Children at weddings

c68zapdsm5i1ru

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and sent the invitations out just after Christmas. She has heard back on the grapevine that a couple of invited guests are bitching because their children weren't included in the invite. She's quite upset about it. I've told her they're the ones who are in the wrong, most people do not assume their kids will be invited to a wedding unless it's a very close relative. And even then, very small children often aren't included.

I haven't been to a wedding in about three years, but I presume that's still the case? Or has it now become the norm to include friends' and colleagues' children on wedding invitations?

MadsL

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and sent the invitations out just after Christmas. She has heard back on the grapevine that a couple of invited guests are bitching because their children weren't included in the invite. She's quite upset about it. I've told her they're the ones who are in the wrong, most people do not assume their kids will be invited to a wedding unless it's a very close relative. And even then, very small children often aren't included.

I haven't been to a wedding in about three years, but I presume that's still the case? Or has it now become the norm to include friends' and colleagues' children on wedding invitations?

Parents, and their endless delusion that their spawn of Satan who are running around being utter brats are such delightful kiddiewinks.

I had a party recently where several children spent most of it roaring around my house into every cupboard and wardrobe, including our bedroom, flicking lights on and off and 'playing' expensive musical instruments after being told (by me) to stop. Parents off in la-la land with a glass of wine opining on some aspect of 'parenting'.

wazky

Un-invite the parents who are bitching, that will sort that issue.

MadsL

We hired a child-minder at our wedding. Seemed to go down well, parents get to have the craic minus the spawn.

homemadecider

I hate when children's are running around at wedding receptions. Adults only for goodness sake, sure the place is full of people getting hammered, it's not an appropriate place for kids.

Dr Robotnik

Unless you're a family member, then you shouldn't expect an invite for your child. Weddings are boring for children, and intolerable for everyone else who has to put up with their whinging and running round tables and sliding around on the dancefloor.

Larbre34

This is an old old chestnut around these parts.

It has become the 'norm' not to invite them from what Ive seen, except for close child relatives and flower girls etc if desired by the bride and groom.

Always amazes me the arrogance of some invited guests. People should remember who the hosts are, if you dont like what they wish for the biggest day of their lives then stay the **** at home.

MadsL

MadsL wrote: »

We hired a child-minder at our wedding. Seemed to go down well, parents get to have the craic minus the spawn.

brilliant idea. Everyones happy.

El Guapo!

I had no kids at my wedding either. I told everyone well in advance that there'd be no kids allowed. I didn't want kids running around all over the place.
Every one of the parents were delighted. They organised babysitters in advance and had a great night without needing to keep one eye on their child the whole time.
Anyone who complains about that is just being selfish in my opinion.

gobnaitolunacy

Dr Robotnik wrote: »

Unless you're a family member, then you shouldn't expect an invite for your child. Weddings are boring for children, and intolerable for everyone else who has to put up with their whinging and running round tables and sliding around on the dancefloor.

They're boring for some adults as well!

caustic 1

few years ago niece got married, our children and another family members were invited but others were not because they never darkened the door ever to visit whereas we did. There was such a hullaballoo about it and some not speaking to that family to this day, which they don't give a fec k about as they don't see them anyway except if there is an occasion of some sort.

travis1976

I'd be looking forward to getting away from them for the day...:)

Arbiter of Good Taste

I'm just recently married and we only had hubby's niece and nephew. Most of my friends have children and no one assumed theirs would be invited. It always perplexes me why some people do.

Cantona's Collars

No kids under a certain age,it ruins the night for the parents as they miss everything while dealing with tired kids or there's the parents who let them run wild & ruin the enjoyment of everyone else.

I had a party a while back and told one set of inlaws strictly no kids as I knew they'd turn up with them otherwise.There was a pause as I told them but I said "you've plenty of notice to arrange a sitter,it's a party for adults,not a childs birthday bash in Playzone".

