Children at weddings

we'llallhavetea · 29-01-2014 09:36PM

i love that kids are being banned from weddings, they're annoying little sh!ts. all i want to do at a wedding is get pissed because weddings are generally absolute snore fests.
i'm not keen on the idea of weddings at all, i'd much prefer a huge rave in a woods as a celebration for having not killed your partner after a lengthy time together. and if that time ever comes, my daughter will be old enough to get hammered so all good :P

Spring Onion · 29-01-2014 09:42PM

Weddings are so boring...

kowloon · 29-01-2014 10:01PM

mauzo! wrote: »

Ill see about hiring a babysitter for after the dinner to keep them amused with a DVD or something.

They can get pretty tired later on and keeping them away from the drinking crowd makes sense. A separate party for the children is more fun for them and the adults can visit if they behave. Over the Christmas we had the Disney channel running, it's like crack to them.

Electric Sheep · 29-01-2014 10:30PM

I think some of the problem is how weddings have changed.

Back in the 80s, in my experience, weddings usually ran like this:

Ceremony at 2pm, straight to reception, short wait while photos were taken, with possibly tea/drinks, dinner, dancing. Bride changes into her going away outfit around 10pm, big send off, she and the groom left "for their Honeymoon", all over by 11.

Everyone had very little disposable income, so staying overnight in the hotel was rarely done. Out of town guests usually stayed with relatives who were also attending the wedding. In any case, the reception was usually 1/2 drive away from the ceremony at most.

So, if you chose not to bring the kids, it was a LOT easier to get a babysitter - weddings were not weekend long affairs involving hotel stays and large expenses. To get a babysitter from 2pm to 11pm is not as hard.

If you chose to bring the kids, it was a MUCH shorter wedding and much more suitable for childen to attend. Local hotels, not "wedding" hotels. No expectations of staying in the hotel, no expectation to hang out in the residents bar till kicked out by the staff, no neverending wedding because the bride and groom don't leave and think it's rude for other people to leave.

What has become the average Irish wedding is really not suitable for kids. And that's OK, I think, if that is what the couple want. I think a lot of us would prefer a return to the old family style wedding, though.

keeponhurling · 29-01-2014 11:14PM

Do you think I could bring my dog to a wedding?

I want to attend, but don't want leave him with somebody else. It's hard to get a good dog minder, and it would be destabilizing for the dog.

He eats beef or salmon no bother, and ahem, loves people

FizzleSticks · 30-01-2014 12:43AM

This post has been deleted.

osarusan · 30-01-2014 12:50AM

No problems with kids at a wedding. There were some at my wedding, and my brothers, without the apparently inevitably catastrophic consequences most people on here predict.

They were pretty boring to go to as a child though.

Lots of people on here making the argument that it's the brige and groom's day, so they can decide what they like. I agree, and would have no problem if my children weren't invited to a wedding. But if the bride and groom do decide to invite kids, then those people making the argument need to STFU.

Stepping Stone · 30-01-2014 10:16AM

I went to a wedding a few years ago where there were loads of kids (easily 30+). They were all nieces and nephews of the bride and varied in age from a few months old to about fifteen.

It was awful, really, really awful (I 100% blame the adults, not the kids). In the church, the smaller ones made loads of noise, calling the brides name and there was one that ran up to the alter a few times.

The reception was chaotic, there were tables in the centre where the kids were sitting together. They were given adult dinners, because nobody had told the hotel that they were so young. They were all over the place during dinner, literally wandering in and out of the room. Parents left them to it. The first dance consisted of the bride and groom and two kids. By the time we left at 2am, they were crying, falling asleep or sleeping. It never seemed to occur to their parents that they should be in bed or supervised (running around the car park).

Went to another last year, about ten kids, all under about eight. Not a sound from them in the church, they were happy and quiet. At the reception they weren't around for dinner. I spoke to one little girl and her mother at breakfast and I heard what a ball they had had. There was a room for them, with toys, an X-box, DVDs, beanbags and pizza etc. She said it was brilliant.

The first wedding was a disaster for the kids, it was too late, they were not entertained, not controlled, no effort was made to accommodate them despite the fact that the bride keeps bragging about it being a family orientated wedding. The second wedding made no such claims but it seems to me that the kids were actually considered and catered for. I do think that a lot of the issues that people have at weddings is with the parents of the children and the bride and groom for not putting a few rules in place (100% for the parents, not the kids).

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 30-01-2014 11:05AM

billie1b wrote: »

No there was just no fun, nobody was dancing, well the odd aunt and granny, everyone just sitting in groups of 5 or 6, people even went up to their rooms at 11pm, and they were people without kids.
People who dont have kids dont realise how much life they bring to a party and how much fun they are, a wedding is totally different to a house party, kids behave differently. When the kids were at the weddings the Mams, Dads, Aunts, Uncles and Grannys were up dancing with them, having fun with them and so on, at the all adult one the guys and few girls ended up watching football in the hotel bar and the rest of the women stayed chatting with each other and giving out about the rest watching the football.
Everyone was pissed by the dinner and didnt eat half of it and when the dinner was over it was back to the bar, at the weddings with the kids everyone held of on heavy drinking until the kids were asleep and it was just a much better time.

