Is this what you imagined?

OldNotWIse

So after a fight with the OH last night, went for a walk to clear the head and have a think, and I started wondering how life has ended up so different from the one I had not only imagined, but assumed I would have. I bumped into 18 year old me who asked, "who the fuuck are you? What have you done with all the years you've had since we last met?!" She really couldnt believe how little I had settled for and how litte I had achieved, compared to the plan at least.

So, is your life exactly as you had imagined as a youngster? Better? Worse? Any major potholes you'd warn your younger self to avoid? Opportunities you would urge him to seize?

Fear Sneachta Ban

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Sleepy

Your username may be in danger of requiring a change

Accepting that 18 year old you was stupidly naieve is simply part of growing up imo. Hell, even 25 year old me would laugh at the notion I'd be married with 2 kids by 33 and still living in Dublin yet here I am and I'm fairly content with my lot (a Lotto win would, of course be welcomed...).

Only three groups of people don't end up settling in some way in my experience: those whose dreams weren't particularly ambitious, those who are too stupid to realise their dreams are unattainable (see the first few weeks of X Factor every year) and a tiny percentage of us who get lucky. Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

OldNotWIse

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Good point. I'd go back, definitely. Plenty of things to say to younger me, but back then I wouldnt have listened.

OldNotWIse

Sleepy wrote: »

Your username may be in danger of requiring a change

Accepting that 18 year old you was stupidly naieve is simply part of growing up imo. Hell, even 25 year old me would laugh at the notion I'd be married with 2 kids by 33 and still living in Dublin yet here I am and I'm fairly content with my lot (a Lotto win would, of course be welcomed...).

Only three groups of people don't end up settling in some way in my experience: those whose dreams weren't particularly ambitious, those who are too stupid to realise their dreams are unattainable (see the first few weeks of X Factor every year) and a tiny percentage of us who get lucky. Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

I dont know. Some of it can be not necessarily stupidity but just bad decisions and maybe going so far down a road you cant seem to go back. My college choice was a disaster but at 19 I didnt have the confidence to say "ok, this is not for me, I want to change" I kept going at it because I didnt want to be the one who dropped out. In the end, I never worked in the field for more than a year anyway.

Neyite

Hi OP, PI is an advice forum, would you like a mod to move the thread somewhere more appropriate so you can continue your discussion, or is there specific advice you are looking for?

username123

Biggest mistake I made was leaving full time education for full time work. Should have stayed on when I didn't have a mortgage or other financial responsibilities. I left and went to work because of parental pressure to stop messing and get a job.

So now, hate my job, like my life other than that. Have achieved more than I ever thought I would with regards further education. Married my best friend so that was a lucky break!

Oh, wish I had quit smoking sooner and stayed fitter overall. I am probably at my fittest now but it's hard won and hard to maintain, these old bones creak.

ManOfMystery

Having a life 'plan' is grand in theory, but doesn't always work. You never know what job opportunities can come out of the blue, what people you might meet, where you might end up moving. And similarly, you never know when life is going to kick you to the street. IMO it's better to plan a little ahead, but try and take life as it comes .......... otherwise you can find yourself stuck with a huge sense of disappointment that your plan isn't proceeding as it should.

18yr old me had various notions of what life would be like for 36yr old me, but if truth be told, 18yr old me hadn't really experienced life properly so those notions were probably unrealistic. Overall I'm happy where I am now, even if there's been a few bumps along the road.

On that note, your life isn't at a standstill. I don't know what age you are but if you want .......... you can still look ahead and decide what king of things you want to happen in your life over the next 20 or 30 years, just as you did when you were 18. Only the difference now is that you've experienced adult life and you know what you have to do to make things happen.

You are the author of your own story, and the power is in your hands to change your life if you're not happy.

Grayfoxy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Any major potholes you'd warn your younger self to avoid?

If I could give young me advice, avoid relationships, do not take the job I am currently still in, definitely do not press the red button, and "Oh, do the euro millions on X date with X numbers"

But in all seriousness, bad stuff happened and I ended it with the ex after about 6 years, was previously in a 5 year relationship, I am only 25 now, anyway, after I ended it, had a lot of thinking time, some bad, some good, took a rake of time off work, also had a lot of time to reflect, and basically, younger me came along and kicked the crap out of me and told me to cop on.

