Vacancy: House Cat

MadsL

I'm off to the shelter today to interview for the position of House Cat. Light pet duties, chasing mice away, play biting and miscellaneous curling up and purring shifts as required. Dodging being eaten skills are a plus.

I expect a number of applicants. How best to decide on which kitty to appoint?

AH - any ideas?

pow wow

Let them blast you with piss

Actually, whichever meows loudest. Shows initiative.

Muise...

Bring laser pointer to test for hunting skills and lulz. Most amusing tumbling fluffball wins. Bonus marks for falling hilariously then licking paws like it didn't happen.

Roger Hassenforder

Get the ginger one.

MadsL

pow wow wrote: »

Let them blast you with piss

Actually, whichever meows loudest. Shows initiative.

Because that will not get annoying...

MadsL

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Get the ginger one.

You mean the one with no soul?

My name is URL

Unless you're a cold heartless bastard, you'll just do what everyone else does and pick the cutest one

First Up

Muise... wrote: »

Bring laser pointer to test for hunting skills and lulz. Most amusing tumbling fluffball wins. Bonus marks for falling hilariously then licking paws like it didn't happen.

You misunderstand. They will be interviewing you.

Capt'n Midnight

if they have one get a polydacty cat with opposable thumbs


or get a tortoiseshell

the blue eyed ones are deaf, cons weird noises, pros you can sneak up on them

MadsL

My name is URL wrote: »

Unless you're a cold heartless bastard, you'll just do what everyone else does and pick the cutest one

Or the ugliest one.

The one no-one will adopt.

My name is URL

MadsL wrote: »

Or the ugliest one.

The one no-one will adopt.

The ones too ugly for anyone to adopt are usually the ones that staff take a shine to. If you're gonna go with that game-plan you should consider those that look a bit meh... the ones you wouldn't really give a second look to.

Anyway, serious opinion time. Get a fixed female around 3-4 years old. The females are far better at keeping vermin at bay. Males are dumb as shit, and if they're not chasing pussy they won't have the drive to chase prey. All they'll do is sit outside meowing for food and affection.. kinda like marriage in that way.

Artful_Badger

You ever consider starting a blog op ?

Fr_Dougal

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

shopaholic01

Get the bravest or the dumbest, it's destined to be coyote dinner.

Capt'n Midnight

get a crittercam too

Muise...

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Get the bravest or the dumbest, it's destined to be coyote dinner.

actually, why not get a coyote? They eat rodents, don't they?

MadsL

Artful_Badger wrote: »

You ever consider starting a blog op ?

Doubtless you would follow every post....

*blows kiss*

Fr_Dougal

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Jesus. Did you learn nothing from "12 Years a Slave"?!

MadsL

Muise... wrote: »

actually, why not get a coyote? They eat rodents, don't they?

Have you ever tried to house train a coyote?

Gran Hermano

Just get one that is coyote proof.

MadsL

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

get a crittercam too

GPS is the way forward. At least I can find them when they go missing, none of this fretting shit.

MadsL

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Just get one that is coyote proof.

errr...

http://knowthattrend.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/test.png

MadsL

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

http://www.blather.net/careful_now.jpg

Muise...

MadsL wrote: »

Have you ever tried to house train a coyote?

No, I'm in .ie you see, so I'd not very seriously suggest just feeding it in the back yard like a scrawny fox during a cold snap.

My name is URL

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

Kinda like priests then

MadsL

Muise... wrote: »

No, I'm in .ie you see, so I'd not very seriously suggest just feeding it in the back yard like a scrawny fox during a cold snap.

I heard accusations that a neighbour was leaving out scraps for the coyotes.

Dumb fucker.

Here's a coyote compared to a fox.

https://www.google.com/search?q=coyote+compared+to+fox&rlz=1C1TSNP_enUS460US460&oq=coyote+compared+to+fox&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.6475j0j4&sourceid=chrome&espv=210&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

MadsL

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Perhaps you should have taken the cat to a vet rather than a doctor?

