What's your best taxi driver stories?

Andersonisgod · 25-01-2014 01:18AM

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Mr.Frame · 25-01-2014 01:18AM

spiritcrusher wrote: »

Left a club in Galway early one night, around 1.15 or so. Went to Eyre Square to get a taxi back to a friend's house, thought it would be grand because there was a queue of about 30 of them waiting. Didn't have a whole lot of money so I thought I'd bargain with the taxi driver at the head of the queue to drop to the house, which is about a 2 minute drive, for a fiver. It's worked a few times before later at the night when it was quiet, thought it might work early too. Taxi guy rolled down his window, I bargained, he said hop in.
Sat in the car, said "So a fiver back to the house?"
.
Silence.
.
"Get the **** outta my cab muthafúcka!"

I swear it was like that taxi scene out of The Big Lebowski with the Eagles. Confused the hell out of me.
Turns out no one would bring me home cos they were all waiting for the clubs to end and a one person fare wasn't worth their while.

if you went into a club/bar and tried that you wouldnt get a drink .
so why think its ok to do try that with a taxi driver

25-01-2014 01:20AM

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Confession, taxi driver style!

Mr.Frame · 25-01-2014 01:21AM

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

What, paid him all of what I owed?

You should still have been charged for doing what you did

rolliepoley · 25-01-2014 01:23AM

I once jumped in to a taxi and said, where to mac.

:pac:

punisher5112 · 25-01-2014 01:24AM

Last taxi I got broke down and check out what was driving

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSZOTyRn6dIyAA4FY7_7HlbBkHvX06w7J4aMjQGVyNbau0ahn2n

jjpep · 25-01-2014 01:25AM

Mr.Frame wrote: »

if you went into a club/bar and tried that you wouldnt get a drink .
so why think its ok to do try that with a taxi driver

Do taxi drivers pay list price for their cars? Or do they try to haggle the price down a bit?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 25-01-2014 01:26AM

Mr.Frame wrote: »

You should still have been charged for doing what you did

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but let me guess..

Your a taxi driver?

Mickey H · 25-01-2014 01:26AM

Paco Rodriguez wrote: »

Do I believe in aliens?

White Avensis, Dublin 9 area. Taxi company from Finglas by any chance?

michellie · 25-01-2014 01:26AM

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Was this in Waterford ?

Andersonisgod · 25-01-2014 01:27AM

michellie wrote: »

Was this in Waterford ?

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

michellie · 25-01-2014 01:28AM

Andersonisgod wrote: »

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

Well known you say.. you need not say any more.

Bet that was a rapid exit from that taxi by you

25-01-2014 01:33AM

Stepped out of Heuston Station one day and went as you do to the first cab in the queue.
"How much to the airport" I asked.
"20 notes" says the driver.
"Too much" I reply. "Haven't actually got that much money, will you drive me there for a blow job?"
"No. Now fcuk off out of my cab you scum bag!"

So I went down to the second driver to see if he was any more sympathetic.
Same story. "How much? 20 quid! Blow job? Move on, bud!"

Ended up with the last cab in the line so my options were getting slim. Asked the price, driver says twenty, and I reply "yes! 20 is perfect! A fair price, so let's go!"

Jump in the back seat, drive past all the other drivers still waiting in line, and wave at them out the window giving the thumbs up, pointing at the back of the driver's head, and making the blow job gesture out the window at them

25-01-2014 01:33AM

Waterford! medium sized town, fairly big story.

Mariasofia · 25-01-2014 01:33AM

Had a regular taxi driver take me to work once til he announced one day "if i was to ever have an affair it would be with you!" :-O
*swiftly changed taxi companys*

OU812 · 25-01-2014 01:34AM

Mate of mine is a taxi driver.

I' be straight from the start and say that he's a funny guy & is the ruggedly handsome type.

