Children at weddings

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 11:32AM

Gambas wrote: »

No, I'm one of those people who can't understand the preciousness that surrounds weddings.

I agree that some people have become ridiculously OTT about their wedding; having a fit if the napkins don't match the bridesmaids' dresses or instructing the bridesmaids to lose weight before the big day and lots of other ridiculous stuff I've heard about or seen myself.
I also agree with a previous point you made; there is usually a table of knobs - usually the groom's rugby friends or, if the bride and groom work together, the 'gang' from the office - acting like they're some kind of insiders, cheering, heckling and playing to the gallery during the speeches.
But I don't think that excuses people huffing and puffing about their kids not being invited, or bringing them along and allowing them to annoy other guests or make an unreasonable level of noise during the ceremony.

Frank Black · 29-01-2014 11:51AM

Holsten wrote: »

Every wedding I've been at has been strict no children allowed.

I've never been to a wedding where children were even mentioned on the invite. I would assume that the invite is usually to a couple and doesn't include their children, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts or grandparents.

Not sure why any parent would want to bring kids to a wedding anyway - they'd be bored out of their minds and you'd spend the whole day trying to keep them entertained.

Basically, weddings are social events which are not suitable for kids, and I know very few people who would want to bring them to a wedding anyway.

Boombastic · 29-01-2014 11:51AM

It's amazing and quite funny how pretencious people get about weddings

Oh my god, a child at a wedding - they should be seen an not heard

Call me Al · 29-01-2014 11:52AM

We had a no children at our wedding.we had to make two exceptions... Our flowergirl and the son of a cousin who travelled from abroad. Our room was full so we had no space for an extra 20 children.
Our 2 children (then4&6) were invited to a family wedding at Christmas. We brought them but they weren't allowed wander around and they spent most of the night on the dancefloor with myself, their gran or their 3 aunts. We brought along crayons and colouring books as well as some small toys to occupy them. They had a ball :-D and so did I. It was a very special night for them and they didn't get in anyone's way. Equally they weren't around drunk people. We sat at our table beside the dancefloor and well away from the heavy drinking.

I think the problem arises when children get bored, aren't supervised by a responsible adult who thinks their child is faultless and wonderful, but are allowed run around the venue making a nuisance of themselves.

Foxhound38 · 29-01-2014 11:54AM

Children hate weddings anyway - nah, unless they are the spawn, the sibling, the nephew/niece or the first cousin of the bride/groom leave them in the care of someone else. They're not going to want to be there and everyone else isn't going to want to deal with them especially when they get cranky.

If they are there for whatever reason, unless they are old enough to drink with the adults put them to bed early with a few DVD's or something and don't have them running around the place all night. Most Irish wedding parties are not appropriate places for kids to be running around

Sir Arthur Daley · 29-01-2014 11:58AM

The wedding sermon is ok for children but having them around at the reception when all the fellas getting wrote off on bad beer and the ould ones getting wrote off on vino is no environment for kids.

29-01-2014 12:00PM

mauzo! wrote: »

I'm getting married in May and I love the idea of kids running around

I don't know what to do now, I have 8 nieces and nephews under the age of 7 and would love them all there. The more kids the better really.

Reading the posts here it seems the vast majority of people hate kids at weddings

It's your wedding and you have to do whatever makes it special for you. I love kids around at family events. I was at a wedding with a kiddies table in the middle of all the other tables, and just watching the kids was lovely.

If anyone objects to kids being kids and making noise and having fun, they don't have to go. Weddings are family occasions.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 29-01-2014 12:02PM

Candie wrote: »

It's your wedding and you have to do whatever makes it special for you. I love kids around at family events. I was at a wedding with a kiddies table in the middle of all the other tables, and just watching the kids was lovely.

If anyone objects to kids being kids and making noise and having fun, they don't have to go. Weddings are family occasions.

And by the same token, if you prefer not to have children at your wedding, that's alright too

lazygal · 29-01-2014 12:07PM

Candie wrote: »

It's your wedding and you have to do whatever makes it special for you. I love kids around at family events. I was at a wedding with a kiddies table in the middle of all the other tables, and just watching the kids was lovely.

If anyone objects to kids being kids and making noise and having fun, they don't have to go. Weddings are family occasions.

I have never been at an event with no children and thought "This would be so much better if there were a few kids running around". I've often been at a wedding and thought 'This would be so much better if the kids weren't dragged to it'.

29-01-2014 12:08PM

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

And by the same token, if you prefer not to have children at your wedding, that's alright too

Of course.

But don't show up at a wedding and complain because of the kids. If you're that opposed to spending time with kids in the same room, ask if there will be children present before accepting the invitation, accepting the hospitality paid for by the couple, and then going online and whining that kids ruined your day.

TwoShedsJackson · 29-01-2014 12:10PM

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

Why do people do this! It's horrible! Stop it! It makes for the most awkward couple of hours ever. Most of these people will never see each other again, so there is nothing to be gained from forcing them to interact.

