so ladies, is your OH like your father?

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 11:40AM #1

Just wondering....

They say women look for traits in men that are similar to their fathers... which I assume is the case when you have had a good relationship with your old man.

Just realising more and more how similar my OH and dad actually are. In a good way of course, my aul lad is a sweetheart.

I think the sun shines out of my dad's behind and would have always loved to have the kind of relationship my parents have but didn't think a modern day man could come close to him.

Turns out in my case, its true... I was looking for someone like my aul lad.

Sounds weird, how about yas?

Dolbert · 28-03-2014 11:58AM

Nope. My father is a loud, theatrical, 'entertainer' type who can never sit still. I couldn't cope with that and it's no coincidence that my husband is the complete opposite (both great guys though!)

Roesy · 28-03-2014 12:07PM

My OH is the complete opposite of my father too. My dad is what you might call 'unique', I really couldn't handle a second one of him in my life. Saying that, I get on well with him but his personality would not be a good match with mine in terms of marriage. My husband is a fantastic man, so too is my father but they are so, so different!

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:09PM

it's mad, the old saying must be bull !!

Penny Tration · 28-03-2014 12:10PM

A couple of my exes were almost carbon copies of my father (in a bad way, not the nice traits).

My boyfriend now is the complete opposite of my father, in a lovely way.

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:13PM

so... we might be avoiding blokes like our dad's rather than looking for them !, that would make sense too

ShiftStorm · 28-03-2014 12:15PM

I basically married my mum and not my dad! Some people say I am like him which would make sense why I'd go for my opposite.

Penny Tration · 28-03-2014 12:16PM

Sadderday wrote: »

so... we might be avoiding blokes like our dad's rather than looking for them !, that would make sense too

I didn't deliberately avoid men like my father. I found myself naturally drawn to them, actually.

But, my father has quite a few nasty, cruel traits, and after a few years of bad relationships, I decided to avoid relationships until someone who was completely not my 'type' swept me off of my feet.

My mam and i were actually discussing this last night. Her ex husband (my father) is almost a carbon copy of her dad (both pretty abusive men in certain ways). I'm kind of glad I broke that cycle before reaching my mam's age.

m'lady · 28-03-2014 12:19PM

My OH definitely has similar traits to my Dad- but all the good ones and not the bad! It definitely makes sense that maybe we will either go for a guy that reminds us of our fathers or avoid like the plague- depending on a few factors- like what our relationship is like with our fathers etc.

Now I wonder are men the same?!

Dutchess · 28-03-2014 12:20PM

I don't think the Hubs is like my dad. Would almost be nice if they had a bit more in common for when they meet:p

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:23PM

I wonder if it is true then that subconciously our da's or even brother's do play some part in us picking our men !

javagal · 28-03-2014 12:23PM

Never met my dad but I don't know but my husband is an awful nag sometimes so I guess I married my mother

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:24PM

m'lady wrote: »

My OH definitely has similar traits to my Dad- but all the good ones and not the bad! It definitely makes sense that maybe we will either go for a guy that reminds us of our fathers or avoid like the plague- depending on a few factors- like what our relationship is like with our fathers etc.

Now I wonder are men the same?!

I'm starting to wonder that too now!

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:30PM

I wonder if I remind him of his mother

Ilyana 2.0 · 28-03-2014 12:37PM

My dad and my boyfriend are alike in some small ways; they're both kinda quiet but can be hilariously entertaining in the right company. They're both stubborn as hell, and the fussiest eaters I've ever come across. Both very generous too.

I get on great with my Dad, so if my bf is like him, it's hardly a bad thing at all.

I'm definitely getting more like my mother though. And seeing as she and my Dad are still hitched, I'll take it as a good omen for my relationship :pac:

username123 · 28-03-2014 12:44PM

Not in the slightest.

My father was an aggressive bullying alcoholic. He did have some good points but they were all drowned in alcohol so its hard for me to even remember the good without it all being overshadowed by the VERY bad!

My brother is very like my Dad except he has dry drunk syndrome - all the traits of alcoholism but doesnt drink. He is an a$$hole really. My husband is nothing at all like him either.

