Is this what you imagined?

OldNotWIse · 20-02-2014 02:38PM #1

So after a fight with the OH last night, went for a walk to clear the head and have a think, and I started wondering how life has ended up so different from the one I had not only imagined, but assumed I would have. I bumped into 18 year old me who asked, "who the fuuck are you? What have you done with all the years you've had since we last met?!" She really couldnt believe how little I had settled for and how litte I had achieved, compared to the plan at least.

So, is your life exactly as you had imagined as a youngster? Better? Worse? Any major potholes you'd warn your younger self to avoid? Opportunities you would urge him to seize?

Fear Sneachta Ban · 20-02-2014 02:45PM

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Sleepy · 20-02-2014 02:46PM

Your username may be in danger of requiring a change

Accepting that 18 year old you was stupidly naieve is simply part of growing up imo. Hell, even 25 year old me would laugh at the notion I'd be married with 2 kids by 33 and still living in Dublin yet here I am and I'm fairly content with my lot (a Lotto win would, of course be welcomed...).

Only three groups of people don't end up settling in some way in my experience: those whose dreams weren't particularly ambitious, those who are too stupid to realise their dreams are unattainable (see the first few weeks of X Factor every year) and a tiny percentage of us who get lucky. Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

OldNotWIse · 20-02-2014 02:48PM

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

Good point. I'd go back, definitely. Plenty of things to say to younger me, but back then I wouldnt have listened.

OldNotWIse · 20-02-2014 02:52PM

Sleepy wrote: »

Your username may be in danger of requiring a change

Accepting that 18 year old you was stupidly naieve is simply part of growing up imo. Hell, even 25 year old me would laugh at the notion I'd be married with 2 kids by 33 and still living in Dublin yet here I am and I'm fairly content with my lot (a Lotto win would, of course be welcomed...).

Only three groups of people don't end up settling in some way in my experience: those whose dreams weren't particularly ambitious, those who are too stupid to realise their dreams are unattainable (see the first few weeks of X Factor every year) and a tiny percentage of us who get lucky. Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

I dont know. Some of it can be not necessarily stupidity but just bad decisions and maybe going so far down a road you cant seem to go back. My college choice was a disaster but at 19 I didnt have the confidence to say "ok, this is not for me, I want to change" I kept going at it because I didnt want to be the one who dropped out. In the end, I never worked in the field for more than a year anyway.

Neyite · 20-02-2014 02:57PM

Hi OP, PI is an advice forum, would you like a mod to move the thread somewhere more appropriate so you can continue your discussion, or is there specific advice you are looking for?

username123 · 20-02-2014 02:59PM

Biggest mistake I made was leaving full time education for full time work. Should have stayed on when I didn't have a mortgage or other financial responsibilities. I left and went to work because of parental pressure to stop messing and get a job.

So now, hate my job, like my life other than that. Have achieved more than I ever thought I would with regards further education. Married my best friend so that was a lucky break!

Oh, wish I had quit smoking sooner and stayed fitter overall. I am probably at my fittest now but it's hard won and hard to maintain, these old bones creak.

ManOfMystery · 20-02-2014 03:00PM

Having a life 'plan' is grand in theory, but doesn't always work. You never know what job opportunities can come out of the blue, what people you might meet, where you might end up moving. And similarly, you never know when life is going to kick you to the street. IMO it's better to plan a little ahead, but try and take life as it comes .......... otherwise you can find yourself stuck with a huge sense of disappointment that your plan isn't proceeding as it should.

18yr old me had various notions of what life would be like for 36yr old me, but if truth be told, 18yr old me hadn't really experienced life properly so those notions were probably unrealistic. Overall I'm happy where I am now, even if there's been a few bumps along the road.

On that note, your life isn't at a standstill. I don't know what age you are but if you want .......... you can still look ahead and decide what king of things you want to happen in your life over the next 20 or 30 years, just as you did when you were 18. Only the difference now is that you've experienced adult life and you know what you have to do to make things happen.

You are the author of your own story, and the power is in your hands to change your life if you're not happy.

Grayfoxy · 20-02-2014 03:34PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Any major potholes you'd warn your younger self to avoid?

If I could give young me advice, avoid relationships, do not take the job I am currently still in, definitely do not press the red button, and "Oh, do the euro millions on X date with X numbers"

But in all seriousness, bad stuff happened and I ended it with the ex after about 6 years, was previously in a 5 year relationship, I am only 25 now, anyway, after I ended it, had a lot of thinking time, some bad, some good, took a rake of time off work, also had a lot of time to reflect, and basically, younger me came along and kicked the crap out of me and told me to cop on.

