Too embarrassed to use bathroom in front of boyfriend

LegacyUser · 28-01-2014 04:14AM #1

Going unregistered for this for obvious reasons.
To start, if any of the mods are questioning whether this is a joke or not I'd be happy to pm you from my account to prove its real!

So my boyfriend and I are together a while and we have a great relationship. The only problem is I'm so awkward about using the bathroom in his house or when he stays at mine. We'll be moving in together in April so I'd like to get over this now. It's not just with him by the way, even at home with my family when I use the bathroom I'll play music or run the taps because I don't like the thought of people hearing me use the bathroom.

I don't mind if he knows that I am urinating but I hate the thought of him thinking that I'd be doing anything more. I know this sounds silly and immature but it's a real problem for me. Obviously he knows I use the bathroom since I'm a living creature

but it makes me really uncomfortable. For example whenever we go away for weekends together and I need to use the bathroom I'll go to the lobby in the reception or I'll say I'm going for a bath. That clearly makes it more obvious I know, but I'd be worried of making any sounds (putting down toilet paper first doesn't always work!)

Whenever my boyfriend uses the bathroom it doesn't make me uncomfortable if I can hear so then I think that he would be the same but it's still something I worry about.

I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense and this is all a bit jumbled, I'm just very confused. Thanks for any suggestions and advice.

Kidchameleon · 28-01-2014 10:10AM

im exactly the same op so its not an unusual problem.

m'lady · 28-01-2014 10:49AM

I think a lot of women have this problem OP, myself included! Having lived with a couple of partners now I can honestly say that I have never let them be aware that I am using the bathroom, I kinda look at it as 'unladylike', I'd have the same opinion on passing wind.

I don't think there's anything you can really do, in my situation it has become a joke, as in my OH will slag me and say 'sure you don't use the bathroom, ya must be really full of s**t!' ... In time your boyfriend will realise your 'issue' and then it won't be such a problem!

P. Breathnach · 28-01-2014 10:50AM

It would be good if you could tell him. You seem to believe that he already knows it, so it's bringing up a question that he probably already recognises.

No need to be too specific: just tell him that bathroom noises make you very uncomfortable, that it's one of your little quirks. Put it in the sane realm as some people being repulsed by mushrooms, or wanting two cups of coffee in the morning before feeling sufficiently functional to take a shower.

Then try to arrange your lives to minimise the impact of your quirk. It might be easier for you if you don't look for a place with an en suite bathroom (or you elect not to use it). Building types (and standards) vary: some allow sounds to travel very easily, and others have good soundproofing. Obviously you want the most soundproof that you can find. Having a radio in the bathroom helps.

I think that feelings like yours never fully go away. With a little effort and understanding, the impact on your life and your boyfriend's can be reduced over time.

Dellnum · 28-01-2014 11:40AM

After you have heard him going a few times you will get over it.

ladygirl · 28-01-2014 12:10PM

OP you could be me writing this post

Think a lot of women can definately relate to this.

Trust me - when you are living together your trail of thinking stays the same.. (mine hasn't changed) Also you will develop a routine with your partner - and you will know when its "safe" for you to go. I subconsciously without planning wake maybe an hour before him some weekend mornings and have used the toilet and am back in bed before I even know it.

Its definitely easier now that we live together though - but I still will never use the en-suite to "go" to the toilet. however I have "cleverly" :rolleyes: stored most of my toiletries stored in the main bathroom so in my silly head I'm guessing that justifies me not using the ensuite :rolleyes: Although to be fair I think my OH is pretty similar - although not quiet as obsessive as I am about it. as in I have never heard him use the toilet also. not that it would bother me either..

I wouldn't even mention it and see how things play out - only if it becomes a MAJOR issue for you would I bring it to his attention otherwise you will feel even more awkward - I know I would

BraziliaNZ · 28-01-2014 12:44PM

Is it weird that me and my girlf just piss in front of each other?

P. Breathnach · 28-01-2014 12:52PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Is it weird that me and my girlf just piss in front of each other?

No. People differ, and OP is at the other end of the range. There is no right or wrong in this issue.

BraziliaNZ · 28-01-2014 12:56PM

P. Breathnach wrote: »

No. People differ, and OP is at the other end of the range. There is no right or wrong in this issue.

