Is this what you imagined?

quickbeam · 20-02-2014 06:19PM

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Nah, I'd not go back and start over. It was bad enough living through it once without having to doing it all again.

Lyaiera · 20-02-2014 06:26PM

When I was 18 I was too scared to even dream that I could be doing what I'm doing now. I'm a better person now, but it's tough as hell. 18 year old me would be asking "Is that even possible?" And I'd have to say I don't know, but it's what's right and it's what I'm doing.

expatin africa · 20-02-2014 07:15PM

I think everyone always thinks what if, in my case it would be 2007 just finished collage and got offered a job in the council (was there before but decided to finish my degree had only a diploma) at the same time got offered a job in africa so decided go to africa for a year, a bit of travel and the money was so much more than home and tax free. then try the council again but the recession hit, 7 years later am still here in africa and hate it, security is a big thing cant even go 2 feet down the road without the army saying its not safe, i know why dont i just go home, but need the money for the family at home as no jobs in my field at home cant wait for the recession to end, but not a week goes by i wish i took that job in the council

20-02-2014 07:24PM

expatin africa wrote: »

I think everyone always thinks what if, in my case it would be 2007 just finished collage and got offered a job in the council (was there before but decided to finish my degree had only a diploma) at the same time got offered a job in africa so decided go to africa for a year, a bit of travel and the money was so much more than home and tax free. then try the council again but the recession hit, 7 years later am still here in africa and hate it, security is a big thing cant even go 2 feet down the road without the army saying its not safe, i know why dont i just go home, but need the money for the family at home as no jobs in my field at home cant wait for the recession to end, but not a week goes by i wish i took that job in the council

I feel sorry for you in the situation you are in, but what a terrible way to live you life constantly looking back and regretting a decision you made, life is short and it goes in the blink of an eye don't waste it with regrets.

LoganRice · 20-02-2014 07:27PM

Couldn't have imagined life for me to be like this

ash23 · 21-02-2014 10:06AM

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

RoboRat · 21-02-2014 10:31AM

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.

Yep, for me it was breaking my knee, I think my life would be a lot different if I didn't. I would have stayed playing football and enjoying life and probably not have bought a house as a challenge to fill the void of not having football anymore. Then I wouldn't have had a noose around my neck and been forced to stay in a horrible job that forced a 35% paycut, made my life hell and left me depressed.

In saying that, I probably wouldn't be married to my amazing wife and have an fantastic son, both of whom make my life brilliant.

I made a decision last year to change my life and I did. I got a new job, I also took the plunge and started my own business, its something that I have a real passion for and although I am not making money from it yet, it has potential and is going very well. I have prospects now. I am still burdened with a house I should never have bought and am renting with my wife until we can sell and build our own, but hopefully we can do so in the next year or so and settle.

Even though the last few months have been probably the unluckiest I have ever had, I can soldier on because I made a decision last year to change my life - I would hate to think how I would be if I was still in my old workplace.

If you are not happy with your life, then change it. You only get one crack at it so you should make the most of it. Regret what you didn't, not what you did.

LizT · 21-02-2014 11:12AM

When I was in 4th class, we did a memory box, full of stuff to open when we turned 21. I had to write a letter to my 21 year old self and it was hilarious when I actually opened it on my 21st birthday. I planned to be engaged or married, driving a red sports car and living in a big apartment in Dublin :pac:

I'm not where I imagined I'd be when I was 18, I suppose I am in some ways since I always imagined I'd move away from Ireland though, always knew I wanted to travel as much as possible. Totally agree with Roborat though, regret what you didn't do rather than regretting taking chances.

rainbow kirby · 21-02-2014 11:30AM

I wouldn't have imagined at 18 that I wouldn't be living in Ireland at 29 (even though I didn't go too far!), also probably wouldn't have imagined that I'd have ended up with a degree and masters in CS or that I'd be working as a software developer (I was studying maths when I started college). I took a very dim view of marriage when I was younger so I probably wouldn't have imagined that I'd be planning my wedding at this stage either! I never imagined that I'd want kids, until the last couple of years. None yet, but we'll see in the future!

I was quite seriously into martial arts too when I was younger and hated running - I would have never expected to run 3 marathons and loads of other races in my 20s, or that I'd find a lot of enjoyment in swimming and cycling too.

Cantremember · 21-02-2014 11:34AM

ash23 wrote: »

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

You don't know that for certain. He might have liked ice cream too.

sbsquarepants · 21-02-2014 11:35AM

I've been undergoing a bit of a metamorphosis lately, my life has turned out nothing like I though it would, I've enjoyed it for the most part but I really wish I had concentrated more on a career and feathering my nest. I was always happy enough to just have a job that paid me ok, and a few side lines that meant I was rarely short of cash.
If I could go back and give my 20 year old self one solid piece of advice, it would be stay away from drugs. And speaking as someone who is staunchly anti prohibition and strongly believes all drugs should be freely and legally available - that is surprising the shít out of me.
I don't mean it in the traditional they'll fúck up your life way. I was never a junkie, always enjoyed myself and came to no physical or financial harm whatsoever - I had a great time on drugs! But they allowed me to do something I am now beginning to regret, they allowed me to live in my head. I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on - but those times are over and all those others have mansions and sports cars left over as a side effect of their endeavours!
Sure, I have happy memories of amazing experiences - but so do they, they have those things and mansions and sport cars and super model girlfriends into bizarre kinky shít with other super models (probably:D).
All I have are the memories, and whereas my girlfriend is quite hot, the bizzare kinky shít with supermodels is in short supply:mad:

And so ends my little rant. Say no to drugs kids, their too damn good for their own good.