I think that says more about the guests really. Of course parties and occasions can be great fun when children are involved. But they can also be fun without children. If people decided to watch television or get pissed and not eat their meal that was really down to them being bad mannered and unsociable, not down to the bride and groom not inviting children.

razorblunt · 30-01-2014 11:35AM

I still think the best post is the one that had the woman RSVPing for 7 people including her daughters boyfriend. Some neck on her!

But yeah, we've adopted a no kids policy at our wedding this year, wouldnt have many kids anyway.
When the time comes for us to go to weddings we'll abide by the requests of the couple, for or against kids, ti's no big day really, the couple should feel entitled to have their day, their way.

Rosy Posy · 30-01-2014 12:20PM

We had kids at our wedding but arranged babysitters and entertainment and a separate kids meal. I think that kids at a formal meal with speeches is just cruel for everyone. You're asking for trouble if you expect them to sit through that. They'd be bored senseless and would prefer sausages and chips and icecream. If this isn't arranged by the bride and groom, most hotels will provide a service.

I do think that if you have an exclusively breastfeeding child it should be ok to bring them with the assumption that you're not going to be a d!ck about it- ie remove them if they're making noise, subtle feeding and nappy changing, a discreet sling rather than a Mercedes sized buggy.

It seems like a lot of people's problem with kids at weddings is more to do with parents abdicating responsibility for their offspring once they've had a few. Personally I wouldn't be keen on exposing my kids to the level of drunkenness that's par for the course at most Irish weddings.

Cienciano · 30-01-2014 12:21PM

homemadecider wrote: »

A room full of adults with music and booze and you were all bored? Simply because there weren't kids there to entertain you? That sounds like a group of very very boring people who don't know how to enjoy themselves.

I agree. But the opposite is the same, I'm not sure how someone elses kids can ruin an entire evening for some guests. Suppose, haters gonna hate.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 30-01-2014 12:25PM

Cienciano wrote: »

I agree. But the opposite is the same, I'm not sure how someone elses kids can ruin an entire evening for some guests. Suppose, haters gonna hate.

Unfair comment. I think people have made it quite clear why sometimes children at weddings can be disruptive, and how it's usually down to irresponsible or selfish parents, not the children themselves.

jimmurt · 30-01-2014 12:29PM

MadsL wrote: »

We hired a child-minder at our wedding. Seemed to go down well, parents get to have the craic minus the spawn.

Was the child minder in the hotel or off-site and everyone dropped the kids off?

Arbiter of Good Taste · 30-01-2014 12:33PM

Cienciano wrote: »

I agree. But the opposite is the same, I'm not sure how someone elses kids can ruin an entire evening for some guests. Suppose, haters gonna hate.

That's very petty and small minded. I've said it before, if a couple don't want children at their wedding it's their business. It doesn't make them "haters". People are allowed to have different opinions.

Cienciano · 30-01-2014 12:34PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

Unfair comment. I think people have made it quite clear why sometimes children at weddings can be disruptive, and how it's usually down to irresponsible or selfish parents, not the children themselves.

The first page someone said they had to sit at a table with a one year old. Then someone else said they couldn't think of anything worse than sitting opposite a bawling one year old. No mention of crying in the first post, it's just assumed the baby will cry. In most other posts it's assumed the kids will run around causing havok, wrecking the place and shouting all day and somehow ruining the entire event.
In reality that's not the case. But people can't wait to say it is. As I said, haters gonna hate

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 30-01-2014 12:39PM

Cienciano wrote: »

The first page someone said they had to sit at a table with a one year old. Then someone else said they couldn't think of anything worse than sitting opposite a bawling one year old. No mention of crying in the first post, it's just assumed the baby will cry. In most other posts it's assumed the kids will run around causing havok, wrecking the place and shouting all day and somehow ruining the entire event.
In reality that's not the case. But people can't wait to say it is. As I said, haters gonna hate

Not all of the people who've recounted experiences with children at weddings are 'haters'. In fact, how does someone who doesn't want a bawling baby at their table during a wedding reception equate with a 'hater'? Some people don't mind children at weddings as long as they're not allowed run riot and are taken outside if they start making noise during the ceremony or meal. Others don't think weddings are a suitable environment for children. Others don't care but think it's the bride and groom's decision. No one has said, or even indicated, that they 'hate' children. What a ridiculous comment.

JP85 · 30-01-2014 12:40PM

We are getting married next year and no kids, ive given certain people enough notice and selling it that its a night away to not have to worry about the kids as these occasions are few and far between.

Tibbery · 01-02-2014 09:24AM

I believe lastminuteminders do wedding babysitting service. All qualified and garda vetted minders, if you choose to go that route.

