Sad to say bye to my surname

fleet · 28-02-2014 11:51PM

I really though Ireland was past this now? No?

Options:
1. If you want it take it.
2. If you don't then don't.

3. If you want to sit on the fence the either double barrel it, or
4. Both of you can change you surnames!

They are your only options I can see based on set theory.

Stone Deaf 4evr · 28-02-2014 11:57PM

Faith wrote: »

It's unconventional, but would he consider taking your name? Particularly if he has no relationship with his dad, he might not be too attached to his name.
.

The way of the world would see him laughed at by all his friends and possibly get grief from his own family. I wouldn't even suggest it. If you're not comfortable taking his name, why would you expt him to take yours.

You could always go double barrelled.

sara1 · 01-03-2014 12:02AM

This post has been deleted.

ABajaninCork · 01-03-2014 12:21AM

I only use my married name here in Ireland as all the Irish bank a/c's; cards and lease are in joint names. I still use my maiden name at home.

pwurple · 01-03-2014 12:26AM

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote: »

The way of the world would see him laughed at by all his friends and possibly get grief from his own family. I wouldn't even suggest it. If you're not comfortable taking his name, why would you expt him to take yours.

You could always go double barrelled.

I have two friends who took their wives surnames. They are irish, but both live in the netherlands with dutch wives. They just found it easier to take a dutch name than try to get every dutch person to pronouce some very irish names. The children also have the dutch surname.

There was no laughing or grief involved. It's just practical.

Sligo1 · 01-03-2014 12:32AM

My father was an only child and died when I was 17. And so far my brothers (10 years older than me) are not
Married with any kids. So no one to carry on the name so far... I feel my own surname is part of who I am and it keeps my dad close to me. It's my identity.

I got married last year. I have no intention of changing my surname for the reasons outlined above. and also because i dont particularly like my husbands surname if im completely honest. my husband couldn't give a toss either way... As long as he doesn't have to change his.

We have a son and a daughter on the way. We have registered our son with the 2 surnames. He can change it if he decides he only wants to take one and not two when he's older. And will do the same with our daughter. So far I am just keeping my own, however, when passports ect come to need changing I will put the 2 surnames on to have the same as our kids. But through common usage I will probably stay with my maiden name (definitely for work) or perhaps double barrel.

I don't actually know why so many people consider double-barrel names pretentious. I find that really strange. If they stopped to actually consider the real reasons behind double-barreling they may think twice and not be so judgemental. I actually find that mentality completely daft and it screams of insecurity in oneself.

CorkClaire82 · 01-03-2014 08:52AM

My surname is double barrelled and it's a pain in the face, in restaurants, banks, bars etc peopke just refuse to say both names in my surname, so I'm definitely changing to my fiances surname when I get married next year. I don't think double barrelled is pretentious, just painful after dealing with it for 32 years.

Browny12 · 01-03-2014 08:56AM

First time I'm listening such an issue. First thing, there is no need to change your surname, as you grew in your family, and your parents serve you, then there is no need to change it. And, if you think it's necessary, then I don't think it will be feel weird.

Sligo1 · 01-03-2014 09:26AM

CorkClaire82 wrote: »

My surname is double barrelled and it's a pain in the face, in restaurants, banks, bars etc peopke just refuse to say both names in my surname, so I'm definitely changing to my fiances surname when I get married next year. I don't think double barrelled is pretentious, just painful after dealing with it for 32 years.

I agree with you here. That's the thing. It's one thing to say its a pain in the arse which I can totally understand. 2 names can be a mouthful! As I said... My kids can do what they want with the two names and just pick one if they want. But for someone to say its pretentious?? That's just daft IMHO.

Starbordsie · 01-03-2014 09:50AM

mistress_gi wrote: »

Also isn't it weird we all grew up with a name and now, all of a sudden, you have a whole different one? Also why do we (women) have to change our names?

It's a very old-fashioned idea, basically going back to the time when a wife was considered her husband's property. Which is a bit chilling, TBH. Shudder.

Starbordsie · 01-03-2014 09:56AM

Deleted User wrote: »

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name.

Stern? Jaysus.

Deleted User wrote: »

Is it not all about just making things a little bit easier for the kids?

Not really, kids tend to be pretty easy going about what they've grown up with.

Vision of Disorder · 01-03-2014 10:37AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Maybe I'm not one to talk (as I'd never intend on getting married, or having kids if the situation arose).

If the situation isn't arising to your satisfaction there are pills you can take apparently.

Deleted User wrote: »

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name.

Well obviously, I mean whoever heard of a stern woman... It's a pity you eh, 'never intend on getting married', with such a progressive mindset I'm sure you could have your pick of the breeding females.

Alan Shore · 01-03-2014 11:55AM

Mrs Shore did not change her name when we got married. She has her own career and is her own person. No need to change her name if she does not want to.

I imagine if I was "stern" on her taking my name we would not be married. Do men really care about this any more?

mistress_gi · 01-03-2014 12:49PM

Alan Shore wrote: »

Mrs Shore did not change her name when we got married. She has her own career and is her own person. No need to change her name if she does not want to.

I imagine if I was "stern" on her taking my name we would not be married. Do men really care about this any more?

