What's your best taxi driver stories?

Doom

A friend of mine got into to a cab one morning dying of a hangover, after a few minutes she said 'oih! you robbing bastard what's the story with 7.50 on the meter I'm only in the cab 10 mins?
He said 'that's the time love'......embarrassing

Karl Stein

You talking to me?

The Backwards Man

Got into a cab once and the driver asked me 'Are ya busy?'. Confused the bejaysus outa me.

Stavros Murphy

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Got into a cab once and the driver asked me 'Are ya busy?'. Confused the bejaysus outa me.

Where to?

corkgsxr

After a muslim taxi driver told my uncle that mustaches were unclean.

My uncle sed "ya know what I'd do if I was world leader?"

Muslim "what"

Uncle " id shoot god"

The lad went nuts and tryed to throw him out.

fathead82

90% of the taxis iv been in,the driver moaned about something the whole journey.

bmwguy

A taxi driver of African origins once told me as we were passing the Guinness factory that Guinness was actually Nigerian not Irish. He did concede that there was an Irish connection that an Irish priest "discovered" Guinness while in Nigeria. It's not oil, it's not in the ground! Very insistent that he was right, as insistent as I was that he was wrong

The Backwards Man

Stavros Murphy wrote: »

Where to?

The airport, I think.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Here goes..

Coming home from a night out on the town. Nearly home, realised I had no money on me whatsoever (I was fairly beered up). Didn't feel like explaining, so I told the driver I thought I was gonna be sick, could he pull over. He did, so I jumped out and legged it over a wall.

So that was grand, about two months later I was on my way home from another night out, this time my gf was with me.
"I have you now" the taxi driver goes.

"What, mate?" Says I

"You were in my car last July, and you left without paying me"

"No, no, no you must have the wrong guy.."

"I do not. We're going to (name's my estate) aren't we.."

Ar this point I hadn't told him the estate, only the road.

"Actually, I live in (adjacent estate)"


"Don't bother lying to me sunshine, I used to be your ice-cream man"

:eek:


I paid double fare

ElleEm

I got into a cab a couple of years ago, and the taxi driver had a handmade sign saying something along the lines of "no talking about the recession" hanging beside his rearview mirror. I had barely told him where I was going when he proceeded to point to the sign and tell me how he had to put it there cos everyone who got into the cab moaned about the recession. Then he began to moan about the fuc*king recession for the whole journey.

Like hairdressers, I will only tip taxidrivers if they don't talk to me!

Contessa Raven

The night of my Christmas party last month, I was getting into a taxi to head home. As I was getting in a woman came up behind me and dragged me out of the car by the hair and jumped in.
The taxi driver told her to get out, she refused. "I'm not going anywhere." Taxi driver replied with "That's fine by me, I'm not finished until 7. We can sit here all night."
She eventually got out of the car at which point the taxi driver said to me "Now, young lady, in ye get and I'll get you home safe."

Legend.

spiritcrusher

Left a club in Galway early one night, around 1.15 or so. Went to Eyre Square to get a taxi back to a friend's house, thought it would be grand because there was a queue of about 30 of them waiting. Didn't have a whole lot of money so I thought I'd bargain with the taxi driver at the head of the queue to drop to the house, which is about a 2 minute drive, for a fiver. It's worked a few times before later at the night when it was quiet, thought it might work early too. Taxi guy rolled down his window, I bargained, he said hop in.
Sat in the car, said "So a fiver back to the house?"
.
Silence.
.
"Get the **** outta my cab muthafúcka!"