So yea, living life to the full right now

Sleepy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I dont know. Some of it can be not necessarily stupidity but just bad decisions and maybe going so far down a road you cant seem to go back. My college choice was a disaster but at 19 I didnt have the confidence to say "ok, this is not for me, I want to change" I kept going at it because I didnt want to be the one who dropped out. In the end, I never worked in the field for more than a year anyway.

Sorry, the ones I was referring to as stupid are those that doggedly pursue a dream they haven't the ability to achieve (e.g. the ones you see in the first few weeks of X Factor who can't sing a note but somehow still believe they can be a pop star if they "believe" hard enough and never give up :rolleyes:) or whose odds of succeeding are so long that it's foolish to keep pursuing the path after a reasonable timeframe (e.g. the 40 something wannabe actors in LA whose greatest achievement to date is a walk-on part in an infomercial)

I think we can all look back on decisive moments in our lives where we made the wrong decision. Isn't part of being a grown up learning to live with the consequences of those decisions? Many would claim that the key to being happy is in learning to forgive yourself for those "mistakes".

We'd all love a chance to go back and change certain things (for me it would be my attitude to money during my 20's) though we don't always know the knock on consequences of those. For example, if I had been smarter with money, there's a good chance I'd never have met my wife or had my children. Would I trade my daughter for a chance to travel the world for a bit? Of course not. 25 year old me would have chosen the path that lead to travel rather than the one that lead to fatherhood. Yet would 33 year old me on that path be as content with his life as I am with mine?

Maybe he'd have been far happier, or maybe he'd have been killed by a rogue tuktuk at the age of 26... We can't change our past, the best we can do is accept it for what it is, enjoy the bits of it we like and work to change the bits of it we don't.

ash23

In all honesty the one thing that majorly changed my life and my life plans is getting pregnant at 19. It's made life more of a struggle and dictated what I could and couldn't do with my life. Plus kids are a financial black hole.

But I wouldn't warn 18 year old me to avoid the pregnancy. I adore my daughter and she's actually the best thing that ever happened to me so I don't regret a thing.

OldNotWIse

Neyite wrote: »

Hi OP, PI is an advice forum, would you like a mod to move the thread somewhere more appropriate so you can continue your discussion, or is there specific advice you are looking for?

Oh sorry didnt realise. Usually post in AH and thought this would be a better place. If you could move that would be great

Big Bag of Chips

Moved to AH

OldNotWIse

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Moved to AH

There goes all my AH street cred :pac::pac:

The One Doctor

Personally I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed it I wouldn't have ended up where I am. Lives are based on split second decisions, not 5 year plans. For instance, if I didn't get flu in colleague I wouldn't have met my ex, and if we hadn't broken up I'd never have met a far superior woman, and if I hadn't changed my mind at the last second I'd never have gone out with her..All unfortunate at the time, but essential in hindsight.

Conclusion: Life is what it is, and examining the past is utterly futile.

uch

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I bumped into 18 year old me who asked, "who the fuuck are you? What have you done with all the years you've had since we last met?!" She really couldnt believe how little I had settled for and how litte I had achieved, compared to the plan at least.

Last time this happened me I vowed never to take acid again

jimgoose

Sure what plan would you have had as an eighteen-year-old ONW, only sunshine and lollypops and handsome princes. Don't get into the rut of crawnshawling over what might've/could've/should've been - today is the First Day of your Life. Panzerkampfwagen forwaert! :cool:

And don't worry - I won't say anything to the other grumpy feckers in the Annoyance thread!

I am pie

All turned out vastly different, never thought I would marry out foreign, never thought I'd emigrate to argentina, never thought I'd work in the line of work i'm in. Dunno, somehow I let the decisions make themselves and I'm a lot happier for it!

Advice to younger self: Throw the plan in the bin and go with the flow. It'll be grand.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

My life turned out nothing like I thought it would. And it's all the better for it. Life is what you make of the now not what you should have or could have done in the past. None of us can really alter the future or the past. Regretting choices in the past is a wasted exercise.