Santa Cruz · 01-02-2014 09:52AM

Spring Onion wrote: »

Weddings are so boring...

Which shows up your limited social ability more than anything else.

lolajo · 26-03-2014 12:31AM

Weddings are for adults, it's one day where two people gather family and friends together, some of whom are meeting for the first time.
Kids need looking after and minding and parents are distracted and don't get to partake fully.
If people are offended then don't go.
Haven't been to a wedding with kids....ever.

IrishEyes19 · 26-03-2014 01:31AM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and sent the invitations out just after Christmas. She has heard back on the grapevine that a couple of invited guests are bitching because their children weren't included in the invite. She's quite upset about it. I've told her they're the ones who are in the wrong, most people do not assume their kids will be invited to a wedding unless it's a very close relative. And even then, very small children often aren't included.

I haven't been to a wedding in about three years, but I presume that's still the case? Or has it now become the norm to include friends' and colleagues' children on wedding invitations?

I take an wedding invitation to mean exactly "what its says on the tin" if it says "Irisheyes19 and partner are invited to so and so's wedding, we will both go. If I had children and they were not mentioned, the babysitter would be getting a call. I cant believe the presumption of some parents who feel "entitled" all the time. Id actually be embarassed if someone caused a scene over that.

Ann Landers · 26-03-2014 08:07AM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Ignoring the typo, what is it with "sulking off to bed" at 11pm? Not everyone wants to spend another 4 hours in the residents bar listening to really bad singsongs with drunks. Being invited to a wedding does not oblige the guest to a 16 hour marathon, they can leave when they want. Only a bridezilla would describe leaving at 11pm as "sulking off".

My sister went batshít when I left her 30th birthday house party at 1am.

December2012 · 26-03-2014 08:17AM

I love my kids, but I don't bring them to any wedding I'm invited to.

If I'm in the bridal party then I've jobs to be doing for the couple, I don't want the added responsibility of my kids for one day.

If I'm not then I want to hang out with my friends and family.

Mine are in the toddler years so quite mammy focused and labour intensive. Maybe when they're older they can come.

But I love a day off I do!

kfallon · 26-03-2014 09:39AM

As the fella says, "Kids are like farts.....you can only stand your own!!!"

26-03-2014 10:01AM

Personally I like children at a wedding because I see a wedding as a family community celebration for everyone, however some people don't see It like that, and also if the children are small enough to need a lot of attention then you really should get a baby sitter for the evening, its unfair to come to a wedding and have to spend all of it watching you toddler and not be able to take part in the wedding.

Tasden · 26-03-2014 10:23AM

I leave my child at home when I go to weddings even if kids are invited because its just easier all round, having said that the one family wedding she attended when she was four she stayed up dancing with the old relatives all night and was no trouble at all for anybody so she deserves more credit than I give her, especially compared to some other kids.

It depends how well behaved they are generally on whether the guests will enjoy them being there, and also how sociable the child will be otherwise they'll be stuck at your hip moaning the whole time meaning you won't get to enjoy it. But I guess every parent thinks their own child is an angel, that's the problem.

I fully agree with people deciding not to invite kids though, its the couple's day they can celebrate however they wish.

mrsbyrne · 26-03-2014 10:34AM

Could someone explain to me just what it is people dont understand about invitations?
If I send Mary and John an invitation to a special celebration dinner party at my home at 8pm on May 13th 2014, for which i will be going to great trouble and great expense, Mary and John wouldnt dream of turning up with Chantelle and Keanu.They just wouldnt. Nobody does that. Its presumed that its an adult party and not a suitable venue for kids. Mary and John get a babysitter, or just dont go, Final.
And nobody in their right mind would look at the invitation and say "no kids! Haters will hate!"
So whats the difference with a wedding? If the wedding invitation says Mary and John, then its the same scenario, is it not? Someone correct me?

rainbow kirby · 26-03-2014 10:38AM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

So whats the difference with a wedding? If the wedding invitation says Mary and John, then its the same scenario, is it not? Someone correct me?

Weddings bring out the crazy and entitledness in people in a special way.

BizzyC · 26-03-2014 10:40AM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Could someone explain to me just what it is people dont understand about invitations?
If I send Mary and John an invitation to a special celebration dinner party at my home at 8pm on May 13th 2014, for which i will be going to great trouble and great expense, Mary and John wouldnt dream of turning up with Chantelle and Keanu.They just wouldnt. Nobody does that. Its presumed that its an adult party and not a suitable venue for kids. Mary and John get a babysitter, or just dont go, Final.
And nobody in their right mind would look at the invitation and say "no kids! Haters will hate!"
So whats the difference with a wedding? If the wedding invitation says Mary and John, then its the same scenario, is it not? Someone correct me?

You're making the fatal assumption that common sense is present.

Some parents read "Mary and John" as "The entire family".

Children at weddings

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