Is it very unattractive for a young man for not wanting to move out of parents house?

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 07:40PM #1

At the weekend I was chatting away to a girl, we got talking about our futures and where we want to be in a few years time, she said that she wanted to move out of her family home and rent out a place soon and she asked me when am I moving out, I said I had no plans to move out of my parents place for at least another 10 years, im currently in my early 20s.

She was very confused as to why I don't want to move out of my parents home until my 30s.

She said it was very unattractive that a bloke in his early to mid 20s had no plans to move
out of their parents and start renting a place

Isn't "renting" a waste of money, in a sort of way ? As you'll never own the asset that you're renting ?

Wouldn't it make more financial sense to save up the money that you'll spend on rent and put it towards a future mortgage, at least you'll own the asset after the mortgage is fully paid off. You'll never own the asset of a rented property

Does anyone agree with me here or am I totally out of order with my opinion ? Does anyone agree with the girl that its very unattractive on my part for me not wanting to move out of my parents house even though I'm trying my best to think of my future (my 30s and 40s) and not just the short term ?

3DataModem · 26-04-2014 07:45PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

At the weekend I was chatting away to a girl, we got talking about our futures and where we want to be in a few years time, she said that she wanted to move out of her family home and rent out a place soon and she asked me when am I moving out, I said I had no plans to move out of my parents place for at least another 10 years, im currently in my early 20s.

She was very confused as to why I don't want to move out of my parents home until my 30s.

She said it was very unattractive that a bloke in his early to mid 20s had no plans to move
out of their parents and start renting a place

Isn't "renting" a waste of money, in a sort of way ? As you'll never own the asset that you're renting ?

Wouldn't it make more financial sense to save up the money that you'll spend on rent and put it towards a future mortgage, at least you'll own the asset after the mortgage is fully paid off. You'll never own the asset of a rented property

Does anyone agree with me here or am I totally out of order with my opinion ? Does anyone agree with the girl that its very unattractive on my part for me not wanting to move out of my parents house even though I'm trying my best to think of my future (my 30s and 40s) and not just the short term ?

I agree with her. Having no desire to move out "for 10 years" sounds weird.

The fact that you see no benefit in living independently is definitely "unusual", to say the least.

Captain Chaos · 26-04-2014 07:46PM

I'm in my late 20s. I moved out 2 years ago and rented a place on my own. I soon discovered that renting is dead money and a waste. I moved home a year later and I''m now saving hard to buy my own place. Renting is a mugs game imo, and I'd never go down that road again. I do miss my own space but seeing as I was renting, it was never my own space really and never felt that way to me.

3DataModem · 26-04-2014 07:48PM

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I'm in my late 20s. I moved out 2 years a go and rented a place on my own. I soon discovered that renting is dead money and a waste. I moved home a year later and I''m now saving hard to buy my own place. Renting is a mugs game imo, and I'd never go down that road again.

Everything is dead money, from someone's perspective. Life is not about racing to get a mortgage. Do you have any desire to be independent?

Grandpa Hassan · 26-04-2014 07:52PM

From speaking to my female friends about this, it seems that it would be a turn off that you can't show that you can live independently....certainly I imagine would be an issue in your 30s. I am sure that there are excepetions, but from my somewhat limited statistical sample, I would say that women would infer a certain level of immaturity in a guy with that living situation

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 07:57PM

3DataModem wrote: »

The fact that you see no benefit in living independently is definitely "unusual", to say the least.

But I have a fair amount of independence as it is even though Im still at home, Ive no brothers or sisters

Well I do see the benefit of living independently but still such a high cost financial wise to just have independence though ?