Phew.
But yeah OP, try and lighten up on the issue and don't take it too seriously. If someone has a problem with that type of thing they are in the wrong, not you.

Santa Cruz · 28-01-2014 02:40PM

Reminds me of the old joke, Male "Darling you look beautiful when you are concentrating"
Female " Will you get out and close the door while I am having a ****e"

Grayfoxy · 28-01-2014 02:43PM

I dunno,

I think it is all down to the individual, my ex used to pee and two with the door open (if we were having a conversation and she needed to go I mean), I would only pee, that door be shut (and it ain't opening) when I am having a two.

I don't believe in the whole "manly man" or "ladylike" thing

Neyite · 28-01-2014 02:51PM

Santa Cruz wrote: »

Reminds me of the old joke, Male "Darling you look beautiful when you are concentrating"
Female " Will you get out and close the door while I am having a ****e"

Banned

LegacyUser · 28-01-2014 03:56PM

I've been married yeeeaaars and my husband has never heard me plop. No way. I don't think he'd give a damn, tbh - but UGH! The thoughts of ANYONE hearing that!

My sister is the same (is it a family thing?!) and introduced me to "the toilet paper buffer layer". In other words if you put toilet paper down first it kills the noise. Very handy, particularly in communl work toilets/pubs etc.

GreeBo · 28-01-2014 04:22PM

OP in the morning just lash on the shower before you start your business, thats what we do.
Other than that just use a different bathroom than where they are e.g. go upstairs or downstairs.

That said, my (newish) gf has a bathroom near the sitting room and I automatically wouldnt use that if she was watching TV...she does and it doesnt bother me in the slightest...hmm
In fact I have been told that I should give warnings if the bathroom is not safe after a visit!

I reckon just check for floaters afterwards and its all good!

ronjo · 28-01-2014 04:33PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Is it weird that me and my girlf just piss in front of each other?

I am same as you but it did take a while.

I think also when you have kids you just get used to them walking in and out of the toilet and informing mammy what daddy is doing and vice versa

ElleEm · 28-01-2014 04:36PM

OP, you are definitely not alone. I am the same. After 7 years together, my guy has only ever heard me fart in my sleep and I definitely never let him know (consciously) when I am going to the loo. Although I don't know many girls (I do know some!) who announce when they are going to empty their bowels. It is crass and unnecessary.

There are ways of managing it though, and there has been good advice on this thread. You could go before a shower, and have the water running. Or like Ladygirl, I leave my toiletries in the main bathroom, so go in there most nights anyway to clean my face, water running, music on, etc. I will always go to a bathroom the furthest away from him though, like I would never "use" the ensuite of we are in bed, or the downstairs loo if we are there. It becomes second nature eventually.

ladygirl wrote: »

OP you could be me writing this post Think a lot of women can definately relate to this.

Its definitely easier now that we live together though - but I still will never use the en-suite to "go" to the toilet. however I have "cleverly" :rolleyes: stored most of my toiletries stored in the main bathroom so in my silly head I'm guessing that justifies me not using the ensuite :rolleyes: Although to be fair I think my OH is pretty similar - although not quiet as obsessive as I am about it. as in I have never heard him use the toilet also. not that it would bother me either..

I wouldn't even mention it and see how things play out - only if it becomes a MAJOR issue for you would I bring it to his attention otherwise you will feel even more awkward - I know I would

dipdip · 28-01-2014 09:46PM

I'm really surprised by this thread. Sure I close the door when doing a poo but what is there to be embarrassed about?

Rather than accommodating your quirk, why not practice self acceptance instead? Hiw about repeating "This is natural and normal" to yourself while using the bathroom until you begin to believe it?

LegacyUser · 28-01-2014 10:12PM

OP here. Thanks so much for all the replies, they were really helpful.
I didn't mention it but regarding the posters that talked about them peeing in front of their partners, me and my boyfriend do the same! Like I'll pee while he gets a shower or he'll pee while I do my makeup or we keep the door open to continue our conversation. That was never uncomfortable or weird for me to be honest!