It's the bride & grooms day,fuck anyone who's unhappy 'cos they can't drag their little darlings along.

KKkitty

It's the bride and groom's day so it's up to them who they invite and who they don't. Unless they're related to the kids the parents of the kids should understand that a wedding is a mostly adult occasion. A wedding day is long and quite tedious at times even for adults so how fair is it of parents to expect theirs children to remain quiet during the ceremony and reception.

ghogie91

Should have put stripper show on the invite And all kids welcome

Id say the kids would be excluded of mammy and daddy think that natlia will be gettin her baps out

Dr Robotnik

gobnaitolunacy wrote: »

They're boring for some adults as well!

Of course! I hated being dragged to weddings when I was a youngster. You'd have a hotel function room full of people you barely know, being served food that you don't like, listening to people talk about things that you have no interest in.

20 years on, I feel exactly the same way!

shruikan2553

Dont understand why parents would want to bring their children. Its a long event with little for them to do and adults will be drinking until late at night. You dont expect to bring your children when a friend invites you out for a few drinks.

When I get married it will be fun, my mother stays close with a lot of the family so I will be expected to invite the previous owners of her cousin's dog. If I need to ask who someone is they really have no place there and theres a very high chance I have never met their children either.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Reminds me of a friends wedding a number of years ago. Her hubby thought it would be a great idea to mix people up at tables so that each side got to know each other. Ridiculous idea IMO, but whatever. So, myself and two other girlfriends and our partners - all childless - were stuck at a table with a smug married couple and their one year old who had his own place at the table in a high chair.

scdublin

Definitely only expected if the kids are close relatives themselves, and even then I really think it's just up to the couple.

Gambas

It's a difficult one. It is hard to know who is further up their own arse, parents of young children being precious about their little darlings, or brides being precious about their special day. Personally I think that the parents, however painful, at least have something worth being precious about. However, the bottom line is that who ever is hosting the wedding sets the conditions and technically you are free to not turn up if you want.

Unfortunately, it isn't really practical to rsvp in the negative just because it is a load of hassle that the bride and groom don't yet understand. It's just one of those things, you've got to put up with for a few years.

Gambas

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Reminds me of a friends wedding a number of years ago. Her hubby thought it would be a great idea to mix people up at tables so that each side got to know each other. Ridiculous idea IMO, but whatever. So, myself and two other girlfriends and our partners - all childless - were stuck at a table with a smug married couple and their one year old who had his own place at the table in a high chair.

Sharing a table with a one year old? How dreadful.

Wally Runs

Having been the groom, childless guest and now parent of three, I can see all sides of the discussion. Sure the parents want their kids invited, no the day is not about them and their needs! It is about celebrating day of the bride and groom, who are going all out to share it with their friends and family.

My experience would be that unless the bride and groom HFU and make that their priory, everyone will stick their oar in. Hard as it is, your friend should worry about nobody but herself and of course the groom. Leave the worry to the others. The day passes too quickly.

If she must, then hire an 'entertainer' and give the kids pizza and chicken nuggets; why waste the full price of meal on someone who will not appreciate it.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Thanks for the replies. I think some people just don't get that their children aren't welcome at every occasion. I've only been to one wedding where lots of children were invited and one little brat created havoc in the Church while her mother sat there and did absolutely nothing about it. Eventually the well behaved children started grizzling because they could see this one child being allowed to run around and make as much noise as she liked. Eventually another guest just came over and took the badly behaved child out. We were praying we wouldn't be put at the idiotic mother's table for the meal. I couldn't believe that someone would allow a friend's wedding vows to be completely drowned out because they wouldn't control their child.
Also, it must add considerably to the expense of a wedding if you have to invite scores of children as well.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Gambas wrote: »

Sharing a table with a one year old? How dreadful.