It's fine when logistics don't allow everybody to sit with all the people the would like at their table, that's totally reasonable and to be expected. I'm talking about the weddings where they deliberately try and put as many people that don't know each other at each table in an attempt to get everyone talking to one another.

Worse yet is where someone has the brilliant idea of having a 'singles' table.

gobnaitolunacy · 29-01-2014 12:12PM

TwoShedsJackson wrote: »

Worse yet is where someone has the brilliant idea of having a 'singles' table.

Oh yes, a convenient dumping ground for the 'dateless wonders'.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:14PM

Candie wrote: »

Of course.

But don't show up at a wedding and complain because of the kids. If you're that opposed to spending time with kids in the same room, ask if there will be children present before accepting the invitation, accepting the hospitality paid for by the couple, and then going online and whining that kids ruined your day.

Seriously, guests should ask if there will be kids at a wedding before deciding whether to attend? How about guests ensuring their children behave so that other guests aren't put off going to weddings with children. No one objects to well behaved children at a wedding. It's the ones who are allowed shout and scream in the church, run around getting under waiting staff's feet, or take over at the table so the adults can't have a conversation, that people object to. And that is down to the parents, not to the children themselves.

Matt_Trakker · 29-01-2014 12:19PM

Got married fairly recently, told the guests coming who had kids that they were totally free to bring their kids if they wanted to.........but nobody else were bringing theirs.
Worked like a treat, most even said that was good coz they wanted to have a night off from their kids.
Only 4 guests turned up with kids, one kids was 10 so he was grand, the others were 3 and 18months.

When I start having young lads though I won't be bringing them to wedding. Kids rarely enjoy them and they go on for far too long. Fork out for a baby sitter and enjoy the party.

JustAddWater · 29-01-2014 12:26PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

A good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and sent the invitations out just after Christmas. She has heard back on the grapevine that a couple of invited guests are bitching because their children weren't included in the invite. She's quite upset about it. I've told her they're the ones who are in the wrong, most people do not assume their kids will be invited to a wedding unless it's a very close relative. And even then, very small children often aren't included.

I haven't been to a wedding in about three years, but I presume that's still the case? Or has it now become the norm to include friends' and colleagues' children on wedding invitations?

unfortunately we had to have a no kids rule at our wedding and I think ours was better off for it, everyone relaxed and nobody had the pressure of minding kids for a day. Everyone was able to eat, drink and be merry

Plus, the hotel charged crazy amounts for kids which would have meant we could not have afforded to have some other adults there inplace

If there's only 1 or 2 kids, then maybe yeah just invite them, but we could have had countless kids so we just made the tough choice

I personally dont think a wedding and people drinking all day is a place for kids, (same with 21sts, 50ths, etc, general pub environments) but it's to each their own

People should understand, and if they can't, then it's on them

29-01-2014 12:29PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

Seriously, guests should ask if there will be kids at a wedding before deciding whether to attend?

Yes. If you don't like spending time with kids, avoid going where you know kids will be.

People can be as attentive to their kids as possible and even the best behaved kids will have bad days, wet nappies, be overwhelmed at the crowds, or any combination of the above. Expecting the best behaviour from small children in your presence shows a basic lack of understanding of how kids operate.

lazygal · 29-01-2014 12:31PM

Candie wrote: »

Yes. If you don't like spending time with kids, avoid going where you know kids will be.

People can be as attentive to their kids as possible and even the best behaved kids will have bad days, wet nappies, be overwhelmed at the crowds, or any combination of the above. Expecting the best behaviour from small children in your presence shows a basic lack of understanding of how kids operate.

Which is why I don't take the chance with other people's weddings. We get a babysitter or we don't go. No one has to include my children in their social occasion or feel under any pressure to do so.

anncoates · 29-01-2014 12:32PM

Matt_Trakker wrote: »

When I start having young lads though I won't be bringing them to wedding. .

Be careful, they can come out female as well. :pac:

Boombastic · 29-01-2014 12:34PM

How do people know it 'ruins it for the bride and groom'. Some people were worried about bringing children to my wedding, 'what if they shout something or roar during the vows?'............what if they do? It might give people a laugh and lighten the mood, weddings are tedious at the best of times

what if the won't sit during the speech? I don't want to listen to someone ramble on either

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:34PM

Candie wrote: »

Yes. If you don't like spending time with kids, avoid going where you know kids will be.

People can be as attentive to their kids as possible and even the best behaved kids will have bad days, wet nappies, be overwhelmed at the crowds, or any combination of the above. Expecting the best behaviour from small children in your presence shows a basic lack of understanding of how kids operate.

But no one said they 'don's like spending time with kids'. Some posters have said that some parents don't control their children properly at weddings; some have said a wedding isn't a suitable environment for young children; some have said it's too expensive to invite a lot of children.
And no one said children have to be 'on their best behaviour'. We have said that if they create too much noise during the ceremony they should be taken outside; if they're getting tired and cranky the parents should put them to bed/bring them home/amuse or distract them, etc.
You seem to be putting words into people's mouths.

