Children at weddings

Clearlier · 29-01-2014 01:19PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

I know. That's what I told her. I just started this thread to make sure I was right and that inviting kids to weddings hadn't become the norm. Seems I was correct. Most people still don't automatically assume their children will be invited and take offence if they're not.

We don't really set up our wedding in Ireland to include young children. Other cultures do. We told a friend that they couldn't bring their son (think he was about 7) and all was fine but at this remove (8 years on) I regret it slightly. If I were to do it all again I'd want to include children and would tailor the day for that purpose but that's very possibly a reflection of where I am in life now compared to where I was then!

jmayo · 29-01-2014 01:27PM

I have gone to weddings as singleton, couple and with kids in tow.
On couple of occassions had to bring baby.
Things like breast feeding and the like mean that kid can't be offloaded on someone else. And yes they even sat at the table with us, either in buggy chair or in high chair.
And the kids didn't puke, fire their food at the other guests, scream or grizzel (???).

But I guess some of the sensitive souls at the table are are probably ruined for life and still in treatment. :rolleyes:

We have had to bring older kids to a wedding, no choice as everyone that could have looked after them was at the wedding, and if they acted up (like the baby/toddlers) they were swiftly taken outside to kick their heels.

At that wedding there were childminders on hand, one is useless if you have more than a few kids and some kids are meeting each other for the first time, and the kids had their own meal etc in another room.
It was a bloody great idea.

I wish people would cop on and rather than blame the kids, start looking at the responsible adults.

As someone else said the fights, the nastiness, the major fall outs, the bitchiness isn't done by kids, but the adults.

Some of the worse things I have seen at weddings or heard about weddings were not down to kids, but drunken boorish adults who are incapable of acting like adults.

And get this most parents would love not to have their kids there, so that they can relax and kick back like everyone else.

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Reminds me of a friends wedding a number of years ago. Her hubby thought it would be a great idea to mix people up at tables so that each side got to know each other. Ridiculous idea IMO, but whatever.

Agree on this.

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

So, myself and two other girlfriends and our partners - all childless - were stuck at a table with a smug married couple and their one year old who had his own place at the table in a high chair.

Are you blaming the child for the parents, because guess what I have met quiet a few smug people without kids.
BTW would you have liked to have the kid sit on the floor instead ?

Wabbit Ears · 29-01-2014 01:33PM

we didn't invite children. One Couple, the wifes cousin, RSVP'd for 7!!! Them, their 4 kids and one of the kids boyfriend. We simply replied and said the kids and the boyfriend were not invited.

I was at a friends wedding where their son was there and my wife was doing the Photography and the little whingy bastárd absolutely destroyed the vast majority of the wedding shots. He had to be with them during the entrance to the reception, the first dance, the wedding cake and so on and so forth with a stupid whiny pout on his face, wanting to be picked up and in mammys arms all the poxy time. Practically every body had warned her against it but she wanted it to be his special day also...

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 01:35PM

jmayo wrote: »

We have had to bring older kids to a wedding, no choice as everyone that could have looked after them was at the wedding, and if they acted up (like the baby/toddlers) they were swiftly taken outside to kick their heels.

At that wedding there were childminders on hand, one is useless if you have more than a few kids and some kids are meeting each other for the first time, and the kids had their own meal etc in another room.
It was a bloody great idea.

I wish people would cop on and rather than blame the kids, start looking at the responsible adults.

As someone else said the fights, the nastiness, the major fall outs, the bitchiness isn't done by kids, but the adults.

Some of the worse things I have seen at weddings or heard about weddings were not down to kids, but drunken boorish adults who are incapable of acting like adults.

And get this most parents would love not to have their kids there, so that they can relax and kick back like everyone else.

Agree on this.

Are you blaming the child for the parents, because guess what I have met quiet a few smug people without kids.
BTW would you have liked to have the kid sit on the floor instead ?

I think, in fairness, that is in line with what most people on the thread have said.

lazygal · 29-01-2014 01:49PM

You don't have to bring kids to a wedding because you're breastfeeding or don't have a babysitter. I've not gone to weddings for both reasons, or else me or my husband goes alone.No one has to bring them, they want to bring them. You can always decline.

suicide_circus · 29-01-2014 01:54PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I think some people just don't get that their children aren't welcome at every occasion. I've only been to one wedding where lots of children were invited and one little brat created havoc in the Church while her mother sat there and did absolutely nothing about it. Eventually the well behaved children started grizzling because they could see this one child being allowed to run around and make as much noise as she liked. Eventually another guest just came over and took the badly behaved child out. We were praying we wouldn't be put at the idiotic mother's table for the meal. I couldn't believe that someone would allow a friend's wedding vows to be completely drowned out because they wouldn't control their child.
Also, it must add considerably to the expense of a wedding if you have to invite scores of children as well.

this mother sounds like an unmitigated cnut

suicide_circus · 29-01-2014 01:57PM

MadsL wrote: »

Ours was an evening wedding in an historic country house where we needed to take care not to damage antique furnishings. We married at the house as late as the law allowed for a Black Tie event.