Cantremember · 21-02-2014 11:41AM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on

I am googling Olympic medal winners who are astronauts and champions league winners. You have crowded so much into your life. I know it for a fact.

SFS 505 · 21-02-2014 11:49AM

ash23 wrote: »

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

An important lesson for any aspiring time travellers.

adocholiday · 21-02-2014 11:52AM

The thing I find about questions like this are I would have a different response to it at different stages in life. A few years ago I was in an awful rut with my job. I had a degree in Arts which was useless and a job that was going nowhere. I was in a long term relationship which was rocky, and I was struggling financially. All in all, I would have gone back to when I was 18 and wiped the slate completely clean.

Fast forward to today. Encouraged by my SO, I went back to college to study Computer Science, something I always wanted to do. I left the crap job and worked my ass off at the course. Supported by the grant and a part time job, I was able to get through the course and then within a few months I landed a great job with a good salary. I kept up the good work ethic and have just secured a promotion in work, partly due to my diverse background which gave me an edge. Finally, I worked hard on my relationship with my SO and things became much better. Last weekend I proposed she said yes

While this sounds like a bragging post, the point I'm trying to make is that when times are tough we can all think wistfully back to times when life was relatively easy and carefree and wish that we could do it all over again. The reality is that through hard work and dedication you can make your life better now than you could ever have imagined at 18. It's all about perspective!

Gambas · 21-02-2014 12:02PM

Only advice I'd give my 18 year old self is to keep moving. Go to bed early, get up early, avoid lying in. Get stoned but don't spend your evenings melted into a couch. Don't veg in front of the TV. Don't spend much of your waking day sitting at a bar, in a car or in public transport. Don't sit in front of the computer wasting hours on the internet. (My current self still has a bit of the way to go with the last one.) Life is there to be lived but the pursuit of the extraordinary won't bring you happiness if you aren't already happy. Just get up of your arse, get out there and get on with living and enjoying being on this earth for a very brief length of time. We're all going to die and when you do, your 'goals' count for zilch. There are no winners and losers at the end of this game, so just enjoy playing it, and don't be hard on yourself.

CarMe · 21-02-2014 12:02PM

A year ago my 18 year old self would have been appalled at the life I'd settled for but now as more things fall into place I can honestly say I'm almost exactly where I'd have hoped to be (with the exception of travel, I wish I'd done more and intend to when my little girl gets older)

Potatoeman · 21-02-2014 12:35PM

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I think people that concentrate on their career can regret not having more fun and those that follow their dreams can sometimes regret not being more practicle. Its the same for settling down too.
If you are not happy with your life change it. You could have far bigger problems.

SpaceCowb0y · 21-02-2014 12:49PM

God i'd love to go back and do things all over, but only if i had the knowledge i know now. Not to just go back and repeat all the mistakes i've made! 18 would even be too late. I'd need to go back to 16 year old me and say nooooo don't do it!

Growing up is tough... kids are dumb, and mean.

username123 · 21-02-2014 03:16PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I had a great time on drugs! But they allowed me to do something I am now beginning to regret, they allowed me to live in my head. I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on...

I feel the same way about the Holodeck.

RhubarbCrumble · 21-02-2014 04:16PM

Up to a month ago, I was in the happiest place I've ever been. As far as I was aware, my life was going so well and was only going to get better. Then I was betrayed and lied to by the person I loved. I can't get over it. I'm in so much pain right now and it won't stop hurting. So no, my life is not what I imagined.

DameKindness · 21-02-2014 04:35PM

RhubarbCrumble wrote: »

Up to a month ago, I was in the happiest place I've ever been. As far as I was aware, my life was going so well and was only going to get better. Then I was betrayed and lied to by the person I loved. I can't get over it. I'm in so much pain right now and it won't stop hurting. So no, my life is not what I imagined.

Just to say, RhubarbCrumble, from one who has been there with bells on, it does get better. You will get over it. It feels like the end of the world (and in a way, it is) but like some others on this thread have said, surprisingly good things can come out of completely ****ty and apparently irredeemable circumstances. Give yourself time, if necessary get professional help, and think about what's best for you.

RhubarbCrumble · 21-02-2014 06:33PM

DameKindness wrote: »

Just to say, RhubarbCrumble, from one who has been there with bells on, it does get better. You will get over it. It feels like the end of the world (and in a way, it is) but like some others on this thread have said, surprisingly good things can come out of completely ****ty and apparently irredeemable circumstances. Give yourself time, if necessary get professional help, and think about what's best for you.

Thanks DameKindness. Right now I can't see how I'm going to get over this, but I hope I can.