He's constantly propositioned by women to sleep with him, both to pay for the fare & because he's good looking & funny. Everything from being coy, asking him up for coffee to asking him out straight to undressing in the back of the car.

Pity for them he's gay.

Andersonisgod · 25-01-2014 01:35AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Waterford! medium sized town, fairly big story.

I did wonder if I was the first person he's ever had such a conversation with or if he does it on a regular basis. If I was the first I don't know if I should be a bit flattered or angry.

25-01-2014 01:38AM

michellie wrote: »

Was this in Waterford ?

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Andersonisgod wrote: »

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

Andersonisgod wrote: »

I did wonder if I was the first person he's ever had such a conversation with or if he does it on a regular basis. If I was the first I don't know if I should be a bit flattered or angry.

Bored taxi drivers just press the "play" button.

blahblah06 · 25-01-2014 01:44AM

Hes right though man. You took advantage of this guys job bringing you home. You took a service you should pay for it.
what if someone did that to you or your father.

you are scum

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but let me guess..

Your a taxi driver?

tempnam · 25-01-2014 01:45AM

After a work night out in Dublin I went to the taxi rank in the middle of O'connell St. which was full. All the drivers looked like they had been sitting there for a long time.

I walked up to the first one in the queue and asked "how much will it cost to go to X?" and he said "about 20 quid" so I asked if he'd do the journey for a tenner - he laughed at me and said no. I went to the next driver and asked if he'd do it for a tenner. He laughed at me too and said no chance.

On to cab no. 3..... same question "will you take me to X for a tenner?" - he said "yeah jump in".... The first 2 eejits were left sitting at the rank while the third driver made a tenner for 20 mins work.

david75 · 25-01-2014 01:48AM

4am of a monday morning in monsoon rain in November a few years ago, walking from killester to kimmage cos I only had €6 on me. Stopped a cab in fairview and just asked the driver, african chap, could be take me even the piddly distance it would get me.
He asked me where I was going and I told him. He goes 'ill take you all the way home. I'd just be driving around anyways'

Lifesaver.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 25-01-2014 01:48AM

Mr.Frame wrote: »

You should still have been charged for doing what you did

I'll give you another one, since you think the sun,moon and stars shine out of taxi driver's arses (mind yer eyes, lads)

Friend of mine was on a night out in swords. His gf was supposed to pick him up, but he stayed out too late and she said he could get home himself. Flagged a taxi, asked the fare to slane.

"€80"

*sighs* "ok"

"I'll need money up front"

*pays up and jumps in, falls asleep*

Taxi arrives in slane, driver shakes him awake.

"Come on, we're here now"

"Wha.. ah right right good good..eh how much do I owe you?"

"Just gimme €50"

*pays, gets out. Realizes what he's just done. Tried to wave down the driver. He floors it up the road!!*

Sandwlch · 25-01-2014 01:51AM

Got into a taxi before Christmas on Dame St to go to the airport. Not in a desperate dash but not too much time to waste.
Not far after crossing the river the driver says - sorry, but low on diesel, wouldnt be sure of getting to the airport, do you mind if I stop ? Taxis run on diesel too I suppose, so OK, but shouldnt he have checked before queuing at the rank? Figuring I was better off sticking with the tax I had rather than getting another on a rainy evening, and a few minutes to stop would still be OK timewise, I say OK. Then he says - I'm just on and forgot to bring cash, would you mind lending me a 20 and I'll take if off the fare. Restraining my self from checking that the other alternative in his question wasnt that I would pay for the fuel and he wouldnt take it off the fare, said OK again. We stopped to fill, and I made my flight. He gave me 20c of the fare for the 'delay'.
Are times that tough as a Dublin taxi driver ?

tempnam · 25-01-2014 01:59AM

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

I'll give you another one, since you think the sun,moon and stars shine out of taxi driver's arses (mind yer eyes, lads)

Friend of mine was on a night out in swords. His gf was supposed to pick him up, but he stayed out too late and she said he could get home himself. Flagged a taxi, asked the fare to slane.