Thank you, your constructive input is much appreciated

Tombo2001

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and sent the invitations out just after Christmas. She has heard back on the grapevine that a couple of invited guests are bitching because their children weren't included in the invite. She's quite upset about it. I've told her they're the ones who are in the wrong, most people do not assume their kids will be invited to a wedding unless it's a very close relative. And even then, very small children often aren't included.

I haven't been to a wedding in about three years, but I presume that's still the case? Or has it now become the norm to include friends' and colleagues' children on wedding invitations?

OP

In the plainest possible terms:

It is your friends big day.

On their big day, they do what they want.

If they dont want children there, then kids shouldnt be there.

Any friends who wont accept that are being very, very selfish.

---

The exception I would make are nieces and nephews, but absolutely no more than that.

Furthermore, what sort of parent wants to bring their kids to a big booze up. Is that really in the best interests of the kids.

(PS, I'm assuming you are talking about the reception rather than the church itself, I'd have no big issue with people bringing their kids to the church.

Galwayguy35

Gambas wrote: »

Sharing a table with a one year old? How dreadful.

Actually I could think of nothing worse, who wants to be listening to a one year old kid bawling across the table at a wedding.

MadsL

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Actually I could think of nothing worse, who wants to be listening to a one year old kid bawling across the table at a wedding.

Worse, who wants to watch a one year eat as they try to enjoy the old beef or salmon.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Gambas wrote: »

Sharing a table with a one year old? How dreadful.

It can be very annoying actually, if you're at a special occasion and just want to relax and enjoy yourself. One year olds get bored and start grizzling and crying; or the adult conversation has to be constantly interrupted because they need attention; not to mention the throwing food, spilling drinks, trying to grab things off the table etc.
Fine if you're at a family meal in someone's house, but not always fine if it's a stranger's child at a wedding or other similar occasion.

kowloon

MadsL wrote: »

We hired a child-minder at our wedding. Seemed to go down well, parents get to have the craic minus the spawn.

That's actually a really good idea. They get bored anyway, lets them mix with the other children and do their own thing.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

kowloon wrote: »

That's actually a really good idea. They get bored anyway, lets them mix with the other children and do their own thing.

My brother and sister in law were invited to a wedding where there was a separate room with entertainment and pizza and chips for the children. My older nephew went in no problem and had a ball. The three year old was feeling a bit off colour and cranky and refused to go in and had to sit at the table with his parents and other guests. Much as I adore my nephew I did feel sorry for the other people at the table on that occasion. I'm sure the last thing they wanted was a whingy toddler sharing their meal.

lazygal

I don't enjoy weddings with children around. People who wanted to bring their children were the most annoying aspect of wedding planning for us. If you can't go somewhere without your child stay home.

rainbow kirby

I won't be inviting any to my wedding anyway. More trouble than they are worth!

MadsL

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

My brother and sister in law were invited to a wedding where there was a separate room with entertainment and pizza and chips for the children. My older nephew went in no problem and had a ball. The three year old was feeling a bit off colour and cranky and refused to go in and had to sit at the table with his parents and other guests. Much as I adore my nephew I did feel sorry for the other people at the table on that occasion. I'm sure the last thing they wanted was a whingy toddler sharing their meal.

How nice of the parents to sacrifice their own enjoyment rather than spoil the enjoyment of others at the table. Oh wait.

Seriously, how ****ing hard would it have been for one parent to bring this toddler into the pizza room and sit with them. Utter selfishness.

Dr Turk Turkelton

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Reminds me of a friends wedding a number of years ago. Her hubby thought it would be a great idea to mix people up at tables so that each side got to know each other. Ridiculous idea IMO, but whatever. So, myself and two other girlfriends and our partners - all childless - were stuck at a table with a smug married couple and their one year old who had his own place at the table in a high chair.

Ever think that maybe you had done something to pi55 your friend off and this was their chance at revenge?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

MadsL wrote: »

How nice of the parents to sacrifice their own enjoyment rather than spoil the enjoyment of others at the table. Oh wait.