Life for me is many times better than I thought it would be. And right through I suppose it was better than I thought it would be when I was 18.

LoonyLovegood

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Irishcrx

It's the butterfly effect isn't it? The great and sorry thing about life is that it changes and twists all the time in ways we will never even know, little decisions can effect everything. What seems like times of great depression can lead on to times of happiness.

Weather they realise or not, everyone is winging it in some way or another and everyone who is 25+ were they to meet themselves at 18 probably would see thing's about themselves they would want back and thing's that they wouldn't. You could advise them against certain path's , but you might take them anyway.

nelly17

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Part of me thinks your right with no expectations there can be no failures. That said I have made some choices that I thought I regretted and I made a promise to myself no never pass up certain opportuinities again - that opportuinity did come up again and it took it - it turned out to be a bag of ****e and I was right in the first instance.

I'm not saying this works for everyone but it works for me

jimgoose

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Oh no, always have a plan, CG - just don't get into a lather when the plan derails. Just scrunch it up, throw it away, and make a new one! If you can dream - and not make dreams your master...

Sleepy

Sleepy wrote: »

Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

Well colour me lying then.

I'm not in an area where luck plays any part. I've achieved more than I hoped for because I kept attaining goals purely through determination and work, and then set the bar higher for myself, and kept on working hard.

As the saying goes:

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a workers success

Tasden

ash23 wrote: »

In all honesty the one thing that majorly changed my life and my life plans is getting pregnant at 19. It's made life more of a struggle and dictated what I could and couldn't do with my life. Plus kids are a financial black hole.

But I wouldn't warn 18 year old me to avoid the pregnancy. I adore my daughter and she's actually the best thing that ever happened to me so I don't regret a thing.

Similar situation here, except at 16 :pac:
Stuck to my original plan though and graduated college and got a job doing pretty much what I dreamed of all along. Loving it! Never in a million years imagined this life but I wouldn't change a thing- even working three jobs and not having a proper day off for weeks on end and being like a zombie for about three years straight, things have fallen into place now and it all led to where I am now.

Colser

I deleted my post when this was being moved to AH...one thing I had listed was that I would have told my 18yr old self not to worry about what other people thought of you:rolleyes: ...time hasnt changed me much obviously...

seenitall

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

I'm afraid your method is faulty.

I'm not happy with the way things have turned out, most assuredly.

Yet I wouldn't like to be 20 and only starting the whole rigmarole again, for all the tea in China/whiskey in Ireland/snow in the Antarctica.

kylith

Yeah, I was supposed to be a kept woman by now.

My biggest regret is not doing something useful in college. Went to fecking art college...

RayM

I try not to think too much about what my 18-year-old self would think, lest I should find myself jumping into the bath with a toaster.

Shelflife

Planning ahead is a good idea, but write them in pencil and always carry an eraser, 10 years ago I would have bet big money that i wouldnt be where I am now, you need to go with the flow and adjust to change.

As regards luck? As the saying goes the harder I work the luckier I get, everything requires a bit of luck, you might have all the qualifications and great work ethos but a chance meeting can open doors to you that were denied to someone else with the same qualifications and ethos.

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you,
surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting,
from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter
where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do
something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.”

If my 18 year old self meet me I am sure she be thinking how did I turn in to that middle aged women, but she be delighted at how her life turned out.

If my 18 year old self could meet her 30 year old self, the 18 year old me would be crying, she would be so upset at how her life was turning out, so a lot of it depends on what stage in the future your 18 year old self gets to meet you.

quickbeam

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Nah, I'd not go back and start over. It was bad enough living through it once without having to doing it all again.