We paid a lot of money to hire opera singers to entertain between dinner courses which would have been ruined by screaming kids. We then had a full bar and band set up in a marquee.

One of the most pretentious posts i've ever read :pac:

flikflak · 29-01-2014 01:57PM

I dont understand this at all. To me weddings are family occasions and children are part of my family.

We are leaving it up to the parents to decide if they bring their children. Our wedding is abroad so makes things a little more difficult for parents as they cant just leave them with someone and pick them up in the morning.

The kids will have lots of garden space to run around and are not confined to a small hotel dining room.

It is up to the bride and groom though and each couple have their own wishes on how they want their day to be.

Pang · 29-01-2014 02:07PM

It's an adult event and definitely no place for children. We invited lots of people who have children and luckily not one of them asked to bring their children.

Boombastic · 29-01-2014 02:10PM

Pang wrote: »

It's an adult event and definitely no place for children. We invited lots of people who have children and luckily not one of them asked to bring their children.

do people ask to bring their children if they're not on the invitation?

Penny Dreadful · 29-01-2014 02:16PM

suicide_circus wrote: »

One of the most pretentious posts i've ever read :pac:

Why is it pretentious?

It was their wedding and they picked things to suit them.

B0jangles · 29-01-2014 02:17PM

These days weddings are pretty much the only occasion when I get to meet up with a crowd of old college-era friends en mass, and to be honest, I'm relieved when they leave the kids at home.

Don't get me wrong, I like their kids, but it's great to get to meet up in a party atmosphere with old friends and be able to let your hair down and reminisce about stuff like our rowdy college years or chat about what's going on in our lives at the moment without worrying about saying something unfortunate in front of someone's kid. People can (and probably should!) act quite differently when their kids are around and maybe selfishly, I really enjoy the occasional opportunity to reconnect with my friend Kate, for example, not "Aisling's Mammy".

blaze1 · 29-01-2014 02:23PM

Was at a wedding in September, he they had there neices and newphews as flower/page and come 6pm, they were shipped out.

Was delighted when he told me I couldn't bring my kids.:)

Frigga_92 · 29-01-2014 02:28PM

We didn't want children at our wedding because we just simply didn't want them there. Every wedding I have ever been to has included children running around like wild animals while their parents get drunk and expect someone else to be watching out for the kids.
We wanted our guests to enjoy themselves without tripping over kids, having to entertain kids, bringing lost kids back from the bathroom etc etc.

When my husband and I got married we stated on our invites "no children of any age". We were just going to leave it as "no children" but there are some friends who had kids around the 13/14 age at the time and we knew that they would see "no children" as not including their kids. These same people will have parties in their house where people are doing all sorts of things and their kids will just be hanging around watching all this go on.
We had two couples that didn't come because they were upset that they couldn't bring their kids. No big deal, we didn't really care as it was up to them whether they wanted to attend, no obligation on anybody, and they got over it eventually although for months afterwards they made snide comments about it but it didn't bother us, we had a great day, exactly what we wanted it to be.

Just to add, we stated on our invites "no gifts", this meant no cash, no gifts of any description, we put our guests under no pressure to stay at the venue where we got married and we ensured that the venue had a taxi service available that could be used at anytime. This meant that if babysitters needed to be organised we had tried to put our guests under the least amount of financial pressure possible.

anncoates · 29-01-2014 02:37PM

Not judging but these micro-managed weddings - to the extent where a few kids messing about will fuck everything up - must be pretty stressful.

Teyla Emmagan · 29-01-2014 02:37PM

I reckon parents bring their kids so they don't have to interact with the other guests (seriously) and have an excuse to go home early. For that reason alone I wouldn't have kids at my wedding. I don't want the day to be all about me, but if I'm inviting people, I'd like them to be there in both mind and body, and not ignoring everyone at the table they're at so they can chat with Tiernan or spend the day wandering around the gardens. Of course maybe I just know very ignorant people ;-)

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 02:38PM

suicide_circus wrote: »

this mother sounds like an unmitigated cnut

I actually came to the conclusion that she was just too thick to realise her behaviour was unacceptable.

WilyCoyote · 29-01-2014 02:40PM

BellaBella, have you thought about the reason for this getting back to the bride-to-be? The lady that carried the story is a bitch for doing so. Eventually those (that complained to others about it) would have understood and would have enjoyed the day.
This lady stirring it is the real problem.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 02:41PM

anncoates wrote: »

Not judging but these micro-managed weddings - to the extent where a few kids messing about will fuck everything up - must be pretty stressful.