I swear it was like that taxi scene out of The Big Lebowski with the Eagles. Confused the hell out of me.
Turns out no one would bring me home cos they were all waiting for the clubs to end and a one person fare wasn't worth their while.

rwg

jjpep

Hopped into a taxi and after five minutes the driver started complaining about the blacks and foreigners coming over and working as taxi drivers. In a big thick cockney accent. He got thick with me when I pointed out the irony...

murphydublin

coming out of town after an early dinner we asked our taxi driver to stop at the off license so we could grab some wine, he starts ranting about how muslims dont carry alcohol in there cars and sped off when we jumped out at the shop ! Feckin disgraceful carry on !

bnt

July 2005, and I had just landed at Düsseldorf Airport, on my first-ever visit to Germany. I was staying in a suburb called Ratingen, about 5km away. So: out of the terminal, in to a taxi - a Mercedes E-Class. I got in the back seat and fastened my seatbelt. I suspect that that this action - the seatbelt - led the driver to the erroneous conclusion that I was some sort of nervous traveller.

On the short stretch of Autobahn involved, we very quickly exceeded 200km/h, never spending more than a couple of seconds in any one lane. The sharply-curved offramp was sign-posted 50 km/h, but we took it at about 120 km/h, tires squealing all the way. After hurtling round various corners, we screeched to a halt, at the hotel, and I ... paid the fare and got out, leaving a nice tip. He looked disappointed that I hadn't decorated the back of his seat with vomit, or something like that.

punisher5112

Called a taxi to the house so wanted to head into the city, taxi comes we all bundle in he then drives down wrong roads and ends up doing a handbrake turn and road was wet so was an easy task even with 5 incl driver. We were a bit surprised and just pretendd it didn't happen as he was a bit strange and didn't speak at all.

Another was where the old guy driving kept pulling up beside cyclists screaming out either passenger or driver window to buy some fu**ing lights you reta**s and this went on for every 1 we met for 20 mins.

Another was driving a beat up civic and he woulod pull up to groups and edge them on for a fight. I really believe he was on something because he was really weird bad driver and looking for a fight(or have I just explained what they are all like:pac:) no we were actually a bit freaked out as we were wrecked after a long week and then a long night. He goes to one guy do ya want a matching one for the other eye as he must have already been in a fight as he was showing a black eye. It was a very weird trip home I must say.

sammyjo90

My old housemate came home drunk one night and woke the house up getting in..she proceeds to tell us that she has brought a lad home but has changed her mind and doesnt want him to come in anymore and we are to leave him outside and he'l get the hint..
so after about five/mins someone is banging on the door,assuming its the guy who was brought there expecting something,we open the door to find the biggest angriest taxi driver wanting to be paid for bringing her home! Poor girl was so drunk she'd convinced herself she had pulled and he was driving her home!

Paco Rodriguez

Do I believe in aliens?

Temptamperu

I got lost in Navan and had to get a taxi home to tallaght which i was having a hard time till i met a nigerian lad who said he take me for 60 so of we went and he let me roll a joint and the two of us got high and had a laugh all the way home.

PizzamanIRL

Last year around Christmas time I was out at a work party. My house is only about a 7-8 minute walk away but it was freezing outside so there was no way I was going to walk home. I headed to the nearest Taxi office, right across from the pub we were drinking at. Convenient, I know. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got into a taxi and the driver brought me home.

castletownman

I got into a taxi once and the driver was harping on about the perks of the job. "Yeah", he goes, "the best part of the job is that I'm my own boss and no-one tells me what to do".

I go: "Left here like a good man"

punisher5112

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Last year around Christmas time I was out at a work party. My house is only about a 7-8 minute walk away but it was freezing outside so there was no way I was going to walk home. I headed to the nearest Taxi office, right across from the pub we were drinking at. Convenient, I know. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got into a taxi and the driver brought me home.

Were you okay after that shocking incident.

There ar plenty of people to talk to who can help with your situation:D

PizzamanIRL

punisher5112 wrote: »

Were you okay after that shocking incident.

There ar plenty of people to talk to who can help with your situation:D

I was grand after I got a hot cup of tea when I got home, thanks.

Mr.Frame

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

Here goes..

Coming home from a night out on the town. Nearly home, realised I had no money on me whatsoever (I was fairly beered up). Didn't feel like explaining, so I told the driver I thought I was gonna be sick, could he pull over. He did, so I jumped out and legged it over a wall.