Rent ain't cheap

snowflaked · 26-04-2014 07:58PM

If you were to get into a relationship with a girl, having your own space is very important. Can you imagine cuddling with your gf in your sitting room with your parents beside you?
You are in the prime of your youth, living independently has so many pluses that outweigh financial gain. You will be paying a mortgage for most of your adult life anyways, why waste your young adult years worrying about a mortgage. More important to focus on personal development and relationships if that is what you desire. But if you prefer the security of saving for a house and that brings you more happiness, by all means continue the way you are. Take care

Ps. If the girl has her own place renting etc it would not be as big a deal, but preferable it is more attractive if a guy lives independantly. It is not a big deal though IMO

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:00PM

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I'm in my late 20s. I moved out 2 years ago and rented a place on my own. I soon discovered that renting is dead money and a waste. I moved home a year later and I''m now saving hard to buy my own place. Renting is a mugs game imo, and I'd never go down that road again. I do miss my own space but seeing as I was renting, it was never my own space really and never felt that way to me.

I agree, In my opinion renting a place to live is a waste of money unless you don't get on well with your family or if theres too many arguments in the family home, then I could see a very good reason to move out of home and spend money on rent

26-04-2014 08:03PM

I'd rent for at least a year or two. Give you a bit of freedom, cope with all the usual stuff by yourself. Bring girls back if you want.
See if your parents don't mind you living with them while paying them rent after that if you still want to.
I'm not remotely interested in getting myself a mortgage so I can't advise on that bit - I'm on the opposite side of things where I think the obsession with owning a house is, well, incomprehensible to me. I have no interest in being tied down to millstone like that while I'm still young.

As for "owning the asset", you pay for services all the time. You don't own your electricity with an electric generator or whatever your pay for use of it, you pay to get food conveniently from a shop instead of the underlying asset/provision, and you pay for the use of a house - you get shelter.
Can't put a price on the freedom of getting out there and being on your own for a while though

hoodwinked · 26-04-2014 08:03PM

Renting is not dead money, its paying money for the roof over your head, renting when you move out of the home also gives you independence to enjoy your youth.

with all due respect if a guy was in college and living at home or just started working and living at home, i would make allowences providing he was showing an interest of moving out as soon as it was possible financially,

if a guy is working long term (say 6 months to a year) and happy to stay living with mommy and daddy, then yes i would find it unattractive, not only that but it would be impractical, i would he always have to come to my house if we wanted alone time? which is unfair on the girlfriend imo,

i guess as i know a guy who lives with his mom in his late twenties and he can not keep a relationship going long enough to meet a girl he could get a mortgage with. His last girlfriend also lived at home so he blew his savings on hotel rooms and weekends away.

where his brother who moved out after getting his first full time permanent job has recently bought a house with his now wife,

but that is just my experience i refer to.

Olive8585 · 26-04-2014 08:05PM

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I'm in my late 20s. I moved out 2 years ago and rented a place on my own. I soon discovered that renting is dead money and a waste. I moved home a year later and I''m now saving hard to buy my own place. Renting is a mugs game imo, and I'd never go down that road again. I do miss my own space but seeing as I was renting, it was never my own space really and never felt that way to me.

That's really rude. Not everyone has the option of living off Mammy and Daddy, and plenty of those who do would rather stand on their own two feet as adults instead of having another adult subsidise them.

It would very unattractive for me, tbh. I'm an independent adult and I want a relationship with another independent adult, not to have to make small talk with Mammy and Daddy every time I go over to the house and not to have to worry about noise every time we had sex...that was fine when I was 17. I don't expect to have to live like that now.

dearg lady · 26-04-2014 08:06PM

Massively unattractive. Independent living and learning the life skills that go along with it is so important. I moved out at 22 and felt this was late to do so. I know people in their late 20's/early 30's who still live with their parents and I find it quite strange. Rent is not 'dead money', it's paying for a service ie the accommodation. Would your parents not expect you to contribute a sizable amount anyway, once you're earning?

Big Nasty · 26-04-2014 08:07PM

Paying rent on an apartment on your own would be silly unless you were earning tasty money so I can see where you're coming from.

That said, house sharing with 2 / 3 other people would be a lot more affordable. Moving out of home also makes a man of you IMO. You realise very quickly that food doesn't magically appear on the table and clothes don't wash and iron themselves, etc.