Lyaiera

When I was 18 I was too scared to even dream that I could be doing what I'm doing now. I'm a better person now, but it's tough as hell. 18 year old me would be asking "Is that even possible?" And I'd have to say I don't know, but it's what's right and it's what I'm doing.

expatin africa

I think everyone always thinks what if, in my case it would be 2007 just finished collage and got offered a job in the council (was there before but decided to finish my degree had only a diploma) at the same time got offered a job in africa so decided go to africa for a year, a bit of travel and the money was so much more than home and tax free. then try the council again but the recession hit, 7 years later am still here in africa and hate it, security is a big thing cant even go 2 feet down the road without the army saying its not safe, i know why dont i just go home, but need the money for the family at home as no jobs in my field at home cant wait for the recession to end, but not a week goes by i wish i took that job in the council

expatin africa

expatin africa wrote: »

I think everyone always thinks what if, in my case it would be 2007 just finished collage and got offered a job in the council (was there before but decided to finish my degree had only a diploma) at the same time got offered a job in africa so decided go to africa for a year, a bit of travel and the money was so much more than home and tax free. then try the council again but the recession hit, 7 years later am still here in africa and hate it, security is a big thing cant even go 2 feet down the road without the army saying its not safe, i know why dont i just go home, but need the money for the family at home as no jobs in my field at home cant wait for the recession to end, but not a week goes by i wish i took that job in the council

I feel sorry for you in the situation you are in, but what a terrible way to live you life constantly looking back and regretting a decision you made, life is short and it goes in the blink of an eye don't waste it with regrets.

LoganRice

Couldn't have imagined life for me to be like this

ash23

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

RoboRat

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.

Yep, for me it was breaking my knee, I think my life would be a lot different if I didn't. I would have stayed playing football and enjoying life and probably not have bought a house as a challenge to fill the void of not having football anymore. Then I wouldn't have had a noose around my neck and been forced to stay in a horrible job that forced a 35% paycut, made my life hell and left me depressed.

In saying that, I probably wouldn't be married to my amazing wife and have an fantastic son, both of whom make my life brilliant.

I made a decision last year to change my life and I did. I got a new job, I also took the plunge and started my own business, its something that I have a real passion for and although I am not making money from it yet, it has potential and is going very well. I have prospects now. I am still burdened with a house I should never have bought and am renting with my wife until we can sell and build our own, but hopefully we can do so in the next year or so and settle.

Even though the last few months have been probably the unluckiest I have ever had, I can soldier on because I made a decision last year to change my life - I would hate to think how I would be if I was still in my old workplace.

If you are not happy with your life, then change it. You only get one crack at it so you should make the most of it. Regret what you didn't, not what you did.

LizT

When I was in 4th class, we did a memory box, full of stuff to open when we turned 21. I had to write a letter to my 21 year old self and it was hilarious when I actually opened it on my 21st birthday. I planned to be engaged or married, driving a red sports car and living in a big apartment in Dublin :pac:

I'm not where I imagined I'd be when I was 18, I suppose I am in some ways since I always imagined I'd move away from Ireland though, always knew I wanted to travel as much as possible. Totally agree with Roborat though, regret what you didn't do rather than regretting taking chances.

rainbow kirby

I wouldn't have imagined at 18 that I wouldn't be living in Ireland at 29 (even though I didn't go too far!), also probably wouldn't have imagined that I'd have ended up with a degree and masters in CS or that I'd be working as a software developer (I was studying maths when I started college). I took a very dim view of marriage when I was younger so I probably wouldn't have imagined that I'd be planning my wedding at this stage either! I never imagined that I'd want kids, until the last couple of years. None yet, but we'll see in the future!

I was quite seriously into martial arts too when I was younger and hated running - I would have never expected to run 3 marathons and loads of other races in my 20s, or that I'd find a lot of enjoyment in swimming and cycling too.

Cantremember

ash23 wrote: »

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

You don't know that for certain. He might have liked ice cream too.

sbsquarepants

I've been undergoing a bit of a metamorphosis lately, my life has turned out nothing like I though it would, I've enjoyed it for the most part but I really wish I had concentrated more on a career and feathering my nest. I was always happy enough to just have a job that paid me ok, and a few side lines that meant I was rarely short of cash.
If I could go back and give my 20 year old self one solid piece of advice, it would be stay away from drugs. And speaking as someone who is staunchly anti prohibition and strongly believes all drugs should be freely and legally available - that is surprising the shít out of me.
I don't mean it in the traditional they'll fúck up your life way. I was never a junkie, always enjoyed myself and came to no physical or financial harm whatsoever - I had a great time on drugs! But they allowed me to do something I am now beginning to regret, they allowed me to live in my head. I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on - but those times are over and all those others have mansions and sports cars left over as a side effect of their endeavours!
Sure, I have happy memories of amazing experiences - but so do they, they have those things and mansions and sport cars and super model girlfriends into bizarre kinky shít with other super models (probably:D).
All I have are the memories, and whereas my girlfriend is quite hot, the bizzare kinky shít with supermodels is in short supply:mad:

And so ends my little rant. Say no to drugs kids, their too damn good for their own good.