Seriously, how ****ing hard would it have been for one parent to bring this toddler into the pizza room and sit with them. Utter selfishness.

To be honest they're not a bit selfish normally. I think they just weren't thinking straight or something.

ash23

I'd never bitch about my child not being asked to a wedding. But in one case, I stated that I couldn't go to a wedding as my child wasn't invited. It was a wedding where I'd have to travel, stay at the hotel that night and as it was a family wedding my usual babysitters were going to it too.
It was on a Thursday and my daughter had school so couldn't be sent to her other grandparents. It just wasn't possible for me to go because she wasn't invited. It wasn't me bitching, just stating fact.
However the bride went bridezilla about it and had a hissy fit that I was refusing to come to the wedding unless my child was invited.

So, if a couple don't want kids there, then fair enough. But they have to also accept that getting away to a wedding without kids is difficult for many parents and they might not be able to go as a result. That's not bitching, it's just fact.

Gambas

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

It can be very annoying actually, if you're at a special occasion and just want to relax and enjoy yourself. One year olds get bored and start grizzling and crying; or the adult conversation has to be constantly interrupted because they need attention; not to mention the throwing food, spilling drinks, trying to grab things off the table etc.
Fine if you're at a family meal in someone's house, but not always fine if it's a stranger's child at a wedding or other similar occasion.

I'd gladly sit and make chat with the one year old rather than the table with the grooms boorish mates who feel the need to let the whole wedding know that they are such rogues that they are, wait for it....gambling on the length of the best mans speech.

Or the table with the religious aunt.

Or the table with the couple having a row.

Most weddings are fairly boring affairs IMO, and the more the bride and groom are convinced it is a special occasion, the worse the wedding is (course you can always drink yourself into oblivion to get past the boredom and declare it an unqualified success, but I'm at the age now were I think that is kinda pathetic).

The presence of kids tends to take the faux stuffiness out of the day and that is generally a good thing. Sure you can get some kids that are a nightmare on the day, but I've yet to hear of a wedding where a couple of 1 year olds had a fist fight that ended up with one in hospital and the guards being called.

Regardless, its the bride and grooms day, and what ever they say goes.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

Ever think that maybe you had done something to pi55 your friend off and this was their chance at revenge?

Nope, we're best of mates. She blamed her husband for the seating plans (and FAOD of course we didn't complain to her. The bride has enough to worry about on the day!)

Ihatecuddles

I'm getting married in May and I love the idea of kids running around

I don't know what to do now, I have 8 nieces and nephews under the age of 7 and would love them all there. The more kids the better really.

Reading the posts here it seems the vast majority of people hate kids at weddings

MadsL

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

To be honest they're not a bit selfish normally. I think they just weren't thinking straight or something.

Oh they were drunk. Even better argument for not bringing the kiddiewinks.

ash23

mauzo! wrote: »

I'm getting married in May and I love the idea of kids running around

I don't know what to do now, I have 8 nieces and nephews under the age of 7 and would love them all there. The more kids the better really.

Reading the posts here it seems the vast majority of people hate kids at weddings

It's only cos it's AH. Don't worry about it too much

BBDBB

its your day, (you and your partner that is) so if you want kids there, then invite them, if others don't like it, tough. If they advise you that they wouldn't invite kids then they can bar them from their wedding when they get married.

Arbiter of Good Taste

ash23 wrote: »

I'd never bitch about my child not being asked to a wedding. But in one case, I stated that I couldn't go to a wedding as my child wasn't invited. It was a wedding where I'd have to travel, stay at the hotel that night and as it was a family wedding my usual babysitters were going to it too.
It was on a Thursday and my daughter had school so couldn't be sent to her other grandparents. It just wasn't possible for me to go because she wasn't invited. It wasn't me bitching, just stating fact.
However the bride went bridezilla about it and had a hissy fit that I was refusing to come to the wedding unless my child was invited.