A girl needs to know that you can take care of yourself (and possibly her too long term) and not be hiding behind mummy's apron all your life.

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:14PM

3DataModem wrote: »

Everything is dead money, from someone's perspective. Life is not about racing to get a mortgage. Do you have any desire to be independent?

How is everything dead money ? Could you explain ?

Im not in a big race to get a mortgage, if im smart enough with money over the next few years theres a small chance I might be able to purchase a property on my own in cash, or I might need a small mortgage to cover a small proportion of the cost of the property (fingers crossed property prices stay low or only increase lightly)

I've no sudden big desire to have independence, I'm happy with my current lifestyle and excited about my future

dearg lady · 26-04-2014 08:21PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

I've no sudden big desire to have independence

This part would be a turn off for many women (and men)

December2012 · 26-04-2014 08:21PM

To answer your question - I can see why it is unattractive for people in their late 20s to live at home.

Presumably you're paying your parents rent too? So what's the difference in renting a room from your parents or renting a room in a house share?

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:25PM

snowflaked wrote: »

If you were to get into a relationship with a girl, having your own space is very important. Can you imagine cuddling with your gf in your sitting room with your parents beside you?
You are in the prime of your youth, living independently has so many pluses that outweigh financial gain. You will be paying a mortgage for most of your adult life anyways, why waste your young adult years worrying about a mortgage. More important to focus on personal development and relationships if that is what you desire. But if you prefer the security of saving for a house and that brings you more happiness, by all means continue the way you are. Take care

Ps. If the girl has her own place renting etc it would not be as big a deal, but preferable it is more attractive if a guy lives independantly. It is not a big deal though IMO

Yeah I understand your point there, but what about the bedroom ?

Say if I was dating a girl for a little while or in a relationship with her my parents wouldn't have a problem if I brought the girl back and we watched movies in my room, went on the laptop, just chilling, as long as the girl is ok like

I am focusing on my personal development and relationships, as well as other things like my education my career etc which Im quite happy with so far in my life

Boombastic · 26-04-2014 08:28PM

are you paying rent, food and bills to your parents?

it would be a massive turn off for me if a grown man is still breastfeeding with little desire to be independent

Grandpa Hassan · 26-04-2014 08:30PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

I've no sudden big desire to have independence

There you go. I think you've just answered your with question. I would certainly find that am unattractive trait in a girlfriend, and an absolute deal breaker

December2012 · 26-04-2014 08:31PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

Yeah I understand your point there, but what about the bedroom ?

Say if I was dating a girl for a little while or in a relationship with her my parents wouldn't have a problem if I brought the girl back and we watched movies in my room, went on the laptop, just chilling, as long as the girl is ok like

I am focusing on my personal development and relationships, as well as other things like my education my career etc which Im quite happy with so far in my life

But you're not asking if you or your parents should have a problem - you're asking if others will see it negatively.

If you had a girlfriend would you be comfortable having sex with her while her parents are also in the house, then sharing the tea and toast with them in the morning after?

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:33PM

December2012 wrote: »

To answer your question - I can see why it is unattractive for people in their late 20s to live at home.

Presumably you're paying your parents rent too? So what's the difference in renting a room from your parents or renting a room in a house share?

Massive difference financially, depending on how youre renting and where abouts in dublin etc, so as you know renting with other people your rent per month could be €300 to say €500 sharing ? But say if youre renting a 2 bedroom house on your own in dublin it could be €800 to €1000 per month ?

My cousin whos in her late 30s with 2 children rents a 2 bedroom house just outside county dublin for €1150 per month

We're not too bad financially I work part time and hand over €20 to €30 every 2 weeks

Plus also at least youre handing money over to your parents, the most important people in your life, rather than to a landlord who in most cases is a complete stranger to tenants

December2012 · 26-04-2014 08:35PM

So don't rent what you don't need.

20 to 30 quid every week is inappropriate in my view.

tomwaterford · 26-04-2014 08:36PM

December2012 wrote: »

To answer your question - I can see why it is unattractive for people in their late 20s to live at home.

