Children at weddings

anncoates · 26-03-2014 11:12AM

Irish weddings just seem to be getting more and more rule-bound and weird as i older. When I was younger, it was usually just a low-key, informal family get-together that - for all the snide beef and salmon jokes - were a laugh whereas now more and more are like horrendously expensive, thematic events that people spend more time micro-managing than enjoying.

I liked having my young nieces and newphews at mine even though they caused a bit of noise at times. They're my family after all.

I do find it a bit strange though that people would want to bring their kids to weddings (as in children of friends of the couple, obviously not nieces and nephews and so on) and in my experience it doesn't happen much thankfully.

Oink · 26-03-2014 11:28AM

There was one baby at our wedding. The minute she started acting up, her mom picked her up, took her outside, and stayed there until it was sorted.

And that, people, is how it's done.

(Other than that, she was a beautiful little thing and everybody was in love with her . But that's beside the point...)

ElleEm · 26-03-2014 11:34AM

I think people are so against it as you always remember the disruption more than you remember the well behaved kids sitting quietly. At a friend's wedding a few years ago, her niece and nephew spent the whole ceremoney running up and down the church aisle. There were bursts of "shhh" and the parents calling the kids,but for me, it absolutely ruined the ceremoney.

anncoates · 26-03-2014 11:49AM

ElleEm wrote: »

I think people are so against it as you always remember the disruption more than you remember the well behaved kids sitting quietly. At a friend's wedding a few years ago, her niece and nephew spent the whole ceremoney running up and down the church aisle. There were bursts of "shhh" and the parents calling the kids,but for me, it absolutely ruined the ceremoney.

It's a tough call though as some of my nieces and nephews babysit for me now which wouldn't happen if I'd have had a British Regency Ball themed wedding with a mandolin concert finale and banned them from it.

mrsbyrne · 26-03-2014 11:57AM

I think that, as someone else has pointed out, Irish weddings have "morphed" into a very expensive weekend away for the guests, and to some extent some families with kids look on it as a "short- break" opportunity (nice hotel, leisure centre, possibly Kids Club, kids under 16 stay free), totally ignoring the fact that this is the bride and grooms big day, the culmination of many months, possibly years, of planning and saving.
The attitude seems to be "well, we're paying for the hotel anyway, if we can get the kids for free then we'll bring them, never mind about paying a babysitter on top of the fortune we've already spent on going to this wedding."
Its selfishness really to bring your kids to a wedding that their not invited to, apart from very bad manners.
The bride and groom had a "vision" of their wedding day which did not include Chantelles and Keanus around the place. Respect their vision. You had your wedding day, let them have theirs.

26-03-2014 12:05PM

Was at a wedding last Saturday and there were a number of kids at it including my two youngest brothers who were invited on the invitation. Have to say that the kids added to the atmosphere, they ran about the place, played with one another and generally contributed to the party atmosphere. Come 10 or so all the infants bar one were taken home and by 12 most of the kids were gone. The only kid issue that people had was that one couple put their 10 month old child in its baby seat and pushed it under the table for the night. Every child under a year old was gone by 11 but they kept theirs under the table till after 3 am when most people left. They actually assumed that everyone would move to one of the bars and keep the party going till morning and had planned to keep the baby with them.

Only one person took issue with kids being there but she's the kind of cow who thinks the world revolves around her and couldn't understand why all her sons, their significant others and hergrandson weren't invited. Bear in mind that she's not releated to the bride or groom.

stinkle · 26-03-2014 01:04PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Only one person took issue with kids being there but she's the kind of cow who thinks the world revolves around her and couldn't understand why all her sons, their significant others and hergrandson weren't invited. Bear in mind that she's not releated to the bride or groom.

BAHAHA! the cheek of some people!

yeah it's weird how some folk assume the kids are invited to a wedding when they arent on the invite - the same people who as another poster said wouldnt bring the kids to a normal night out. I think most people are grand with the kids of the couple, nieces/nephews of the couple going. However, it's stuff like cousins' kids that the couple mightn't have any connection or relationship with that is a bit cheeky. Or friends who got married first, insisted on a child free wedding but now that they've had sprogs of their own they dont respect other people's child free requests.