So, if a couple don't want kids there, then fair enough. But they have to also accept that getting away to a wedding without kids is difficult for many parents and they might not be able to go as a result. That's not bitching, it's just fact.

That's a good point. I do think there needs to be some leeway and couples do have to realise that weekday weddings during school term will cause problems for some.

At our wedding two couples had newborns. We asked the hotel to hold back the family rooms for them as we knew they were going to bring a granny to stay for babysitting duty. We also arranged to send up dinner (which we paid for) to the babysitters. We didn't mind the small cost if it meant these people could enjoy themselves.

Gambas

mauzo! wrote: »

I'm getting married in May and I love the idea of kids running around

I don't know what to do now, I have 8 nieces and nephews under the age of 7 and would love them all there. The more kids the better really.

Reading the posts here it seems the vast majority of people hate kids at weddings

Good for you, never mind these monacle wearing, sphincter clenchers.

minidazzler

ash23 wrote: »

I'd never bitch about my child not being asked to a wedding. But in one case, I stated that I couldn't go to a wedding as my child wasn't invited. It was a wedding where I'd have to travel, stay at the hotel that night and as it was a family wedding my usual babysitters were going to it too.
It was on a Thursday and my daughter had school so couldn't be sent to her other grandparents. It just wasn't possible for me to go because she wasn't invited. It wasn't me bitching, just stating fact.
However the bride went bridezilla about it and had a hissy fit that I was refusing to come to the wedding unless my child was invited.

Not to have a go or anything, but I can see the brides side, she thought if she invited the kid you'd have the kid take time off school, but wouldn't take the kid off school to go to grannies while you went to the wedding.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

mauzo! wrote: »

I'm getting married in May and I love the idea of kids running around

I don't know what to do now, I have 8 nieces and nephews under the age of 7 and would love them all there. The more kids the better really.

Reading the posts here it seems the vast majority of people hate kids at weddings

I don't hate kids at weddings. I hate parents who don't ensure their child isn't annoying other people and who won't take them out of the Church if they start kicking up. I also hate it when parents get all precious and sniffy about their children not being invited to everything.
I have no problem with children at weddings as long as they aren't allowed to take over and ruin the occasion for other guests, or most importantly, the bride and groom.

Ihatecuddles

I might just google and see if there is something for the kids to do on the day/night. Id rather take them all up to a bedroom and watch a movie with them than be around all the boozed up guests at my wedding

emmabrighton

Wow, I am of the complete opposite opinion to most of the posters here. A wedding is all about family and kids, to me anyway, are more symbolic of the union of marriage than a poofy white dress ever could be. So, for me, when I get married, I will do the vow thing and then it will be a hooplah with great food and fun entertainment for kids and parents alike.

Of course, I don't drink and I have a son, but still. Weddings are so tedious at the best of times... at least the kids would add a certain "what the fcuk is going to happen next" to the whole affair...

Ihatecuddles

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

I don't hate kids at weddings. I hate parents who don't ensure their child isn't annoying other people and who won't take them out of the Church if they start kicking up. I also hate it when parents get all precious and sniffy about their children not being invited to everything.
I have no problem with children at weddings as long as they aren't allowed to take over and ruin the occasion for other guests, or most importantly, the bride and groom.

The kids can spill Ribena on my dress and knock over the cake for all I care! I just want everyone to go, have a nice meal, laugh at the kids playing/dancing and enjoy themselves.

ash23

minidazzler wrote: »

Not to have a go or anything, but I can see the brides side, she thought if she invited the kid you'd have the kid take time off school, but wouldn't take the kid off school to go to grannies while you went to the wedding.

It's one thing to bring a child with me and keep her overnight with me at the hotel and another to have to drive her to her other grandparents (who also have to take time off work), drive back in the opposite direction to the wedding, stay overnight and back down to the grandparents to get the child and then back home.

It's a total logistic nightmare trying to arrange sitters for overnights, add in the extra travel and the missing school and it just genuinely isn't worth it.