venue for both nights?

For my wedding some people would have to travel similar distances so what my parents are doing along with my siblings and some extended family are staying in a cheap and cheerful Hotel near the church/venue, its working out at €70 per room B&B as we got on to the Hotel and they gave us a rate because they are getting guaranteed business for a Thursday night next July that they may not other wise get.

Not 100% ideal I know but possibly an option for you?

mrsbyrne · 04-08-2014 11:50am

Business Cat wrote: »

Off topic but surely you dont have to stay in the actual venue for both nights?

For my wedding some people would have to travel similar distances so what my parents are doing along with my siblings and some extended family are staying in a cheap and cheerful Hotel near the church/venue, its working out at €70 per room B&B as we got on to the Hotel and they gave us a rate because they are getting guaranteed business for a Thursday night next July that they may not other wise get.

Not 100% ideal I know but possibly an option for you?

In this case all the guests, and I mean all, are having to travel at least 2 hours to the church and then another 1/2 hour to the venue. The venue is a 4* hotel/golf club/spa about a €10 taxi ride from the nearest guest house/b&b.
It would seem like an awful lot of inconvenience to check into a place for one night, pack up again, go to the wedding, check into another place, unpack etc.

CIARAN_BOYLE · 04-08-2014 12:39pm

All gifts are influenced by the cost of attending. Much more generous to a nearby wedding then at one with travel expenses where you have to stay overnight.

woodchuck · 06-08-2014 1:12pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm going to the afters of a wedding for a work colleague, but I've already contributed to a group present in work. Do I still need to bring a separate card/present on the night and if so how much should I put in? Normally I'd give 50euro in a card as a single, but as I've already signed a card and contributed to a present in work I'm not sure what is expected?

Just to update on this, I talked to another girl in the office who is going (it's just the two of us who can make it) and she said she gave the bride-to-be a card with money in it before she left (off work for a week before the wedding). Now I didn't ask how much she put in, but I assume now I'll have to give something :P Those two would work more closely together, she'd be on a much better salary than me and she's bringing her husband (I'm going solo). So... would anything less than 50euro look stingy?

Again, I already contributed in work (only 10euro though) so really not sure what is the done thing in these situations! Ideally I'd prefer to give a small present, but I know people don't tend to like 'stuff' and wouldn't even know what to get her.

Please don't say 'whatever you can afford' :P I'm not broke or anything, but I do keep an eye on my finances in general. I also feel a little weird about giving money to a work colleague... I don't know why

annoyedgal · 06-08-2014 3:22pm

I think a gift is the way to go here. Getting married soon and we have fund in work for presents. I'd feel very bad if those invited to wedding gave money on top of that. Newbridge do lovely Christmas decorations which are a nice keepsake. If you don't want to get a gift then a fifty or sixty euro voucher for nice restaurant would appreciated I'm sure and more than generous.

annoyedgal · 06-08-2014 3:28pm

Just realised its an afters your going to. Definitely a gift! I wouldn't give money for an afters, wine glasses or nice photoframe is perfect.

panda100 · 06-08-2014 9:14pm

Was at wedding last weekend and forgot to give present on the day!left it at home. I was going to give €150. Does it look really bad if I post it up? I rarely see the couple and they live in a county give hour drive away. I don't want to send cash in post so would it be okay to send postal order? Any advice would be appreciated!

Dolbert · 07-08-2014 6:08pm

I think that'd be fine Panda... We got a couple of cards in the post after the wedding and it was a really pleasant surprise!

Saint Sonner · 08-08-2014 12:24pm

panda100 wrote: »

Was at wedding last weekend and forgot to give present on the day!left it at home. I was going to give €150. Does it look really bad if I post it up? I rarely see the couple and they live in a county give hour drive away. I don't want to send cash in post so would it be okay to send postal order? Any advice would be appreciated!

Looks like you wanted to see what wedding was like before you decided how much to give! LOL

Was it worth €150?

woodchuck · 08-08-2014 8:13pm

Thanks for the advice guys! Actually I ended up going shopping before I saw your responses

I was kind of resigned to just giving a 50 in a card, but actually when I was out looking for cards I saw a pretty honeymoon photo album. So what I ended up doing was buying the photo album and a voucher for a camera shop where they can get their honeymoon photos printed and then put them in the album

The lot still ended up costing me 50 quid, but I think I feel more comfortable with that than just shoving a note in a card!! Hoping they'll like it... I figure people don't tend to print photos much in these digital times, but if they have the voucher and the album it's something nice to do that otherwise people normally wouldn't? I know printed photos/albums are the norm, but hope the honeymoon album is a little different. And they've an awesome honeymoon planned, so I assume they're gonna take lots of pics! (my only concern was what if they don't have a camera :P But sure even the crappiest of phones these days have cameras!)