Ihatecuddles · 26-03-2014 01:08PM

My brother is single, in his 30s and my mam is insisting he gets a +3. I'm not happy. Told him he could bring 2 guests and no more. Wtf? The invite clearly said brother + guest. (Off topic, just needed a wedding rant!!)

I have 20 kids coming to my wedding. I love kids, they're well behaved, they'll make it great fun and they'll be asleep by 12. Its some of the adults I'm worried about!

DublinWriter · 26-03-2014 01:16PM

anncoates wrote: »

Irish weddings just seem to be getting more and more rule-bound and weird as i older. When I was younger, it was usually just a low-key, informal family get-together

True, it's also indicative of how generally child-unfriendly we are as a nation when compared to similar celebrations in mainland Europe.

Then general consensus here so far reads like "Kids?! At a Wedding?!? HELL NO! They'll ruin the expensively staged and elaborately planned gargle-fest!"

Feck it, let's go the whole hog and bar kids from communions and confirmations too!

Warper · 26-03-2014 01:21PM

kids shouldnt be allowed at the reception imo, drop em off somewhere after the mass

26-03-2014 01:27PM

Warper wrote: »

kids shouldnt be allowed at the reception imo, drop em off somewhere after the mass

Why? Most kids are well behaved and can add to the atmosphere of the day.

Warper · 26-03-2014 01:33PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Why? Most kids are well behaved and can add to the atmosphere of the day.

Lets face it weddings are for boozing, kids shouldnt be around that

26-03-2014 01:37PM

Warper wrote: »

Lets face it weddings are for boozing, kids shouldnt be around that

Sad that people think that a wedding is nothing more than a chance to get wasted. I enjoyed a few beers in Saturday but u wasn't knocking them back as fast as possible like so many do. If you can't enjoy a day without stumbling home and waking up with no memory then why bother.

mrsbyrne · 26-03-2014 01:58PM

DublinWriter wrote: »

True, it's also indicative of how generally child-unfriendly we are as a nation when compared to similar celebrations in mainland Europe.

Then general consensus here so far reads like "Kids?! At a Wedding?!? HELL NO! They'll ruin the expensively staged and elaborately planned gargle-fest!"

Feck it, let's go the whole hog and bar kids from communions and confirmations too!

Yeah, God forbid that we should be allowed to invite exactly whom we wish to a celebration of a special day in our lives that we have been planning for, looking forward to and saving for, for a long time.

Weddings in continental Europe are totally different to Irish weddings.
. Not better or worse, just different. That doesnt make Irish people child-unfriendly.
Continental European children (in particular French children) are in general far better behaved children than Irish, that is widely acknowledged
I have found in general that parents screaming "child-unfriendly" are the type who dont want to pay for a babysitter, think Saoirse and Ronan are perfect in every way, and in every case fully expect everybody else to find them perfect in every way too.

kiffer · 26-03-2014 03:23PM

I like weddings, and I think kids are great at weddings.
Obviously it's up to the Bride and Groom (or it should be anyway) but I think people that find kids annoying at weddings are a bit ... grumpy.
Maybe that's because they are so annoyed by the kids that they can't relax and enjoy the wedding.
Last wedding I was at had "Children Welcome" on the invite and had some activities for the kids and they lend an air of community to the event.

Sure no one likes it when there is a baby that wont stop crying, or a small child having a screaming fit... but that can be dealt with.

26-03-2014 04:06PM

Warper wrote: »

Lets face it weddings are for boozing, kids shouldnt be around that

I hate that attitude way more than I hate kids kicking off. To me weddings are family occasions and most families have kids as members as well as adults with a right to booze all day. I can't imagine excluding kids from a family event.

Very young kids won't get much out of being at a wedding, but from about 5 onwards they enjoy the day. If they're in bed by 9 there's no reason why they'll interfere with anyone's ability to get pissed.