The_Valeyard · 21-02-2014 06:35PM

Im glad life hasn't gone the way I planned it. Much more exciting, adventurous and fun that way. Keeps things interesting

So I stopped trying to control things and make futile plans. Just go with it, see where the river of life takes me!

Tasden · 21-02-2014 06:36PM

RhubarbCrumble wrote: »

Thanks DameKindness. Right now I can't see how I'm going to get over this, but I hope I can.

You'll be surprised. Eventually you'll stop thinking about him every second and every minute and eventually it'll be days since you've thought about him. One day at a time unfortunately but you'll be good. Speaking from experience.

Sleepy · 25-02-2014 10:29AM

Candie wrote: »

Well colour me lying then.

I'm not in an area where luck plays any part. I've achieved more than I hoped for because I kept attaining goals purely through determination and work, and then set the bar higher for myself, and kept on working hard.

I'd be kinder and colour you most likely to be a little self deluding.

Even if luck has never played a part in your career (accidentally making the right contacts at the right time, positions opening up just as you're ready to step up into them, a market you'd bet on expanding actually doing so, economic conditions being favourable to your career etc.) you've had the good fortune to be born into a society which saw the value in keeping you healthy and educating you, where you had the freedom to pursue success and the support to do it.

This is no way takes away from your achievements. Thousands of others with exactly the same opportunities as you failed to take them. Maybe I'm wrong and you're in an area that anyone in the world, from any background could succeed in if they just worked hard enough but honestly, that seems far less likely than you simply having had some element of luck along the way.

Sadderday · 25-02-2014 10:35AM

I know what you mean OP, if your not on the telly, in Austrailia or after doing 20 years at uni and are really successful .... ya dont feel like you have much to rave about your kinda feeling that things should have been different but it is what it is and what you make it, dull rainy days make you think that way too but good days are good.

Czarcasm · 25-02-2014 10:38AM

Sleepy wrote: »

I'd be kinder and colour you most likely to be a little self deluding.

Even if luck has never played a part in your career (accidentally making the right contacts at the right time, positions opening up just as you're ready to step up into them, a market you'd bet on expanding actually doing so, economic conditions being favourable to your career etc.) you've had the good fortune to be born into a society which saw the value in keeping you healthy and educating you, where you had the freedom to pursue success and the support to do it.

This is no way takes away from your achievements. Thousands of others with exactly the same opportunities as you failed to take them. Maybe I'm wrong and you're in an area that anyone in the world, from any background could succeed in if they just worked hard enough but honestly, that seems far less likely than you simply having had some element of luck along the way.

That's not luck Sleepy, that first paragraph are merely circumstances beyond our control, but by working hard enough you gain more control over your circumstances. That's not luck, there's no such thing as luck. There are laws that govern probability is all.

25-02-2014 10:40AM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

So, is your life exactly as you had imagined as a youngster? Better? Worse? Any major potholes you'd warn your younger self to avoid? Opportunities you would urge him to seize?

I do not think I could have predicted where my life would end up even as late as the latter end of my college career. If someone had told me where I would be today I likely would have laughed them out of the room.

Even when I started setting goals for myself - they were only tiny personal goals. Each one hardly anything of note. The idea that they would accumulate in the way they have over time simply never occoured. I had a short term focus and never imagined the long term effects.

So I am going to go with "better" in your question. And as for the potholes - avoiding them might not have defined the person I am today - so I will take what I got mistakes and all. Sometimes it is the mistakes and errors that define us - were you to remove them somehow the effect might be more negative than we could expect.

Sleepy · 25-02-2014 10:50AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

That's not luck Sleepy, that first paragraph are merely circumstances beyond our control, but by working hard enough you gain more control over your circumstances. That's not luck, there's no such thing as luck. There are laws that govern probability is all.

What on earth would you call it other than luck when the circumstances beyond one's control are in any individual's favour when probability says that they shouldn't be?

Us humans like to believe we can attribute our successes entirely to our own actions but a quick look at the backgrounds of most of the very rich (or indeed most of the population of our prisons) would gives the self-deluding lie to that belief.

ash23 · 25-02-2014 11:00AM

There are some who are born into a family where education is promoted and encouraged and supported. There are some who are born into families who think education is a waste of time. Then there are ones who think education is important but can't afford to support it.

A small insignificant decision can change the course of your life. A health issue can change everything. A split second (an accident or being in the wrong place at the wrong time) can change everything.

Other people and their actions can have a huge affect on our lives, our aspirations and our abilities.

A person brought up in a house where education is encouraged and who is sent to a good school, who has the financial backing so they live in a good area and have the support they need to get through third level and find a job they love is going to be in a better life than someone born into a rough area where education is a joke and school is optional, where good grades = bullying and where finishing your junior cert is the highest standard expected of you.

That's beyond a persons control. As is much of our lives. A stupid mistake by one other person, where we have no control, can change our lives. It might not be "luck" per se, but if it's not something we have control over, how can we say that we earn everything in our lives and that what we have is entirely down to us and not partially down to things beyond our control.

Is this what you imagined?

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