Cantremember

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on

I am googling Olympic medal winners who are astronauts and champions league winners. You have crowded so much into your life. I know it for a fact.

SFS 505

ash23 wrote: »

It's amazing how one seemingly insignificant decision can change your whole course of life.
For me I was offered a part time job in an ice-cream place. I took it but shortly before starting I was offered a job in a bar. So me, thinking bar is far cooler than stupid hat in ice-cream place, took the bar job instead.
There I met a guy and a year later I was pregnant and he'd gone AWOL n'eer to be seen again!

That one decision, mainly based on having to wear a stupid hat, pretty much changed the course of my life.

An important lesson for any aspiring time travellers.

adocholiday

The thing I find about questions like this are I would have a different response to it at different stages in life. A few years ago I was in an awful rut with my job. I had a degree in Arts which was useless and a job that was going nowhere. I was in a long term relationship which was rocky, and I was struggling financially. All in all, I would have gone back to when I was 18 and wiped the slate completely clean.

Fast forward to today. Encouraged by my SO, I went back to college to study Computer Science, something I always wanted to do. I left the crap job and worked my ass off at the course. Supported by the grant and a part time job, I was able to get through the course and then within a few months I landed a great job with a good salary. I kept up the good work ethic and have just secured a promotion in work, partly due to my diverse background which gave me an edge. Finally, I worked hard on my relationship with my SO and things became much better. Last weekend I proposed she said yes

While this sounds like a bragging post, the point I'm trying to make is that when times are tough we can all think wistfully back to times when life was relatively easy and carefree and wish that we could do it all over again. The reality is that through hard work and dedication you can make your life better now than you could ever have imagined at 18. It's all about perspective!

Gambas

Only advice I'd give my 18 year old self is to keep moving. Go to bed early, get up early, avoid lying in. Get stoned but don't spend your evenings melted into a couch. Don't veg in front of the TV. Don't spend much of your waking day sitting at a bar, in a car or in public transport. Don't sit in front of the computer wasting hours on the internet. (My current self still has a bit of the way to go with the last one.) Life is there to be lived but the pursuit of the extraordinary won't bring you happiness if you aren't already happy. Just get up of your arse, get out there and get on with living and enjoying being on this earth for a very brief length of time. We're all going to die and when you do, your 'goals' count for zilch. There are no winners and losers at the end of this game, so just enjoy playing it, and don't be hard on yourself.

CarMe

A year ago my 18 year old self would have been appalled at the life I'd settled for but now as more things fall into place I can honestly say I'm almost exactly where I'd have hoped to be (with the exception of travel, I wish I'd done more and intend to when my little girl gets older)

Potatoeman

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I think people that concentrate on their career can regret not having more fun and those that follow their dreams can sometimes regret not being more practicle. Its the same for settling down too.
If you are not happy with your life change it. You could have far bigger problems.

SpaceCowb0y

God i'd love to go back and do things all over, but only if i had the knowledge i know now. Not to just go back and repeat all the mistakes i've made! 18 would even be too late. I'd need to go back to 16 year old me and say nooooo don't do it!

Growing up is tough... kids are dumb, and mean.

username123

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I had a great time on drugs! But they allowed me to do something I am now beginning to regret, they allowed me to live in my head. I know for a fact that no job promotion or winning no Olympic medal could ever feel as good as an mdma rush, no trek through the rainforest could ever be as magical as the places that lsd or psylocibin could take you and so on. I've had experiences that can't be topped by astronauts, explorers, champions league winners and so on...

I feel the same way about the Holodeck.

RhubarbCrumble

Up to a month ago, I was in the happiest place I've ever been. As far as I was aware, my life was going so well and was only going to get better. Then I was betrayed and lied to by the person I loved. I can't get over it. I'm in so much pain right now and it won't stop hurting. So no, my life is not what I imagined.