So yea, living life to the full right now

Sleepy · 20-02-2014 03:39PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I dont know. Some of it can be not necessarily stupidity but just bad decisions and maybe going so far down a road you cant seem to go back. My college choice was a disaster but at 19 I didnt have the confidence to say "ok, this is not for me, I want to change" I kept going at it because I didnt want to be the one who dropped out. In the end, I never worked in the field for more than a year anyway.

Sorry, the ones I was referring to as stupid are those that doggedly pursue a dream they haven't the ability to achieve (e.g. the ones you see in the first few weeks of X Factor who can't sing a note but somehow still believe they can be a pop star if they "believe" hard enough and never give up :rolleyes:) or whose odds of succeeding are so long that it's foolish to keep pursuing the path after a reasonable timeframe (e.g. the 40 something wannabe actors in LA whose greatest achievement to date is a walk-on part in an infomercial)

I think we can all look back on decisive moments in our lives where we made the wrong decision. Isn't part of being a grown up learning to live with the consequences of those decisions? Many would claim that the key to being happy is in learning to forgive yourself for those "mistakes".

We'd all love a chance to go back and change certain things (for me it would be my attitude to money during my 20's) though we don't always know the knock on consequences of those. For example, if I had been smarter with money, there's a good chance I'd never have met my wife or had my children. Would I trade my daughter for a chance to travel the world for a bit? Of course not. 25 year old me would have chosen the path that lead to travel rather than the one that lead to fatherhood. Yet would 33 year old me on that path be as content with his life as I am with mine?

Maybe he'd have been far happier, or maybe he'd have been killed by a rogue tuktuk at the age of 26... We can't change our past, the best we can do is accept it for what it is, enjoy the bits of it we like and work to change the bits of it we don't.

ash23 · 20-02-2014 03:51PM

In all honesty the one thing that majorly changed my life and my life plans is getting pregnant at 19. It's made life more of a struggle and dictated what I could and couldn't do with my life. Plus kids are a financial black hole.

But I wouldn't warn 18 year old me to avoid the pregnancy. I adore my daughter and she's actually the best thing that ever happened to me so I don't regret a thing.

OldNotWIse · 20-02-2014 04:32PM

Neyite wrote: »

Hi OP, PI is an advice forum, would you like a mod to move the thread somewhere more appropriate so you can continue your discussion, or is there specific advice you are looking for?

Oh sorry didnt realise. Usually post in AH and thought this would be a better place. If you could move that would be great

Big Bag of Chips · 20-02-2014 04:36PM

Moved to AH

OldNotWIse · 20-02-2014 04:38PM

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Moved to AH

There goes all my AH street cred :pac::pac:

The One Doctor · 20-02-2014 04:54PM

Personally I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed it I wouldn't have ended up where I am. Lives are based on split second decisions, not 5 year plans. For instance, if I didn't get flu in colleague I wouldn't have met my ex, and if we hadn't broken up I'd never have met a far superior woman, and if I hadn't changed my mind at the last second I'd never have gone out with her..All unfortunate at the time, but essential in hindsight.

Conclusion: Life is what it is, and examining the past is utterly futile.

uch · 20-02-2014 04:57PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I bumped into 18 year old me who asked, "who the fuuck are you? What have you done with all the years you've had since we last met?!" She really couldnt believe how little I had settled for and how litte I had achieved, compared to the plan at least.

Last time this happened me I vowed never to take acid again

jimgoose · 20-02-2014 04:57PM

Sure what plan would you have had as an eighteen-year-old ONW, only sunshine and lollypops and handsome princes. Don't get into the rut of crawnshawling over what might've/could've/should've been - today is the First Day of your Life. Panzerkampfwagen forwaert! :cool:

And don't worry - I won't say anything to the other grumpy feckers in the Annoyance thread!

I am pie · 20-02-2014 04:58PM

All turned out vastly different, never thought I would marry out foreign, never thought I'd emigrate to argentina, never thought I'd work in the line of work i'm in. Dunno, somehow I let the decisions make themselves and I'm a lot happier for it!

Advice to younger self: Throw the plan in the bin and go with the flow. It'll be grand.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 20-02-2014 05:00PM

My life turned out nothing like I thought it would. And it's all the better for it. Life is what you make of the now not what you should have or could have done in the past. None of us can really alter the future or the past. Regretting choices in the past is a wasted exercise.