Thanks for the advice anyways... wedding's tomorrow, so hope it all goes smoothly

There's always that awkward moment of not knowing who to leave the present with :P

jos28 · 11-08-2014 2:00pm

Bit of an unusual one here - My nephew is getting married and he kindly invited myself, my OH and our 2 adult children plus partners. One is going without a +1 which makes 5 of us going to the wedding. There is also a bbq the next day which promises to be a great party.
We are going to give one sum of money between us - big question is how much. If myself and my husband were going alone we'd probably put €200 in a card. I'm also making some confectionery trees for the event too.

bee06 · 11-08-2014 2:15pm

jos28 wrote: »

Bit of an unusual one here - My nephew is getting married and he kindly invited myself, my OH and our 2 adult children plus partners. One is going without a +1 which makes 5 of us going to the wedding. There is also a bbq the next day which promises to be a great party.
We are going to give one sum of money between us - big question is how much. If myself and my husband were going alone we'd probably put €200 in a card. I'm also making some confectionery trees for the event too.

See how much your children would be comfortable giving and give whatever the total is.

jos28 · 11-08-2014 3:15pm

bee06 wrote: »

See how much your children would be comfortable giving and give whatever the total is.

Cheers Bee, money is a bit tight with them at the moment so I might end up rounding up the amount

I'll have a chat with them and see what they reckon.

Gatica · 12-08-2014 3:38pm

If they're adult children, can they maybe give their own card and gift? If they're broke and feel uncomfortable giving comparatively very small gift though, it's understandable they'd like to pool in as a family. If you're able to top up their gift, great, otherwise, I'd just leave it at yours + theirs.

kkcatlou · 12-08-2014 4:46pm

What age are your adult children? I think there comes an age where Mammy and Daddy shouldn't be shelling out for them any more....but that's an argument for another day...

jos28 · 12-08-2014 5:56pm

Definitely decided to let them do their own thing. Had 'the' chat with my boss today and my hours are going to be reduced so that solves that !
I'll be counting my own pennies

NewMrs2b · 15-08-2014 11:52pm

My brother registered for gifts for his wedding and the week before I ordered all this crap people didn't. I knew the bigger stuff was covered by parents/siblings etc to I spent €233 on all the other stuff towl sets glass set's etc. They appreciated the fact that all the fiddly bits were bought. I was a single 19yo and I think the appreciated the thought.

Whatever gifts I may receive at my wedding they will be accepted with said person in mind. I.e. if the hippy cousin gives me a jewellery box with decorated with pasta I will us it and be happy someone put some thought into it. If daddy feels he brought me up well enough that giving me away on the day is gift enough again I'd be thrilled I think its important to remember drink in the atmosphere on the day you have created.

midnight_train · 21-08-2014 10:43pm

My cousin who I hardly ever see has invited me to her wedding. I wasn't expecting an invite, TBH. I feel kind of mean, but I don't know if I feel like going - it seems like the going rate for a couple is €150, and to me, that is a really large sum of money to spend. But I'd feel really scabby going and not paying the 'correct' amount for a gift. But from I've been told by other people, you can't go to a wedding these days and not spend that amount in the gift. Is that really true??

Gatica · 22-08-2014 8:29am

It it a huge wedding and they're inviting everyone, do the families always invite the extended family?
In my in-law family the aunts/uncles always get invited, the cousins don't cos there are so many. It's not like you can't do things a different way, but just often families stick to the same type of invitation cut-offs.
If you feel you were invited just for the gift, then don't go. Otherwise, if you do want to go then give a gift you can afford or a voucher for a restaurant. Were you invited alone or as a couple, and how do you intend to go? I know you're asking about a gift from you, but if we were invited together we'd gift together rather than just me.

Meursault · 23-09-2014 1:41pm

Hi All,

just a quick questio. can anyone advise on what is the standard cash present given to a good friend for a wedding present? Is it €200, €250?, €300?

I appreciate that this can be difficult to specify, but I thought it might be worth asking anyway. I obviously want to give the guy a decent amount, but I wasnt sure what was considered generous/appropriate

Thanks

HOW MUCH/WHAT DO I GIVE AS A WEDDING PRESENT? READ POST#1 FIRST

What's the average wedding gift you give? (please select all that apply to you) 1128 votes

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