Sir Arthur Daley · 29-01-2014 12:35PM

anncoates wrote: »

Be careful, they can come out female as well. :pac:

They could be intersex too

ash23 · 29-01-2014 12:35PM

I wonder if the parents mentioned in the OP are actually bitching. As in are they saying "oh what a bitch that bride is. How terrible that they don't want the kids at the wedding".
Or are they saying "oh crap, I've to try and find a babysitter to take the kids for the night of the wedding. What a pain in the arse"

Because in scenario one, they are blaming it on the bride. In scenario two they are just lamenting the additional hassle that comes with having to get sitters etc and it's nothing personal about the person who didn't invite the kids, more just a general "can't take the kids, have to sort a sitter" general moan which I wouldn't consider "bitching".

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:35PM

Boombastic wrote: »

How do people know it 'ruins it for the bride and groom'. Some people were worried about bringing children to my wedding, 'what if they shout something or roar during the vows?'............what if they do? It might give people a laugh and lighten the mood

And it might annoy or upset the bride and groom for whom the vows are a very important part of the ceremony.

29-01-2014 12:38PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

.
You seem to be putting words into people's mouths.

No, all I'm saying is it's up to the couple who to invite. If guests don't want to run the risk of having their enjoyment of the day ruined by kids then they can choose not to go rather than go and complain retrospectively.

I've no kids, but some people have very low tolerance to normal kid stuff and will find aspects of normal behaviour objectionable, whereas it doesn't bother me at at all.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:38PM

ash23 wrote: »

I wonder if the parents mentioned in the OP are actually bitching. As in are they saying "oh what a bitch that bride is. How terrible that they don't want the kids at the wedding".
Or are they saying "oh crap, I've to try and find a babysitter to take the kids for the night of the wedding. What a pain in the arse"

Because in scenario one, they are blaming it on the bride. In scenario two they are just lamenting the additional hassle that comes with having to get sitters etc and it's nothing personal about the person who didn't invite the kids, more just a general "can't take the kids, have to sort a sitter" general moan which I wouldn't consider "bitching".

Well, apparently one couple said something about 'bridezillas who think their weddings are too posh to allow kids at' and another said she had a cheek to not invite the children. I'm sure there are other guests wondering about babysitters, but that's not what's upsetting her.

Boombastic · 29-01-2014 12:39PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

And it might annoy or upset the bride and groom for whom the vows are a very important part of the ceremony.

I edited my other post..it might not annoy the b&g, only other guests...and if they don't like the party they're free to leave

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:40PM

Candie wrote: »

No, all I'm saying is it's up to the couple who to invite. If guests don't want to run the risk of having their enjoyment of the day ruined by kids then they can choose not to go rather than go and complain retrospectively.

I've no kids, but some people have very low tolerance to normal kid stuff and will find aspects of normal behaviour objectionable, whereas it doesn't bother me at at all.

It doesn't bother me either. But it does bother me if a screaming child is not distracted and taken away from the table, or if I can't hear a word of the wedding ceremony because a parent is allowing their children to chase up and down the aisle or talk at the top of their voices. It is 'normal behaviour' for parents to make sure their children are tolerably well behaved at weddings and other functions and to bring them outside if they're not.

And yes, it is up to the couple who they invite. That's what this thread is about.

ash23 · 29-01-2014 12:43PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

Well, apparently one couple said something about 'bridezillas who think their weddings are too posh to allow kids at' and another said she had a cheek to not invite the children. I'm sure there are other guests wondering about babysitters, but that's not what's upsetting her.

That's a small minority though. I mean, the majority of parents wouldn't mind either way and wouldn't go mad at their kids not being invited. The odd one would of course because it takes all sorts. But it's not like it'd be common that a parent would object.

I haven't seen anyone on here maintain that their kids should absolutely HAVE to go to a wedding. But I've seen loads that think kids should be kept away from weddings.
I've been to weddings with and without my daughter and enjoyed both equally. The ones she's been at I've arranged a sitter to get her out of there at a reasonable hour. Not because she might bother someone but moreso that I would hate her to see how some adults carry on at weddings.

Boombastic · 29-01-2014 12:44PM

Angie Early Mineral wrote: »

......, or if I can't hear a word of the wedding ceremony because a parent is allowing their children to chase up and down the aisle or talk at the top of their voices. ..

I printed the mass out on a sheet of paper

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 29-01-2014 12:50PM

ash23 wrote: »

That's a small minority though. I mean, the majority of parents wouldn't mind either way and wouldn't go mad at their kids not being invited. The odd one would of course because it takes all sorts. But it's not like it'd be common that a parent would object.

I haven't seen anyone on here maintain that their kids should absolutely HAVE to go to a wedding. But I've seen loads that think kids should be kept away from weddings.
I've been to weddings with and without my daughter and enjoyed both equally. The ones she's been at I've arranged a sitter to get her out of there at a reasonable hour. Not because she might bother someone but moreso that I would hate her to see how some adults carry on at weddings.

I know. That's what I told her. I just started this thread to make sure I was right and that inviting kids to weddings hadn't become the norm. Seems I was correct. Most people still don't automatically assume their children will be invited and take offence if they're not.

Children at weddings

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