Our last family wedding had kids, they had a great time at their own table and chatting to everyone, it's a great way for them to learn social skills. They all slept in one large family room with a babysitter present, and the adults were free for a nights debauchery downstairs.

It's sad the way kids are despised by some on these threads, the usual intolerance laced with self importance.

Garrigai · 26-03-2014 04:08PM

Children ruin weddings for everyone, their parents and adults who are without kids

26-03-2014 04:16PM

Garrigai wrote: »

Children ruin weddings for everyone, their parents and adults who are without kids

In your opinion.

Garrigai · 26-03-2014 04:17PM

Candie wrote: »

In your opinion.

Agreed

norrie rugger · 26-03-2014 04:33PM

It is the day of the Bride and Groom, no one else. If they don't want kids there get over yourself and either don't complain or don't go.

No one is forcing you to make an appearance. Not everyone likes kids, not everyone can relax around kids and often kids get in the way at gatherings. Just because you have/like kids does not mean that you are going to be accommodated. Kids at a reception require constant supervision at least and may get bored, play in inappropriate areas, get underfoot or basically do what kids do but now in a setting where adults (without children) are trying to cut loose (with drink or not).
Have you guys also stopped to think of seating and venue numbers? Each child that you bring needs to be seated and fed. Extra expense to the couple and where do you stop? what about if there are dozens of children between friends and family? Should all be catered for?

The venue may also not really be child friendly (I know that mine was not). It just was not set up for kids, nor was it large enough.

We sent out a very clear message that we did not want kids at the wedding yet still heard of two couples complaining. One guy still brought his and tried to get my mother in law to allow him to bring them in (this was after being told face to face a week previously that there was not going to be kids there). She sent him to the best man who basically told him to take a jump (they are related).

kiffer · 26-03-2014 04:47PM

Garrigai wrote: »

Children ruin weddings for everyone, their parents and adults who are without kids

They don't bother me at all... it's a sad village that has no children.
If they don't bother me, and they don't bother other posters then they can't ruin it for everyone now can they...

norrie rugger wrote: »

It is the day of the Bride and Groom, no one else. If they don't want kids there get over yourself and either don't complain or don't go.

No one is forcing you to make an appearance. Not everyone likes kids, not everyone can relax around kids and often kids get in the way at gatherings. Just because you have/like kids does not mean that you are going to be accommodated. Kids at a reception require constant supervision at least and may get bored, play in inappropriate areas, get underfoot or basically do what kids do but now in a setting where adults (without children) are trying to cut loose (with drink or not).
Have you guys also stopped to think of seating and venue numbers? Each child that you bring needs to be seated and fed. Extra expense to the couple and where do you stop? what about if there are dozens of children between friends and family? Should all be catered for?

The venue may also not really be child friendly (I know that mine was not). It just was not set up for kids, nor was it large enough.

We sent out a very clear message that we did not want kids at the wedding yet still heard of two couples complaining. One guy still brought his and tried to get my mother in law to allow him to bring them in (this was after being told face to face a week previously that there was not going to be kids there). She sent him to the best man who basically told him to take a jump (they are related).

Well, if the Bride and Groom are ok with them then it being their day would mean that you shouldn't complain about kids being at weddings other than your own

mrsbyrne · 26-03-2014 04:50PM

kiffer wrote: »

They don't bother me at all... it's a sad village that has no children.
If they don't bother me, and they don't bother other posters then they can't ruin it for everyone now can they...

Well, if the Bride and Groom are ok with them then it being their day would mean that you shouldn't complain about kids being at weddings other than your own

norrie rugger is talking about his/her own wedding

kiffer · 26-03-2014 04:54PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

norrie rugger is talking about his/her own wedding

Living in the past eh?
That wedding has happened, future weddings are where we will have to deal with this.
The people complaining about kids at weddings aren't just talking about their own weddings they are also talking about weddings at which they would be guests.

mrsbyrne · 26-03-2014 04:57PM

norrie rugger wrote: »

It is the day of the Bride and Groom, no one else. If they don't want kids there get over yourself and either don't complain or don't go.