Roger Hassenforder

MadsL wrote: »

You mean the one with no soul?

Not a cat person by any means, but a ginger one adopted us for a year. Best cat ever, lazy, but good fun.

Before he fcuked off to a neighbour.
Basterd, after i building the fcuker a house, insulated and all.

MadsL

My name is URL wrote: »

Kinda like priests then

Post of the year.

somefeen

Cats, unlike dogs technically aren't property AFAIK.

So if they **** on your neighbours grass you're not liable.

Its brilliant!!

Stavros Murphy

Mad for pussy. There's a Coyote out there reading this on his iPhone, licking his lips. Get one that tastes like chicken. Coyotes love chicken. You'll have to bite all the cats to test them - well worth it though.

Fred Swanson

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ambro25

somefeen wrote: »

Cats, unlike dogs technically aren't property AFAIK.

So if they **** on your neighbours grass you're not liable.

Its brilliant!!

Does that therefore mean the cat's non-owner doesn't have a claim if the said neighbour's dog happens to maim or kill it?

Muise...

MadsL wrote: »

I heard accusations that a neighbour was leaving out scraps for the coyotes.

Dumb fucker.

Here's a coyote compared to a fox.

https://www.google.com/search?q=coyote+compared+to+fox&rlz=1C1TSNP_enUS460US460&oq=coyote+compared+to+fox&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.6475j0j4&sourceid=chrome&espv=210&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

They are rather lovely though...

Femme_Fatale

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

One of the few pets (no quote-marks needed) also whom it's ok among many to be cruel to.

MadsL

Muise... wrote: »

They are rather lovely though...

...and a little intimidating when they just casually stroll through your yard...one of them refused to move for my wife's car the other day, they are getting pretty cocky around here. Utterly unafraid of humans.

Pumpkinseeds

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

Someone needs a hug

Pumpkinseeds

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

The nurse at my GP's practice is of the same odd mind set against cats, the bitch. Lots of research out there about the healing benefits of having a cat, our make us smile and laugh every day.

Acciaccatura

Instant winner: A cat that chases its own tail, tumbles and rolls over.

Like my cat

Capt'n Midnight

My name is URL wrote: »

Kinda like priests then

Flipper! Flipper the Priest!

The Diabolical Monocle

If one were a rich king one should have in ones court a somewhat eccentric individual that one may be entertained by their eccentricities.


Tl;dr - get a weirdo, they provide the most un-intended lulz.

Sky King

Go down to the shelter just after they've euthanised a load of cats. This way you will avoid taking home an unlucky cat.

MadsL

Sky King wrote: »

Go down to the shelter just after they've euthanised a load of cats. This way you will avoid taking home an unlucky cat.

My local shelter only euthanises sick cats. They have a 100% rehoming record this year.

bonzodog2

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Flipper! Flipper the Priest!

Are you sure that wasn't Flipper the Bishop?
or Champion the Wonder Archbishop?
or Skippy the Cardinal?

cat_dog

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Cats are vermin.

One of the few 'pets' where it's acceptable to let them roam free all day, and not give a fcuk where they are, where they're ****ting or who they're annoying.

I think all pet cats should be kept indoors.

NegativeCreep

Sometimes I have to throw water at the cat that has claimed my back garden as it's home cause it tries to steal my dogs food and makes unholy noises at her when she's out there! Still love cats though. Get a patchy one!

Frito

MadsL wrote: »

GPS is the way forward. At least I can find them when they go missing, none of this fretting shit.

Cat nav?

Find out about the history, I don't think our cat was socialised much as he has petting induced aggression (although he wasn't from a shelter)

rustedtrumpet

Just take home them bloody all. P.s Dont drop the soap in there, they get lonely.

annascott

MadsL wrote: »

. Dodging being eaten skills are a plus.

Do you live near a Chinese Take Away?