Sad to say bye to my surname

sara1 · 28-02-2014 06:04PM #1

This post has been deleted.

Faith · 28-02-2014 06:30PM

It's unconventional, but would he consider taking your name? Particularly if he has no relationship with his dad, he might not be too attached to his name.

I don't like the idea of changing mine either. My OH has a foreign surname so it's even more unfamiliar! But I know it means a lot to him to have me take his name so I'll probably change it privately, but keep my maiden name professionally.

m'lady · 28-02-2014 07:18PM

Yeah I can get why your sad about changing your name, you've had it since birth presumably! I always said I'd never change my surname for any man (the feminist came out in me!), but as years have got by I have changed my mind, and have decided I'd go double barrel, would you consider that?

Dolbert · 28-02-2014 07:24PM

I'm just using either one, depending on the situation! My passport still has 8 years left on it so I won't be changing it and I still use my own surname for work, but informally I do use my married name a lot now.

Plates · 28-02-2014 07:29PM

Whatever you do don't go down the double barrel route, it's the ultimate in fence sitting and no matter what the combination it always sounds pretentious. Stick with your own name for now and you can change it once the kids come along if you want.

sanna · 28-02-2014 07:32PM

Im the same, theres no boys in our family and Im a daddies girl still even at the age of 40, seems sad to be losing my surname thats done me amazing over the years, H2B isnt fussed and said I can do double barrelled, but getting opposition from his family, more his sisters but Im defo thinking this is the way forward

mistress_gi · 28-02-2014 07:37PM

Well, I got married and kept my surname. explained to my husband it was important for me and I really did not want to give it up as it was such a big part of who I am so what we did was I took his last name as my second last name so everyone was happy!

cookiecakes · 28-02-2014 07:46PM

I kept my surname. Would never have dreamt of changing it. I asked my husband before we got married if he was put out that I wasn't changing it and he said 'Sure isn't Cookie Cakes the woman I fell in love with?' Best answer ever! A few of his uncles and his brother were a bit put out that I didn't change it but luckily, I wasn't marrying any of them!

jlm29 · 28-02-2014 07:55PM

My oh's surname is a bit gick, and I hate the idea of taking it, but we have a little boy, and he has his dad's surname. I'd like us all to have the same name, so I'm prepared to suck it up and get used to it!

Vision of Disorder · 28-02-2014 08:03PM

I think I'd be a tiny bit disappointed if a woman actually took my surname. I just don't see why she would feel any desire to (and there's nothing horrific about my surname specifically, I mean in general terms!

).

deelite · 28-02-2014 08:04PM

Dolbert wrote: »

I'm just using either one, depending on the situation! My passport still has 8 years left on it so I won't be changing it and I still use my own surname for work, but informally I do use my married name a lot now.

I do this too - and I don't correct anybody about what surname they call me.

mistress_gi · 28-02-2014 08:09PM

Also isn't it weird we all grew up with a name and now, all of a sudden, you have a whole different one? Also why do we (women) have to change our names?

snickerpuss · 28-02-2014 08:12PM

You don't have to take it. You won't be less of a family unit with your maiden name. You could always just change it on your passport if you were worried about hassle with kids in airports etc.

I never gave a second thought to the idea of changing mine. Have heard people say not changing it implies you aren't really committed or you won't be a proper family. Please! If my fiancee felt that strongly about it he could change to mine but luckily he couldn't give a fig.

Gokei · 28-02-2014 08:13PM

mistress_gi wrote: »

Also isn't it weird we all grew up with a name and now, all of a sudden, you have a whole different one? Also why do we (women) have to change our names?

You sound like you only hard of thus recently..

Op, what about the two of you going double barrel?

The J Stands for Jay · 28-02-2014 08:14PM

At the risk of sounding daft, not changing your surname will eventually leave your kids at eiak of identity theft. Loads of places want your mother's maiden name.

Actually, the practice of having your maiden name appearing in brackets on your Facebook page is probably putting them at a lot more risk...

sara1 · 28-02-2014 08:41PM

This post has been deleted.

Alan The Ape · 28-02-2014 08:46PM

It probably is difficult decision to make in modern day for modern woman. Everything complicated. Strange time. Me think you take your husband name. But not matter what I think. Me think it take all sort to make world make round.

seosamh1980 · 28-02-2014 10:10PM

McGaggs wrote: »

At the risk of sounding daft, not changing your surname will eventually leave your kids at risk of identity theft. Loads of places want your mother's maiden name.

Eh, what? My mother never changed her name, I've often given her maiden surname when asked that question on things and have never had issues with identity theft.

lazygal · 28-02-2014 10:22PM

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Eh, what? My mother never changed her name, I've often given her maiden surname when asked that question on things and have never had issues with identity theft.