Im not remotely like my husbands mother either!

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:47PM

username123 wrote: »

Not in the slightest.

My father was an aggressive bullying alcoholic. He did have some good points but they were all drowned in alcohol so its hard for me to even remember the good without it all being overshadowed by the VERY bad!

My brother is very like my Dad except he has dry drunk syndrome - all the traits of alcoholism but doesnt drink. He is an a$$hole really. My husband is nothing at all like him either.

Im not remotely like my husbands mother either!

never heard of dry drunk syndrome.... just realised that kicking off this thread might bring back memories for posters, didn't mean to upset anyone

username123 · 28-03-2014 12:49PM

Sadderday wrote: »

never heard of dry drunk syndrome.... just realised that kicking off this thread might bring back memories for posters, didn't mean to upset anyone

Not at all, I chose to answer!

Dry drunk syndrome refers to the learned behaviours that someone learns from an alcoholic parent (things like manipulation, secretive behaviour, bad conflict resolution etc...) but they are so disgusted by their alcoholic parent that they never actually drink themselves - but they display all the associated behaviours.

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 12:52PM

username123 wrote: »

Not at all, I chose to answer!

Dry drunk syndrome refers to the learned behaviours that someone learns from an alcoholic parent (things like manipulation, secretive behaviour, bad conflict resolution etc...) but they are so disgusted by their alcoholic parent that they never actually drink themselves - but they display all the associated behaviours.

wow never heard of that ! - would it put you off if you met a man that was fond of weekend drinks ?

username123 · 28-03-2014 12:55PM

Sadderday wrote: »

wow never heard of that ! - would it put you off if you met a man that was fond of weekend drinks ?

It might. It would depend on the overall picture.

But certainly I would be wary and take notice of peoples drinking patterns in life generally and I am terrified of alcohol myself - although I do drink but I suffer massive worry and guilt if I get drunk - I rarely get drunk, maybe 3 or 4 times a year now. But I like wine with a meal or the odd G&T before Sunday dinner etc...

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 01:03PM

username123 wrote: »

It might. It would depend on the overall picture.

But certainly I would be wary and take notice of peoples drinking patterns in life generally and I am terrified of alcohol myself - although I do drink but I suffer massive worry and guilt if I get drunk - I rarely get drunk, maybe 3 or 4 times a year now. But I like wine with a meal or the odd G&T before Sunday dinner etc...

Ah sorry to hear that, really hope I haven't upset ya.
I suppose I'm curious bcos my parents don't drink and have a happy relationship. so they've always declined offers to spend nights apart in the pub or weekends away with friends... i think it might have made them closer although I can't sure if thats the reason. I'll never know in this situation. It could have went either way I guess, they could have resented each other but they don't seem to be holding onto anything negative.
I understand that excessive boozing could seriously affect a relationship though. My OH can have a glass of wine with me but if you give him to the lads for the night he wont stop until hes snoozing on the bathroom floor

Penny Tration · 28-03-2014 01:08PM

Sadderday wrote: »

Ah sorry to hear that, really hope I haven't upset ya.
I suppose I'm curious bcos my parents don't drink and have a happy relationship. so they've always declined offers to spend nights apart in the pub or weekends away with friends... i think it might have made them closer although I can't sure if thats the reason. I'll never know in this situation. It could have went either way I guess, they could have resented each other but they don't seem to be holding onto anything negative.
I understand that excessive boozing could seriously affect a relationship though. My OH can have a glass of wine with me but if you give him to the lads for the night he wont stop until hes snoozing on the bathroom floor

I'd be in the same boat as username123, my father was abusive alcoholic. He is in recovery, though, and has been for years, which I hugely admire him for.

I'm really wary of peoples' drinking habits, if I'm dating them. One guy I dated for two years developed a drink problem, and after trying unsuccessfully to help, I left him. Now, if the person I date drinks to the point of getting sh!t-faced drunk regularly, I'll walk.

I get drunk, I enjoy a drink. But I tend to remember everything, get home safely, have a good night and not make a show of myself. I expect pretty much the same from someone I date.