"€80"

*sighs* "ok"

"I'll need money up front"

*pays up and jumps in, falls asleep*

Taxi arrives in slane, driver shakes him awake.

"Come on, we're here now"

"Wha.. ah right right good good..eh how much do I owe you?"

"Just gimme €50"

*pays, gets out. Realizes what he's just done. Tried to wave down the driver. He floors it up the road!!*

When I was young and silly I went out and drank too much one night. Only remember bits & pieces of the night but I walked some of the way home & stopped for a sit down on a small wall.

Not sure if I flagged him down or he just stopped but I somehow ended up in a taxi. Anyway I must have got sick as there was traces of it on my clothes the next day. Now I admit it and agree with the soiling fee etc. But the next day I woke up and my wallet was empty. Checked my bank account and that had been cleared out at an ATM that night. I only had a couple of hundred quid in it but the pr*c took every penny he could from me

shopaholic01 · 25-01-2014 02:04AM

tempnam wrote: »

When I was young and silly I went out and drank too much one night. Only remember bits & pieces of the night but I walked some of the way home & stopped for a sit down on a small wall.

Not sure if I flagged him down or he just stopped but I somehow ended up in a taxi. Anyway I must have got sick as there was traces of it on my clothes the next day. Now I admit it and agree with the soiling fee etc. But the next day I woke up and my wallet was empty. Checked my bank account and that had been cleared out at an ATM that night. I only had a couple of hundred quid in it but the pr*c took every penny he could from me

How did he get your pin number?

tempnam · 25-01-2014 02:10AM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

How did he get your pin number?

I'd say it was just a case of took me to the nearest ATM (which was between where he picked me up & where i lived) and either told me to do it or just asked for my pin. I was
Young, naive, alone and messy drunk. My own fault for putting myself in that situation but still a scummy thing to do

tempnam · 25-01-2014 02:11AM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

How did he get your pin number?

I'd say it was just a case of took me to the nearest ATM (which was between where he picked me up & where i lived) and either told me to do it or just asked for my pin. I was
Young, naive, alone and messy drunk. My own fault for putting myself in that situation but still a scummy thing to do

voz es · 25-01-2014 02:21AM

This one time I got a taxi and I felt it was value for money....

bajer101 · 25-01-2014 02:58AM

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

Here goes..

Coming home from a night out on the town. Nearly home, realised I had no money on me whatsoever (I was fairly beered up). Didn't feel like explaining, so I told the driver I thought I was gonna be sick, could he pull over. He did, so I jumped out and legged it over a wall.

So that was grand, about two months later I was on my way home from another night out, this time my gf was with me.
"I have you now" the taxi driver goes.

"What, mate?" Says I

"You were in my car last July, and you left without paying me"

"No, no, no you must have the wrong guy.."

"I do not. We're going to (name's my estate) aren't we.."

Ar this point I hadn't told him the estate, only the road.

"Actually, I live in (adjacent estate)"

"Don't bother lying to me sunshine, I used to be your ice-cream man"

:eek:

I paid double fare

You would have been better off having a few spliffs instead of a feed of beer. You might have still broken the law, but if you had just had the spliffs you would have committed a victimless crime and been morally in the right. I suggest you pop over to the thread about the blind dude who is fighting for the right for cannabis to be legalised for medicinal purposes. Join his campaign and use your story as an example of how alcohol is a much worse drug.

Think_then_talk · 25-01-2014 03:03AM

A few years back got a taxi of a sunday morning as we were driving along
I noticed that the driver was a neighbour of ours the TV repair man.

He was telling us how the tv repair business was changing "all these
new flat screen tv's" ect, ect. We were stopped for a good five minutes
behind a car.. Traffic is very heavy this time of morning he said..
Looking out his window's he said it... Only then realising he was stoped
behind a row of Parked car's.

What's your best taxi driver stories?

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