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whats the funniest thing you ever heard??

  • 27-02-2014 11:43PM
    #1
    shaneon77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 279 ✭✭


    I love and appreciate comedy. Laughter is the best medicine after all.
    in 1986 the last person in our community got electricity in their little cottage. He was a man in his 70's called Pat Twomey and my dad gave him the nickname "socket" socket twomey. To this day, the funniest and cleverest thing i have ever heard.
    anyone got anything similar?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    The Master
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 14,324 CMod ✭✭✭✭The Master


    I also enjoy copy-paste stories


  • #3
    Sir Arthur Daley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    The Pokémon jokes always crack me up this is my favourite,
    Why should you never tell your Pokémon when you’re taking a shower?
    A: Because they might Pikachu.


  • #4
    shaneon77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 279 ✭✭shaneon77


    The Master wrote: »
    I also enjoy copy-paste stories
    ?? Eh, no sorry.


  • #5
    Chucken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Bit odd to give a 70 year old man a nick name :confused:


  • #6
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    The best I've ever heard? Oh me, oh my wife! She was being shagged by another man! Where's me washboard?


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  • #7
    drunkmonkey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,506 ✭✭✭✭drunkmonkey


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  • #8
    Stavros Murphy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    I'm guessing the funnies are just gonna keep coming thick and fast. But mainly thick.


  • #9
    Panthro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,111 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    Guy was walking out of class once, another guy yelled "Don't let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you!"
    I lol'ed


  • #10
    Chucken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Panthro wrote: »
    Guy was walking out of class once, another guy yelled "Don't let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you!"
    I lol'ed

    You laughed out louded?


  • #11
    uch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,035 ✭✭✭uch


    ,

    22/25



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  • #12
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Chucken wrote: »
    You laughed out louded?
    Obviously wasn't an English class.


  • #13
    .Henry Sellers.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 567 ✭✭✭.Henry Sellers.


    Two cars stopped at a red traffic light, light goes green and the driver in front must of been daydreaming and didn't drive on, the driver behind him roars out his window
    "it's not going to get any fcukin greener!!!"

    I chuckled.


  • #14
    Panthro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,111 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    Chucken wrote: »
    You laughed out louded?

    Sure did, then I ROFL'ed.
    Which is not an easy thing to do I can tell ya.


  • #15
    uch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,035 ✭✭✭uch


    I heard a Nun Fart once

    22/25



  • #16
    Stavros Murphy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Chucken wrote: »
    You laughed out louded?

    Now Chucky, behave. Just because you're feeling bitter and cynical today, no need to be snippish. This is the laugh a minute thread - Socket Twomey and all them lols.


  • #17
    Shane-KornSpace
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭Shane-KornSpace


    Panthro wrote: »
    Sure did, then I ROFL'ed.
    Which is not an easy thing to do I can tell ya.

    Try ROFLCOPTER-ing. Now that's tough,


  • #18
    Joe prim
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Joe prim


    Two chaps talking, one chap says to the other"look here, old chap, a chicken just crossed the road,why, in your opinion, did the chicken just cross the road?" Other chap replies, "Why, i would imagine he did so in order to get to the other side of the road, old sport" How I chortled!


  • #19
    shaneon77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 279 ✭✭shaneon77


    Chucken wrote: »
    Bit odd to give a 70 year old man a nick name :confused:
    what about coffin dodger?


  • #20
    Chucken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Panthro wrote: »
    Sure did, then I ROFL'ed.
    Which is not an easy thing to do I can tell ya.

    :D


  • #21
    Panthro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,111 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    uch wrote: »
    I heard a Nun Fat once

    What the fook was that like?!!!:pac:


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  • #22
    Chucken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Stavros Murphy wrote: »
    Now Chucky, behave. Just because you're feeling bitter and cynical today, no need to be snippish. This is the laugh a minute thread - Socket Twomey and all them lols.

    Today???

    Tell us a funny story there Murphy.


  • #23
    hfallada
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,179 ✭✭✭hfallada


    That our government counts job bridge internships as jobs on the live register. Even through its not in any shape or form paid employment. It's just an unemployed person getting €50 more a week from the tax payer while taking a paid job away from someone else.


  • #24
    dxhound2005
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,784 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005


    hfallada wrote: »
    That our government counts job bridge internships as jobs on the live register. Even through its not in any shape or form paid employment. It's just an unemployed person getting €50 more a week from the tax payer while taking a paid job away from someone else.

    Well, at least you didn't mention Hitler or the Nazis.


  • #25
    uch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,035 ✭✭✭uch


    Panthro wrote: »
    What the fook was that like?!!!:pac:


    RFFFFAAAARRRPpp

    22/25



  • #26
    The Diabolical Monocle
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭The Diabolical Monocle


    Mate told me about his mucker uncle, every time he'd fart in the car he'd roll down the window and say 'get out an walk'.



    That one got me alright. Couldnt stop laughing.


  • #27
    Stavros Murphy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Chucken wrote: »
    Today???

    Tell us a funny story there Murphy.

    You're bullying me! :D

    No funnies here, though the lads were driving down from the north today and overtook a jeep - they then proceeded to give the jeep driver the whole "aaahhh-yoouu---aaahhh" moron thing out the window as the flew by...whereupon the jeep driver switched on his blues and twos, pulled them over and gave them a bollocking and a fine.. ok, not the funniest, but jasus, I laughed anyway. Some very quiet puppies arrived back in the yard. Immature Spanners.


  • #28
    Sir Arthur Daley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    Did socket twomey drive a volts-wagon?


  • #29
    Chucken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Stavros Murphy wrote: »
    You're bullying me! :D

    No funnies here, though the lads were driving down from the north today and overtook a jeep - they then proceeded to give the jeep driver the whole "aaahhh-yoouu---aaahhh" moron thing out the window as the flew by...whereupon the jeep driver switched on his blues and twos, pulled them over and gave them a bollocking and a fine.. ok, not the funniest, but jasus, I laughed anyway. Some very quiet puppies arrived back in the yard. Immature Spanners.

    You should've sacked em all for the laugh :D


  • #30
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,638 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    Oh now I get it, this thread is about the shi1test jokes ever?


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  • #31
    Stavros Murphy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Chucken wrote: »
    You should've sacked em all for the laugh :D

    naah, the driver has to pay the fine - it's in his name and he's morto, fairly peeved and a laughing stock for the next few days. That's enough I reckon. :):D The passengers were just sheepish looking.. what spanner rags an unmarked cop-car while overtaking??


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