No one is forcing you to make an appearance. Not everyone likes kids, not everyone can relax around kids and often kids get in the way at gatherings. Just because you have/like kids does not mean that you are going to be accommodated. Kids at a reception require constant supervision at least and may get bored, play in inappropriate areas, get underfoot or basically do what kids do but now in a setting where adults (without children) are trying to cut loose (with drink or not).
Have you guys also stopped to think of seating and venue numbers? Each child that you bring needs to be seated and fed. Extra expense to the couple and where do you stop? what about if there are dozens of children between friends and family? Should all be catered for?

The venue may also not really be child friendly (I know that mine was not). It just was not set up for kids, nor was it large enough.

We sent out a very clear message that we did not want kids at the wedding yet still heard of two couples complaining. One guy still brought his and tried to get my mother in law to allow him to bring them in (this was after being told face to face a week previously that there was not going to be kids there). She sent him to the best man who basically told him to take a jump (they are related).

Just going off-thread but this reminds me of a Liveline topic a few weeks back regarding a fashion show/beauty thingy down in Killarney.
Tickets sold out pretty quickly and the T&Cs on the tickets quite clearly stated no kids under 12 would be admitted under any circumstances.
Cue outrage on Mondays Liveline from a pile of mammys who, despite being aware of the Ts&Cs, still turned up with children in pushchairs etc babyslings and so forth and were devastated when refused entry or reimbursal of charges.Its staggering!

26-03-2014 04:59PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I have found in general that parents screaming "child-unfriendly" are the type who dont want to pay for a babysitter, think Saoirse and Ronan are perfect in every way, and in every case fully expect everybody else to find them perfect in every way too.

Ah here, that's a bit harsh and judgemental. Some people like weddings as an inclusive family occasion, some like it focused on adults only, there's no need to insult people and/or their kids with what you 'imagine' they might be thinking.

You don't want kids at your wedding, fine. Doesn't mean you can read the minds of people who like having them around.

I don't have kids btw, so there's nothing personal going on here.

cailinardthair · 26-03-2014 06:03PM

My boyfriends sister is getting married in a few months. They have invited a bunch of kids. Most of them are first cousins of the groom and about 8 of them are very close neighbors who we all mind. There be about 30 i think but they will have there own little room during the meal and there planning on having a sitter. There would be no room for every one in the reception and we all have a bit of quiet during dinner.
There's plenty of room to run about if its sunny and i think plan b is to hook up a projector with dvd's if its raining.

My uncle and aunt at both there weddings had kids there nephew and nieces were small. But was at another wedding last year where the youngest was 16 and he was the grooms brother....all were lovely in there way

Depends on the group who is invited.....think it be cheeky to assume that every kid is invited especially if there name is not on the invitation. If its only two names then that's all it will be. There also might be no room for extra kids! No where to play.

DublinWriter · 26-03-2014 09:39PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Continental European children (in particular French children) are in general far better behaved children than Irish, that is widely acknowledged

It's not only the French kids who are more well behaved! Adults, too.

Generally, with continental European weddings, there will be some provision and amusement laid on for the kids.

God forbid that here, where horror of horrors some little oik might knock the head off the ice-swan display or disrupt the colour coorindated chairbacks.

As I originally said, we're not that child-friendly in this country when it comes to family based ceremonies as we all know in the back of our minds, despite how much sophistication we build in, it's going to degrade into a booze-fest. T'is a fact.

As for behaviour? The kids, both both French and Irish, take the lead from the adults. The didn't lick that trait off the stones.

Having played in a wedding band for most of the naughties, we all observed lately that the more money being spent on the wedding (always by the bridezilla) was inversely proportional to how long the marriage lasted.

Mint Aero · 26-03-2014 09:58PM

If I ever get married kids will be banned for a 5 miles radius, even if I have kids by then. Wait d'ya a flower girl or some sh*t? or is that just american. Dog will do?

Femme_Fatale · 27-03-2014 12:04AM

Doesn't bother me if kids are at a wedding. The day is not about me.

That said, expecting your child(ren) to be included in the invite is bizarre... but probably rare.

Children at weddings

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