Presumably you're paying your parents rent too? So what's the difference in renting a room from your parents or renting a room in a house share?

what if all the people around my age here(rural area...work in rural enough area as well) who are in houseshares are into drugs etc and you didn't want to be involved with them....even if it was cheaper than what you are giving your parents each week:o

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:38PM

December2012 wrote: »

So don't rent what you don't need.

20 to 30 quid every week is inappropriate in my view.

Sometimes they don't even take it off me, I do other things though so say if for example it was their wedding anniversary I'd book and pay for a nice dinner for them, I wouldn't include that as a rent cost though, Id just do that as a nice gesture

oh and I get paid every 2 weeks, so 10 to 15 a week

dearg lady · 26-04-2014 08:39PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

Massive difference financially, depending on how youre renting and where abouts in dublin etc, so as you know renting with other people your rent per month could be €300 to say €500 sharing ? But say if youre renting a 2 bedroom house on your own in dublin it could be €800 to €1000 per month ?

My cousin whos in her late 30s with 2 children rents a 2 bedroom house just outside county dublin for €1150 per month

We're not too bad financially I work part time and hand over €20 to €30 every 2 weeks

But you don't need a 2 bedroom house. If you are working part time and genuinely can't afford it, then there's not much you can do. But I would recommend that when you can afford it to take the opportunity. Not just because girls will find you a more appealing prospect! I've had this discussion with people before who insist it's the same cos they live with their parents but can do what they want. It's not, it's just not. Independent living teaches you valuable life skills.

Chara1001 · 26-04-2014 08:40PM

What? 20 or 30 Euro every 2 weeks? Op you need to pay them more.
And to answer your question yes I would view someone in their 30's living with their parents because they wanted to very negatively

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:44PM

Chara1001 wrote: »

What? 20 or 30 Euro every 2 weeks? Op you need to pay them more.
And to answer your question yes I would view someone in their 30's living with their parents because they wanted to very negatively

But they don't take the money from me sometimes, if I tried to pay them more they wouldnt take the money off me, if they'd let me pay €50 a week Id be happy to do so

we're very comfortable financially so

Friendlyperson · 26-04-2014 08:46PM

dearg lady wrote: »

This part would be a turn off for many women (and men)

Not for me though, Id think the other way, Id admire a female who actively thought about her financial future the way I do

Xaniaj · 26-04-2014 08:52PM

Friendlyperson wrote: »

Not for me though, Id think the other way, Id admire a female who actively thought about her financial future the way I do

I actively think about my financial future but I do it while renting and living independently.

iusedtoknow · 26-04-2014 08:52PM

OP - you need to get out on your own for a bit and live life - even it is in a house share with friends OR with people you don't know. Most people by the time they settle down or start living with a partner have lived at least a bit on their own, had to juggle jobs and laundry and cleaning, had to know when bills needed payed, how to stretch that pack of pasta and jar of sauce into 3 meals until pay day etc etc. I can see why this would be a turn off for a woman - they could think that you were just wanting to replace mammy with them.

As for the deeper debate re renting/owning...Renting to be honest is the wave of the future. I know a lot of people I worked with in Ireland who during the boom, racing for the mortgage for a house 2 hours away from work that was "their own", and by their's I mean the banks. Most went into negative equity, and 2 lost "their" house due to inability to pay the mortgage.

Rent can be seen by some as "dead money", but it is also freedom. Because we have never "owned" a house, we've never been tied to one specific place - we've been able to move to follow career opportunities on a month's notice and been able to save a lot of cash in the meantime via following career opportunities that increased our salary

December2012 · 26-04-2014 08:56PM

Every single person who lives in your area uses drugs? Every single potential flat mate or house mate is a person you wouldn't want to live with?

Do you buy food? Do your own laundry? Pay your own bills?

It's important to learn how to live independently.

Is it very unattractive for a young man for not wanting to move out of parents house?

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