Also in response to dipdip (I'm not sure how to quote posts while anon), I never said it wasn't natural, it's pretty much the most natural thing all humans and animals do. I explained that I felt uncomfortable at the thoughts of my boyfriend being able to hear me go. It doesn't bother me if I can hear other people using the bathroom so it's purely a personal thing.

dipdip · 28-01-2014 10:17PM

Anonymousfornow wrote: »

Also in response to dipdip (I'm not sure how to quote posts while anon), I never said it wasn't natural ... so it's purely a personal thing.

If it's not a problem for you then why ask for advice to get over it?

You could choose your own mantra, mine was just an example. How about "It's normal for others to hear my bathroom noises" ?

Mint Aero · 29-01-2014 01:31AM

Very common problem OP

I do my best to train in any new partners to use the toilet while I'm bathroom too, showering, shaving what have you. Works wonders for the relationship in the long run.

Ham Sambo · 29-01-2014 02:28AM

I am sorry, but you made me laugh when I read your post, I don't mean to be disrespectable but what do you think your BF thinks you are at when you go into the bathroom, when he goes into the bathroom he has to carry out the same procedure as the rest of us including your good self!! :-)

IvyTheTerrible · 29-01-2014 10:53AM

My boyfriend has the same problem. He won't go to the toilet at work, and he will put on music before he goes to the toilet to empty his bowels. I just respect that it's an issue for him and give him space.

lukesmom · 29-01-2014 10:55AM

I'm with my husband nearly 14 years, married nearly 5 of those years and have never gone to the toilet in front of him. There ya go.

Edit: I even run the tap when I'm going to block out any noise

ameee · 29-01-2014 11:03AM

Its very normal to feel like that op my partner and i have lived together for eight years and i still will only use the loo when he is downstairs with the tv on, i would hate for him to hear anything! Stupid though because he really wouldnt care he has happily watched me give birth three times

ams · 29-01-2014 03:15PM

two bathrooms really helps in a small apartment OP.

I always dread going to hotels though - I've stayed in a hotel in Amsterdam before where the bathroom had a giant window in it - thankfully I was alone as was there on business at the time.

I also stayed in a hotel in the US where the door was a sliding light wooden door - was really stressful for me but lived through it!

thegreatgonzo · 29-01-2014 10:01PM

I grew up with farming/nursing parents so lets just say we had a lot of 'toilet humour' in our house. Everyone is different and some people would find that a bit crude and that's fine. The only thing I would be concerned aboutin your case is what if you got sick in the future and you couldn't be as in control of the where and whens as you are now? Would you be putting a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself?

30-01-2014 12:27AM

If I'm with anyone I'm close to (eg. a boyfriend or close friend) I'll either put on something noisy like a kettle/music/raise the volume on the TV, or I'll just say "I'm going to the loo - Don't listen!".

That said, I wouldn't be as sensitive to it as you, it's just something that I don't like, rather than something I'd actively avoid.

Ham Sambo · 30-01-2014 12:58AM

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

My boyfriend has the same problem. He won't go to the toilet at work, and he will put on music before he goes to the toilet to empty his bowels. I just respect that it's an issue for him and give him space.

If I had to do play music I would have no choice but to play something from meat Loaf!!!!

Ham Sambo · 30-01-2014 01:02AM

Nothing worse than letting loose with uncontrollable rips while sitting on the loo!! you know the ones that announces to everybody outside that you were just after downloading about 4 stone of internal matter!!!

osarusan · 30-01-2014 01:17AM

This is a big issue in japan, where many girls (usually girls) flush while they are doing their business, to mask any sounds. Then flush again after obviously.

Such was the waste of water, that a company developed a toilet that makes a flushing sound. You might be intererested in that:
http://whiterabbitexpress.com/water-flushing-sound-machine/

or a portable verion of that:

http://www.japantrendshop.com/keitai-otohime-toilet-sound-blocker-p-851.html

m'lady · 30-01-2014 09:38AM

osarusan wrote: »

This is a big issue in japan, where many girls (usually girls) flush while they are doing their business, to mask any sounds. Then flush again after obviously.

Such was the waste of water, that a company developed a toilet that makes a flushing sound. You might be intererested in that:
http://whiterabbitexpress.com/water-flushing-sound-machine/

or a portable verion of that:

http://www.japantrendshop.com/keitai-otohime-toilet-sound-blocker-p-851.html

Interesting concept, but would that not make it more obvious?!

Too embarrassed to use bathroom in front of boyfriend

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