A few kids messing about is not really the same as kids shouting and running around the Church, throwing tantrums during the meal or the speeches and not being taken outside or being ignored by their parents so other guests have to run after them as they head out the door towards the car park/nearly trip up a waitress carrying a turreen of scalding soup/try to climb up the curtains. Those are the children who can fcuk up the occasion. Reasonably well behaved children with parents keeping an eye on them are fine.

super_furry · 29-01-2014 02:41PM

Why would you have children about the place on a day that's supposed to celebrate the very concept of family?

Arbiter of Good Taste · 29-01-2014 02:42PM

anncoates wrote: »

Not judging but these micro-managed weddings - to the extent where a few kids messing about will fuck everything up - must be pretty stressful.

But it seems you are. Some people simply don't want children at their weddings. Why is that a problem to some people?

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 02:43PM

WilyCoyote wrote: »

BellaBella, have you thought about the reason for this getting back to the bride-to-be? The lady that carried the story is a bitch for doing so. Eventually those (that complained to others about it) would have understood and would have enjoyed the day.
This lady stirring it is the real problem.

It came back through an aunt via the bride's mother. I agree, the woman should have said nothing.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 29-01-2014 02:44PM

Brides mother should have told the aunt that she (the mother) has no say over the guest list and end it there

anncoates · 29-01-2014 02:47PM

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

But it seems you are.

Only insofar as expressing any differing opinion constitutes same. Not my intention to directly criticize anybody in this instance which is why I prefaced my opinion with the caveat.

I Heart Internet · 29-01-2014 02:56PM

MadsL wrote: »

I rented for my groomsmen that did not already have evening wear.

I also provided a full weekend of hospitality. Friday night two separate dinners (one Gents, one Ladies), a breakfast pack in the accommodation so they could cook a fryup, a morning of activities (golf, riding, walking tour or shooting) the wedding itself (full free bar all night) and a Sunday morning farewell brunch. Plus buses everywhere so no one had to drive.

If my guests felt they got poor value in having to rent evening wear then I'd be very suprised, not to mention most of my guests already owned it.

You tailor your wedding to your guests, not their brats.

While all of this organisation (and expense) wouldn't be to my liking, and I wouldn't go for a black-tie wedding, I do have to commend you on one thing (that I picked up from your earlier post), that is - ensuring that your black-tie (evening-wear) event was late in the day.

Ther is noting worse than the sight of people wearing evening wear in blazing sunshine.

lashofeye · 29-01-2014 03:01PM

I can't stand children at Weddings. Why would you want to bring them ??? You get a day off from them and a night out!!!!!!!!! I am a parent myself and I would never consider bringing them along with me. !!!!

Arbiter of Good Taste · 29-01-2014 03:29PM

anncoates wrote: »

Only insofar as expressing any differing opinion constitutes same. Not my intention to directly criticize anybody in this instance which is why I prefaced my opinion with the caveat.

I reread your post and I admit I read something into it that you probably did not intend. I apologise for that.

As a general point, there is a school of thought, of the view that if you don't want other people's children, to whom you are not related, at your wedding, then you're some kind of uptight, a$$hole. I personally don't think that's fair.

Ihatecuddles · 29-01-2014 03:43PM

I had a 2 week old baby at my sisters wedding, and I was a bridesmaid. He was good as gold though. Didn't cry once and slept for most of the day. I went to bed early with him, as I was wrecked too. My sister was annoyed with me over that, I told her she could replace me as bridesmaid if she wanted, but she chose not to.

Now she'll have an 18m old at my wedding! We'll have my fiancès 4 nieces and nephews, my 4 nieces and nephews and my 4 year old there on the day. So 9 kids under the age of 7. I can't wait to see them all having fun and dancing. They are all well behaved kids and the parents won't let them in peoples way or let them scream the place down.

Ill see about hiring a babysitter for after the dinner to keep them amused with a DVD or something.

oldyouth · 29-01-2014 03:50PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

. Reasonably well behaved children with parents keeping an eye on them are fine.

Is there such a thing in a hotel/restaurant/bar after the first 30 minutes

LCD · 29-01-2014 03:59PM

Married a few months ago. No children at all, best move ever. It also confirmed which relationships were in trouble & which weren't. Couples who have no lives outside their children were annoyed, those who actually liked each other & wanted a night out were delighted.
No kids pestering their parents, no parents sulking off to bed at 11am, no parents afraid to let their hair down in front of their children
To answer OP's question, would imagine only families kids might be invited.

Children at weddings

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