Life for me is many times better than I thought it would be. And right through I suppose it was better than I thought it would be when I was 18.

LoonyLovegood · 20-02-2014 05:05PM

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Irishcrx · 20-02-2014 05:11PM

It's the butterfly effect isn't it? The great and sorry thing about life is that it changes and twists all the time in ways we will never even know, little decisions can effect everything. What seems like times of great depression can lead on to times of happiness.

Weather they realise or not, everyone is winging it in some way or another and everyone who is 25+ were they to meet themselves at 18 probably would see thing's about themselves they would want back and thing's that they wouldn't. You could advise them against certain path's , but you might take them anyway.

nelly17 · 20-02-2014 05:14PM

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Part of me thinks your right with no expectations there can be no failures. That said I have made some choices that I thought I regretted and I made a promise to myself no never pass up certain opportuinities again - that opportuinity did come up again and it took it - it turned out to be a bag of ****e and I was right in the first instance.

I'm not saying this works for everyone but it works for me

jimgoose · 20-02-2014 05:16PM

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Reading this as a 20 year old, I've realised something. Fook having a plan.

Oh no, always have a plan, CG - just don't get into a lather when the plan derails. Just scrunch it up, throw it away, and make a new one! If you can dream - and not make dreams your master...

20-02-2014 05:25PM

Sleepy wrote: »

Yes, talent and hard work play a part in achieving ones dreams but anyone who's attained theirs and denies luck played it's part is lying.

Well colour me lying then.

I'm not in an area where luck plays any part. I've achieved more than I hoped for because I kept attaining goals purely through determination and work, and then set the bar higher for myself, and kept on working hard.

As the saying goes:

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a workers success

Tasden · 20-02-2014 05:28PM

ash23 wrote: »

In all honesty the one thing that majorly changed my life and my life plans is getting pregnant at 19. It's made life more of a struggle and dictated what I could and couldn't do with my life. Plus kids are a financial black hole.

But I wouldn't warn 18 year old me to avoid the pregnancy. I adore my daughter and she's actually the best thing that ever happened to me so I don't regret a thing.

Similar situation here, except at 16

:pac:
Stuck to my original plan though and graduated college and got a job doing pretty much what I dreamed of all along. Loving it! Never in a million years imagined this life but I wouldn't change a thing- even working three jobs and not having a proper day off for weeks on end and being like a zombie for about three years straight, things have fallen into place now and it all led to where I am now.

Colser · 20-02-2014 05:37PM

I deleted my post when this was being moved to AH...one thing I had listed was that I would have told my 18yr old self not to worry about what other people thought of you:rolleyes: ...time hasnt changed me much obviously...

seenitall · 20-02-2014 05:57PM

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I think you can figure out if you're happy with the way things have turned out by asking yourself one question. Would you like to reset and start it all over again? If you are happy with your life, your job, your partner, your kids, your home, your friends, your quality of life etc etc etc there's no way you would go back and start it again.
I can't be sure but I'd say there's a good few that would like to go back. I know I would.

I'm afraid your method is faulty.

I'm not happy with the way things have turned out, most assuredly.

Yet I wouldn't like to be 20 and only starting the whole rigmarole again, for all the tea in China/whiskey in Ireland/snow in the Antarctica.

kylith · 20-02-2014 06:11PM

Yeah, I was supposed to be a kept woman by now.

My biggest regret is not doing something useful in college. Went to fecking art college...

RayM · 20-02-2014 06:13PM

I try not to think too much about what my 18-year-old self would think, lest I should find myself jumping into the bath with a toaster.

Shelflife · 20-02-2014 06:15PM

Planning ahead is a good idea, but write them in pencil and always carry an eraser, 10 years ago I would have bet big money that i wouldnt be where I am now, you need to go with the flow and adjust to change.

As regards luck? As the saying goes the harder I work the luckier I get, everything requires a bit of luck, you might have all the qualifications and great work ethos but a chance meeting can open doors to you that were denied to someone else with the same qualifications and ethos.

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you,
surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting,
from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter
where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do
something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.”

20-02-2014 06:19PM

If my 18 year old self meet me I am sure she be thinking how did I turn in to that middle aged women, but she be delighted at how her life turned out.

If my 18 year old self could meet her 30 year old self, the 18 year old me would be crying, she would be so upset at how her life was turning out, so a lot of it depends on what stage in the future your 18 year old self gets to meet you.

Is this what you imagined?

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