Apparently they do! I aso find it pretty shocking about baptizing children without even believing in it. I am not religious but find the hyprocrizy of going through rituals just for the sake of it meaningless and offensive to those who are believers. I thought at this stage stages we should be free of this ritualistic nonsense

redbaron_99 · 01-03-2014 12:52PM

Just keep your own name.... problem sorted.

Gatica · 01-03-2014 02:11PM

Never crossed my mind to change my name. My name is part of who I am and it would feel weird for me to change my name to something that doesn't really feel like it identifies me properly. I know OH would love it if I changed my name and took his.
I agree with Starbordsie, it comes down to the very sexist and somewhat misogynist notion of belonging. I am amazed this whole thing of women changing their name hasn't yet disappeared with the rest of sexist traditions/rules/laws/..., of women not being allowed to vote, to earn equal to men, etc... Someone proposes that a man changes his name to his wive's and all of a sudden there's mockery and shock thrown into the mix. The whole thing of Mrs. John Smith is also full of anti-feminist sentiment, and I dislike the Mrs./Miss titles and the connotation that people feel go with Ms - feminist lesbian who hates men. Anyway, this has gone way off topic now...

OP, I think advice to keep your name and reconsider it in the future is probably the most sound. Nothing wrong with double barrel either, but remember that if it's long, it's going to make it awkward with filling out forms, spelling it over the phone and having people dropping part of your name cos they can't be bothered to say/write the whole thing.

username123 · 01-03-2014 02:33PM

I just go by both names.

My drivers licence, car tax, insurance etc is in my married name.

But my passport, which runs out this year, is getting renewed in my own name because I want to keep an official ID in my own name so that all my academic stuff (which I'm not finished with yet) stays in one name.

Informally I tend to use my married name.

I kind of like having 2 identities!

Calmsurrender · 01-03-2014 02:37PM

I'm doubled barrelled (long ... Long story) and I tend to use one or other depending on who I am talking to.
One of the names is foreign too so it makes it even more complicated , as soon as I say it I hear the other person thinking a "sigh".

TequilaMockingBird · 01-03-2014 02:46PM

You know your kids can have your name too, right?!

I equate taking a man's name as being branded. Much like a cow.

borderlinemeath · 01-03-2014 02:50PM

I'm going against the grain here but I'm engaged and when we marry I will be delighted to be a different name. I never liked my name when I was growing up, both my first name and surname are monosyllables and it just sounds horribly 'blunt'. My married name will be far softer sounding and I'll be far happier even saying my name to other people!

I completely get why you could be attached to your own name though, and if I was I would just keep it.

tinkerbell · 01-03-2014 02:56PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Maybe I'm not one to talk (as I'd never intend on getting married, or having kids if the situation arose).

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name. Much like I'd get the kids christened, etc. even though I couldn't believe less in any God if i tried.

You'd be "pretty stern" on her taking her name? :rolleyes: A woman has the CHOICE to take her husband's name, it's not forced upon her. I suggest you take a look at the calendar and realise that it's 2014, not 1914. And why on earth would you force your kids to be christened when you don't even believe in God? That's just ridiculous.

BabysCoffee · 01-03-2014 03:01PM

It never even came up for discussion for me. He never asked and I never changed my name.

You could hold on to your name and if you have kids they could take your name.

Contessa Raven · 01-03-2014 05:05PM

I'm only recently engaged and I was thinking about this over the last while. I love my name. Really love it. I'm Irish, as are my parents, but I have a Greek first name and a French surname (go figure!) It's unusual. But I would want my children to have my name and my fiance would want them to have his.
We've discussed it and he was all for taking my name until we remembered that he and my dad have the same first name. There would be John Smith, my husband and John Smith, my father. Ehhh.... no. I think I'll decide closer to the time. I'm leaning towards double-barrel myself.

solerina · 01-03-2014 05:43PM

I kept my surname, never once considered changing it, my husband wasn't bothered and said he never though I would change my name anyway...the only person who slagged me about it was my sister !!

Gokei · 01-03-2014 06:06PM

TequilaMockingBird wrote: »

You know your kids can have your name too, right?!

I equate taking a man's name as being branded. Much like a cow.

Why brand your kids with your name?

borderlinemeath · 01-03-2014 06:11PM

TequilaMockingBird wrote: »

You know your kids can have your name too, right?!

I equate taking a man's name as being branded. Much like a cow.

Really? I'm more than happy to take my future husbands name, it's my choice and I don't think it's anyway like putting a 'mark' on somebody. I find your 'equation' of it fairly insulting.

mistress_gi · 01-03-2014 06:19PM

What I think it is important is whose choice it is, if the choice to change your name is yours then great! If you are doing it because of some outdated social ritual then you shouldn't.

nuckeythompson · 01-03-2014 06:47PM

stop being such a feminist and change your name to his.

lazygal · 01-03-2014 07:09PM

nuckeythompson wrote: »

stop being such a feminist and change your name to his.

What's wrong with being a feminist?

nuckeythompson · 01-03-2014 07:10PM

i just got a warning for that comment so Im not going to enter a discussion on this topic or else Ill get a ban.
It was just my opinion and sorry if I offended anyone, not my intention

Sad to say bye to my surname

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