Same here. My mother never changed her name either and it has never been an issue, ever. It never crossed my mind to change my name and our children have both our surnames, which has never caused problems. I couldn't care less if people think it's pretentious or whatever, their names are their names.

pwurple · 28-02-2014 10:26PM

Never changed my name. My career was established long before my marriage. It got first dibs.

Also, there is no central way of doing it here. It's all 'common usage'... Ie, go around changing every address and company/service reference to you in the world. Painful.

sara1 · 28-02-2014 10:51PM

This post has been deleted.

coleen · 28-02-2014 10:55PM

Just to let you know I have been married for 32 years and ad I never left my home town I am always know in my maiden name even though I had taken my husbands name so I would not give it too much thought. I have husbands name on passport and other official docs but to all others I am using my maiden name.
It is easier for school purpose and travel to have one family name but not essential if you prefer not.

sara1 · 28-02-2014 11:00PM

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin · 28-02-2014 11:07PM

for what its worth, i kept my own name, my kids are double barrel but use just one name day to day and i've never felt we're any less of a family or a unit because we don't all have the same name. I think the idea of keeping your name until you have kids and then seeing how you feel is a good one. Best of luck and congratulations.

John Mason · 28-02-2014 11:08PM

i never changed mine. it made me who i am.

no intention of ever changing it

sara1 · 28-02-2014 11:11PM

This post has been deleted.

28-02-2014 11:26PM

Maybe I'm not one to talk (as I'd never intend on getting married, or having kids if the situation arose).

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name. Much like I'd get the kids christened, etc. even though I couldn't believe less in any God if i tried.

Is it not all about just making things a little bit easier for the kids?

If you're not gonna have kids, then keep your name (hey, make up a new one that combines both your surnames if you want, for the laugh) but if you are having kids, just bite the bullet and get it over with.

If your kids have those somewhat annoying double barrel names and they get married, can they go double barrel again? If a double barrel-er marries a double barrel-er, can you be a quad barrel-er? (genuine question).

It gets far too messy, if so!

Toots · 28-02-2014 11:30PM

I know how you feel, I'm really attached to my 'maiden' name. It's a fairly unusual name and we're a family of girls so there's nobody to carry on the name either. When I got married I knew my OH would have been a bit upset if I'd kept my name, so I double-barreled. I don't care one bit if people sound pretentious, if they have a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine. My name means a lot to me.

Most days I just use my married name, things like my bank account, credit card etc all changed but my passport and driving licence are double barrel. In work I use double barrel as well, because I've worked there for about 7 years before marrying so a lot of people know me as my maiden name. Also my married name is a fairly common one, so there's about 8 other Toots "Smith" in my organisation, which opens the door for me getting sent a load of emails meant for the other Toots instead!

Toots · 28-02-2014 11:32PM

Deleted User wrote: »

If you're not gonna have kids, then keep your name (hey, make up a new one that combines both your surnames if you want, for the laugh) but if you are having kids, just bite the bullet and get it over with.

I went to primary school with a boy whose parents did just that! Luckily their names combined to make a fairly normal surname.

lazygal · 28-02-2014 11:43PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Maybe I'm not one to talk (as I'd never intend on getting married, or having kids if the situation arose).

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name. Much like I'd get the kids christened, etc. even though I couldn't believe less in any God if i tried.

Is it not all about just making things a little bit easier for the kids?

If you're not gonna have kids, then keep your name (hey, make up a new one that combines both your surnames if you want, for the laugh) but if you are having kids, just bite the bullet and get it over with.

If your kids have those somewhat annoying double barrel names and they get married, can they go double barrel again? If a double barrel-er marries a double barrel-er, can you be a quad barrel-er? (genuine question).

It gets far too messy, if so!

I think it's just as well you're not getting married and having children. This attitude stinks of why things never change in Ireland, people just doing things for the sake of it and maintaining the status quo. Plenty of other countries manage to cope with double barrel names. Why on earth would you insist on a woman changing her name and baptizing children if you don't believe?

eviltwin · 28-02-2014 11:47PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Maybe I'm not one to talk (as I'd never intend on getting married, or having kids if the situation arose).

But I'd (I'm a man, by the way) be pretty stern on her taking my name. Much like I'd get the kids christened, etc. even though I couldn't believe less in any God if i tried.

Is it not all about just making things a little bit easier for the kids?

If you're not gonna have kids, then keep your name (hey, make up a new one that combines both your surnames if you want, for the laugh) but if you are having kids, just bite the bullet and get it over with.

If your kids have those somewhat annoying double barrel names and they get married, can they go double barrel again? If a double barrel-er marries a double barrel-er, can you be a quad barrel-er? (genuine question).

It gets far too messy, if so!

does your wife get any say in this at all?

Sad to say bye to my surname

Comments