So that was grand, about two months later I was on my way home from another night out, this time my gf was with me.
"I have you now" the taxi driver goes.

"What, mate?" Says I

"You were in my car last July, and you left without paying me"

"No, no, no you must have the wrong guy.."

"I do not. We're going to (name's my estate) aren't we.."

Ar this point I hadn't told him the estate, only the road.

"Actually, I live in (adjacent estate)"


"Don't bother lying to me sunshine, I used to be your ice-cream man"

:eek:


I paid double fare

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

Karl Stein

In Paris with a friend at the Thierry Henry hand-the-ball cheat match and I insisted on getting an illegal taxi back to the hotel. The dopey ****er driving the car didn't even know how to get to the Eiffel Tower. At one point I thought we were being set up for an ambush. Got there after about an hour of me figuring it out.

castletownman

castletownman wrote: »

I got into a taxi once and the driver was harping on about the perks of the job. "Yeah", he goes, "the best part of the job is that I'm my own boss and no-one tells me what to do".

I go: "Left here like a good man"

He's right though, but, every one gets to tell him where to go!

Doom

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

I was grand after I got a hot cup of tea when I got home, thanks.

Is that you grandad? Ya animal

Mint Aero

Ran up a bill of 83stg last time I was in taxi only paid 40 FTW

Doom

Mr.Frame wrote: »

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

Shuuuurp...Ned flanders

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Mr.Frame wrote: »

Not only that but he should have called the Gards and had you charged .What you did was dispicable and shameful.

What, paid him all of what I owed?

Andersonisgod

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Mr.Frame

spiritcrusher wrote: »

Left a club in Galway early one night, around 1.15 or so. Went to Eyre Square to get a taxi back to a friend's house, thought it would be grand because there was a queue of about 30 of them waiting. Didn't have a whole lot of money so I thought I'd bargain with the taxi driver at the head of the queue to drop to the house, which is about a 2 minute drive, for a fiver. It's worked a few times before later at the night when it was quiet, thought it might work early too. Taxi guy rolled down his window, I bargained, he said hop in.
Sat in the car, said "So a fiver back to the house?"
.
Silence.
.
"Get the **** outta my cab muthafúcka!"

I swear it was like that taxi scene out of The Big Lebowski with the Eagles. Confused the hell out of me.
Turns out no one would bring me home cos they were all waiting for the clubs to end and a one person fare wasn't worth their while.

if you went into a club/bar and tried that you wouldnt get a drink .
so why think its ok to do try that with a taxi driver

Andersonisgod

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Confession, taxi driver style!

Mr.Frame

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

What, paid him all of what I owed?

You should still have been charged for doing what you did

rolliepoley

I once jumped in to a taxi and said, where to mac.





:pac:

punisher5112

Last taxi I got broke down and check out what was driving

jjpep

Mr.Frame wrote: »

if you went into a club/bar and tried that you wouldnt get a drink .
so why think its ok to do try that with a taxi driver

Do taxi drivers pay list price for their cars? Or do they try to haggle the price down a bit?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Mr.Frame wrote: »

You should still have been charged for doing what you did

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but let me guess..

Your a taxi driver?

Mickey H

Paco Rodriguez wrote: »

Do I believe in aliens?

White Avensis, Dublin 9 area. Taxi company from Finglas by any chance?

michellie

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Was this in Waterford ?

Andersonisgod

michellie wrote: »

Was this in Waterford ?

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

michellie

Andersonisgod wrote: »

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

Well known you say.. you need not say any more.

Bet that was a rapid exit from that taxi by you

Stepped out of Heuston Station one day and went as you do to the first cab in the queue.
"How much to the airport" I asked.
"20 notes" says the driver.
"Too much" I reply. "Haven't actually got that much money, will you drive me there for a blow job?"
"No. Now fcuk off out of my cab you scum bag!"

So I went down to the second driver to see if he was any more sympathetic.
Same story. "How much? 20 quid! Blow job? Move on, bud!"