Merkin · 28-03-2014 01:09PM

Yes, pretty similar I'd say.

I adore my Dad, he's extremely intelligent (probably the smartest person I know) is very kind and honest and hilariously funny and Mr. Merkin has all those traits too. In fact I think I was spoiled a little with my Dad because he has essentially been by yardstick for what I expect and hope for in a partner and I simply wasn't prepared to really deviate from that. Probably why it took me until my mid-30s to actually get together with someone I thought came up to the mark!

I love that they get on really well too, it makes me happy!

username123 · 28-03-2014 01:13PM

Sadderday wrote: »

Ah sorry to hear that, really hope I haven't upset ya.

No, no, not at all - I am well counselled and therapied through it all!

green_screen wrote: »

I'm really wary of peoples' drinking habits, if I'm dating them. One guy I dated for two years developed a drink problem, and after trying unsuccessfully to help, I left him. Now, if the person I date drinks to the point of getting sh!t-faced drunk regularly, I'll walk.

+1 - but it took me a long time to get to that point. I used to date abusive heavy drinkers and drink a lot more myself. Its only after confronting my upbringing via Alanon and working through my issues that I developed discernment in terms of what not to accept in a relationship. Great to hear a success story green_screen - I was not so lucky.

eviltwin · 28-03-2014 02:08PM

Not at all, that's why I love him. My dad was okay but he was a devout Catholic and very judgemental. He wouldn't listen to anyone else's point of view and I hated that. He was also the kind of person to shoot down your plans or ideas, he never really encouraged us. My husband is a real live and let live kinda guy and supports everything I do.

IvyTheTerrible · 28-03-2014 02:09PM

No. Well they have traits in common but that's just coicidence more than anything. If anything, I'M like my dad so it's good that the OH is different!

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 02:09PM

Ladies, ya's are wonderful, fair play...!

Legs.Eleven · 28-03-2014 02:15PM

I'd say he is quite like my dad in many ways actually - the good parts. They both get along very well anyway; my dad loves him and vice versa (it's very cute). They'd both be very intelligent, a good laugh, reasonable most of the time, wise and are both hugely interested in history. There's some traits that my dad has that my boyfriend lacks, thank fook. I love my dad and the person he is, so it'd make sense I'd choose a man with similar traits to him, I think.

bee06 · 28-03-2014 02:16PM

I don't think my OH is like my dad. They do have some similar traits like being funny but I'd say they are more different than similar.

Meemars · 28-03-2014 02:22PM

Totally alike! This is getting weirder and weirder as the years go on. I distinctly remember thinking about this topic early on in our relationship, and remarking to myself how little he was like my father. However... Years went on, personalities revealed bit by bit, I got to know my OH better, and I got to know my father better as I grew and matured. Now I realise, that without knowing it at the tender age of 16, I picked someone EXACTLY like my father. That says a lot for both of them, they’re both fantastic, (sometimes a pain in the head too) for mostly the same reasons.
Everyone in the family knows this too, we share knowing looks when one says or does something that is just like the other.

OH and I have been together for almost 30 years, so it’s possible they’ve both had a bit of an influence on each other, having known and respected each other for so long. I’m lucky to have 2 versions of someone so cool!

Sadderday · 28-03-2014 02:24PM

Meemars wrote: »

Totally alike! This is getting weirder and weirder as the years go on. I distinctly remember thinking about this topic early on in our relationship, and remarking to myself how little he was like my father. However... Years went on, personalities revealed bit by bit, I got to know my OH better, and I got to know my father better as I grew and matured. Now I realise, that without knowing it at the tender age of 16, I picked someone EXACTLY like my father. That says a lot for both of them, they’re both fantastic, (sometimes a pain in the head too) for mostly the same reasons.
Everyone in the family knows this too, we share knowing looks when one says or does something that is just like the other.

OH and I have been together for almost 30 years, so it’s possible they’ve both had a bit of an influence on each other, having known and respected each other for so long. I’m lucky to have 2 versions of someone so cool!

Thats very sweet !!

so ladies, is your OH like your father?

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