If you were a super hacker

jane82 · 31-03-2014 03:14PM #1

Im not great with computers. Enough to get by and the odd bit of screwdriver prodding but I cant sling code as they (probably) say.
I was onto Upc this morning and after giving my account number and details I was put through to a recorded message saying there is work being done in the beaumount area and they have people working on it.
I thought wouldnt it be great laugh if that message was hacked to something more panic induceing. Say your telly and broadband are gone and you ring to check why and you get a recorded message saying
"We re sorry you are experienceing technical difficulties due to the zombie apocolypse, we are aware of the problem and have technitions working in your area."

Surely itd catch a few people out.
So good people of after hours if you were a super hacker wizard dude and had a free pass to hack away at what you liked, what would you do?

Dravokivich · 31-03-2014 03:17PM

I'd restore the old facebook, from 6 years ago.

jester77 · 31-03-2014 03:18PM

I would turn off the internet for a few hours. Any longer and I would get bored.

osarusan · 31-03-2014 03:18PM

porn site passwords, no question.

truedoom · 31-03-2014 03:24PM

Become a supervillian. Take control of nuclear weapons with my 1337 h4x0rz skills.

hold the world ransom.

that'd be awesome.

danniemcq · 31-03-2014 03:24PM

I'd hack the gibson

jane82 · 31-03-2014 03:24PM

osarusan wrote: »

porn site passwords, no question.

Surely there is enough free stuff about. What exactly are people paying extra for?

Kiith · 31-03-2014 03:25PM

danniemcq wrote: »

I'd hack the gibson

HACK THE PLANET!! :pac:

danniemcq · 31-03-2014 03:26PM

Also for the record its quite easy to do simple stuff like mess with the road wrok signs etc. Not gonna say how though cause thats bad m'kay.

Or you can mess with HP printers at work to give odd messages on the display when people use them

foggy_lad · 31-03-2014 03:26PM

I'd crash bebo terminally from just after its inception and prevent the world of crap social media sites that followed.

osarusan · 31-03-2014 03:27PM

jane82 wrote: »

Surely there is enough free stuff about. What exactly are people paying extra for?

That's what they want you to think.

danniemcq · 31-03-2014 03:28PM

Kiith wrote: »

HACK THE PLANET!! :pac:

Mess with the best, die like the rest.

Ruu · 31-03-2014 03:28PM

FYI man, alright. You could sit at home, and do like absolutely nothing, and your name goes through like 17 computers a day. 1984? Yeah right, man. That's a typo. Orwell is here now. He's livin' large. We have no names, man. No names. We are nameless!

whiskeyman · 31-03-2014 03:28PM

Switch content of the Daily Mail with The Guardian or Financial Times, and visa versa.

Plazaman · 31-03-2014 03:33PM

Hello NSA, how's about me spying on you for a change?*

Plus also take a quick look on the security cameras in Fort Knox and other bullion repositories just for the giggle (and the obligatory take 1c out of everyones bank account in the World and put it into my new Cayman Island account).

* This post will probably flag somewhere so just to say hello to all those magnificent people working hard in the NSA, especially Gerry and Irene in Section G7, we're only hypothesising here, noone can actually hack anything.

Dyr · 31-03-2014 03:33PM

I can't type fast enough to be a good hacker

ya need to be quick on the keyboard like

danniemcq · 31-03-2014 03:36PM

Bambi wrote: »

I can't type fast enough to be a good hacker

ya need to be quick on the keyboard like

http://hackertyper.net/

its a start

or http://fediafedia.com/neo/

Yellowblackbird · 31-03-2014 03:50PM

I like the PLA. Who helped people and businesses by exposing weaknesses in their phone systems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vluHIoSWvEg

gramar · 31-03-2014 03:52PM

If I was a super hacker I'd kick the fcuking legs off Luis Suarez and Ronaldo.

jimgoose · 31-03-2014 03:55PM

I would sit, perfectly still. Not even thinking, just... centred. I try.

Tzardine · 31-03-2014 03:59PM

If I was a super hacker, I would hack the face of Justin Bieber, with a hack saw to see if he could hack the pain.

OneEightSeven · 31-03-2014 04:00PM

foggy_lad wrote: »

I'd crash bebo terminally from just after its inception and prevent the world of crap social media sites that followed.

Facebook and MySpace were created before Bebo. Americans have been doing the social networking thing before the Irish even heard of the term "social networking".

Facebook is for people who have friends. If people don't like Facebook, it's because they have no friends.

jimgoose · 31-03-2014 04:04PM

OneEightSeven wrote: »

...Facebook is for people who have friends. If people don't like Facebook, it's because they have no friends.

I always thought of it more as for people who have friends, but don't actually like them. Hence a way of having friends without actually meeting them.

GuyFawkes · 31-03-2014 04:06PM

Why deploy technicians to a zombie apocalypse?

jimgoose · 31-03-2014 04:07PM

GuyFawkes wrote: »

Why deploy technicians to a zombie apocalypse?

They'll chew through cables good-oh. Being a bit thick they think it's sinew.

jane82 · 31-03-2014 04:09PM

GuyFawkes wrote: »

Why deploy technicians to a zombie apocalypse?

Eh to fix the telly and the broadband.

GuyFawkes · 31-03-2014 04:12PM

jimgoose wrote: »

They'll chew through cables good-oh. Being a bit thick they think it's sinew.

I would've though control and eventual annihilation and then deploy the technicians.

Or they could do it simultaneously, but maybe my way just in case the UPC guys accidentally get killed.

Actually, let's usher the zombies towards Montrose and end them there.

jane82 wrote: »

Eh to fix the telly and the broadband.

Ah yes. Take care of the important things first.

Seedy Arling · 31-03-2014 04:16PM

Frape everyone with obviously hilarious results.

ScumLord · 31-03-2014 04:18PM

jane82 wrote: »

Im not great with computers. Enough to get by and the odd bit of screwdriver prodding

Have you ever fixed a piece of electronics by prodding it with a screw driver?

Username: jane82....

I was onto Upc..

ISP UPC...

in the beaumount area

Living in the beaumont area..

HACK HACK HACKHACKHACK.... I just made you disappear... or ordered a pizza, I'm not sure.

Specialun · 31-03-2014 04:25PM

I would hack onto WikiPedia and go to the Enda Kenny account and put a full time dick on his head

Then I would go to the Man U site and put a picture of Fergie with a whiskey bottle as his nose

jane82 · 31-03-2014 04:30PM

ScumLord wrote: »

Have you ever fixed a piece of electronics by prodding it with a screwdriver.

Yes negative head water pumps can be jumpstarted sometimes by tappung a certain part with the screwdriver handle.
Fanscan be unclogged. Parts on iphones can be changed by prodding out the old part with a screwdriver.
Youd be amazed what a set of screwdrivers can do. They are just for opening screws.
Better get back to work the latch on my laptop is stuck I need to find something to push it open with.

If you were a super hacker

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