Vacancy: House Cat

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:17PM #1

I'm off to the shelter today to interview for the position of House Cat. Light pet duties, chasing mice away, play biting and miscellaneous curling up and purring shifts as required. Dodging being eaten skills are a plus.

I expect a number of applicants. How best to decide on which kitty to appoint?

AH - any ideas?

pow wow · 03-02-2014 09:20PM

Let them blast you with piss

Actually, whichever meows loudest. Shows initiative.

Muise... · 03-02-2014 09:21PM

Bring laser pointer to test for hunting skills and lulz. Most amusing tumbling fluffball wins. Bonus marks for falling hilariously then licking paws like it didn't happen.

Roger Hassenforder · 03-02-2014 09:22PM

Get the ginger one.

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:23PM

pow wow wrote: »

Let them blast you with piss

Actually, whichever meows loudest. Shows initiative.

Because that will not get annoying...

My name is URL · 03-02-2014 09:23PM

Unless you're a cold heartless bastard, you'll just do what everyone else does and pick the cutest one

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:23PM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Get the ginger one.

You mean the one with no soul?

First Up · 03-02-2014 09:23PM

Muise... wrote: »

Bring laser pointer to test for hunting skills and lulz. Most amusing tumbling fluffball wins. Bonus marks for falling hilariously then licking paws like it didn't happen.

You misunderstand. They will be interviewing you.

Capt'n Midnight · 03-02-2014 09:24PM

if they have one get a polydacty cat with opposable thumbs

or get a tortoiseshell

the blue eyed ones are deaf, cons weird noises, pros you can sneak up on them

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:24PM

My name is URL wrote: »

Unless you're a cold heartless bastard, you'll just do what everyone else does and pick the cutest one

Or the ugliest one.

The one no-one will adopt.

My name is URL · 03-02-2014 09:32PM

MadsL wrote: »

Or the ugliest one.

The one no-one will adopt.

The ones too ugly for anyone to adopt are usually the ones that staff take a shine to. If you're gonna go with that game-plan you should consider those that look a bit meh... the ones you wouldn't really give a second look to.

Anyway, serious opinion time. Get a fixed female around 3-4 years old. The females are far better at keeping vermin at bay. Males are dumb as shit, and if they're not chasing pussy they won't have the drive to chase prey. All they'll do is sit outside meowing for food and affection.. kinda like marriage in that way.

Artful_Badger · 03-02-2014 09:37PM

You ever consider starting a blog op ?

Fr_Dougal · 03-02-2014 09:37PM

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

Fred Swanson · 03-02-2014 09:37PM

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shopaholic01 · 03-02-2014 09:37PM

Get the bravest or the dumbest, it's destined to be coyote dinner.

Capt'n Midnight · 03-02-2014 09:39PM

get a crittercam too

Muise... · 03-02-2014 09:39PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Get the bravest or the dumbest, it's destined to be coyote dinner.

actually, why not get a coyote? They eat rodents, don't they?

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:40PM

Artful_Badger wrote: »

You ever consider starting a blog op ?

Doubtless you would follow every post....

*blows kiss*

Fr_Dougal · 03-02-2014 09:41PM

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Jesus. Did you learn nothing from "12 Years a Slave"?!

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:41PM

Muise... wrote: »

actually, why not get a coyote? They eat rodents, don't they?

Have you ever tried to house train a coyote?

Gran Hermano · 03-02-2014 09:42PM

Just get one that is coyote proof.

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:42PM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

get a crittercam too

GPS is the way forward. At least I can find them when they go missing, none of this fretting shit.

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:44PM

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Just get one that is coyote proof.

errr...

http://knowthattrend.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/test.png

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:47PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

http://www.blather.net/careful_now.jpg

Muise... · 03-02-2014 09:48PM

MadsL wrote: »

Have you ever tried to house train a coyote?

No, I'm in .ie you see, so I'd not very seriously suggest just feeding it in the back yard like a scrawny fox during a cold snap.

My name is URL · 03-02-2014 09:49PM

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

Kinda like priests then

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:51PM

Muise... wrote: »

No, I'm in .ie you see, so I'd not very seriously suggest just feeding it in the back yard like a scrawny fox during a cold snap.

I heard accusations that a neighbour was leaving out scraps for the coyotes.

Dumb fucker.

Here's a coyote compared to a fox.

https://www.google.com/search?q=coyote+compared+to+fox&rlz=1C1TSNP_enUS460US460&oq=coyote+compared+to+fox&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.6475j0j4&sourceid=chrome&espv=210&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

Fred Swanson · 03-02-2014 09:51PM

This post has been deleted.

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:52PM

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Perhaps you should have taken the cat to a vet rather than a doctor?

Roger Hassenforder · 03-02-2014 09:53PM

MadsL wrote: »

You mean the one with no soul?

Not a cat person by any means, but a ginger one adopted us for a year. Best cat ever, lazy, but good fun.

Before he fcuked off to a neighbour.
Basterd, after i building the fcuker a house, insulated and all.

MadsL · 03-02-2014 09:53PM

My name is URL wrote: »

Kinda like priests then

Post of the year.

Vacancy: House Cat

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