Ended up with the last cab in the line so my options were getting slim. Asked the price, driver says twenty, and I reply "yes! 20 is perfect! A fair price, so let's go!"

Jump in the back seat, drive past all the other drivers still waiting in line, and wave at them out the window giving the thumbs up, pointing at the back of the driver's head, and making the blow job gesture out the window at them

Waterford! medium sized town, fairly big story.

Mariasofia

Had a regular taxi driver take me to work once til he announced one day "if i was to ever have an affair it would be with you!" :-O
*swiftly changed taxi companys*

OU812

Mate of mine is a taxi driver.

I' be straight from the start and say that he's a funny guy & is the ruggedly handsome type.

He's constantly propositioned by women to sleep with him, both to pay for the fare & because he's good looking & funny. Everything from being coy, asking him up for coffee to asking him out straight to undressing in the back of the car.

Pity for them he's gay.

Andersonisgod

Deleted User wrote: »

Waterford! medium sized town, fairly big story.

I did wonder if I was the first person he's ever had such a conversation with or if he does it on a regular basis. If I was the first I don't know if I should be a bit flattered or angry.

michellie

michellie wrote: »

Was this in Waterford ?

Andersonisgod wrote: »

Ok so this story might not be entirely PC, however this did actually happen.

I was going home from a session in a friends house, got a taxi from a well known taxi service in the town. Got into the taxi and the driver, a small elderly man, started talking to me about how China had put a man on the moon that day and how it was such a big deal. I nodded along in a state of drunken boredom, he continued along this path, talking about how much he watched the Discovery channel, then it all took a turn for the worse.

He blurted out the sentence "All I ever watch is the Discovery channel.....and porn." I kinda did a double take but I regained my composure, let out an awkward chuckle and waited for the journey to end. The driver though pressed on, describing how once, while watching porn, he accidentally clicked on a link that led him to watching two transvestites having sex, he went on to describe how real everything looked. At this stage my eyes were darting towards the door but the journey was only half way through (I live on like the opposite side of town to my friend) and he's moving at quite a speed.

He goes on to tell me about how once he picked up a transvestite in Dignity once, he then, according to him, groped her breasts and her "man parts" and told me how they felt. He dropped her off at the B&B and was invited inside by the transvestite, he took her up on the offer and what ensued was not left to the imagination. I was frantically trying to think of ways out of the car by then, concluding that this journey has 3 possible endings, death, rape or arriving home safely and I felt less and less confident that it was going to be the third one.

I was then informed where you can pick up transvestites in the city and where to go if you want to do stuff with them. Also in this short journey but eventful journey he inferred that I was gay (which I didn't find insulting but I did find a rather outlandish assumption) and finally concluded the final part of the journey by asking me about my family. I was never so happy to see my house in my entire life, I left the car with my life, and dignity intact.

Andersonisgod wrote: »

It was in Waterford but I can't give out the name of the taxi company on here.

Andersonisgod wrote: »

I did wonder if I was the first person he's ever had such a conversation with or if he does it on a regular basis. If I was the first I don't know if I should be a bit flattered or angry.

Bored taxi drivers just press the "play" button.

blahblah06

Hes right though man. You took advantage of this guys job bringing you home. You took a service you should pay for it.
what if someone did that to you or your father.

you are scum

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but let me guess..

Your a taxi driver?

tempnam

After a work night out in Dublin I went to the taxi rank in the middle of O'connell St. which was full. All the drivers looked like they had been sitting there for a long time.

I walked up to the first one in the queue and asked "how much will it cost to go to X?" and he said "about 20 quid" so I asked if he'd do the journey for a tenner - he laughed at me and said no. I went to the next driver and asked if he'd do it for a tenner. He laughed at me too and said no chance.

On to cab no. 3..... same question "will you take me to X for a tenner?" - he said "yeah jump in".... The first 2 eejits were left sitting at the rank while the third driver made a tenner for 20 mins work.